---

Bar Chat

09/18/2014

League in Crisis

[Posted early Wednesday]

NFL Quiz: New York Giants... 1) Name the four Giants to rush for 5,000 yards. 2) Minimum 100 receptions, name the only Giants receiver to avg. 20 yards per catch for his career. Answers below.

The NFL Mess...in chronological order thru Wednesday morning.

Adrian Peterson issued a statement Monday: “I never imagined being in a position where the world is judging my parenting skills or calling me a child abuser because of the discipline I administered to my son. I have to live with the fact that when I disciplined my son the way I was disciplined as a child, I caused an injury that I never intended or thought would happen.

“I know that many people disagree with the way I disciplined my child. I also understand after meeting with a psychologist that there are other alternative ways of disciplining a child that may be more appropriate....

“I am not a perfect son. I am not a perfect husband. I am not a perfect parent, but I am, without a doubt, not a child abuser.... My goal is always to teach my son right from wrong and that’s what I tried to do that day.”

The Vikings announced Peterson would return to practice and he was expected to play in the team’s next game at New Orleans.

In a statement attributed to owners Zigi and Mark Wilf: “We take very seriously any matter that involves the welfare of a child. At this time, however, we believe this is a matter of due process and we should allow the legal system to proceed so we can come to the most effective conclusions and then determine the appropriate course of action.”

General Manager Rick Spielman said: “We want to do the right thing. This is a difficult path to navigate regarding the judgment of how a parent disciplines his child.”

But Radisson, the Minnesota-based hotel chain, said it was “suspending its limited sponsorship of the Minnesota Vikings while we evaluate the facts and circumstances.”

Nike, which counts Peterson in its stable of high-profile athletes, said it is monitoring the situation. [Sharon Terlep / Wall Street Journal]

Minnesota Gov. Mark Dayton, though, said Peterson should be suspended until his case is resolved. “(Mr. Peterson) is a public figure; and his actions, as described, are a public embarrassment to the Vikings organization and the state of Minnesota. Whipping a child to the extent of visible wounds, as has been alleged, should not be tolerated in our state.”

Dayton added, “However, I will not turn my back on the Vikings and their fans, as some have suggested. The Vikings belong to Minnesota – and in Minnesota.”

Well, early Wednesday morning, the Vikings announced Peterson had been placed on the NFL Exempt/Commissioner’s permission list, effectively suspending him from all team activities until further notice. He will not be able to suit up until his case is resolved.

Zygi and Mark Wilf said in a statement: “After giving the situation additional thought, we have decided this is the appropriate course of action for the organization and for Adrian.”

Needless to say, Gov. Dayton’s remarks clearly had something to do with the Vikings changing course, as did Anheuser-Busch InBev NV’s statement Tuesday afternoon that it was “increasingly concerned” by reports of domestic violence and that it wasn’t satisfied with the league’s “handling of behaviors that so clearly go against our own company culture and moral code.”

Social media has been encouraging boycotts of some NFL sponsors, including Bud and Pepsi. This is the true nightmare for the league that threatens to snowball. If Bud suddenly pulled out, Katy bar the door.

As for the Carolina Panthers’ Greg Hardy, who is appealing a domestic violence conviction, the team said he would practice and attend team meetings this week, though Carolina hasn’t said whether he will play this weekend.

Coach Ron Rivera said on Monday, “Greg is with the team. We’re going to go through this week and evaluate circumstances. It’s a fluid situation.”

“(The) Panthers risk their reputation and owner Jerry Richardson jeopardizes his moral credibility by covering for a player convicted of assaulting a female. The Panthers can say they are letting the legal process play out, but it appears they just want to bulk up their pass rush. If Hardy’s conviction is overturned, the Panthers could reinstate him at that time. The Panthers should suspend him.”

The San Francisco 49ers said Ray McDonald, who was arrested on suspicion of domestic violence Aug. 31, will continue to play.

Back to Ray Rice, the NFL Players Association is appealing his indefinite suspension, citing ‘double jeopardy’ in that he was improperly punished twice by the league for the same conduct; the NFL having initially suspended Rice for two games.

The NFL contended the second video represented new evidence. But now Roger Goodell will rule on the appeal, or, as seems likely, he’ll appoint someone else to.

“In the midst of the massive Ray Rice controversy, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has been doing quite a bit of letter writing to the league’s teams, most of it on the topic of domestic violence.

“He sent another Monday morning, announcing the names and extensive credentials of four women who will help shape the league’s policies on domestic violence and sexual assault in the days ahead.

“Critics will call this another public-relations move designed to save Goodell’s job.

“I’m not so sure about that. On the contrary, if the NFL follows through seriously with the initiatives it is proposing, the people who are calling for Goodell to resign might find instead that they have no greater ally on the causes they hold dear....

“We know the torrent of criticism over the handling of the Rice case and videos has been the catalyst, but still, I can’t recall another league becoming so serious so fast about an off-the-field issue.”

Monday, Goodell gave his vice president of community affairs and philanthropy Anna Isaacson an expanded role as VP of social responsibility. He also said the league was retaining the services of three advisors to lead the NFL’s policies and programs on domestic violence and sexual assault, including one, Lisa Friel, who was head of the Sex Crimes Prosecution Unit in the New York County District Attorney’s Office for more than a decade. The other two are involved in organizations that raise awareness of domestic violence.

“During his eight years as NFL commissioner, Goodell has deflected many crises that threatened the league’s integrity and public image, from player misconduct (arrests, drug use, Michael Vick’s dogfighting ring) to team misconduct (teams spying on opponents or allegedly offering bounties to injure them). He has survived them all – largely because team owners are pleased with the league’s soaring revenue under Goodell’s stewardship. Their calculation is that the profits are worth any setbacks that result from a crisis-management style that has been called everything from clumsy to, last week, conspiratorial.

“Rarely has the criticism intensified to the point it has for Goodell’s handling of Ray Rice....

“Friday brought even more embarrassing news: The NFL’s legal team predicted that more than one in four retired players would develop a neurological disease, and the star Vikings running back Adrian Peterson was indicted on a charge of child abuse.

“Never has the man who considers his job to ‘protect the shield’ – the NFL’s venerated logo – been more in need of a shield himself.”

--Robert Griffin III said he wouldn’t need surgery on his dislocated left ankle and there was a chance he could return this season. RG3 was not placed on injured reserve, which would have meant his season was over, so the team shares his optimism.

It’s the fourth time in 31 NFL games Griffin has had to leave a game because of injury.

But for at least the next six to eight weeks, the Redskins are Kirk Cousins’ team and he sure proved himself on Sunday. Cousins, like Griffin after the contest, said all the right things, giving credit to the play-calling and stressing it was “a total team thing.” Cousins added, “This is Robert’s team. My job is to be the backup quarterback and, if called upon to come in and play, then I better play and help this team win.” ‘Skins fans are fired up. The majority has wanted Cousins at the helm all along.

Ball Bits

--Matt Kemp and Yasiel Puig got into it in the Dodgers’ dugout during Monday night’s game. Manager Don Mattingly had to step in between them. Puig had walked in the sixth inning and one story has Kemp being upset Puig stopped at second on Adrian Gonzalez’s single to right field before Kemp batted.

Mattingly admitted it wasn’t the first time tempers have flared among teammates, with several telling ESPNLosAngeles.com’s Mark Saxon the clubhouse atmosphere is “dysfunctional.”

Matting said, “We’re like the [Oakland] A’s, the ’72 A’s,” who you’ll recall were famous for their fights, even more famously the ’74 edition.

[Puig finally homered on Tuesday night, his first since July 31.]

--Philadelphia Phillies closer Jonathan Papelbon’s name is now in the December file for consideration for “Jerk of the Year” after he made a lewd gesture directed at the Philadelphia fans.

Papelbon, who has a reputation for being one of the big jerks in the game, blew a 4-1 lead to the Marlins on Sunday, giving up four runs in the ninth, whereupon he walked off the field to boos from the home fans and proceeded to grab his crotch.

Umpire Joe West then threw him out of the game, saying afterwards, “He had no business doing that. He’s got to be more professional than that.”

Papelbon then rushed out of the dugout to confront West and first-base umpire Marty Foster.

So Major League Baseball suspended him seven games. Papelbon said in a statement:

“While I completely understand how the fans would perceive my gesture while being booed, it was not my intent whatsoever to insult the fans of Philadelphia. If it was perceived in that manner, I sincerely apologize.”

Management issued their own statement: “The Phillies fully support the decision of the Commissioner’s Office, which has exclusive jurisdiction for on-field player behavior.... We apologize to our fans for the actions of our player yesterday.”

Papelbon has converted 37-for-41 save opportunities this season and had 14 in a row before Sunday.

--Great story from MASNSports.com and ESPN.com: “Baltimore Orioles suspended slugger Chris Davis was one of several people who lifted an overturned truck to help accident victims Monday afternoon, a witness at the scene told MASNSports.com.”

According to the account, “Davis waved people over to help him lift what was described as a heavy pickup truck in order to unpin a man who was trapped underneath.”

“Soukup told (MASNSports.com) that the accident occurred on I-295 and that Davis, who currently is serving a 25-game suspension for a positive amphetamine test, was among the first people who attempted to help.

“ ‘When I turned to look at the first man, I instantly noticed a VERY strong resemblance to Chris Davis,’ Soukup wrote in an email. ‘He didn’t have any Orioles gear on (so I wasn’t sure...there was no big ‘19’ on him anywhere!), except his tennis shoes were black and orange.

“ ‘We glanced at each other with a ‘good job’ look and I said, ‘Chris?’ He said, ‘Yeah?’ ‘Chris Davis?’ ‘Yeah?’ I said, ‘One hell of a way to meet Chris Davis.’’”

--Matt Harvey was finally allowed to throw off a mound, and did so at Citi Field, as part of his recovery from Tommy John surgery last October. He threw several simulated innings and consistently hit 95 mph. That’s it. He’s now shut down until spring training but everyone in the organization, including Harvey, is happy. Mets fans are hopeful.

--And us Mets fans, for the most part, are loathe to give up any of our pitching, unless a real power hitter is coming back in a trade. Rookie Jacob deGrom on Monday night tied a major league record last reached in 1986 (Jim Deshaies for the Astros) when he struck out the first eight batters of the game against the Marlins, on the way to 13 in seven innings, though he ended up with a no-decision as the Mets’ bullpen went on to blow it, 6-5.

--I like how the New York Post’s Ken Davidoff described the strong possibility both manager Terry Collins and GM Sandy Alderson will be back for a year 5 in 2015.

“Alderson and Collins have overseen a mostly janitorial period with these Mets.”

--This isn’t the way Derek Jeter wanted it to end out, with the Yankees choking down the stretch, failing to stay in the playoff hunt, and Jeter himself being mired in an 0-for-26 slump that has seen his average fall to .249.

Actually, I didn’t realize until seeing an AP piece that he is 22 for 134, .164, since Joba Chamberlain hit him near the left elbow back on Aug. 5. Before that, he was batting .277.

--At least the Yanks received some good news when Masahiro Tanaka threw five scoreless innings down in Florida against some minor leaguers and Tanaka might start this weekend at Yankee Stadium. Here we thought he was definitely going under the knife. The problem is he still could. He did partially tear an elbow ligament, after all.

--With his 4-2 win over Atlanta on Monday, Washington’s Stephen Strasburg hit the 200-inning mark for the first time in his career, a big deal for the one-time phenom who was so protected. He is 12-11, 3.34 with 230 strikeouts in 202 innings. The Nationals are now shutting him down, not wanting to risk him in the playoffs.....JUST KIDDING, NATS FANS!!!

--Washington and Baltimore both clinched their division titles on Tuesday night. That’s Washington and Baltimore, your editor’s “Pick to Click” for the World Series, Nats prevailing.

“I just saw a list of the ‘most significant figures in world history’ as compiled by The New Republic:

“1. Alexander the Great; 2. Aristotle; 3. Jesus Christ; 4. Charles Darwin; 5. Buddha; 6. Albert Einstein; 7. Mahatma Gandhi; 8. Derek Jeter; 9. Williams Shakespeare; 10. Leonardo da Vinci.

“Okay, I made that up. But Couch Slouch cannot believe the over-the-top, unreasonable-beyond-a-reasonable-doubt avalanche of unflinching, genuflecting worship for the New York Yankees shortstop in his final season in uniform.

“He’s a dandy player with great skin tone and a social life George Clooney would kill for....

“Ah, what a life this guy has led off the field – he’s been in more nightclubs than dugouts and seen more model runways than airport runways. When it comes to dating, Jeter never has to wait in the on-deck circle.

“For all his striking stats, here is Jeter’s most breathtaking one:

“In back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back years beginning in 2000, he dated   Lara Dutta, Joy Enriquez, Jordana Brewster, Vanessa Minnillo, Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johansson, Vida Guerra, Adriana Lima, Jessica Biel, Tyra Banks, Rachel Uchitel and Minka Kelly.....

“By any sabermetrics measure, Jeter is a unanimous first-ballot selection in the Don Juan Hall of Fame.

“Speaking of which, if he’s not a unanimous first-ballot choice into the Baseball Hall of Fame, it will push social media to its virtual capacity. Whatever poor soul or souls leave him off their ballot in five years will need cyber-police protection....

“Anyway, I’m also tired of the narrative that Jeter is a team-first guy who absolutely hates all this attention.

“Well, this may be true but, apparently, his attention can be bought.

“How else to explain that on Sept. 22, before a night game with the Orioles, Jeter will host a ‘Meet and Greet Farewell Luncheon’ in Manhattan? According to the New York Post’s Phil Mushnick, his most devoted fans have been invited to pay tribute to Jeter – as long as they pay.

“For $2,500, you get lunch, a photo-op and one ‘limited edition Jeter-signed item.’

“For $4,500, in addition to the grilled fish, Kodak moment and autograph, you actually get to talk to The Captain!!!

“Great, pal – I need the CVC number off the back of your credit card.’”

--Hall of Famer George Sisler (1915-30) was one of the great hitters of all time, topped off by his .407 and .420 seasons in 1920 and ’22, years in which he also incredibly struck out just 19 times in 1920 (631 ABs) and 14 times in 1922 (586 ABs). Think about that. Plus his 257 hits in 1920 remained the all-time, single-season mark until Ichiro had 262 in 2004.

But I wouldn’t be mentioning Sisler except I saw a piece by Chris Docter for the Baseball Hall of Fame talking about Sisler’s efforts on the mound. Frankly, I had forgotten he pitched. He was 5-6, all his decisions coming in 1915-16, but it was on Sept. 17, 1916, that he bested Walter Johnson, 1-0. He also beat him in 1915, so two of his five wins were over Big Train. As Ronald Reagan would have summed it up in his recreations back in the day, “Not bad...not bad at all.”

College Football

Another week with few must-see games, as in not one really falls into that category, but some could be entertaining. To wit:

Thursday...No. 6 Auburn at No. 20 Kansas State (intriguing, but I’m guessin’ Auburn rolls)

Saturday...No. 22 Clemson at No. 1 Florida State; Florida at No. 3 Alabama (actually, ‘Bama will make shoes and belts out of the Gators); No. 4 Oklahoma at West Virginia; No. 6 Texas A&M at SMU (can A&M rack up 70+ points?); Virginia at No. 21 BYU (this is potentially the best game); Army at Wake Forest (with 3,000 troops going to West Africa, Army could be depleted but should still prevail); North Carolina at East Carolina (huge for the Pirates, of course).

Back to last weekend, I like what the Los Angeles Times’ Chris Dufresne said about the USC loss to Boston College.

“The USC Trojans, one week after an upset win at Stanford, went to Boston College and gained 20 yards rushing in an upset loss.

“Had Paul Revere stopped in Boston after 20 yards, we might all be drinking tea.”

Golf Balls

--Tiger Woods held court on Monday, in promoting his Hero World Challenge, Dec. 4-7, that benefits the Tiger Woods Foundation. Tiger said he would be one of 18 playing in the event. While he hasn’t picked up a club yet, he said “I’ve been busting my butt in the gym pretty hard. I’ve got my strength back, which is nice.”

Tiger hopes to be swinging by early October. As to his future, it’s too soon for him to commit to anything, but Tiger said he’ll be satisfied as long as he’s “part of the conversation.”

--In discussing the FedEx Cup finale on Sunday, I forgot to mention that Jim Furyk now has 30 top tens since his last win, the 2010 Tour Championship. He just keeps failing to get it done in crunch time, as was the case once again on Sunday in finishing T-2 with Rory McIlroy.

--The 2014 PGA Tour season is now officially over and McIlroy topped the money list at $8,280,096. Furyk earned the most for a non-winner, $5,987,395.

The 125th player on the money list, the cutoff for being exempt for the new 2014-15 wraparound season, was Nicholas Thompson at $713,377.

Not that I’ll be buying Bill O’Reilly and Martin Dugard’s “Killing Patton,” but in looking for something the other day, I stumbled on some things I wrote about the general back in 2005 in this space. So let this be the supplement for those who buy the book.

In the June / July issue of American Heritage [2005], there is the story of John J. Pullen, a member of the 65th Infantry Division, 3rd Army, who died just last year and according to the editors is responsible for one of the most celebrated of all unit histories, “The Twentieth Maine: A Volunteer Regiment in the Civil War.”

Pullen, who had training as a newspaper reporter, was in an audience on March 5, 1945, when it is believed General Patton gave his last speech. While we are all familiar with Patton, as portrayed by George C. Scott, and the speech he gave in the 1970 movie (much of it based on fact), the story is that General Omar Bradley, Patton’s superior in the European theatre, did his best to censor Patton. Pullen cites Bradley’s own words from the general’s book “A Soldier’s Story”:

“Few generals could surpass Patton as a field commander. But he had one enemy he could not vanquish and that was his own quick tongue. It was this unhappy talent of Patton’s for highly quotable crises that caused me to tighten the screws on press censorship at the time he joined my command.

“ ‘Public relations will cuss me for it,’ I told Bill Kean, ‘but the devil with them. I’ll take the chance. Tell censorship that they are not to pass any direct quotes from any commander without my approval.’”

Pullen was convinced that the speech given in March 1945 was thus not only the last major one Patton gave to any large assemblage, but that he, Pullen, had the only accurate record of it as he used his reporter skills to recreate it just hours after hearing Patton address the troops. The 65th was in France at the time and about to enter combat, some 30 or 40 miles from the Siegfried
Line.

[Note: The language is harsh and vintage Patton.]

“Officers and men of the 65th Infantry Division, rest.

“You are now on a winning team. But you have never played. Therefore you must listen closely to what I have to tell you. You think that you are disciplined, but you will never know whether or not you are disciplined until you hear a bullet go past. When you hear that bullet go past your ear, you will know whether or not you are disciplined. Now a lot of people don’t know why we have discipline in the Army. They think that discipline is the Army and the Army is discipline, and that’s that. But I’ll tell you why we have discipline in the Army. It is because you must act from habit, and the habit must be stronger than the fear of death.

“You will be afraid. But you must attack – quickly and decisively. Forget about foxholes. Forget about hitting the ground. You must shoot at the German and keep on shooting. If you don’t know where he is, shoot at where you think he is. But if you go out there holding your gun in one hand and getting up and lying down and wandering around, then I will have to write letters to your wives and mothers and sweethearts saying that Willie Jones got his goddamn ass shot off because he didn’t do as he was told.

“Here’s the way it works. The soldier goes out, and pretty soon one of those guys’ guns goes g-r-r-p, and the soldier lies down. That’s just what the German wants him to do. He has mortars zeroed in on that point. So down come the mortars, and the soldier gets blown to hell. But if you shoot and keep shooting, the German keeps his head down, and your chances of survival are 90 percent better.

“The rifle is the deadliest goddamn weapon in the world, and the German is scared to death of it. So use it. If you will resolve to fire 100 rounds every time you go into battle, you will live forever. A rifle or a machine gun that does not fire is of about as much use as a pecker to the pope.

“You will be afraid. Any man who says he is not afraid in battle is either a fool or a liar, but there is a difference in being afraid and being a coward. You must have a desperate determination to close with the enemy. Because when you do, he has a desperate determination to get the hell out of there. Don’t wait until you see the whites of his eyes. The sons of bitches’ eyes are yellow.

[Here the listeners roared with laughter, and General Patton’s normally scowling face changed into a slow, catlike grin.]

“Friend of mine, General Scott, a little fellow about so high [here the general held his hand out level with his lower rib], once said to me, ‘I would be willing to get into the ring with Joe Louis if the son of a bitch would promise to defend himself.’ It was his way of saying that defending yourself is the surest way in the world to get yourself killed. You must always attack, attack, attack.

“If a German tries to surrender, make him come to you. We’ve had a number of men lost because some German came out with his hands up and our soldiers said, ‘Goody, goody. There’s one.  Let’s go get him.’ And when they ran out, they were mowed down by machine guns.

“A while ago there was a truckload of German prisoners brought by where I was standing. They had been searched, but one of them pulled out a pistol from somewhere – I don’t know where, he must have had it stuck up his ass – and he shot one of my captains. Some guns around there went off by mistake and, do you know, every one of the Germans in that truck was killed.

“Now I do not advocate standing Germans up against the wall and shooting them. We are a superior race, and that is not a sporting thing to do. So shoot the sons of bitches before you get them to the wall.

“Another thing: Take care of yourself. The only reason for getting trench foot is carelessness. And a soldier has to live with his feet for the rest of his life.

“I want to say a word about those low characters known as psychoneurotics. They are sons of bitches, bastards, and lice. In the last war they had ‘shell shock,’ and in the next war they will have some other kind of shock. But every one of them that quits means that more of a burden is thrown on you brave men who continue to fight. So if you have a man who thinks he is a psychoneurotic, make fun of him, kick his ass, and shake him out of it.

“There is another low, cowardly bastard known as the SIW, or self-inflicted wound. It is usually the middle finger of the left hand or a middle toe of the left foot. So if you see a man wounded in one of those places, you know he is probably one of those SIW bastards.

“You, the American soldier, are the greatest soldier in the world. You are part of an army that has done the greatest thing in the world. You are fighting for the greatest country in the world.  And now the fight is won and almost over, so you can’t help but be goddamn heroes.

“You men are lucky, very lucky. Now, when you go back home, and in later years when your descendants ask you, ‘Grandpop, what did you do in the Second World War?’ you won’t have to say, ‘Well, sonny, I shoveled shit in Alabama.’

“You have the makings of a good division. Right now you are a better division than the best American division at the close of the First World War, and I know, because I was part of that division. You have the best equipment of any soldiers who ever lived. And you have the best reason for fighting that any people have ever had.

“But you must remember what I have told you. Namely, shoot and keep shooting. Attack quickly and decisively. Take care of yourself. Never trust a German.”

And while we’re on the subject of Patton, I happen to have Carlo D’Este’s 1995 book on the warrior, “Patton: A Genius For War,” and D’Este cites part of Patton’s standard stump speech that was not used in the movie. [This is in the days leading up to Normandy.]

“All the real heroes are not storybook combat fighters. Every single man in the Army plays a vital part. Every single man in the Army plays a vital part. Every little job is essential to the whole scheme. What if every truck-driver suddenly decided that he didn’t like the whine of those shells and turned yellow and jumped headlong into a ditch? He could say to himself, ‘They won’t miss me – just one guy in thousands.’ What if every man said that? Where in the hell would we be now? No, thank God, Americans don’t say that. Every man does his job. Every many serves the whole. Every department, every unit, is important to the vast scheme of things. The Ordnance is needed to supply the guns, the Quartermaster is needed to bring up the food and clothes for us – for where we are going there isn’t a hell of a lot to steal! Every last damn man in the mess hall, even the one who heats the water to keep us from getting diarrhea, has a job to do. Even the Chaplain is important, for if we get killed and he is not there to bury us we would all go to hell. Each man must not only think of himself, but think of his buddy fighting alongside him. We don’t want yellow cowards in the Army. They should be killed off like flies. If not, they will go back home after the war, goddamn cowards, and breed more cowards. The brave men will breed more brave men. One of the bravest men I saw in the African campaign was the fellow I saw on a telegraph pole in the midst of furious fire .I stopped and asked him what the hell he was doing up there at that time. He answered, ‘Fixing the wire, sir.’ ‘Isn’t it a little unhealthy up there right now?’ I asked. ‘Yes, sir, but this goddamn wire has got to be fixed.’ There was a real soldier [and] you should have seen those trucks on the road to Gabes. The drivers were magnificent. All day they crawled along those sonofabitchin’ roads, never stopping, never deviating from their course with shells bursting all around them. We got through on good old American guts. Many of the men drove over forty consecutive hours.”

[D’Este writes: “By now there would be dead silence. Then Patton would continue.”]

“Don’t forget, you don’t know I’m here at all. No word of that fact is to be mentioned in any letter. The world is not supposed to know what the hell they did with me. I’m not supposed to be commanding this army. I’m not even supposed to be in England. Let the first bastards to find out be the goddamn Germans. Someday I want them to raise up on their hind legs and howl: ‘Jesus Christ, it’s that goddamn Third Army and that sonofabitch Patton again!”

--A grand jury will decide whether NASCAR’s Tony Stewart will face criminal charges in the death of a fellow sprint cup driver, Kevin Ward Jr. Stewart said in a statement: “I look forward to this process being completed, and I will continue to provide my full cooperation.”

“The loyal canine companion of a man allegedly killed by his hunting partner guarded his owner’s body for more than one week after his brutal murder, according to a statement by the regional branch of the Investigative Committee in the Kemerovo region on Monday.

“According to investigators, the dog’s barking attracted a mushroom picker, who discovered on Saturday the decomposing body of a 30-year-old man who had allegedly been stabbed to death on Sept. 5.”

--According to a study by federal scientists and an environmental consulting firm West Inc., “Wind turbines kill between 214,000 and 368,000 birds annually – a small fraction compared with the estimated 6.8 million fatalities from collisions with cell and radio towers and the 1.4 billion to 3.7 billion deaths from cats.” [Wendy Koch / USA TODAY]

--Our long national nightmare is partially over. Gus Johnson is no longer Fox’s lead soccer commentator. Johnson will stick to calling college football and basketball games exclusively. Johnson admitted there was no way he had the time to get up to speed on the sport like he needed to.

--Talk about a diva...Ariana Grande is getting pummeled in the press. A story came to light this week from Confidenti@l that when she was visiting a Manhattan radio station this summer, the 21-year-old “did autographs and pics and was all smiles until she got into the elevator,” a stunned industry insider told the New York Daily News. “And as soon as the doors shut she said, ‘I hope they all f---ing die.’”

As the News’ Marianne Garvey, Brian Niemietz and Oli Coleman write:

“Allegations of Grande’s obnoxious attitude are nothing new. But they’re suddenly getting their own spotlight now that a nasty pattern has emerged.

“The Boca Raton-born mini-diva’s attitude was called into question in Australia last week when the pop tart left a meet-and-greet because she reportedly didn’t like the way she was being photographed. Before the shoot, her camp is said to have told photographers, ‘Don’t use natural light’ and ‘Do shoot only from the left side of her face.’....

“Will it surprise anyone to learn that Grande is being managed by Bieber’s smarmy mentor Scooter Braun?”

Grande also reportedly sells $495 fan photo ops, but stipulates they be for groups of four to six people, not individuals! No one else does that.

So it would seem the December file is suddenly filling up with “Jerk of the Year” candidates. 

Top 3 songs for the week of 9/17/77: #1 “I Just Want To Be Your Everything” (Andy Gibb...whatever...) #2 “Float On” (The Floaters...brilliant! One of my all-time faves ...“Cancer and my name is Larry...”) #3 “Best Of My Love” (Emotions...not aging well...)...and...#4 “Handy Man” (James Taylor...very weak...though Greg Norman could have used one...) #5 “Don’t Stop” (Fleetwood Mac... where’s my sword...) #6 “Keep It Comin’ Love” (KC & The Sunshine Band...six beers helps...) #7 “Strawberry Letter 23” (The Brothers Johnson...big fan of theirs...) #8 “Telephone Line” (Electric Light Orchestra...suitemate played them incessantly...still like the guy, however...) #9 “ Smoke From A Distant Fire” (The Sanford/Townsend Band...great beginning then totally blows...won’t be on one of those LPs attached to a satellite exploring the distant solar system to explain who we are should a Plutonian capture said craft....Earth Wind & Fire would be more appropriate....) #10 “Star Wars” (The London Symphony Orchestra...if this one was attached to the satellite...the Plutonians would say, “They ripped us off!”]

NFL Quiz Answers: 1) Four to gain 5,000 yards rushing: Tiki Barber (1997-2006) 10,449; Rodney Hampton (1990-97) 6,897; Joe Morris (1982-88) 5,296; Brandon Jacobs (2005-13) 5,087. 2) Only Giants receiver to average 20 yards per reception, Homer Jones (1964-69) 214-4,845...22.6*

*Yes, once a year I have to mention Homer Jones. He is one of the first players I vividly remember as a kid. The 22.6 is easily the best in NFL history for anyone with a minimum of 200 receptions.

---