Detroit Tigers Quiz (1901-present): 1) How many World Series
championships have they won? 2) Who was A.L. MVP, 1944-
45? 3) Who was Rookie of the Year in 1978? 4) Which five
players have had their uniform retired? 5) Who was the last to
win 25 games? 6) Who was the last to win a batting title?
Answers below.
Moonwalker Quiz: The other day the Star-Ledger had a story on
Apollo astronaut Buzz Aldrin, Mr. Aldrin being from New
Jersey, and the article contained a list of all 12 to walk on the
moon. Aside from Neil Armstrong and Aldrin (the first two),
how many of the other ten can you name? I’ll help you out with
the initials.
C. “P” C., A.B., A.S., E.M., D.S., J.I., J.Y., C.D., E.C., H.S.
Answer below.
—
General George S. Patton, Jr.
In the June / July issue of American Heritage, there is the story
of John J. Pullen, a member of the 65th Infantry Division, 3rd
Army, who died just last year and according to the editors is
responsible for one of the most celebrated of all unit histories,
“The Twentieth Maine: A Volunteer Regiment in the Civil War.”
Pullen, who had training as a newspaper reporter, was in an
audience on March 5, 1945, when it is believed General Patton
gave his last speech. While we are all familiar with Patton, as
portrayed by George C. Scott, and the speech he gave in the 1970
movie (much of it based on fact), the story is that General Omar
Bradley, Patton’s superior in the European theatre, did his best to
censor Patton. Pullen cites Bradley’s own words from the
general’s book “A Soldier’s Story”:
“Few generals could surpass Patton as a field commander. But
he had one enemy he could not vanquish and that was his own
quick tongue. It was this unhappy talent of Patton’s for highly
quotable crises that caused me to tighten the screws on press
censorship at the time he joined my command.
“ ‘Public relations will cuss me for it,’ I told Bill Kean, ‘but the
devil with them. I’ll take the chance. Tell censorship that they
are not to pass any direct quotes from any commander without
my approval.’”
Pullen was convinced that the speech given in March 1945 was
thus not only the last major one Patton gave to any large
assemblage, but that he, Pullen, had the only accurate record of it
as he used his reporter skills to recreate it just hours after hearing
Patton address the troops. The 65th was in France at the time and
about to enter combat, some 30 or 40 miles from the Siegfried
Line.
[Note: The language is harsh…and vintage Patton.]
“Officers and men of the 65th Infantry Division, rest.
“You are now on a winning team. But you have never played.
Therefore you must listen closely to what I have to tell you….
You think that you are disciplined, but you will never know
whether or not you are disciplined until you hear a bullet go past.
When you hear that bullet go past your ear, you will know
whether or not you are disciplined….Now a lot of people don’t
know why we have discipline in the Army. They think that
discipline is the Army and the Army is discipline, and that’s that.
But I’ll tell you why we have discipline in the Army. It is
because you must act from habit, and the habit must be stronger
than the fear of death.
“You will be afraid. But you must attack – quickly and
decisively. Forget about foxholes. Forget about hitting the
ground. You must shoot at the German and keep on shooting. If
you don’t know where he is, shoot at where you think he is…But
if you go out there holding your gun in one hand and getting up
and lying down and wandering around, then I will have to write
letters to your wives and mothers and sweethearts saying that
Willie Jones got his goddamn ass shot off because he didn’t do
as he was told.
“Here’s the way it works. The soldier goes out, and pretty soon
one of those guys’ guns goes g-r-r-p, and the soldier lies down.
That’s just what the German wants him to do. He has mortars
zeroed in on that point. So down come the mortars, and the
soldier gets blown to hell….but if you shoot and keep shooting,
the German keeps his head down, and your chances of survival
are 90 percent better.
“The rifle is the deadliest goddamn weapon in the world, and the
German is scared to death of it. So use it….If you will resolve to
fire 100 rounds every time you go into battle, you will live
forever….A rifle or a machine gun that does not fire is of about
as much use as a pecker to the pope.
“You will be afraid. Any man who says he is not afraid in battle
is either a fool or a liar, but there is a difference in being afraid
and being a coward. You must have a desperate determination to
close with the enemy. Because when you do, he has a desperate
determination to get the hell out of there….Don’t wait until you
see the whites of his eyes. The sons of bitches’ eyes are yellow.
[Here the listeners roared with laughter, and General Patton’s
normally scowling face changed into a slow, catlike grin.]
“Friend of mine, General Scott, a little fellow about so high [here
the general held his hand out level with his lower rib], once said
to me, ‘I would be willing to get into the ring with Joe Louis if
the son of a bitch would promise to defend himself.’ It was his
way of saying that defending yourself is the surest way in the
world to get yourself killed. You must always attack, attack,
attack.
“If a German tries to surrender, make him come to you. We’ve
had a number of men lost because some German came out with
his hands up and our soldiers said, ‘Goody, goody. There’s one.
Let’s go get him.’ And when they ran out, they were mowed
down by machine guns.
“A while ago there was a truckload of German prisoners brought
by where I was standing. They had been searched, but one of
them pulled out a pistol from somewhere – I don’t know where,
he must have had it stuck up his ass – and he shot one of my
captains. Some guns around there went off by mistake and, do
you know, every one of the Germans in that truck was killed.
“Now I do not advocate standing Germans up against the wall
and shooting them. We are a superior race, and that is not a
sporting thing to do. So shoot the sons of bitches before you get
them to the wall.
“Another thing: Take care of yourself. The only reason for
getting trench foot is carelessness. And a soldier has to live with
his feet for the rest of his life.
“I want to say a word about those low characters known as
psychoneurotics. They are sons of bitches, bastards, and lice. In
the last war they had ‘shell shock,’ and in the next war they will
have some other kind of shock. But every one of them that quits
means that more of a burden is thrown on you brave men who
continue to fight. So if you have a man who thinks he is a
psychoneurotic, make fun of him, kick his ass, and shake him out
of it.
“There is another low, cowardly bastard known as the SIW, or
self-inflicted wound. It is usually the middle finger of the left
hand or a middle toe of the left foot. So if you see a man
wounded in one of those places, you know he is probably one of
those SIW bastards.
“You, the American soldier, are the greatest soldier in the world.
You are part of an army that has done the greatest thing in the
world. You are fighting for the greatest country in the world.
And now the fight is won and almost over, so you can’t help but
be goddamn heroes.
“You men are lucky, very lucky. Now, when you go back home,
and in later years when your descendants ask you, ‘Grandpop,
what did you do in the Second World War?’ you won’t have to
say, ‘Well, sonny, I shoveled shit in Alabama.’
“You have the makings of a good division. Right now you are a
better division than the best American division at the close of the
First World War, and I know, because I was part of that division.
You have the best equipment of any soldiers who ever lived.
And you have the best reason for fighting that any people have
ever had.
“But you must remember what I have told you. Namely, shoot
and keep shooting. Attack quickly and decisively. Take care of
yourself. Never trust a German.”
And while we’re on the subject of Patton, I happen to have Carlo
D’Este’s 1995 book on the warrior, “Patton: A Genius For War,”
and D’Este cites part of Patton’s standard stump speech that was
not used in the movie. [This is in the days leading up to
Normandy.]
“All the real heroes are not storybook combat fighters…Every
single man in the Army plays a vital part. Every single man in
the Army plays a vital part. Every little job is essential to the
whole scheme. What if every truck-driver suddenly decided that
he didn’t like the whine of those shells and turned yellow and
jumped headlong into a ditch? He could say to himself, ‘They
won’t miss me – just one guy in thousands.’ What if every man
said that? Where in the hell would we be now? No, thank God,
Americans don’t say that. Every man does his job. Every many
serves the whole. Every department, every unit, is important to
the vast scheme of things. The Ordnance is needed to supply the
guns, the Quartermaster is needed to bring up the food and
clothes for us – for where we are going there isn’t a hell of a lot
to steal! Every last damn man in the mess hall, even the one who
heats the water to keep us from getting diarrhea, has a job to do.
Even the Chaplain is important, for if we get killed and he is not
there to bury us we would all go to hell. Each man must not only
think of himself, but think of his buddy fighting alongside him.
We don’t want yellow cowards in the Army. They should be
killed off like flies. If not, they will go back home after the war,
goddamn cowards, and breed more cowards. The brave men will
breed more brave men. One of the bravest men I saw in the
African campaign was the fellow I saw on a telegraph pole in the
midst of furious fire….I stopped and asked him what the hell he
was doing up there at that time. He answered, ‘Fixing the wire,
sir.’ ‘Isn’t it a little unhealthy up there right now?’ I asked.
‘Yes, sir, but this goddamn wire has got to be fixed.’ There was
a real soldier…[and] you should have seen those trucks on the
road to Gabes. The drivers were magnificent. All day they
crawled along those sonofabitchin’ roads, never stopping, never
deviating from their course with shells bursting all around them.
We got through on good old American guts. Many of the men
drove over forty consecutive hours.”
[D’Este writes: “By now there would be dead silence….Then
Patton would continue.”]
“Don’t forget, you don’t know I’m here at all. No word of that
fact is to be mentioned in any letter. The world is not supposed
to know what the hell they did with me. I’m not supposed to be
commanding this army. I’m not even supposed to be in England.
Let the first bastards to find out be the goddamn Germans. Some
day I want them to raise up on their hind legs and howl: ‘Jesus
Christ, it’s that goddamn Third Army and that sonofabitch Patton
again!”
Stuff…and a change of pace it is
–Miss Universe 2005
Your intrepid reporter plopped himself down in front of the tube
on Monday night, preparing for more thrills and chills at the
latest edition of the Miss Universe pageant, this time from
Bangkok.
81 babes were entered and they briefly show each contestant at
the beginning. I frantically jotted down those I thought had a
chance to win and, not intending to hit a specific number, I ended
up with ten.
Canada, Curacao, Denmark, Ireland, Latvia, Lebanon, Russia,
Slovenia, Sri Lanka and Thailand. I then picked my top four (the
superfecta).
1. Latvia 2. Canada 3. Ireland 4. Sri Lanka
Of course the pressure on me is immense not to create an
international incident that threatens world peace, but somehow I
persevere.
And so…the official final 15 were named.
Canada, Dominican Republic, Greece, Indonesia, Israel, Latvia,
Mexico, Norway, Peru, Puerto Rico, South Africa, Switzerland,
Trinidad & Tobago, USA, and Venezuela
Geezuz….I was ticked. I only had Latvia and Canada left out of
my original ten. How Ireland and Sri Lanka didn’t get in I’ll
never know.
Then we had the evening gowns. Goodness gracious. And the
contestants were narrowed down to ten.
Canada, Dominican Republic, Israel, Latvia, Mexico, Peru,
Puerto Rico, Switzerland, USA and Venezuela
I’m still in it!!!!! But you know who I was liking at this point?
Fiona Hefti, Miss Switzerland. Why? Well, the Swiss have this
reputation, you see, of being very dour and serious; yet Fiona
was the happiest cheesemaker I ever did see.
OK…first the swimsuits…then the Final Five.
Canada, Dominican Republic, Mexico, Puerto Rico and
Venezuela
No Latvia, but could it be? Could Canada eke it out? I searched
the house for a Molson, in an attempt to throw off positive vibes,
but came up empty.
After the final question, which in the past supplied some laughs
but not this year, we learned the results.
Fourth runner-up…Venezuela
Third runner-up…Mexico
Second runner-up…Dominican Republic (but first in major
league shortstops)
First runner-up…Puerto Rico…that means the new Miss
Universe for 2005 was……………………………….
MISS CANADA…NATALIE GLEBOVA!!!!!
Who cares that she’s as Canadian as George Bush, having
emigrated from the Black Sea port of Tuapse 12 years ago. I
think the former Soviet bloc babes represented about 50 of the 81
nations to begin with. Miss Israel was from Ukraine, for
example.
Well, I am really quite proud of myself, having picked Glebova
to finish second way back at the beginning of the telecast.
Lastly, 2004’s Miss Universe, Jennifer Hawkins of Australia,
wore a most outrageous gown at the end there, wouldn’t you
agree guys? And is there a bigger jerk on the planet than Billy
Bush?
–Speaking of beautiful women, here is another of those lists, this
one from the British publication Harpers & Queen. I’ll give the
top 20 of 50, and you’ll see it’s a little different from some of the
other ‘most beautiful’ tallies you’ve read recently.
1. Angelina Jolie 2. Christy Turlington 3. Queen Rania of
Jordan 4. Sofia Coppola (huh?) 5. Nigella Lawson 6. Uma
Thurman 7. Emmanuelle Beart 8. Kate Moss 9. Aishwarya Rai
10. Princess Charlotte of Monaco
11. Charlotte Rampling (haven’t seen her since “Zardoz”) 12.
Beyonce 13. Cate Blanchett 14. Scarlett Johhansson 15. Ziyi
Zhang 16. Sophie Dahl 17. Natalie POrtman 18. Liv Tyler
19. Gisele Bundchen 20. Jennifer Connelly
others…
23. Julie Christie 25. Gwen Stefani 37. Halle Berry (she’s
robbed again) 39. Jennifer Lopez (overrated) 47. Iman (nut
case) [Source: Rachel-Campbell-Johnson / Times of London]
–Here I praised Tim Duncan for hitting 15 of 15 from the free
throw line in Game Three vs. the Suns. The next contest he was
3 of 12……………..doh!
–Totally useless baseball trivia. The other day the NY Times
had a story on those who have had seven triples in a month since
1969, the Mets’ Jose Reyes having just accomplished the feat for
May. But I was curious to see how the other four did for a full
season, which the Times failed to tell us.
Rod Carew, Twins, 8 in June 1977…16 for the year
Carl Crawford, Devil Rays, 8 in July 2004…19
Nomar Garciaparra, Red Sox, 7 in June 2003…13
Craig Reynolds, Astros, 7 in May 1981…12
Now you have to admit you would have expected one of these
guys to end up with 20.
–The Astros’ Roger Clemens is 3-3 with a 1.30 ERA in his first
11 starts, having given up just 45 hits in 76 innings. So how can
he only be 3-3? Because Houston has scored a whopping 18
runs, total, in his 11 starts. Now ask me if I feel sorry for him?
–You know who is compiling a helluva career? The Phillies’
Bobby Abreu. He has six straight seasons of 20 homers – 20
stolen bases coming into the ’05 campaign and thru Sunday he
already had 12 HR 37 RBI and 14 steals to go along with his
.335 batting average.
–This is sad. A few months ago I mentioned the plight of the
Tasmanian devil. The facial tumor disease that experts can’t get
a handle on has now killed off half of an estimated 150,000
devils in Tasmania. They spread the virus by biting each other,
something I saw when there a little over two years ago. [Source:
New York Times]
–Am I the only one who thought the golf writer Herbert Warren
Wind was already dead? Oops. He just died on Monday at 88.
Mr. Wind was known for his elegant prose, such as in this
account of Arnold Palmer for The New Yorker in 1962.
“Let us say he is a stroke behind, with the holes running out, as
he mounts the tee to play a long par 4. The fairway is lined by
some 10,000 straining spectators – Arnold’s Army, as the
sportswriters have chosen to call them – and a shrill cry goes up
as he cuts loose a long drive, practically lifting himself off his
feet in his effort to release every last ounce of power at the
moment of impact. He moves down the fairway toward the ball
in long, eager strides, a cigarette in his hand, his eyes on the
distant green as he considers every aspect of his coming
approach shot. They are eyes with warmth and humor in them as
well as determination, for this is a mild and pleasant man.
Palmer’s chief attraction, for all that, is his dashing style of play.
He is always attacking the course, being temperamentally
incapable of playing it safe instead of shooting directly at the
flag.” [Frank Litsky / New York Times]
Top 3 songs for the week of 6/3/72: #1 “I’ll Take You There”
(The Staple Singers) #2 “Oh Girl” (Chi-Lites) #3 “The First
Time Ever I Saw Your Face” (Roberta Flack)
Detroit Tigers Quiz Answers: 1) World Series titles: 4…1935,
45, 68, 84. 2) A.L. MVP, 1944-45: Pitcher Hal Newhouser.
[What a three-year stretch…’44, 29-9; ’45, 25-9; ’46, 26-9. And
it’s not as if the Tigers were phenomenal during that stretch,
though ’45 was the World Series year, as the team was 88-66,
88-65 and 92-62.] 3) Rookie of the Year, 1978: Lou Whitaker,
2B. 4) Retired uniforms: #2 Charley Gehringer; #5 Hank
Greenberg; #6 Al Kaline; #16 Hal Newhouser; #23 Willie
Horton. 5) Last to win 25: Mickey Lolich, 25-14 (1971). 6) Last
to win batting title: Norm Cash, 1961 (.361…using a corked bat
by his own admission later).
Tiger bites:
–The Tigers haven’t finished .500 since 1993.
–The top four single-season RBI totals are all by Hank
Greenberg: 183 (1937), 170 (1935), 150 (1940), 146 (1938).
–I went to Detroit two summers ago to catch a few games in my
attempt to see the worst club in baseball history. [At season’s end
they avoided this fate, finishing a spectacular 43-119.] But what
I’ll remember is that when you ordered a regular beer it was huge
…not that I was complaining, mind you.
*Moonwalker Quiz Answer: The twelve to walk on the moon
are…
Neil Armstrong (July 1969)
Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin (July 1969)
Charles “Pete” Conrad (Nov. 1969)
Alan Bean (Nov. 1969)
Alan Shepard (Feb. 1971)
Edgar Mitchell (Feb. 1971)
David Scott (July 1971)
James Irwin (July 1971)
John Young (April 1972)
Charles Duke (April 1972)
Eugene Cernan (Dec. 1972)
Harrison Schmitt (Dec. 1972)
[Conrad, Shepard and Irwin are deceased.]
Next Bar Chat, Tuesday.
