05/06/2003

A Horse Is A Horse

Oakland Athletics Quiz (including Philadelphia, 1901-54;
Kansas City, 1955-67): 1) RBI in a single season? 2) Home
runs, single season? 3) Last ‘A’ to win a batting title? 4) Only
two A’s pitchers have ever led the league in strikeouts, and both
did it for extended periods of time - one from 1902-1907, the
other from 1925-31. Name ‘em. 5) What A’s player had 100
RBI each year from 1936-41? Answers below.

Castrated Male Horse Wins Derby!

Oh c’mon, I can’t be the only one out there who scurried to their
copy of Webster’s to remind themselves what a ‘gelding’ was.
I’ve told you before I’m scared to death of horses. I’ll walk
through, and have, the worst neighborhoods of Istanbul without
blinking an eye, but don’t get me near a horse.

Anyway, I do like watching the Triple Crown races, and have bet
on a pony or two in my day. So we honor Funny Cide, the first
gelding since 1929 to win the Kentucky Derby in upsetting
Empire Maker. Actually, Empire Maker’s trainer Bobby Frankel
didn’t stand a chance in my book. In his interviews, he must
have employed the phrase “to tell you the truth” about every
other sentence. Always tell me the truth, jerk! It’s like saying,
“Hey, I’ve been lying to you for the past 30 minutes, but to tell
you the truth ” Know what I’m sayin’?

Fred Rogers

In the May issue of Smithsonian magazine, Victoria Dawson has
a cool piece on the late Mister Rogers. Writing of his ability to
connect with people, and even animals, Dawson recalls a visit
Rogers made in 1998 to the Gorilla Foundation in Woodside,
California.

“There he filmed a sequence in the company of Koko, the gorilla
famous for her acquisition of sign language, and her primate
companion, Michael. (Both were viewers of ‘Mister Rogers’
Neighborhood’.) Koko recognized her visitor immediately and
signed ‘Koko love.’”

The developmental psychologist on site at the time remarked, “It
was quite amazing .Koko was the most open I’ve ever seen her
with a visitor.”

Dawson adds, “Although Michael was acutely uncomfortable
around strangers, especially males, he calmly gazed at Rogers
and signed, ‘Head boy.’”

Now isn’t that a cool story?

Stuff

--Here’s a non-story, the tale of William Bennett’s gambling.
The moral crusader and author of “The Book of Virtues” has had
his gambling habits revealed in a number of publications over the
past week or so. Evidently, Bennett lost some $8 million at the
tables in Vegas and Atlantic City over the years, though there is
no indication he has any big debts. As he said, he’s played poker
and gambled all his life and never in his moralizing has he
mentioned gambling as a deadly sin. [Yes, there are some who
do view it this way.]

Of course you should expect me to defend Mr. Bennett. After
all, I’m the guy who detailed my blackjack playing on the QE2
this winter, as well as past excursions to Deadwood, South
Dakota. And I, too, have played poker all my life. Then again,
anyone who has money in the stock market is gambling.

Bottom line, though, as long as he isn’t hurting anyone,
especially his family, who cares? I also have to admit I met
Bennett a long time ago at a small political fundraiser in North
Carolina. Seemed like the kind of guy I’d love to have a beer
with, while talking about 60s music (a passion of his) and
playing poker. [Actually, come to think of it, I did do the first
two that evening.] That’s just my opinion, I could be wrong.

--Geezuz, can the University of Alabama screw things up more?
Mike Price hadn’t even coached a game and he gets tossed out of
his job leading the football program. Price did, however, make a
big mistake, as he drank too much at a pro-am golf event in
Florida a few weeks ago and ended up paying several $100 on a
stripper (Price is married). The girl also ended up at his hotel,
where she charged $1,000 in room service to Price’s room, while
he lay passed out, fully clothed, on the bed. Sure, this isn’t what
Alabama wants as far as an image, after all the other problems
it’s had, basically since Bear Bryant croaked, but all 105 players
on the ‘Bama squad had come to love Price, who’s been on
campus since leading Washington State to the Rose Bowl. Give
the guy a chance. He’s already humiliated. Then again, what do
I know?

--Well, what I DO know is that Aron Ralston, the Colorado rock
climber, is “One tough hombre,” in the words of Harry K.
Ralston, 27, amputated his arm below the elbow with his
pocketknife after being pinned by a boulder for 5 days and
survived. He also survived an avalanche in February. As my
buddy Jimbo said, “This is why I play golf.”

--Then there is Allen Iverson. I mean does this guy want to die
or what? Maybe that’s not a fair statement, especially
considering he’s playing out of his mind in the playoffs thus far,
but Mark R., who roves the streets of Philly looking for Iverson
stories, tells me that while I was pubbing in Ireland, one of
Iverson’s cars was involved in a hit and run accident with
another car in Philly on Thursday. From all reports, though, it
appears one of Iverson’s posse was driving and “The Answer”
wasn’t involved.

--So I pick up the local paper and guess what? After all my
wildlife stories about New Jersey, coyotes have been found in the
town where I grew up, and where my office is these days. Now I
get to work pretty darn early, and walk down a dark alley to
reach the world headquarters of StocksandNews, so let me tell
you; I’m going to keep my head up from here on and pack my
Swiss Army Knife just in case.

--In the same paper I saw where two kids had $100 and $160,
respectively, stolen from their gym lockers at my old high
school. I only had one reaction. “Damn, I never had $2 when I
was in high school!” [That is unless I won in poker the previous
weekend or my football picks had come in. Oh, those were great
times, come to think of it.]

--Catching up on my reading the other day, U.S. News had a
blurb on applications pouring into the U.S. Patent Office. These
are real ideas, folks. “Shock and Awe Bar-B-Que Sauce.”
“Shock and Awe Weedkiller.” “Shock and Awe Condom.” Oh,
brother.

--Hey, kids, National Hot Dog Month is in July. And according
to High Plains Journal, the National Hot Dog & Sausage Council
(I’d kind of like to be on that board sounds like a good time)
estimates that 25.9 million hot dogs will be enjoyed in major
league ballparks this year, the #1 item on menus. If all these hot
dogs were stretched end to end, the link would be from L.A. to
Pittsburgh. Yankee Stadium will see the most dogs devoured, about
1.8 million. Considering they draw over 3 million, however,
that’s really not that many. About 12 million sausages will be
eaten, by the way, at the stadiums.

So I took a look at the official site for the council,
www.hot-dog.org, and learned these other facts:

Ball Park is the #1 brand of dog. Oscar Mayer #2.

Los Angeles is the #1 city for consumption (overall, not just at
ball games), with New York #2.

But New Orleans is #1 in the sausage category!!! [Bet you could
win a beer or two on that one. Try it out.]

And finally, Americans eat 150 million dogs on the Fourth of
July.

--Attention Wake Forest fans: Phil W. passed along an important
announcement. Arnold Palmer, Wake alum, has a grandson,
Sam Saunders, a 9th grader in Florida who is already the club
champion at Palmer’s Bay Hill Club. Well, Arnie announced to
a Wake gathering the other day that Sam is committed to coming
to Winston-Salem. Now how great is that? Arnie said he
decided for him.

--In case you missed it, Texas’ T.J. Ford and Marquette’s
Dwayne Wade are turning pro early and entering the NBA draft,
joining the likes of LeBron James, Carmelo Anthony and
Yugoslavia’s Darko Milicic. Someone is going to get a steal
way down the list when Wake’s Josh Howard goes about #20. [I
haven’t been keeping up with the draft and really don’t know
what the current line on Howard is or what I’m talking about.]

--Sad deal The Old Man of the Mountain, the stone out-
cropping at Franconia Notch State Park in New Hampshire, has
collapsed. Granted, I think I was 8-years-old the last time I saw
it, but it was memorable. Maybe it’s why I’ve been to Mount
Rushmore the last two years.

--Remember that book I told you about the other week,
“Krakatoa” by Simon Winchester? It’s already #13 on the New
York Times Best Seller list. Do I know how to pick ‘em or
what?

--Take my Mets please!

While I was away last week, the pitiful Mets lost 5 in a row at
one stage and committed about 15 errors in doing so. As of this
writing the team is now 13-18 and sinking like a stone.

My brother passed along a great piece by Jimmy Breslin in
Newsday concerning the Mets’ $17 million, 400-pound first
baseman, Mo Vaughn.

Breslin once wrote a classic on the ’62 Mets, the team that went
40-120, “Can’t Anybody Here Play This Game?” He now
submits there is a good book or two in the offing concerning the
current squad. So here was the scene about 8 days ago.

The Mets are in the process of losing a doubleheader to the
Arizona Diamondbacks, a twin-bill in which they whiffed a
record 27 times while committing 8 errors.

In the fifth inning of the first game, Mets pitcher Tom Glavine
had just committed an error on a slow roller back to the mound.
Breslin picks up the tale.

“Now Steve Finley of Arizona was up. He hit another tap and
Glavine was off the mound and grabbed it. He now threw the
ball to first base, which was being held down by Mo Vaughn.

“He is a big target at first base, is Mo Vaughn. Looking at him
on first base, I thought of Marvin Throneberry (ed. of the
bumbling ’62 squad), but Mo actually is about twice the size of
Marvin. Mo Vaughn eats food. He earns $15 million (ed. it’s
$17 mil) to play first base for the Mets. He can’t bend over, but
he can eat and cash checks.

“So now Glavine has the ball and Mo is at first base and Glavine
shovels the ball to Mo. He doesn’t throw it. He shovels the ball
nice and easy like he’s in the living room with the kids.

“Mo Vaughn gets his glove on the ball. All right.

“Mo Vaughn then drops the ball. He also drops the glove.

“I have not seen anything like it since the Mets team of 1962.
Then Mo turns around and scrambles for the ball. He looks like
a big sea turtle. How would you like Mo Vaughn as a moving
man, which he is big enough to be, walking around with your
best lamp?

“Mo is 35, which is not so young. Mo is hitting .206 (ed. now
.190). If he ever gets a single, the Mets fret. Because if they get
another hit, Mo is too slow to make it to second.”

Postscript: Mo Vaughn is now on the 15-day disabled list with a
bad knee. He says he’s going down to visit his father, who wants
to have a chat with him. His father is going to tell him, I
imagine, “Son, I know there is a lot of pressure on you to retire
(and give the Mets back their money), but you’d be a fool to do
that!” Mo will listen to Dad, unfortunately, claiming he “wants
to set things right.” Crap!!!!! As my brother said, the only
honorable thing to do is quit.

--To add insult to injury, former Mets shortstop Rey Ordonez,
who was a total waste in his years in New York, is suddenly
hitting .321 with 20 ribbies for Tampa Bay.

--Speaking of the ’62 Mets, how ‘bout them Tigers? Through
their first 29 games, Detroit is 4-25. Even that infamous Mets
squad had won 12 by the time they lost their 25th.

More Tigers stats through the first 29 games.

Detroit is hitting .195 as a team, scoring 74 runs to the Yankees’
188 (in 31).

This is going to get real interesting, sports fans. I hear Detroit
calling. Might have to catch a game there this summer.

--My two picks for the Series, Anaheim and Arizona, are both
below .500. This is why I don’t bet on baseball.

--Rafael Palmeiro is on the verge of 500 home runs. Now this is
one guy who deserves to be in the Hall of Fame, I don’t care
what anyone else says. It’s Fred McGriff I have a real problem
with.

--Utah Jazz great John Stockton is hanging it up after 19 years
with the same team. He’s the all-time assist leader in the NBA,
but he pulled a real boner when he didn’t tell long-time teammate
Karl Malone of his decision to quit before he told the press.

Top 3 songs for the week of May 7, 1977: #1 “Hotel California”
(Eagles) #2 “When I Need You” (Leo Sayer) #3 “Southern
Nights” (Glen Campbell wow, the Eagles must have been
embarrassed to have these other two sitting there with them.
Mind you, I’m a Glen Campbell fan, but more of a “Wichita
Lineman” guy).

--George Wyle died. He co-wrote the theme song to "Gilligan''s
Island" and the Christmas tune "It''s the Most Wonderful Time of
the Year."

Oakland A’s et al Quiz: Ha! None of the answers are of the
Oakland era. 1) Jimmie Foxx holds the record for RBI in a
single season, 169 in 1932. 2) Jimmie Foxx is the single season
home run leader, 58 in 1932. 3) Ferris Fain is the last Athletics
player to win a batting title, hitting .327 in 1952. [Fain also was
a batting champ in 1951.] 4) Rube Waddell (1902-1907) and
Lefty Grove (1925-31) are the only two to lead the league in
strikeouts. [Vida Blue didn’t.] 5) “Indian Bob” Johnson, Dr.
Bortrum’s favorite ballplayer from his own youth, drove in 100+
runs from 1936-41; a pretty mean accomplishment considering
that these A’s teams in Philly were pitiful 53-100, 54-97, 53-
99, 55-97, 54-100, 64-90.

*A’s tidbit: In the history of the franchise, no one has ever had a
30-game hitting streak.

Next Bar Chat, Thursday.