09/12/2002

Hopefully, It's Back to Normal

To my readers: At times, the past year has been difficult in
coming up with appropriate material for Bar Chat. Sometimes
I’ve used this link for important speeches (and I will continue to
do so), but most of the time I tried to keep the same light content
that we had before 9/11. And so it is that after a solemn day, I
return to the roots of this column, though with a final note of
remembrance at the bottom.

NFL Quiz: 1) Most seasons leading league in TDs. [Hint: Not
even close.] 2) Most seasons leading league in rushing. [Again,
not even close.] 3) Who are the only three players to kick 7 field
goals in a single game? [Hint: Two of the players achieved this
in 1989 and 1996, respectively.] 4) Who are the only two to kick
63-yarders? Answers below.

Wyoming Wildlife

Just received my latest issue of this magazine and I learned that a
black bear hunting license in Wyoming is only $30, if you’re a
resident ($250, if not). But I also saw the following bit, source
unknown, with the title “How to make beef taste like wild
game.” [Just for fun, folks.]

#1 One year before butcher date, buy a one-year-old steer.
#2 Feed the steer only wild berries, bitter brush, weeds,
sagebrush, tree bark and fir needles.
#3 About two hours before the ‘big hunt’ have a friend chase the
steer around to get the blood and adrenaline into the meat.
#4 Shoot the steer immediately, making sure it is gut shot
through a hindquarter. This shot will tenderize the meat, and get
as much hair as possible into it.
#5 Drag the beef to a gully and field dress it in the mud. Make
sure to get sufficient grass, weeds, stickers, and pine needles in
the carcass for flavoring.
#6 Drag the carcass at least one-half mile across a summer fallow
field, or, for extra flavor, across a freshly burned grass seed field.
[Brown is great, but black would be better.]
#7 Load the carcass on a car and drive a gravel road, then down a
highway to add grime, bugs, and rocks to taste. [For added
flavor this should be done in the rain.]
#8 Hang the beef in the garage low enough so the dog can chew
on the hindquarter and mark his territory.]
#9 At least once a day, have your wife idle a vehicle for five
minutes in the garage. [Carbon monoxide and gasoline fumes
add greatly to the flavor.]
#10 When the carcass smells so bad the dog won’t sleep in the
garage, the meat is ready for cutting and wrapping.

Properly followed, these short steps will ensure that your beef is
mistaken for wild game by even the most avid sportsman. You
will be complimented on how much meat you have and how wild
it tastes. You can also boast how inexpensive it is, and you
won’t have to worry about hunting seasons, special hunts, game
wardens, and sound shots.

Baseball Tidbits

--Sandy Koufax: The current issue of Sports Illustrated has a
terrific piece on the former Dodgers star. It’s still amazing to
think of how Koufax pitched with such incredible pain, and the
article mentions some of the medications he took just to get
through the day with his arthritic elbow, like cortisone shots in
the joint, Empirin with codeine (which he took before a start and
then sometimes in the 5th inning), and Butazolidin, an anti-
inflammatory that was taken off the market in the 1970s. The
latter drug was normally prescribed for broken-down
thoroughbreds and was removed because it was responsible for
killing a few people.

Koufax also used a salve, Capsolin, which was comprised of red-
hot chili peppers. Otherwise known as “atomic balm,” it, too, is
no longer on the market, but back then some ballplayers would
use it, though in a diluted strength. Koufax, on the other hand,
just slathered it all over his arm, straight, and it was known that
you handled Sandy’s uniforms with care.

Well, one day outfielder Lou Johnson put on one of Koufax’s
sweatshirts to wear under his main uniform during a chilly game
in Pittsburgh. “First he began to sweat. Then his skin blistered.
Then he threw up.”

--Baseball’s Ron Gant recently joined Ellis Burks and Barry
Bonds as the only active players to accumulate 300 doubles, 50
triples, 300 home runs and 1,000 RBI in their careers. Now go to
the local tavern and win some money.

--Alex Rodriguez broke his own record for homers by a shortstop
when he clubbed his 53rd. A-Rod now has 294 for his career and
he’s just 27-years-old. Start doing the math. Forget Bonds, Sosa
or Griffey breaking Aaron’s mark. [Actually, Griffey would now
appear to be out of the picture due to his penchant for injuries.]
A-Rod could end up with 900 if he plays until he’s 40.
Goodness, gracious.

--We extend our warm wishes to Ernie Harwell, the Detroit
Tigers radio broadcaster of 42 years who is hanging it up after
the season at age 84 (and is being honored in Motown this
weekend). Harwell actually was on the air a total of 55 years
doing major league games. He once said of the sport:

“Baseball is continuity. Pitch to pitch. Inning to inning. Game
to game. Series to series. Season to season.”

Stuff

--Frankie Albert, RIP: Albert was the first T-formation QB in
modern college football when he led Stanford to a perfect 10-0
season and a final #2 ranking (to Minnesota) in 1940. Albert was
an All-American in both ’40 and ’41 and later played seven
seasons with San Francisco of, first, the All-American Football
Conference, and then the NFL.

--W. Clement Stone, RIP: Stone died at age 100 the other day.
Born in Chicago, 1902, Stone began hawking newspapers at age
6, a few years after his father died and left the family
impoverished. By 13 he owned his own newsstand and at 16, he
was selling insurance policies and making $100 a week.

Well, by 1930 Clement Stone had 1,000 agents working for him,
most specializing in travel accident policies. After various
mergers, the firm’s name was changed to Aon in 1987 (a
company which lost some people in the attacks on the Twin
Towers, incidentally).

Stone became known across the country as one of the great
motivational speakers and he founded Success Unlimited, which
published a monthly digest.

Personally, I have to note that one summer, while in college, I
sold books door-to-door for the Southwestern Book Company (in
Oklahoma and Kansas) and we were told to start each day, “I feel
happy! I feel healthy! I feel terrific!” Turns out it was W.
Clement Stone who came up with this exhortation, and,
truthfully, there’s really nothing wrong with a little positive
thinking now and then, is there?

But Stone was best known in his later years for being a huge
contributor to Richard Nixon’s presidential campaigns, giving
$millions, which is often cited as a reason why Congress later
imposed campaign spending limits. [Source: New York Times]

--Actress Fay Wray turned 95 on Tuesday. Fay is one of the few
people still alive who actually worked with Kong, of King Kong
fame, before the ape was unceremoniously dispatched from the
Empire State Building. Sorry if I’m confusing some of you, but
that was not the real Kong in the Jessica Lange remake.

--Follow-up to my story last week on the U.S. News piece
concerning the Secret Service and the Bush daughters. Turns out
the Bushes are none too pleased.

--Chris Webber: The Sacramento Kings b-ball superstar is in one
heap of trouble. Webber was indicted for lying to a grand jury,
in connection with a case involving a University of Michigan
booster while Webber was in school there.

Former booster Ed Martin, who has pled guilty to money
laundering, said he paid $280,000 to Webber, $160,000 to Robert
Traylor and $tens of thousands to others, including Maurice
Taylor and Louis Bullock, both also playing professionally.
Webber denies everything. We think he’s lying.

--Good to see the U.S. lose in the basketball world
championships. Couldn’t have happened to a worse group of
guys.

--Not for nothing, but is it a coincidence that Sandy Weill and
Jack Welch are both members of Augusta? Club Dirtball (except
for Jack, Arnie and Warren Buffett).

Speaking of Welch, since I didn’t have a chance to mention it in
my last “Week in Review,” for the archives, following is a list of
benefits that G.E. is supposed to pay Welch for the rest of his
life, as exposed by wife Jane Beasley in her divorce papers:

Along with lifetime access to a corporate jet, Welch receives a
large Manhattan apartment (with all costs associated with it,
ranging from food and drink to laundry, toiletries and
newspapers including dining bills at restaurant Jean Georges in
the apartment building), plus, floor-level seats to the New York
Knicks, VIP seats at Wimbledon and the U.S. Open, a box at the
Metropolitan Opera, a box at Red Sox games, a box at Yankee
Stadium, four country club dues, security services at his
Manhattan apartment, along with homes in Connecticut,
Massachusetts and Florida, security for when Jack and chickie
traveled abroad, limousine services, satellite TV at his four
homes and Mrs. Welch got discounts on diamonds. Lastly,
Welch is to be paid $86,535 annually for just a few days work.

Hey, what about the Chex Mix?! [Source: Geraldine Fabrikant /
New York Times]

*In case you’re wondering about restaurant Jean Georges
(Central Park West), Zagat’s describes it as a “special place for
special times, nearly flawless, class act, courtesy of French chef
Jean-Georges Vongerichten everything is delivered by a superb
staff You may pay a king’s ransom” (unless you’re Jack, I
guess).

**And as for the Knicks tickets, if Jack offers them to his ex-,
Johnny Mac suggests she tell him to stick ‘em.

--PGA hold the record book! Finally, the PGA has come to its
senses and now includes British Open triumphs prior to 1995 in
the total PGA victory list. So, Sam Snead now has 82, not 81
official wins, while Jack Nicklaus, who claimed 3 Open titles,
jumps to 73 total victories. Ben Hogan now has 64 and Arnold
Palmer 62.

--Neal Lancaster: Speaking of golf, did any of you catch
Lancaster’s classic double-bogey choke on the 72nd hole at the
Canadian Open this past weekend? Johnny Mac and I fear that
Lancaster, a one-time winner on Tour, is now on suicide watch.
But John Rollins took advantage of Lancaster’s first 3-putt of the
week to win his first PGA event.

--Uh oh. Arnie shot 87-88-80 in last week’s senior event.
Clearly, he’s not motivated enough so it’s time to switch back to
the regular tour.

--Rutgers: Holy cow! Err, Holy Buffalo! Buffalo beat Rutgers
last weekend, 34-11, meaning that Rutgers should be rated #117
out of 117 Division I-A football programs. Just the week before,
Buffalo was beaten by Division I-AA Lehigh, as Rutgers fell to
I-AA Villanova. So my buddy George and I decided that our old
high school football team, which had future baseball star Willie
Wilson on it, would have handled Rutgers with ease. [Wilson is
still considered by most to be the best high school football player
New Jersey ever produced. I mean to tell ya, watching him on
the gridiron was a thing of beauty. He would have been Johnny
Rodgers reincarnate had he picked football over baseball.]

**Remember college game of the year, tonight, Thursday.
Marshall vs. Virginia Tech. Should Marshall pull off the upset
over #9 VaTech (#11 in another poll), Marshall could then run
the table and play in a Bowl Championship Series game.

9/13: Oh, crap. VaTech 47 Marshall 21. But I correctly
picked Maryland to go all the way in b-ball last spring!
[Just trying to head off the grief, which is already coming in
fast and furious. And, no, I won''t pick the Jets or Steelers
in print.]

Beer

Harry K. passed along a list of some of the Great Beers of
Ontario, so for those of you who may be thirsty, may I tempt you
with Rickard’s Red, Creemore Springs Premium Lager, Muskoka
Cream Ale, Upper Canada Lager, Red Cap Ale (in the stubby
beer bottle), Sleeman Cream Ale (great can “perfect for even
the biggest long weekend celebration”), Wellington Imperial
Stout and Steam Whistle (“The Good Folks Beer”).

Harry also sent along the important information that Labatt’s has
developed a state-of-the-art “draught tower” that ensures the beer
is chilled at the perfect temperature from keg to the spout. The
tower comes complete with a built in digital thermometer! Now
that’s cool!

And as reported by the Financial Post, Labatt’s is introducing a
new glass, which has a “calculated curve,” creating turbulence as
the beer is poured. The bottom third of the glass is ribbed so
warm hands can be kept away from the ice cold beer. Oh, baby.
It doesn’t get any better than that.

Top 3 songs for the week of 9/14/68: #1 “People Got To Be
Free” (The Rascals) #2 “Harper Valley P.T.A.” (Jeannie C.
Riley) #3 “Light My Fire” (Jose Feliciano he couldn’t himself,
being blind, you know)

[Since I didn’t have a list last Chat, I give you two.]

Top 3 songs for the week of 9/17/66: #1 “You Can’t Hurry
Love” (The Supremes) #2 “Yellow Submarine” (The Beatles)
#3 “Sunshine Superman” (Donovan)

NFL Quiz Answers: 1) Green Bay’s Don Hutson led the league
in touchdowns a record 8 times (1935-38, 1941-44). Jim Brown,
Lance Alworth and Emmitt Smith each did it three times. 2) Jim
Brown led the league in rushing 8 seasons (1957-61, 1963-65).
Steve Van Buren, O.J. Simpson, Eric Dickerson, Emmitt Smith,
and Barry Sanders each did it 4 times. Interestingly, Walter
Payton, despite his ten 1,000-yard seasons, only led the league in
rushing once. 3) 7 field goals in a game: Jim Bakken (1967 on
a record 9 attempts), Rich Karlis (1989), Chris Boniol (1996). 4)
Tom Dempsey (New Orleans 11/70) and Jason Elam (Denver
10/98) are the only two to kick 63-yarders in a game.

*One final remembrance of 9/11. I received a note from long-
time reader, and New York Giants fan, Mike H. Mike is now in
Minnesota, but passed along a note about two of his friends from
his football tailgating days at the Meadowlands, firemen Brian
Bilcher and Charles Kasper, both lost in the attack on the Twin
Towers.

Mike returned for a game last year, and the guys made up a flyer
about their friend Brian, which read in part:

Firefighter Bilcher, 37, was a lot like the patriotic comic book
superhero: calm, reasonable, good-looking and quick to the
rescue of anyone who needed help. Car stuck on the side of the
road? There was Firefighter Bilcher. Feeling sick? Like a flash,
Firefighter Bilcher was at your bedside. The man liked an
adrenaline rush, said his wife. “He once jumped off a lighthouse
into the ocean,” so she followed, because, “I wanted to impress
him.”

Bilcher was working part-time as a bouncer at Coaches Caf on
Staten Island six years ago when Tina, two weeks shy of 21,
showed up. He refused to let her in, but told her to come back
after her birthday. She did. They talked. They were married
June 4, 2000. Their wedding pictures show the Twin Towers in
the background.

Grant James Bilcher was born August 29, 2001. The couple
named him Grant because he was a grant from God. “Brian
always wanted a boy,” said Tina. Two weeks later, Dad was
gone.

Next Bar Chat, Tuesday Antietam and Johnny Unitas.