**Next Bar Chat 12/31…an exclusive explanation for the tiger
attack in San Francisco**
NCAA Football Quiz: [All of the following played in the NFL]
1) Who is SMU’s career rushing leader? 2) Who was the first
recruited black player at both SMU and the Southwest
Conference, a wide receiver, initials J.L.? 3) Who am I? I
quarterbacked SMU from 1957-59 and then starred in the NFL.
4) Who am I? I quarterbacked Stanford, initials G.B. 5) Who is
Stanford’s career rushing leader? Answers below.
Just a few late tidbits…12/24
–Pitcher Roger Clemens issued a video saying he was innocent
of all charges.
“I’m almost numb to some of these suggestions that I used
steroids. It’s amazing to me that I’m going to (such) lengths to
defend myself.”
Clemens will appear on “60 Minutes,” Jan. 6.
–Congratulations to the New York Giants for clinching a playoff
berth. With 291 yards rushing against Buffalo, it was their best
ground attack since 1959!
–And with the Patriots a lock to go 16-0 when they face the
Giants next week (with New York not having anything to play
for now), it will be interesting nonetheless to see just how much
Tom Brady plays, seeing as he is two touchdown passes from an
all-time season best of 50. New England is also just five points
from the single season team mark of 556 set by the 1998
Minnesota Vikings.
–Not for nothing, but 47-year-old Morten Andersen is 20 of 23
in field goal attempts this year for the Falcons and perfect from
inside 40. That’s about the only thing that’s gone right for this
cursed franchise.
A Veritable Potpourri of Stuff
–Oh nooooo! You know that shark attack out of Bondi Beach in
Sydney that I wrote of the other day? The guy who was living in
a cave? Well it turns out the story was made up. Seems that
itinerant Scott Lawrence Wright’s wounds to his arm, which did
require stitching up, were the result of him putting it through a
pane of glass. This, folks, is a jerk, idiot, and dirtball…the
trifecta.
–But there was another real shark attack in Australia the other
day; this one involving Ben Morcom, 31, who suffered deep
wounds to his buttocks when what was possibly a bull shark took
a chunk out of his rump.
However, this incident was important on a different level. Mr.
Morcom was slated to be best man at his friend’s wedding that
weekend. Didn’t see if he made it. But if I’m the maid of honor,
I’m not sure I’d want to be paired up with the guy and have to
dance with him, know what I mean? Would be kind of creepy,
don’t you think?
–Hey Mark R….you were right. Pennsylvania leads the nation
in vehicle-wildlife crashes. According to a story by Jim Robbins
in the New York Times, drivers in Pennsy struck nearly 97,000
deer in the last half of 2005 and first half of 2006, as revealed by
insurer State Farm.
Nationally, such collisions are a growing concern and each year
200 people are killed in an estimated two million wildlife-related
crashes at a cost of more than $8 billion. In 1995, the death toll
was 111.
–Joe Gould and Rich Schapiro / New York Daily News
“Droves of dead birds dropped from the sky in Staten Island
Friday – and city health officials don’t know why. More than 50
birds plummeted to the pavement in Bay Terrace about 3 p.m.,
causing frightened residents to scramble indoors.”
Goodness gracious.
“ ‘It was like Alfred Hitchcock’s ‘The Birds,’ said Donna Toti,
50. ‘Birds were just falling out of the sky. They would land, lie
on the ground, flap and die.’”
All the birds were the same…purple martins…leading some to
speculate they got ill after eating something. I’ve got to believe
that was the cause, but until I’m notified of the truth I’m staying
inside and not coming out…even if I do have to be somewhere
for Christmas Eve.
–From the January issue of Smithsonian:
“Orcas are even more cunning than their nickname – killer
whales – suggests. A new analysis of field observations in
Antarctica made over nearly 30 years shows that orcas, which are
dolphins rather than true whales, can hunt down seals and
penguins seemingly out of reach on an ice floe. Working alone
or in a group, orcas create waves that dislodge a floe, break it up
and wash the stranded prey into open water. The skill is probably
learned: baby orcas watch the wave-making frenzy.”
Orcas just might break into the top ten of the next All-Species
list, coming in January. Humans are still mired in the 70s.
–Here’s one from BBC News this weekend:
“French police have riddled a wild boar with bullets after it got
into a clothes shop in the city of Poitiers, forcing customers to
flee.
“The boar, weighing 198 lbs., was shot after it began charging at
police, the French news agency AFP reported. The incident
happened on Saturday near a busy hypermarket on the edge of
the city, in central France.”
What the report doesn’t tell you is that Bar Chat obtained
exclusive information from one of the boar’s companions, hiding
in nearby woods, that the victim was simply trying to see actor
Sidney Poitier, who was rumored to be making an appearance at
the store; a rumor that, sadly, was unfounded.
–A giant rat, five times the size of your basic city rat, has been
found in Indonesia’s Foja Mountains. This location was the site
of a recent “60 Minutes” report that I hope you all saw as it
captured on film for the first time some spectacular birds never
seen before. But this rat discovery is highly disturbing,
especially since no one can guarantee that it didn’t hitch a ride on
a helicopter out of the place and then find its way into reporter
Bob Simon’s luggage. Who’s to say it isn’t in New York,
breeding with coyotes or somethin’ to create a super monster?!
Well?
–In Kirk Radomski’s unsealed affidavit, one of the baseball
players mentioned as a steroid user was former Mets pitcher Sid
Fernandez, a new name to emerge. But there’s a problem with
this…Fernandez wrote Radomski a check for $3,500 in 2005,
eight years after he last appeared in a major league uniform.
Now I’ve got to tell you, it’s an open secret that El Sid was not
exactly the brightest bulb in the room, if you catch my drift, so
there is no telling what he was doing.
–Sammy Sosa was among those listed in the unsealed Jason
Grimsley affidavit who had not been revealed in the Mitchell
report, though Sosa was connected to amphetamine use in this
particular situation.
But Roger Clemens’ name was not listed, when the L.A. Times
had earlier reported it was. So, to no one’s surprise, Clemens’
lawyer Rusty Hardin blasted the Times.
“When this grossly inaccurate story broke in October 2006,
Roger said it was untrue, and the Los Angeles Times chose not to
believe him,’ Hardin said. ‘As the record now clearly proves,
Roger was telling the truth then, just as he continues to tell the
truth today. Roger Clemens did not take steroids, and anybody
who says he did had better start looking for a hell of a good
lawyer.”
Roger Clemens used steroids. [I have a good lawyer.]
For its part, the L.A. Times was backpedaling furiously. Very,
very careless reporting, to say the least.
Meanwhile, at the New York Times, as my friend Ken P. said, it
must be interesting these days around the water cooler in the
sports department. First, as I noted last week, William Rhoden
said the issue of Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds was a racial
one if Clemens didn’t receive the same media treatment that
Bonds has the past few years. [As if Bonds didn’t deserve it.]
Additionally, because of the Clemens revelation, Rhoden now
says baseball owes Bonds an apology.
So fellow sportswriter Murray Chass wrote the following a few
days later.
“Contrary to the views of some people, Bonds’ case was never
about race. It was about the actions of the game’s most
prominent player, and whether he had been black or white or
Asian or Latino he would have rightfully invited the scorn that
has been heaped on Bonds.
“It has been suggested that baseball owes Bonds an apology, but
baseball owes Bonds nothing. He owes baseball an apology, for
sullying the game and its most hallowed record.”
–If you have any doubts about Clemens and whether he was
truly a user, though why you’d harbor these I haven’t a clue, as
my brother says just look to the single incident of Clemens
throwing the bat at Mike Piazza. No one…no one…would do
that unless it was a case of ‘roid rage.
–Curt Schilling, who is calling on Clemens to give up his four
Cy Young Awards, is himself a true jerk….and that’s a memo.
–Former Yankee pitcher Tommy Byrne died. He was 87. Byrne
was also a Wake Forest grad…and obviously one of the greatest
players we ever had.
But what a fascinating man Byrne was from a statistics
standpoint. He won 15 games three times for the Yanks, 1943-
57, with some other stops in the middle of his career before
returning to New York, and in 1949, during a 15-7 campaign, he
gave up only 125 hits in 196 innings, the eighth-best ratio in
baseball history. Only one problem. He also walked 179! In
fact, for his career, Byrne walked 1,037 in 1,362 innings,
including 16 in one start where he went 12 2/3 innings.
At the same time, Byrne was an outstanding hitter, batting .238
with 14 HR and 98 RBI in 601 career at-bats. On May 16, 1953,
during a short stint with the White Sox, Byrne was sent up to
pinch-hit against his old team and blasted a grand slam off Ewell
Blackwell.
–The New York Times had a front page story on how the New
York Jets hide their concussion issues, such as with Laveranues
Coles, the wide receiver who has suffered two the last two years.
I wrote earlier this year how I hoped Coles would sit out the rest
of ’07 after the second one, for his own good. Now the Jets’
handling of Coles, in light of the team’s awful experiences with
wide receivers Wayne Chrebet and Al Toon, is in the spotlight.
One more hit and Coles will be in the same boat as Chrebet, I
imagine. Very sad, though Coles was just put on IR for the final
two games with an unrelated injury. He’s had a great career, but
the Jets will probably release him and then we’ll see who wants
to take a chance on this gutty performer.
–Corporate Christmas and New Year’s parties are all the rage in
Moscow these days and many a Hollywood celebrity has been
known to accept massive payments [$100s of thousands, or
more] just to show up, as the hosts try and upstage one another.
These parties can also be more than a bit racy, as reported in a
story by Kevin Flynn of the Moscow Times.
“When the guest arrived at a construction company’s corporate
party last year at an unfinished skyscraper at the Moskva-City
complex, he was greeted by the sight of 25 beautiful women
seated in 25 bathtubs.
“A party organizer sidled up to him: ‘Four or five hundred euros
and you can do anything you want.’”
Yup, that’s today’s Moscow….not that I would know from
personal experience.
Back to the celebs, last year George Michael received $3.3
million to play oligarch Vladimir Potanin’s New Year’s bash.
Britney Spears is said to be this year’s desired star…not that I
fully understand why.
–Back to strippers…in a roundabout way…Texas is introducing
a “pole Tax” on New Year’s Day that will require 150 or so strip
clubs to collect a $5-per-customer levy, with the proceeds going
to help rape victims. As Tony Soprano would comment,
“Whaddya gonna do?”
–Michelle Wie said she will not try and play in any men’s events
in 2008, nor will she join in any reindeer games. Instead, Wie,
not to be confused with the Wii, is going to focus on the LPGA
and try to reestablish herself. We wish her luck.
–Terrell Owens claimed he was kidding when he said “Right
now, Jessica Simpson is not a fan favorite – in this locker room
or in Texas Stadium,” this after the Cowboys lost 10-6 to the
Eagles two weeks ago as her boyfriend, quarterback Tony Romo,
had the worst game of his career.
How can you not feel sorry for Simpson? Ain’t her fault Romo
sucked, know what I’m sayin’?
[For his part, Owens was hurt on Saturday night…big blow for
Big D.]
–The Wall Street Journal had a list of the biggest surprises of the
2007 college football season.
1. Stanford, a 40-point underdog, defeating USC, 24-23
2. Appalachian State, 32-point underdog, defeating Michigan,
34-32
3. Syracuse, 38-point underdog, defeating Louisville, 38-35
4. Louisiana-Monroe defeating Alabama, 21-14 [I paid this one
short shrift at the time because I was away]
5. Colorado defeating Oklahoma, 27-24
6. Pitt, 29-point underdog, defeating West Virginia, 13-9
–NBC Universal pays $9 million for the exclusive national
broadcasting rights to Notre Dame football as part of a five-year
contract that ends in 2010, but after a 3-9 season, NBC is having
major second thoughts. Ratings, as you can imagine, plummeted
40% from last year (when the Fighting Irish were 10-2), forcing
NBC to give tons of free ads (make-goods) to justify the
$55,000-to-$80,000 rates for a 30-second spot.
–Nebraska football watcher Ken S. passed along an interesting
tidbit. Since the team’s debacle this year, 9 of the 24 football
recruits have pulled out of their commitments, while Tom
Osborne is now formally the athletic director through June 2010
in his ongoing attempt to right the ship.
–Note to Atlanta Falcons receiver Roddy White. You’re an
idiot. After scoring a touchdown two weeks ago, he displayed a
“Free Mike Vick” t-shirt under his jersey. For this White and
four other teammates were fined $10,000 each.
–But on the subject of Atlanta’s former coach Bobby Petrino,
who bolted for the University of Arkansas with three games to go
and a 3-10 record, William Rhoden of the New York Times
called it a “wormy departure” and added:
“This was the sporting equivalent of adultery with the attendant
betrayal: of the owner who hired you, of players who played for
you. How do you look your team in the eye day after day
knowing that you’re plotting an exit and have another love
interest in sight?…
“The day before Petrino resigned, the Falcons’ owner, Arthur
Blank, said Petrino looked him in the eye, shook his hand and
said he was his coach.”
–What an embarrassing time for the Atlantic Coast Conference.
First, we are now up to 36 players that are being left off of
Florida State’s Music City Bowl contest vs. Kentucky due to an
academic cheating scandal, violations of team rules, injuries or
other reasons. The university says of the 36, 25 were involved in
the ongoing cheating inquiry.
Now I’ve mentioned a few times this year that FSU coach Bobby
Bowden should have a nametag placed on his windbreaker
because we’ve come to the point where he can’t even remember
his quarterbacks’ names. And now, a “six-month investigation
found that athletic department personnel assisted athletes in
taking tests and wrote papers for them, although the university
did not disclose when the fraud occurred.” [Ray Glier / New
York Times] While the school can’t reveal the names of the
players involved due to privacy concerns, the Tallahassee
Democrat reported 11 are starters. The NCAA could demand
FSU give up some wins and Bowden now has just two more than
Joe Paterno.
And then there is this totally bizarre situation involving three
North Carolina football players who were attacked by two
females and a third male after the players met the other three at a
bar.
Police said the players were attacked at their off-campus
apartment, with the three bound with tape while two were
sexually assaulted. Authorities have since charged Monique
Jenice Taylor, Tnike Monta Washington, and Michael Troy
Lewis with kidnapping, conspiracy and other charges, including
first-degree sexual assault.
Now I’ve seen pictures of the three under arrest and I’ve got to
tell you, for the life of me I don’t know what the football
players were thinking after seeing the two women. I mean these
are some godawful ugly people.
A county prosecutor said the two who were bound appeared to
have some kind of consensual contact with the women but then
became uncomfortable and told them to stop. At which point the
players were bound and assaulted.
Said one of the defendants attorney, “This is a very unusual case.
Almost unbelievable, at first blush.”
–But do you want a feel-good story in college football? Look no
further than Cincinnati quarterback Ben Mauk, who led his team
to a 31-21 win over Southern Mississippi in the Papajohns.com
Bowl Saturday, thus completing a 10-3 season for the Bearcats.
Mauk, Wake Forest’s starter last year before a debilitating injury,
is hoping for one more season in Cincy assuming he wins an
appeal on his 2006 status and thus gain another year of
eligibility.
–Jeff B. and I are convinced Dr. Patterson is back on the blow in
“For Worse….” I’m convinced he is hiding cocaine in his model
trains, which his buddies then transport across the border into the
U.S. The two of us are also waiting to see whether or not
Grandpa chokes at the dinner table and falls face first into the
mashed potatoes….which would be a fitting ending to what has
become a dreadful strip.
–It was on Dec. 19, 1777, that George Washington’s Continental
Army encamped for the winter at Valley Forge, Pa., 20 miles
northwest of Philadelphia. Boy, I need to get there for a little
more study because I forgot that of the 12,000 soldiers who
battled the elements, illness and supply shortages there, a full
2,000 had died by June. But then the rest emerged well-drilled to
rout the British at the Battle of Monmouth, another place I need
to visit.
–Here I write of the ineffective Nets center Jason Collins and the
next day it’s announced he’s being replaced in the starting lineup
by Josh Boone. The power of Bar Chat.
–In losing Friday night, the New York Knicks are not only 8-18
on the season, earning them a mention in a series of Doonesbury
cartoons last week [hilarious], but the last defeat was also coach
Isiah Thomas’ 200th at the helm of the organization…126-200.
[41-67 as coach.] Yet Thomas, let alone Knicks management, is
still in a state of denial.
“I like the direction we’re headed,” Thomas said after the last
defeat. “Our future is definitely much brighter than it was when
I got here four years ago. Cost-wise, we’re down. Talent-wise,
we’re up. We’ve done a good job in putting people in the seats.”
Huh?
–Yikes! Ken Hendricks, a high school dropout who became a
billionaire roofing company executive, died after falling through
his garage roof.
It was in 1982 that Hendricks and his wife, tired of dealing with
multiple suppliers for his roofing business, started ABC Supply
Co. out of Beloit, Wis. Today ABC has 6,000 employees in 390
locations and does about $3 billion in sales each year.
Hendricks was checking on construction on his garage roof when
he fell through, suffering massive head injuries. That’s so sad,
and senseless.
–We note the passing of J. Russell Coffey, the oldest known
surviving U.S. veteran of World War I. He was 109. There are
only two living U.S. veterans left; Frank Buckles, 106, of
Charles Town, W.Va., and Harry Richard Landis, 108, of Sun
City Center, Fla. John Babock, 107, of Spokane, Wash., is the
last known Canadian veteran of the war.
–You may want to skip this one. From David K. Li of the New
York Post:
“Michael Jackson might not recognize that man in the mirror
anymore. The one-time King of Pop’s career has been fading for
years, and now his face could be headed in that direction as well.
“In creepy photos snapped in Las Vegas over the weekend,
Jackson looked like the Invisible man – with bandages holding
together what’s left of his face.”
Top 3 songs for the week 12/27/75: #1 “Let’s Do It Again” (The
Staple Singers) #2 “Saturday night” (Bay City Rollers) #3
“That’s The Way (I Like It)” (KC & The Sunshine Band)…and
…#4 “Love Rollercoaster” (Ohio Players…..say what?) #5
“Theme From Mahogany (Do You Know Where You’re Going
To…if not, get a Garman) (Diana Ross) #6 “I Write The Songs”
(Barry Manilow) #7 “Convoy” (C.W. McCall) #8 “Fox On The
Run” (Sweet) #9 “Fly, Robin, Fly” (Silver Convention) #10 “I
Love Music (Part 1)” (O’Jays)
NCAA Football Quiz Answers: 1) Eric Dickerson is SMU’s
career rushing leader with 4,450 yards, 1979-82. Those same
years, Dickerson’s running mate was Craig James who rushed
for 3,743 yards himself (#3 all-time); arguably forming the best
backfield tandem in the history of college football. 1982 saw
SMU finish 11-0-1, good for #2, AP. Of course a few years later
the school was forced to cancel its program for two years and
start from scratch afterwards due to all kinds of violations, some
stemming from those Dickerson/James years. SMU hasn’t
recovered since. 2) Receiver Jerry LeVias, 1966-68, was the first
black recruited for both SMU and the Southwest Conference. 3)
Don Meredith quarterbacked SMU, 1957-59. 4) Guy Benjamin
quarterbacked Stanford from 1974-77, throwing for 5,946 yards.
5) Darrin Nelson is Stanford’s career rushing leader with 4,033
yards, 1977-81.
Next Bar Chat, Monday, Dec. 31….our year end awards.
—
[And now…our annual Christmas special.]
Apollo 8
Growing up, one of the more dramatic memories as a kid was
staying up Christmas Eve 1968 to follow the remarkable voyage
of Apollo 8.
If ever a nation needed a pick me up, it was America in ’68, after
the assassinations of Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert
Kennedy, with the ongoing war in Vietnam and the dramatic Tet
Offensive, and after LBJ’s sudden withdrawal from the
presidential race, the turbulent Democratic Convention, and the
invasion of Czechoslovakia. Yes, we were ready for a little
space adventure.
Apollo 8 would be the first manned mission to orbit the moon.
Commanded by Frank Borman, with James Lovell, Jr. and
William Anders, it was launched on December 21 and on
Christmas Eve the three began their orbit. What made it all even
more dramatic was the first go round to the dark side of the
moon, when all communication was lost until they reemerged at
the other side. It was the middle of night for us viewers, at least
in the Eastern time zone, and I also remember that Apollo was
sending back spectacular photos of earth.
Borman described the moon as “a vast, lonely and forbidding
sight,” and Lovell called Earth, “a grand oasis in the big vastness
of space.” The crew members then took turns reading from the
Book of Genesis / Creation:
In the beginning when God created the heavens and the earth, the
earth was a formless void and darkness covered the face of the
deep, while a wind from God swept over the face of the waters.
Then God said, “Let there be light;” and there was light. And
God saw that the light was good; and God separated the light
from the darkness. God called the light Day, and the darkness he
called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the
first day…
James Lovell would later say, “Please be informed, that there is a
Santa Claus.” And Borman concluded with, “Merry Christmas.
God bless all of you, all of you on the Good Earth.”
—–
The Gospel According to Luke
In those days a decree went out from Emperor Augustus that all
the world should be registered. This was the first registration
and was taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. All went
to their own towns to be registered. Joseph also went from the
town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to the city of David called
Bethlehem, because he was descended from the house and family
of David. He went to be registered with Mary, to whom he was
engaged and who was expecting a child. While they were there,
the time came for her to deliver her child. And she gave birth to
her firstborn son and wrapped him in bands of cloth, and laid him
in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.
In that region there were shepherds living in the fields, keeping
watch over their flock by night. Then an angel of the Lord stood
before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and
they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be
afraid; for see – I am bringing you good news of great joy for all
the people: to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior,
who is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you
will find a child wrapped in bands of cloth and lying in a
manger.” And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of
the heavenly host, praising God and saying,
“Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace among those whom he favors!”
When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the
shepherds said to one another, “Let us go now to Bethlehem and
see this thing that has taken place, which the Lord has made
known to us.” So they went with haste and found Mary and
Joseph, and the child lying in the manger. When they saw this,
they made known what had been told them about this child; and
all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds told them.
But Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her
heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for
all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them.
—–
Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus
A famous letter from Virginia O’Hanlon to the editorial board of
the New York Sun, first printed in 1897:
We take pleasure in answering thus prominently the
communication below, expressing at the same time our great
gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the
friends of The Sun:
Dear Editor –
I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa
Claus. Papa says, “If you see it in The Sun, it’s so.” Please tell
me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?
Virginia O”Hanlon
—
Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected
by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except
they see. They think that nothing can be which is not
comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia,
whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great
universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as
compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by
the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and
knowledge.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as
love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they
abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas!
How dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It
would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be
no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable
this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense
and sight. The external light with which childhood fills the
world would be extinguished.
Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in
fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the
chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you
did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove?
Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no
Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that
neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies
dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they
are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders
there are unseen and unseeable in the world.
You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise
inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not
the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the
strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry,
love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture
the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah,
Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives and lives forever. A
thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years
from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.
—–
A Visit from St. Nicholas
By Clement C. Moore [Well, he really stole it, but that’s a story
for another day. This is the original version.]
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap;
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof –
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes – how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”
—
World War I – Christmas Truce
By December 1914, the war had been picking up in intensity for
five months. Ironically, the feeling during the initial phases
was that everyone would be home by Christmas, though little
did they know it would be Christmas 1918.
On Christmas Eve 1914, along the British and German lines,
particularly in the Flanders area, the soldiers got into
conversation with each other and it was clear to the British that
the Germans wanted some sort of Christmas Armistice. Sir
Edward Hulse wrote in his diary, “A scout named F. Murker
went out and met a German Patrol and was given a glass of
whisky and some cigars, and a message was sent back saying
that if we didn’t fire at them they would not fire at us.” That
night, where five days earlier there had been savage fighting, the
guns fell silent.
The following morning German soldiers walked towards the
British wire and the Brits went out to meet them. They
exchanged caps and souvenirs and food. Then arrangements
were made for the British to pick up bodies left on the German
side during a recent failed raid.
Christmas Day, fraternization took place along many of the lines,
including a few of the French and Belgian ones. Some joined in
chasing hares, others, most famously, kicked around a soccer
ball. British soldier Bruce Bairnsfather would write, “It all felt
most curious: here were these sausage-eating wretches, who had
elected to start this infernal European fracas, and in so doing had
brought us all into the same muddy pickle as themselves…(But)
there was not an atom of hate on either side that day; and yet, on
our side, not for a moment was the will to war and the will to
beat them relaxed.”
In the air the war continued and the French Foreign Legionnaires
in Alsace were ordered to fight Christmas Day as well. Plus,
most of the commanders on both sides were none too pleased.
Nothing like the Christmas truce of 1914 would occur in
succeeding years (outside of a pocket or two) and by December
26, 1914, the guns were blazing anew.
[Source: “The First World War,” Martin Gilbert]
Toy Stories
[The following are from Don Wulffson’s book “Toys! Amazing
Stories Behind Some Great Inventions” as the main source.]
Slinky
In 1945 engineer Richard James was working at a Philadelphia
shipyard for the Navy, which had asked him to develop a
stabilizing device to prevent a ship’s instruments from pitching
and rolling with the waves. His first thought was ‘springs,’ so he
tried all manner of them, different shapes and sizes, but none
worked.
Then one day he accidentally knocked one of his experimental
models off a shelf and instead of it plopping down it “walked
down” coil by coil, end over end, onto a stack of books, then a
desktop, then a chair, and finally onto the floor. Each time he
did it the same thing happened.
Excited, James went home and he and his wife, Betty, tried it in
all manner of places. Again, the same result. Betty thought it
was a toy, though Richard didn’t initially see it that way. But she
began looking through a dictionary for a name and settled on
‘slinky.’
The next year they borrowed $500 from 4 friends to have 400
Slinkys made, went from store to store, but found only a handful
that would stock even a few…and none of these sold.
Undaunted, and still convinced they had a supertoy on their
hands, Richard and Betty went to a manager at a large
department store, Gimbel’s. After begging the guy, he let them
demonstrate the toy right there and customers began to gather
around. Within a 90-minute period the entire stock of close to
400 was sold. A few years later Richard and Betty were
millionaires.
Today over 250 million Slinkys have been sold. But did you
know that about 80 feet of wire is in a standard Slinky and that
Slinkys were used in Vietnam? They were tossed over high tree
branches and used as makeshift antennas. Slinkys also make
good scarecrows, hung from a tree, swaying in the breeze.
Trivial Pursuit
Scott Abbott and Chris Haney both worked for a newspaper,
Scott as a sportswriter and Chris as photo editor. They also
loved to play Scrabble so on December 15, 1975 they’re in the
midst of a contest when they start discussing getting into the
game business. The issue was what kind? They decided it
should center around questions – all sorts of them. At first they
called it Trivia Pursuit, but Chris’s wife suggested Trivial Pursuit
and that stuck. [See the power of women in these two stories?!]
Scott and Chris formed a company and persuaded two others to
join them. Then they started borrowing from everyone they
knew and soon there were 34 investors (including a copyboy
who borrowed the money from his mother).
The total pool was $40,000 and with that they rented space for
manufacturing and packaging. But they couldn’t really pay any
wages so Scott and Chris gave out stock instead.
The first 1,100 sets cost $75 each to manufacture, which the guys
then tried to sell to retailers for $15. Obviously, this was a major
money-losing operation and by 1982 Scott and Chris were deeply
in debt. [You can see that as opposed to the Slinky tale, Trivial
Pursuit was slower in getting going.]
But Scott and Chris still refused to give up and they began
contacting every game company in America. Only form-letter
rejections came back, with some saying all the games were
produced “in-house, by our own staff.” Finally, on the verge of
packing it in for good, Selchow & Righter expressed interest and
a meeting was arranged.
S&R liked it so much they hired a PR consultant to launch an ad
campaign. Coincidentally, it was now 1983 and 1,800 toy buyers
were in New York for the annual toy fair so S&R sent brochures
and copies of the game to all before the show. Then they mailed
sets to actors, actresses, basically anyone that could create some
buzz. The effort paid off and word of mouth took over. By late
1983, 3.5 million sets of Trivial Pursuit were sold. 20 million in
1984. Today, total sales are approaching $2 billion.
Mr. Potato Head
There once was a chap by the name of George Lerner who had
seen everything when it came to his kids playing with their food
and nothing worked when he asked them to stop. But one
evening, Lerner, a model maker for a toy manufacturing
company, decided that instead of trying to get his kids to behave
he would play with the food himself. So he grabbed a few
potatoes, got some bottle caps and thumbtacks for the eyes and
mouth and added a strawberry for the nose. Well, the kids
thought that their dad was the funniest man around.
George then began to make plastic molds for eyes, ears, and
noses and called them ‘Funny Faces For Food,’ but when he took
his kits to food companies, no one was interested. More than two
years passed before a cereal outfit signed George to a contract for
his idea, paying Lerner $5,000 (it was the early 1950s, thus a fair
sum for the times) and the breakfast food folks used Funny Faces
as a premium in the box.
Several months later George received a call from Henry
Hassenfeld and his son Merrill, the owners of Hasbro Company.
They had seen Funny Faces and wanted to buy the idea from
Lerner and form a partnership, but there was the issue of George
having already sold the rights to the cereal guys.
But Henry and Merrill didn’t give up and they offered the
company $2,000, plus George had to pay back his $5,000. The
cereal guys stupidly accepted. George Lerner then went into
partnership with Hasbro and soon thereafter he was a millionaire
as the product was given a new name…Mr. Potato Head.
Silly Putty
During World War II there was a severe shortage of natural
rubber, so the military asked General Electric if they could come
up with a synthetic substitute. At the lab in New Haven,
Connecticut, James Wright was put to the task. He tried to come
up with something using every possible chemical in the table, but
nothing worked until he mixed boric acid and silicone oil (kids…
don’t try this at home without first asking your parents for
permission). Together, these two formed a rubbery compound.
Wright then started playing with the stuff and realized that when
he tossed it on the floor it bounced higher than normal rubber.
He could also stretch it and it held up in extreme temperatures
without cracking, plus the compound was able to lift words and
pictures off of newsprint.
Wright certainly had something, but just what became a source
of amusement around the halls of G.E. because his invention did
everything but what it was intended to do, that being a substitute
for rubber. The problem was the stuff didn’t get hard enough.
Soon Wright’s compound was given names like Nutty Putty,
Bouncing Putty, and Bouncing Blubber. But bottom line, this
was viewed as the most worthless invention in the history of G.E.
Years after the war, however, James Wright’s boss suggested
that a contest be held to find a use for Bouncing Putty (the formal
name at this time), but no one came up with a good idea. The
boss even had Wright ship the putty to the world’s top scientists
and they didn’t have any success either.
Then one evening in 1948, Wright went directly from the office
to a party and he happened to have some Bouncing Putty with
him. He showed the folks in attendance some of the putty’s
properties and one woman (there we go again), Ruth Fallgatter,
thought the stuff made for a great toy prospect.
Ruth, it turns out, owned a toy store herself, and along with Peter
Hodgson, who helped Ruth with advertising and sales material,
they decided to put a line for Bouncing Putty in their next
catalogue. Ruth and Peter thought the stuff was for adults, as per
the description.
“Do a thousand nutty things with Bouncing Putty. Comes in a
handy clear plastic case. A guaranteed hoot at parties! Price:
Only $2.00!”
Ruth and Peter ended up selling more Bouncing Putty than
anything else. Peter, in particular, was really high on the product
but he was also up to his eyeballs in debt. Somehow he
scrounged together $147 and bought as much of the putty from
G.E. as he could, then he hired students from nearby Yale
University to package it in plastic eggs. It was Hodgson who
then changed the name to Silly Putty.
Peter headed off to the New York Toy Fair in 1950 and
Doubleday Bookstores decided they would carry it. Then a few
months later a reporter for the New Yorker magazine wrote a
positive column about Silly Putty and the rest is history. Within
3 days of the article orders topped 250,000 and Hodgson became
another great American success story. When he died in 1976 his
estate was worth around $140 million.
But I never did find out if James Wright got anything out of it. I
imagine he was screwed on the whole deal.
“May You Always”
From 1959-2002, Harry Harrison was a fixture on New York
radio, the last 20+ years at the great oldies station WCBS-FM.
Unfortunately, he was forced to retire, which ticked off many of
us to no end, but he will forever be remembered for a brilliant
greeting titled “May You Always.” Enjoy.
As the holiday bells ring out the old year, and sweethearts kiss,
And cold hands touch and warm each other against the year
ahead,
May I wish you not the biggest and best of life,
But the small pleasures that make living worthwhile.
Sometime during the new year, to keep your heart in practice,
May you do someone a secret good deed and not get caught at it.
May you find a little island of time to read that book and write
that letter
And to visit that lonely friend on the other side of town.
May your next do-it-yourself project not look like you did it
yourself.
May the poor relatives you helped support remember you when
they win the lottery.
May your best card tricks win admiring gasps and your worst
puns, admiring groans.
May all those who told you so, refrain from saying “I told you
so.”
May all the predictions you’ve made for your firstborn’s future
come true.
May just half of those optimistic predictions that your high
school annual made for you come true.
In a time of sink or swim, may you find you can walk to shore
before you call the lifeguard.
May you keep at least one ideal you can pass along to your kids.
For a change, some rainy day, when you’re a few minutes late,
May your train or bus be waiting for you.
May you accidentally overhear someone saying something nice
about you.
If you run into an old school chum,
May you both remember each other’s names for introductions.
If you order your steak medium rare, may it be so.
And, if you’re on a diet,
May someone tell you, “You’ve lost a little weight,” without
knowing you’re on a diet.
May that long and lonely night be brightened by the telephone
call that you’ve been waiting for.
When you reach into the coin slot, may you find the coin that
you lost on your last wrong number.
When you trip and fall, may there be no one watching to laugh at
you or feel sorry for you.
And sometime soon, may you be waved to by a celebrity,
Wagged at by a puppy,
Run to by a happy child,
And counted on by someone you love.
More than this, no one can wish you.
—
[The following is from a Times of London editorial, 12/24/02]
“The knowledge that it is through love for others that one lives
most fully is at the heart of the Christian message, the reason for
its initial appeal and the explanation for its endurance through
persecution, schism and indifference. In this age of scientific
skepticism the miracle of Christmas, God becoming Man, the
Word becoming Flesh, is considered a fanciful conceit. But the
essence of the Christian message, the Word at the heart of the
faith, is the transformative power of unconditional love, the real
freedom we achieve when we live for others. When families
gather tomorrow to celebrate Christmas Day they will be re-
enacting a scene of affection and adoration that is a moment of
human and spiritual renewal. And the religious services which
many will attend are a celebration of faith and of the most
profound love.”
Linus [From “A Charlie Brown Christmas”]
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the
field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel
of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shown
round about them. And they were so afraid. And the angel said
unto them, ‘Fear not, for behold, I bring you tidings of great joy
which will be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the
city of David a savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall
be a sign unto you. Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling
clothes lying in a manger.” And suddenly there was with the
angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God and saying,
“Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth peace, goodwill
toward men.”
That’s what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.
