NFL Draft Quiz: 1) Name the 7 quarterbacks selected as the first
overall pick in the last 8 years. 2) Name the 8th player. He’s still
playing but has had a disappointing career thus far. 3) Name the
last two wide receivers to be selected first overall since 1970. 4)
Name the last Notre Dame player to be selected first overall.
Answers below.
A BAR CHAT EXCLUSIVE!!!!!!!!!
Have you seen this story that Madonna just tied Elvis for first
with 36, Top 10 songs, using the Billboard Hot 100 singles
charts? The source is the Hollywood Reporter and has made all
manner of newscasts and newspaper stories the past few days.
Well, I’m here to tell you it’s just plain wrong. Here is my
source… “The Billboard Book of Top 40 Hits 1955-91”; the
source of much of my material over the years. [I also have the
“Billboard Top 10 Charts” and “Billboard Hot 100 Charts”
volumes as well.] I’ve read this over and over and over…and
Elvis had 38.
So let’s count them together.
1. Heartbreak Hotel, #1
2. I Want You, I Need You, I Love You, #1
3. Don’t Be Cruel, #1
4. Hound Dog, #1
5. Love Me Tender, #1
6. Love Me, #2
7. Too Much, #1
8. All Shook Up, #1
9. (Let Me Be Your) Teddy Bear, #1
10. Jailhouse Rock, #1
11. Don’t, #1
12. I Beg Of You, #8
13. Wear My Ring Around Your Neck, #2
14. Hard Headed Woman, #1
15. One Night, #4
16. I Got Stung, #8
17. (Now and Then There’s) A Fool Such As I, #2
18. I Need Your Love Tonight, #4
19. A Big Hunk O’ Love, #1
20. Stuck On You, #1
21. It’s Now Or Never, #1
22. Are You Lonesome To-night? #1
23. Surrender, #1
24. I Feel So Bad, #5
25. Little Sister, #5
26. (Marie’s the Name) His Latest Flame, #4
27. Can’t Help Falling In Love, #2
28. Good Luck Charm, #1
29. She’s Not You, #5
30. Return To Sender, #2
31. (You’re the) Devil In Disguise, #3
32. Bossa Nova Baby, #8
33. Crying In The Chapel, #3
34. In The Ghetto, #3
35. Suspicious Minds, #1
36. Don’t Cry Daddy, #6
37. The Wonder Of You, #9
38. Burning Love, #2
Go ahead, stare at it again. That’s 38. I just went online to the
Hollywood Reporter site and they say their source is a guy at
Billboard.com. I can’t believe Billboard screwed this up, though
there is no mention, as I go to post, of this debacle on their own
site.
John Lennon
December 8, 1980. A horrible day for any fan of rock and roll as
Lennon was gunned down. So while everyone weighs in on his
life on the approaching anniversary (there is an excellent piece in
Newsweek right now), I have to add some of my own thoughts,
most of which are reflected in the late, great Timothy White’s
essential book “Rock Lives.”
I wrote of Lennon recently for another column, noting how if
nothing else it would have been awesome to have him around all
these years for the shock value. I drew a comparison between
today’s leaderless anti-war movement (Cindy Sheehan? You’ve
got to be kidding me), for example, and the impact Lennon might
have had. And how great would his periodic interviews on “60
Minutes” have been? Infuriating to many of us, but must-see TV
all the same.
But as much as I loved the Beatles, and still do, my favorite has
always been George Harrison and you also can’t escape the truth
that Lennon was a real jerk.
Yes, John Lennon was a jerk. Oh, I can just see the e-mails now.
Why that’s heresy, Mr. Editor. Well, it’s at this point that I fall
back on the defense, “I didn’t say that; Timothy White did!”
To wit, from “Rock Lives”:
“A choirboy at St. Peter’s Church, he was eleven years old when
he was permanently barred from Sunday services after repeatedly
improvising obscene and impious lyrics to the hymns. He was
caned for squirting his schoolmasters with a bicycle pump filled
with ink. Fond of………. [ed. I can’t even write this…it’s flat
out gross and involves a part of the male anatomy.]”
Playing in Hamburg, “Lennon would sometimes stalk the stage
in his jockey shorts, a toilet seat around his neck, shouting, ‘Sieg
Heil! Wake up all you bloody Nazis!’ A jealous lover, he
attacked a hulk who was flirting with girlfriend Cynthia Powell,
cracking a bottle on the chap’s skull. John himself, however,
eschewed fidelity and was a frequent habitué of the
Herbertstrasse red-light district.”
“By day, John and the boys were lonely bantlings, hungry for
remnants of home. By night, they were drunk, loutish bulls—
artists, riding high on speed and looking forward to some
predawn whoring with a penicillin chaser. On the Sabbath, they
rested – all but John. His lodgings abutted a Catholic church,
and he liked to urinate on the clergy from on high, or to rattle
parishioners by dangling a crude dummy of the Son of God out
his window, a ballooned condom between its legs.”
Oh, Lennon was a most mischievous sort. In 1963, the Beatles
gave a concert for Princess Margaret and the Queen Mother
following the smash success of “She Loves You.” Lennon
introduced the finale, “Twist and Shout,” by “nodding to the
royal box and announcing, ‘Would the people in the cheaper
seats clap your hands? And the rest of you – if you’d just rattle
your jewelry…’”
And then there was this famous quote in an interview.
“Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I needn’t argue
about that. I’m right and will be proved right. Jesus was all
right, but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It’s them
twisting it that ruins it for me. We’re more popular than Jesus
Christ right now.”
Lennon, by the way, bristled when people thought his tune “Lucy
in the Sky with Diamonds” was about LSD, saying it was
prompted by his son Julian’s description of a painting he’d done
at school. He was “bitterly amused that an earlier hit of his, ‘Day
Tripper’ – which was about LSD and included the line ‘She’s a
pr— teaser’ – seemed to bother no one.” [Of course it was
changed to “big teaser.”]
Personally, I can’t ever forgive Lennon for marrying Yoko Ono,
a total nut job. And as Timothy White concludes:
“After his death, there was a tendency to view Lennon as a
saintly figure for an idealistic generation. More accurately, he
was a ceaseless, ravenous experimenter whose natural disdain for
any sort of constraints led him into every sort of clearing and cul-
de-sac. He was both in awe and in terror of the power he had
over his own life, but he never lacked the courage to exercise it
in new ways.”
The Rolling Stones, Part IV…Altamont Speedway
Continuing with tidbits from the book “The Rolling Stones: An
Oral History” by Alan Lysaght.
December 6, 1969. The Stones end their sixth North American
tour with a free concert at the Altamont Speedway in California.
They had previously employed the British Hells Angels for
security in England and decided to use their San Francisco
counterparts, who partied way too hard. In the confused
atmosphere, an 18-year-old black youth, Meredith Hunter, pulled
a gun out at the front of the stage and the Hells Angels stabbed
him to death midway through the Stones’ set. The group then
rushed through the rest of their tunes and was helicoptered out of
there. It was a total disaster. [Earlier, the Jefferson Airplane’s
Marty Balin was attacked by one of the Angels halfway through
a song.]
Afterwards, the Stones were blamed for playing “Sympathy for
the Devil” earlier in the show, though they were performing
“Under My Thumb” when the murder occurred. It was all
captured in the feature-length documentary “Gimme Shelter.”
But because of the uproar, the Stones didn’t play “Sympathy…”
in concert for six years.
Mick Taylor (band member): It was just meant to be a concert.
We were in Florida when it was being organized by a bunch of
San Francisco people and we liked the idea of doing a free
concert in San Francisco, so we said, “Right, at the end of the
tour we’ll do this free concert.” That’s really as far as our
involvement went. When we turned up that day, we just turned
up to do a concert as we would any other concert. But as soon as
we arrived I sensed a very strange atmosphere. There were lots
of things going on. There were fights and Hells Angels members
were throwing people off stage. That had been going on all day.
I don’t know why it was like that. Certainly it wasn’t the Stones’
fault, because we turned up there perhaps forty minutes before
we went onstage, but in fact the violence was there the whole
time.
Mick Jagger: Altamont was a very nasty experience. I guess we
have to take part of the blame because we didn’t really check it
out as well as we could, but it was left up to the people in San
Francisco. They seemed like they were so mellow and nice and
organized that it was going to be under control, but of course it
wasn’t. So I learned the lesson that you never do anything that
you’re not in control of. You’ve got to be so careful. Even
though it wasn’t our fault, it was in the sense that it was our show
and we let other people make some important decisions….
Altamont was a big thing for a lot of people. They were blaming
it on our image and it was some kind of “end of the innocence.”
They’re still agonizing over it. “Did it mean something?…Does
it really mean something?” [laughs] It was pretty awful but I
don’t think it meant very much.
Keith Richards: The (Hells) Angels should never have been
given the job. They were into this thing about, “Don’t touch my
chrome, man,” but when you park your bike in front of a couple
of hundred thousand people trying to crowd around a stage, you
gotta know there’s a good chance someone’s going to touch it.
We just wanted to give a free concert, and we asked the
(Grateful) Dead to help us because it’s their area and they’d
given a couple of free concerts, so we figured they knew. They
put us together with these people who seemed pretty cool. We
were in Alabama at Muscle Shoals working on the next record
and left the arranging up to them. Then the municipal
government or someone tried to shut them down and they had to
move locations at the last minute. There just wasn’t time to
figure out the parking and the facilities. Once I heard the
problems the (Jefferson) Airplane were having, I thought,
“There’s no turning back.” Once the mood’s gone bad, it’s only
going to get worse not better. Canceling the show would have
just made things worse still, so we did it.
In 1969 in America there was a potential anarchy going on. You
had the war happening and the whole community was doing
whatever it wanted. Hells Angels were running towns and
counties because all the cops had been sent to the war. When I
think of Altamont I always think to myself, “Thank God it was
only that guy that died and maybe after all he asked for it.” I
mean, pulling a shooter out in front of acid-crazed Angels,
you’re asking for trouble. My big fear at that point was, “Is this
going to escalate?” All I’ve got are these few lights and a mike
and saying, “Cool it” [laughs]. And they did. They cooled right
out, because otherwise the body count could have been really bad
…. Once it started, anything could have happened when you
have half a million people there. So to me, it was a tragedy in a
way, but at the same time it was kind of a triumph.
Sonny Barger (Hells Angels member in charge of security): We
were hired to keep people off the stage and that’s what we did.
When people start messing with our bikes, look out. Those
things are worth a lot of money and when people start kickin’ the
most important thing in your life, you better believe we get upset.
They’re damn well gonna pay for it. They blame the Angels for
what happened and that’s crap. That guy Mick Jagger is full of
s—. I would never work for those guys again.
[Hey, Sonny, like I respect you, man. I’m just writing a little bar
chat. Don’t worry, I won’t touch your bike. OK? Now I’m just
going to move on with the column and you just go about your
business……………………….phewww…that was a close call.]
And we’re now finished with our tale of the Rolling Stones, the
early years. It’s kind of ironic that while I was doing this series
the Stones were selected to be the halftime entertainment for the
coming Super Bowl. I would just hope the producers stay away
from any real close-ups, know what I’m sayin’?
December 2, 1805…Austerlitz
Yeah, yeah…Napoleon got his butt kicked at the Battle of
Trafalgar, Oct. 21, 1805. But give the little guy his due. Six
weeks later he recorded his greatest triumph. Now a lack of time
doesn’t permit me to do too much research on the topic, but here
are the basics.
In July 1805, Russia and Austria joined Britain to form the Third
Coalition against Napoleon. From John Merriman’s “A History
of Modern Europe”:
“The new tsar, Alexander I (ruled 1801-1825), a religious mystic
who believed that God wanted him to destroy Napoleon, had
succeeded his assassinated father, Paul.”
[Napoleon was then outmaneuvered by Lord Nelson at Gibraltar
(Trafalgar) and any chance he had of invading England
evaporated.]
But… “The French were more successful on the continent. They
defeated the Austrians at Ulm (present-day Germany) in October
1805, capturing 50,000 troops. Napoleon finally coaxed the
Russians into open battle when the tsar himself, who took
command of his army, followed the bad advice of an aide who
told him that the combined Russian and Austrian armies could
easily defeat the French. At Austerlitz on December 2, 1805,
Napoleon tricked his opponents into an attack on his
intentionally weakened right flank. He then divided the two
armies with a crushing attack at their vulnerable center. When
the dust cleared after the battle, the Russians and their Austrian
allies had suffered 30,000 casualties, the French fewer than
9,000. Austria asked for peace, giving up the remnants of
imperial territories in Italy and Dalmatia. Napoleon’s allies,
Bavaria, Baden, and Wurttemberg, once again gained Habsburg
territories.”
And here at Bar Chat we love the Habsburgs, because without
them we wouldn’t have some of the great museums in the world!
[The fact that 99% of the people lived in poverty while they were
in charge is besides the point.]
Stuff
–ESPN can really be a joke when you come down to it. Don’t
get me wrong, us sports nuts thank god it came along and gave
us tons of college basketball and football we wouldn’t of
otherwise had. But when it hires total idiots like Michael Irvin,
you have trouble respecting the network.
And you can even forget Irvin’s most recent incident where he
was found in possession of a drug-pipe in his car down in Texas.
He told the media it was an old friend’s he was just trying to get
rid of, and authorities it was his brother’s. The guy’s still an
addict, let’s face it.
But what is such an embarrassment is that Michael Irvin is truly
the dumbest analyst in the history of broadcasting. I mean have
you ever heard him utter one single sentence that was
grammatically correct?
I do give ESPN’s Dan Patrick credit for at least asking him on
the air if the network had ever given Irvin a drug test,
considering his 1996 conviction for possessing cocaine. [It
hasn’t.]
–Gilbert Stuart turns 250 on December 3. Granted, he’s not still
alive, but he would have been 250 if he had just stayed off the
drink. [Actually I have no idea if Stuart drank too much…my
apologies to the Stuart family.]
Anyway, Gilbert Stuart was born in Rhode Island and is best
known for his 104 portraits of George Washington, one of which
graces the dollar bill. Stuart considered Washington “most
appalling to paint,” by the way, because of his lack of interest.
[Smithsonian]
Well, to defend Washington, it wasn’t easy sitting for hours on
end, pre-cable.
–The Mets have been busy and us fans are fired up. But one of
the acquisitions the past few days was of slugger Carlos Delgado,
who stirred up a little controversy the past few years when he
refused to stand for “God Bless America” during the seventh-
inning stretch due to his stance on the Iraq war. Delgado says he
will now comply with the Mets’ team rule that all players stand.
But I have to tell you, and at the risk of offending a bunch of
folks, it’s time baseball canned the singing of the song in the 7th.
Lest you think I’m unpatriotic, though, I would just prefer that
after the playing of the national anthem, prior to the start of the
game, the following announcement be made. “Please remain
standing as we pray for those who have given their lives, as well
as those now serving overseas in the defense of our country…….
…………. thank you.”
There is no reason to interrupt the flow of the game the way it
now stands. [I’m also sick of Ronan Tynan, Yankees fans.]
–But speaking of ballplayers who took a stand, we note the
passing of former first baseman Vic Power, who died on Tuesday
at the age of 78.
Power, born in Puerto Rico, was a flamboyant, and solid, player
who had a 12-year career in the big leagues, 1954-65. He
finished up with 126 home runs, 658 RBI, and a .284 average.
But he’s best known for his 7 consecutive Gold Gloves, 1958-64,
as well as the fact he is the last to steal home twice in a single
game, 1958; a season in which he only had three stolen bases,
total.
But here’s something you won’t read in his obituaries. From the
book “Crossing the Line: Black Major Leaguers, 1947-1959” by
Larry Moffi and Jonathan Kronstadt.
“Before Vic Power, first base was the domain of lumberjacks;
Vic Power was a figure skater.
“Power was to first base what Willie Mays was to center field.
His reflexes were incomparable. He attacked the ball one-
handed, trailing a foot across the bag, as he sailed into the throw
or scooped one out of the dirt in a whirlwind motion of his left
arm.
“Fans liked watching Power play first base the way they liked
watching Michael Jordan play basketball. Yet…Power was
branded a showboat, by the press in particular but also by other
players and a few managers. Until he grew tired of people not
listening, Power denied this, insisting that he played the game as
he felt most comfortable, the most natural to him…
“That Power spoke up in defense of himself at all was treated as
an affront by the press. That he dared insinuate that he would
have been better paid if he were white earned him the undeserved
reputation for being lazy, that sometimes he did not go ‘all out.’
When Yankees catcher Elston Howard agreed with this
assessment of Power to the press, Power replied, ‘That Howard,
he’s a good boy.’”
But Casey Stengel called Power the “best I’ve seen in 20 years at
guarding the line” and Stengel would have loved if Power had
been a Yank, which he should have been, but as the story goes
the Yankees, who had Power in their farm system, didn’t
promote him because he dated white women. Elston Howard,
instead, became the first black to play for the team.
Power was at Kansas City, the Yankees top farm club, where he
hit .331 in 1952. But he was passed over for promotion,
prompting, it turns out, “picketing outside Yankee Stadium.”
“Barred from segregated movie theaters and restaurants, Power
was actually booed at home by Kansas City fans despite leading
the league in hits, doubles, and triples.
“In 1953, Power drove in 97 runs and led the American
Association with a .349 batting average and 217 hits. Yankee
fans anticipated a spring-training showdown between Power and
another Yankee first-base prospect…Bill Skowron.”
But the showdown never occurred as the Yankees traded Power
to the Philadelphia Athletics, finally bringing him up to the big
show.
“When asked why they traded Power, the Yankee front office
claimed that Power did not hustle the year before, which
prompted one of Power’s more famous retorts: ‘They were just
looking for excuses…What did they want me to do? Mow the
lawn in the outfield after the game was over?’”
Ironically, Philadelphia moved to Kansas City in 1955, with
Power having what turned out to be his best season in the majors,
batting .319, 2nd in the A.L., while slamming 19 homers.
And here’s Moffi and Kronstadt’s description of his famous
game, August 14, 1958, when he became the first in A.L. history
to steal home twice in one game. [Power was now with
Cleveland.]
“His first steal, in the eighth inning against the Tigers’ Bill
Fischer, gave the Indians a two-run lead. But it was his second
steal that was the masterpiece. With the score tied in the tenth
inning, the bases loaded, and two out, Frank Lary, facing Rocky
Colavito, who had already homered twice in the game, was
pitching from a full windup. Going on his own, Power faked the
steal twice before finally sliding in under the tag of Tiger catcher
Charley Lau.”
Jackie Robinson wrote in his book “Baseball Has Done It” of the
unique problems that black Latin American players faced in the
U.S.
“Segregation comes as a shock to them, for at home they knew
no color barriers. Some stay within their own Spanish-speaking
communities. Others react with indignation and refuse to take
second-class citizenship in the United States.
“Among the latter is Vic Power.”
–AP Men’s Basketball Poll
1. Duke
2. Texas
3. Connecticut
4. Villanova
5. Oklahoma
*Bucknell received a lot of votes this week and would have been
#29.
**Nice win for my Deacs in defeating Wisconsin on Tuesday.
I’m regaining some confidence, sports fans!!!!
AP Women’s Top Five
1. Duke
2. Tennessee
3. LSU
4. Ohio State
5. Baylor
Ergo, the Dookies are spoiled big time.
–Former NFL quarterback Jack Concannon died. He played
with Philadelphia, Chicago, Green Bay and Detroit from 1964-
75. But I was surprised to see he had only 36 TD passes and 63
interceptions in his career. So I looked up his stats in the NFL
Encyclopedia and it turns out his only real full season as a starter
was 1970, when he threw 16 TDs, with 18 INTs, for the Bears. I
was really getting into football that year, age 12, thus my
memory of him being more of a regular throughout. Concannon
was just 62.
And in looking up Concannon, I stumbled on quarterback Gary
Cuozzo, who had a similar career, 1963-72, with 43 TDs and 55
INTs. Cuozzo spent most of his time with Minnesota and
Baltimore. And here, too, 1970 was his only full season as he
threw 7 TD passes and 10 INTs to go along with 1,720 yards for
the Vikings. And I didn’t realize Cuozzo was a Jersey boy,
having grown up in Montclair and Glen Ridge.
Thus completes your NFL edition of random musings.
–East Stroudsburg University’s Jimmy Terwilliger, who is
receiving more ink here this fall than he does in his own campus
paper, is one of three finalists for Division II player of the year.
Should he win, everyone is invited over to Johnny Mac’s place,
high in the Pocono Mountains, for a celebration. But be careful,
Johnny has a bear den on his property, which is why I never go
there without my Swiss Army knife and a case of Grizzly Beer,
which I’m told they crave.
–Felix Cavaliere of The Rascals turned 61 on Tuesday. These
guys were big time underrated. But Gena Lee Nolin shares the
same birthday and she’s still only 34.
🙂 _]
–Stan Berenstain, creator of the Berenstain Bears, died at the age
of 82. What an egotist, naming the bears after himself. What if
George Halas had named the Bears the Halas Bears? What if
explorer Roald Amundsen (1872-1928) had named polar bears,
Amundsen bears? Ted Geisel didn’t call himself Dr. Geisel.
No…he was Dr. Seuss. Or am I misreading this?
–An innocent joke for the holidays, courtesy of Harry K.
Stevie and Tiger
Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a restaurant having
dinner. Woods turns to Wonder and says, “How’s the singing
career going?” Stevie Wonder replies, “Not too bad. How’s the
golf?” Woods replies, “Not too bad. I’ve had some problems
with my swing, but I think I’ve got that going right now.”
Stevie says, “I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I
need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the
next time I play, it seems to be all right.”
Tiger says, “You play golf?” Wonder says, “Oh, yes, I’ve been
playing for years.”
Woods says, “But you’re blind! How can you play golf if you
can’t see?”
Wonder replies, “I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the
fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and
play the ball toward him. Then, when I get to where the ball
lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway
and again I play the ball toward his voice.”
“But how do you putt?” asks Woods.
“Well,” says Stevie, “I get my caddy to lean down in front of the
hole and call to me with his head on the ground, and I just play
the ball towards his voice.”
Woods asks, “What’s your handicap?”
Stevie says, “Well, I’m a scratch golfer.”
Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, “We’ve got to play a round
sometime.”
Wonder replies, “Well, people don’t take me seriously, so I only
play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole.”
Woods thinks about it and says, “OK, I’m for that. When would
you like to play?”
Stevie says, “Pick a night.”
–So I see on the front page of Wednesday’s Star-Ledger that
“the magnificent frigatebird, famous for its 7 ½-foot wingspan,
has appeared in New Jersey several times this year.” Omigod!
These are the scouts for the Nazgul!!!!
–Boy, if you want reduced college tuition, become a Cherokee
Indian. According to a story by the AP (courtesy of Phil W.), the
University of Tennessee at Knoxville is offering the Cherokees
the ability to attend for $5,290 a year, the going in-state tuition
rate, vs. $16,360 for out-of-state attendees. But the Cherokees
live in North Carolina, not Tennessee! In fact, the Cherokees
have separate arrangements with schools in Georgia and South
Carolina.
I mean for crying out loud, why don’t we all just become
Cherokees to save money, know what I’m sayin’?! Actually,
now I’m beginning to question the true identity of that old Duke
star, Cherokee Parks! He was from Huntington Beach,
California, after all. There weren’t any Cherokees out there,
singing “Little Deuce Coupe” and “Surfer Girl.”
[Then again, Paul Revere and the Raiders, having moved from
Oregon to California in 1965, did have the 1971 #1 hit “Indian
Reservation (The Lament of the Cherokee Reservation Indian).”
Now I’m really confused.]
–Following is a travel nightmare from International Living, a
newsletter I subscribe to.
“Our hotel in Nanning (China) had no lobby bar, so I suggested a
foray into what its directory listed as the ‘Nightclub and KTV
Lounge.’ Huge mistake. No nightclub, no lounge bar – it was an
entire floor of private karaoke rooms.
“The only place to obtain alcohol was inside our own karaoke
room complete with bathroom and plush couches. [Intriguingly,
the ‘lounge’ had a lockable door.] But trying to operate a
karaoke machine, whose multi-buttoned control zapper is in
Chinese, is problematic, to say the least. We couldn’t even
reduce the volume or switch it off. The cacophony of Chinese
rap songs blasting out was sheer torture.
“Not realizing the control also had a service-call button, I kept
pressing it in an endeavor to escape the diabolical music.
Servers kept banging on the door, then shuffling in on their knees
waving drinks lists. We couldn’t understand what they wanted –
and they didn’t understand why more alcohol wasn’t required.
“Beer was unaccountably served with a shot glass. There was a
never-ending parade of baffled barmen. Cartoon creatures
shrieked and danced across the KTV screen. Now permanently
stuck on full volume, the machine was squawking like a colony
of demented parrots. Another gibbering shuffler with a drinks
list appeared. Time to abandon the beer, the microphones, and
flee. Both of us were rapidly approaching mental breakdown.
“A Chinese hotel manager later explained that karaoke set-ups
often provide a venue for meeting prostitutes, which explained
the lockable doors and ladies patrolling outside the elevator.
With prostitution illegal in China, hotels don’t take a cut from
hookers’ earnings. Instead, they charge clients big for their
karaoke pleasures.
“We escaped, paying only $6 for two beers. Obviously realizing
these particular foreigners were complete idiots, the Jindu didn’t
bill for the karaoke room.”
–From Jeff B., classic Calvin & Hobbes
Calvin: A lot of people don’t have principles but I do! I’m a
highly principled person! I live according to one principle, and I
never deviate from it.
Hobbes: What’s your principle?
Calvin: Look out for number one.
–So are you Team Aniston or Team Jolie? I have to admit I
hadn’t given it too much thought, but Chris Ayres writes in the
Times of London that “Nothing can match the destructive power
of the most modern source of marital squabbles: taking sides in a
celebrity divorce.”
Mr. Ayres is Team Aniston. His wife, Lucie, is Team Jolie.
Chris Ayres:
“In hindsight, Lucie’s position shouldn’t have come as a surprise.
No one, after all, wants to be Team Aniston. Wet, sappy, and by
most accounts the dumpee in her relationship with Pitt, Aniston
is about as much fun as a night in with a Lean Cuisine. Close
your eyes and think of Rachel, Aniston’s character in ‘Friends.’
What do you see? Teddy bears, Scrabble and frilly lace curtains?
“Now try Jolie, Pitt’s new girlfriend. Ah yes, that’s more like it.
I picture BMW motorbikes, black leather boots, vials of blood,
lips like goosedown pillows and, err, other things not suitable to
print here. No wonder the female in my life aspires to be Lara
Croft, not Rachel Green.”
[Now yours truly happens to be Team Aniston and I couldn’t
agree more with Mr. Ayres’ conclusion.]
“So why Team Aniston, I hear you splutter? Because there is
something less contrived about Aniston; something less try-hard.
There are no adopted African babies; no UN missions to
Trendistan. Just the sweet girl in the oversize jumper, clutching
a mug of tea, who bursts into tears when the interviewer from
Vanity Fair pops over.
“And let’s not forget the matter of talent. Aniston is one of the
most successful comic actresses of her generation….What about
Jolie? Anyone fancy another viewing of ‘Cyborg 2?’”
So what are you?
Top 3 songs for the week of 12/5/64….actually, great top ten:
#1 “Ringo” (Lorne Greene…yeah, that one)
#2 “Mr. Lonely” (Bobby Vinton)
#3 “Leader Of The Pack” (The Shangri-Las….nice sweaters)
#4 “She’s Not There” (The Zombies)
#5 “Baby Love” (The Supremes)
#6 “Time Is On My Side” (The Rolling Stones)
#7 “You Really Got Me” (The Kinks)
#8 “Come See About Me” (The Supremes)
#9 “Mountain Of Love” (Johnny Rivers)
#10 “I’m Gonna Be Strong” (Gene Pitney)
But wait…there’s more!
#11 “Come A Little Bit Closer” (Jay & the Americans)
#13 “Dance Dance Dance” (Beach Boys)
#15 “I’m Into Something Good” (Herman’s Hermits)
#17 “Going Out Of My Head” (Little Anthony & the Imperials)
#22 “I Feel Fine” (Beatles…debuted at this position)
#23 “Walking In The Rain” (Ronettes…best version of this tune)
#24 “Saturday Night At The Movies” (Drifters…one of the best)
#28 “Have I The Right” (Honeycombs)
#31 “Any Way You Want It” (Dave Clark Five)
#34 “Oh, Pretty Woman” (Roy Orbison)
#49 “How Sweet It Is” (Marvin Gaye)
#50 “As Tears Go By” (Marianne Faithful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)*
#57 “Dear Heart” (Jack Jones….greatest singer of all time)
#61 “Love Potion Number Nine” (Searchers)
#69 “The 81” (Candy & The Kisses…trust me…awesome tune)
*Marianne Faithful’s Top 40s, peak position:
#22 “As Tears Go By”
#26 “Come And Stay With Me”
#32 “This Little Bird”
#24 “Summer Nights”
NFL Draft Quiz Answers:
1) QBs selected with the first pick overall.
2005 – Alex Smith (Utah) by San Francisco
2004 – Eli Manning (Mississippi) by San Diego then traded to
Giants
2003 – Carson Palmer (USC) by Cincinnati
2002 – David Carr (Fresno State) by Houston
2001 – Michael Vick (Virginia Tech) by Atlanta
1999 – Tim Couch (Kentucky) by Cleveland
1998 – Peyton Manning (Tennessee) by Indianapolis
2) In 2000, DE Courtney Brown of Penn State was selected first
overall by Cleveland. Now with Denver, he has just 19 sacks in
57 career games. 3) Last two wide receivers to be selected with
first overall pick since 1970: Keyshawn Johnson (USC), 1996,
by Jets; Irving Fryar (Nebraska), 1984, by New England. 4) Last
Notre Dame player selected first overall: DE Walt Patulski,
1972, by Buffalo.
Next Bar Chat, Tuesday.
