10/23/2003

Comics and Steroids

**West Virginia 28...Virginia Tech 7...goodness, gracious!**

Last Baseball Quiz of the Year: 1) What do the following have
in common? Ed Head, Clyde Shoun, Vern Bickford, Cliff
Chambers, Tex Carleton, Bill McCahan. [Hint: All played at
least some in the 1940s and / or 50s.] 2) Who were the starting
pitchers for the Mets in the 1969 World Series? 3) Who were the
starting pitchers for the Yankees in the 1978 Series? Answers
below.

Baseball Tidbits

[More gleanings from the year 1962, following my research last
week at the Baseball Hall of Fame.]

--The first 3 pitchers to throw no-hitters that season were Bo
Belinsky, Sandy Koufax and Earl Wilson, all bachelors, which
prompted one writer to muse about Koufax, “Sandy rarely
discusses girls, though colleagues confide that while his stable is
no threat to Sinatra, it is still sizable.”

--There was all kinds of talk that year about sign-stealing. The
Cubs used a telescope & flashed a light for a fastball, nothing for
a curve, from the Wrigley scoreboard.

--This was also the era of the “Bonus Babies,” when some
players received huge sums of money, particularly for those
days, upon coming out of high school or college, yet many never
amounted to squat. Four I came across in going through the
Sporting News’ for ’62:

Ed Kranepool. Signed for $90,000 out of high school by the
Mets. Now he ended up having a long career, 1962-79, but
unfortunately for Eddie the expectations were way out of whack
with reality plus they rushed him to the big time instead of
sticking him in the minors and leaving him there for a few years
of seasoning. Casey Stengel said upon his signing, “That boy
has got major league power right now.” Kranepool went on to
hit only 118 homers in over 5,400 at bats. But he’ll always be
the real #7 in my heart! And he wasn’t taking steroids!

Paul Spechenbach. Signed by the Dodgers for $100,000. Never
made it to the major leagues.

Ernie Fazio. Signed by the Houston Colt 45s for $75,000 and
ended up hitting .182 in 274 at bats at the big league level (1962-
63, 66).

And my favorite, Bob Garibaldi. Boy, there was a ton of
publicity surrounding this guy’s signing by San Francisco for
$150,000. Garibaldi was a 6’5” pitcher at Santa Clara University
who made his debut against the Mets a few weeks after inking
his contract, July ’62. He ended up throwing a whopping 26
innings in the major leagues (1962-63, 66, 69). [And in 1970
was traded for Fran Healey.] That’s it. So all together now
..You just never know!

--Baseball was not a big draw in those days. For example, the 4th
of July game between the Cubs and Reds in Cincy attracted a
whopping 10,500. And for all the talk about the “loyal Cubs
fans,” back in ’62, after the first 40 home contests they were
averaging 7,500 a game.

--The Sporting News had super coverage of the minor leagues
back then and I came across a piece on the infamous fireballer
Steve Dalkowski. Dalkowski pitched in the 50s and 60s, but
never made it to the major leagues. In his 1st 537 innings in the
minors he struck out 907, and walked 1,022! In “The
Biographical Encyclopedia of Baseball,” one player, Dalton
Jones, marveled, “Hearing him warm up on the sideline was like
hearing a gun go off. I kept thinking, if this guy ever hits me,
he’ll kill me.” One manager estimated he could bring it 120
mph.

When Dalkowski was 18, he struck out 129 batters in 62 innings
in the Appalachian League. According to the above referenced
book, “One fastball actually ripped an earlobe off a batter (and)
another shattered umpire Doug Harvey’s mask in three places
and propelled him back 18 feet.” In another game in 1957,
Dalkowski whiffed 24 and walked 18. He once even hit a
batter kneeling in the on-deck circle. Another time he threw six
consecutive wild pitches (it can be done just figured it out).
Unfortunately, he was out of organized baseball at the age of 26
(1965) due to arm and drinking problems.

--Speaking of hitting players, the great hurler Early Wynn was
infamous for trying to hit runners leading off first base.

--You know those great Yankees fans? Back in ’62 they were
still absolutely cruel to Roger Maris, one year after he hit the 61
home runs. Maris smacked 33 homers and drove in an even 100
in ’62, but he hit just .256. Anyway, the fans in right field used
to hurl beer cans and golf balls at him, with Roger throwing the
golf balls back. Teammate Johnny Blanchard said at the time,
“The things some of those fans yell at Roger are enough to make
your skin crawl. How he stands it without blowing his stack, I
don’t know.” Hell, it’s sad just typing this. At least he’s being
treated with respect upstairs these days. [Geezuz, he was just 54
when he passed away.]

--And back to today, I hope Jeff Nelson and Karim Garcia are
prosecuted for the Game 3 incident versus Boston.

Winners and Losers

For the record, here are all the major league franchises with the
last time each won a World Series, if at all.

Anaheim 2002
Baltimore 1983
Boston 1918
ChiSox 1917
Cleveland 1948
Detroit 1984
Kansas City 1985
Minnesota 1991
Yankees 2000?
Oakland 1989
Seattle ..Ha! [First season 1977]
Tampa Bay ..Ha! [First season 1998]
Texas ..Ha! [First season 1961]
Toronto 1993

Arizona 2001
Atlanta 1995
Cubbies 1908
Cincinnati 1990
Colorado ..Ha! [First season 1993]
Florida 1997?
Houston Ha! [First season 1962]
Los Angeles 1988
Milwaukee ..Ha! [First season 1969 / Seattle]
Montreal Ha! [First season 1969. But Les Expos do have
ice-cold Molson at the ballpark.]
Mets 1986
Philadelphia 1980
Pittsburgh 1979
St. Louis 1982
San Diego ..Ha! [First season 1969]
San Francisco 1954

So here are a few conclusions you can draw. It’s amazing to
think the Giants haven’t won in 50 years, and the White Sox
don’t get nearly enough credit, ahem, for their own incredible
futility. As for the state of Texas, goodness gracious. And think
about all the teams who won’t drink the bubbly the rest of your
lives?! [I’m in a pensive mood.]

Steroid Update

The International Track Federation may now retest some 400
samples from August’s World Championships, though these
guys are hardly independent and without conflicts of interest.
Separately, the London Times just had a piece that Britain’s 100
meter champ Dwain Chambers tested positive for THG and is
one of those who could be banned for life from the Olympics.

Chuck Yesalis, a Penn State professor and expert on drugs in
sports, said the following for USA Today. “This could go off
like a thermonuclear device. They don’t have a broom big
enough to sweep it under the rug this time. I bet NFL security
and baseball are trying to build firewalls like crazy now.”

You got that right, Chuckie. But as any fan knows, at least the
NFL has rules against steroids, unlike the weenies at Major
League Baseball. It’s about the sanctity of the record book,
friends, and the last 8 years have seen an explosion in homers
and other stats.

Yeah, I’ve written countless times before on this topic, but here’s
another quote from Jerry Izenberg, a great sportswriter for the
Star-Ledger here in New Jersey.

“What a summer it was, that summer of ’98, when you looked at
Mark McGwire and felt that if you were to look up the word
‘power’ in the dictionary, you would find his picture next to the
definition ditto ‘strength’ ditto ‘massive.’

“He filled the batter’s box to the point where you were sure that
during a day game he could blot out the sun....(a) guy whose
biceps were bigger than most people’s thighs.

“It had been a summer when the thunder in Mark McGwire’s
muscles translated to the thunder in his bat

“But it had also been the summer of androstenedione.”

It’s a freakin’ joke, these freaks. [I’m submitting this line to the
Pulitzer Prize committee.]

But on December 4 we get to hear the testimony from freakazoid
Barry Bonds, who isn’t a target of the investigation, we are told,
because they need his information to go after the bigger fish.

And not for nothing, but New York’s Jason Giambi, who is also
part of the BALCO inquiry, has had that helter-skelter look all
year.

To be continued .

Overrated / Underrated

From time to time I refer to American Heritage and its annual
issue addressing various categories. For example, Gerald
Nachman, author of “Seriously Funny: The Rebel Comedians of
the 1950s and 1960s” (not the MSNBC Nachman, incidentally),
addresses the issue of ‘overrated’ and ‘underrated’ comedians.

Deemed to be overrated is Milton Berle. “I admired his energy
and courage and even his brashness but I never once cracked a
smile,” says Nachman.

In the underrated category, though, Nachman mentions Godfrey
Cambridge, Dean Martin (“who was always far funnier than
Jerry Lewis” .your editor agrees), Bob and Ray (loved these
two), Henry Morgan (“who ridiculed his own sponsors and had a
dark, lethal comic spirit but came along just as radio comedy was
fading, so he’s now remembered only as a caustic TV game-
show panelist”), Dick Shawn (“too surreal to catch a big wave”),
and Mort Sahl.

I saw Sahl just a few years ago and he certainly is an original.
Nachman writes, “There were no comedians any sharper or more
brilliant than Sahl, who was more than a political comedian
you name it, he skewed it.” Some of his lines:

“I’m for capital punishment. You’ve got to execute people.
How else are they going to learn?”

Michael Dukakis: “The only colorless Greek in America.”

Actually, Sahl is an acquired taste.

I also don’t know where Nachman ranks Jonathan Winters, but to
me he’s the best.

And in a different category, author Ray Robinson labels Connie
Mack as the most overrated baseball manager (his teams finished
in the first division only once in his last 17 years but he was the
owner, in case you’re wondering why he wasn’t fired).

Underrated, according to Robinson, was Walter Alston (1954-
76), who won the 1955 World Series for Brooklyn with one
strategic move.

“In the sixth inning of the seventh game between the Brooklyn
Dodgers and the New York Yankees, (Alston) switched the
right-hand-throwing Junior Gilliam from left field to second base
and inserted an unheralded little journeyman from Cuba, Sandy
Amoros, in Gilliam’s place. When Yogi Berra then sliced a long
liner into left field, with two on base, Sandy was able to snag the
ball mainly because his glove was on his right hand. The
celebrated catch resulted in a double-play that doused the
Yankees’ threat, resulting in Brooklyn’s one and only Series
triumph.”

For those of you not familiar with his story, Alston never had a
long-term contract instead he managed under 23, one-year
deals.

Stuff

--For you New York area restaurant goers, the 2004 Zagat’s
Survey is out and the top 7 eateries in the Big Apple are:
Le Bernardin, Daniel, Peter Luger, Nobu, Bouley, Jean Georges
and The Grocery. As for this last entry, it is a 30-seat
establishment in Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn. Frankly, after
reading an article in Crain’s New York Business, I’m not so sure
about the validity of the actual vote for it (these things are
secret), but it sounds a little fishy. Regulars swear by The
Grocery, however.

--Corey Kilgannon had a piece in the New York Times the other
day concerning a reunion of Pan American World Airways
stewardesses. Back in the 1950s and 60s, this was one of the
prized jobs for women. You had to be at least 5’2” and there was
a weight limit, depending on your age and experience level. For
example, a 20-year-old who was 5’4” couldn’t weigh more than
130 lbs., though Pan Am allowed the stewardesses to gain a few
as they approached the mandatory retirement age of 32.

You also couldn’t marry or have children. One who had just
walked down the aisle was given 6 months notice and told she
couldn’t wear her wedding ring. By the way, girdles were
required wear. What? No thongs?!

[Sorry. It’s also important to note that almost all the girls loved
their jobs.]

--For crying out loud, just how many scorers do the Dallas
Mavericks need? With the acquisition of Antoine Walker from
Boston, they can spread the court with Walker, Dirk Nowitzki,
Michael Finley, Steve Nash and Antawn Jamison. Projected
average score this year, 138-134, just like in the ABA.

--This weekend, Tiger Woods is attempting to tie the all time
record for consecutive cuts made, 113, a mark held by Byron
Nelson. This isn’t an exact science, however, since a fair
number of Nelson’s events had no cut, as is the same with a
smaller number of Woods’ tourneys. Regardless, it’s a pretty
awesome feat.

--I was just perusing pitching great Bob Gibson’s career stats,
Gibby being the best competitor I ever saw (McCarver’s right on
this one), and did you know that Gibson stole 5 bases in 1969?
Now how awesome is that?

--Last summer I noted that Tennessee Titan running back Eddie
George and R&B singer Tamara Johnson had tied the knot and I
said that Tamara could have done better, George having
averaged a measly 3.4, 3.0, and 3.7 yards per carry the past three
seasons. Well this year George is at 2.8 thus far. I rest my case.

[We call this the Bar Chat difference.]

--Contrary to popular belief, each large turbine on a wind farm
kills one or two birds a year. In other words, with the 30,000 or
so turbines in America, that’s roughly 30,000-50,000. Now
compare that to the carnage wreaked by America’s house cats.
An estimate of the bird kill here is 100 million!!! [Source:
High Plains Journal]

--And here’s another tidbit from High Plains Journal that you can
win some major coin on at the local tavern. [You’ll need a
partner in crime to do so, however.] You know those Mormon
crickets that made a mess of some western states this summer as
they devastated croplands and slicked up roadways? Well,
researchers were able to put micro-radio transmitters on 12 of
them to track their movements. Traveling in bands 3 miles deep
and one mile across, the Mormon cricket can go 1 miles a day.
[Or five laps around your local high school track, which is how I
measure things. Sadly, I’m in such lousy shape these days that
the cricket could beat me.]

--The first Bowl Championship Series poll was released, with
this eventually deciding who faces off in the NCAA College
Football Championship Game. The 6 conference champs from
the major conferences (ACC, Big East, Big Ten, Big 12, Pac-10,
and SEC) along with 2 at-large teams get into the BCS games.
So, here you have Northern Illinois at #10 in the BCS and should
they beat Bowling Green this weekend and then run the table
from there, I don’t see how you can keep them out of the BCS
pool. No doubt, this will be a huge argument down the road.

[Then again, these things always have a way of working
themselves out, i.e., after the Bowling Green (#23 in one wire
poll) game the point may be moot.]

--Penn State’s leading receiver, Tony Johnson, was charged with
drunk driving the other night. He was in his Mercedes. Gee, the
dude is in college .I wonder how he managed this set of
wheels?

*Update 10/23: I was just informed by Mark R. that Tony Johnson
is Larry Johnson''s brother, i.e., the Mercedes may be an innocent
gift.

--The New York Rangers win .Daaaaaaaa Rangers win!!!!!

Top 3 songs for the week of 10/23/71: #1 “Maggie May” (Rod
Stewart) #2 “Superstar” (Carpenters) #3 “Yo-Yo” (The
Osmonds!!!!)

**I’ve been listening to George Strait’s 2001 CD “The Road
Less Traveled” and it’s just another excuse to say no one puts
together better albums than him.

Baseball Quiz Answers: 1) The following all threw no-hitters:

Ed Head, 1946, Brooklyn. Finished 27-23 in his career (1940,
42-44, 46)
Clyde Shoun, 1944, Cincinnati. Career: 73-59 (1938-44, 46-49)
Vern Bickford, 1950, Boston Braves. Career: 66-57 (1948-54)
Cliff Chambers, 1951, Pittsburgh. Career: 48-53 (1948-53 not
a misprint)
Tex Carleton, 1940, Brooklyn. Career: 100-76 (1932-38, 40)
Bill McCahan, 1947, Philadelphia A’s. Career: 16-14 (1946-49)

2) ’69 Mets Series starters: Tom Seaver, twice; Jerry Koosman,
twice; Gary Gentry (who combined with Nolan Ryan to shut out
the Orioles in Game 3). 3) ’78 Yankees starters: Ed Figueroa, 2;
Catfish Hunter, 2; Ron Guidry; Jim Beattie (who had a complete
game victory in Game 5 as Yanks defeated the Dodgers for
the second straight year, 4 games to 2).

Next Bar Chat, Tuesday .no flipping!