NBA Quiz: Only two players have ever won the Rookie of the
Year and MVP Awards in the same season. Name them. [Hint:
Both are pre-1980.]
Wild Animals…Saving Lives
Folks, we like to have some fun here at Bar Chat but the deeper
meaning of this particular part of StocksandNews is to save lives.
Sadly, the message is not getting through. Case in point, taking
pictures of elephants.
Just last September 6, I told the story of the American tourist
killed in Namibia by some very smart desert elephants. You”ll
recall that this person and a friend decided to leave their safari
vehicle and walk between two groups of pachyderms from the
same herd. I wrote:
“Now everyone knows.don”t they teach this in first grade these
days?…never, ever, do this. Experts say that moving between
two groups can appear threatening.”
Well, last weekend, New York resident Natalie Waldinger, in
Tanzania for a two-year Peace Corps stint, went off on a private
safari with a buddy. Once again, the two left their truck to take
pictures of some elephants. The elephants suddenly charged and
Natalie was trampled to death. Her friend made it back to the
truck and was O.K.
So that means we have had recent attacks in Tanzania and
Namibia. As I look at the map, I would be careful going on
safari in Botswana or Zambia, because I suspect that the two
elephant herds that were involved in these cases may try to meet
somewhere in between for the purposes of comparing notes.
[Source: New York Post]
Cougar Attack!!
Just last Tuesday, January 2, 30-year-old cross-country skier
Frances Frost (no relation to Jack) was soaking up the fresh air
near the resort town of Banff (in Alberta) as she cruised the
trails. It was about 1:30 in the afternoon. Little did Frances
know that she was being stalked.
According to evidence gathered afterwards by tracking experts, a
130-pound cougar was hiding behind a tree, waiting for Frances
to ski past before attacking. The animal pounced on Ms. Frost
(no relation to Robert) from behind and bit her on the neck.
Frost (no relation to Congressman Martin Frost of Texas) was
just 100 metres from safety.
The chief warden of Banff National Park commented, “I suspect
she might not have even known what hit her.”
This was the first recorded cougar attack on a human in Banff.
Couple this with the elephant attacks in Africa and it doesn”t take
a Jim Fowler to know that there is something serious going on.
It”s payback time…which means the zookeepers should be
particularly careful about those new pandas in Washington. I
fear the worst.
Anyway…back to Ms. Frost (no relation to Scott of the New
York Jets), another female skier came upon Frances”s body as
the cougar hovered over it. She skied away, sounding the alert.
By the time wardens arrived, the cougar was still doing its thing.
They shot it dead.
The resort community of Banff is in shock. Earlier that same
morning a woman and her dog were stalked by another cougar
near the Banff Springs Hotel (they were unharmed). And a dog
had been attacked in another separate incident the same day (the
dog survived).
It turns out the cougars are in competition with a “healthy, 11-
member wolf pack for deer and elk,” according to the National
Post”s Robert Remington. The deer and elk are creating a real
problem in downtown Banff as they try and hide from the
carnivores by fleeing into the taverns and drug stores.
Now Remington has some good advice if you come across a
cougar while strolling down to the post office or taking in the
milk. [And I do realize that in parts of California this can be the
case. A girl was killed by a cougar a few years ago while
jogging.]
“Experts say a person encountering a cougar should stare it in the
eyes and try to establish dominance by making themselves
appear larger through opening their jacket. They also advise
people to fight back, rather than playing dead as they should in a
bear encounter.”
“With a cougar, you fight like hell and hope you are never in that
situation because they are very smart animals,” one park official
said.
This, of course, is a cheap shot at bears. Yes, they”re stupid
(Yogi Bear was no brain surgeon, for example…neither is Yogi
Berra, for that matter, though he”s street smart) but it all has to
do with their surrounding environment and proper schooling.
My friend Harry K., our resident Canadian expert on all things
wild, recently wrote his friends the following after the cougar
attack had been reported.
“I have seen a few large cats in the wild during my years as an
explorationist. Once I saw a mountain lion, or cougar, which
fortunately was lying in wait on a tree branch for unsuspecting
hikers while I passed by unnoticed in a canoe some yards away.
And several times I have encountered Lynx in the woods. But
despite these relatively benign encounters, there”s not much to
add beyond the advice in today”s paper, namely make yourself as
big-looking as possible, don”t run away or they will chase you,
and don”t play dead or they will eat you.
“Personally, for dealing with mountain lions, I have always
found that a large-bore automatic weapon is the best defense. A
rifle is heavy and bulky, so you may want to go the Clint
Eastwood route, and get yourself a Ruger .44 Magnum. While
not an automatic, it does have remarkable stopping power, and
can blow a hole right through a telephone pole, or a pesky
cougar.”
Harry also notes that those of you who live in New England
should be aware of the new plans to reintroduce wolves into
heavily populated areas, such as near Faneuil Hall in Boston.
All of this means it”s a good time to bring back a Bar Chat
classic, seeing as it”s winter and all, that being the story of the
wolverine…
…Da Wolverine
The wolverine has the scientific name of gulo gulo, or “glutton,”
for its insatiable appetite. Weighing in at 18-42 pounds, trappers
hate wolverines for their cunning in stealing bait from traps –
even traps meant for them – without getting caught. In his
classic book, “The Complete Tracker,” author Len McDougall
adds that wolverines also have the habit of eating already-trapped
animals, “marking anything they couldn”t eat with foul-smelling
urine that not only destroyed the pelt but also made it necessary
to boil every tainted trap before it could be used again.”
McDougall related a personal tale from his childhood.
“When I was a boy and camped alone in the deep woods of
northern Michigan, I can recall spending an anxious night after
hearing on my transistor radio that local conservation officers
had reported a pair of mating wolverines headed in my general
direction.”
Now, first off, I don”t think I want to know McDougall that well.
Anyone who goes camping by themselves as a little boy is rather
weird. Second, I”m having trouble picturing two mating
wolverines making such headway, let alone having time to stop
for a beer with some conservation officers. Anyway, I guess
McDougall survived.
A single adult wolverine requires up to 1,000-square miles of
undisturbed wilderness in which to live. It has a ferocious
willingness to fight that”s unmatched among North American
animals. For instance, it has been known to take kills away from
brown bears (though now we”ve learned how stupid bears are).
And a 40-pound wolverine can kill a moose (30 times larger).
[Evidently, this would only take place in deep snow where the
moose may find the going slow while the wolverine is able to
kind of glide on top of the snow because of the distribution of its
weight.]
In fact, Harry K. once told me that because of this gliding factor,
wolverines can actually outrun rabbits in the snow. And last year
Harry added:
“Wolverines are interesting because they are one of only a few
species (humans being the other one that springs to
mind.particularly NFL ballplayers, added the editor) that kills
things for sport. A wolverine will kill a deer, spray it (so no
other animal can eat it) and then go kill another one. They will
also break into and trash a cottage or cabin. Bears will do this
too, but bears will wreck your place because they”re big and
clumsy and looking for food, while wolverines will wreck your
place merely to amuse themselves – they won”t eat anything, just
trash it.”
Harry concluded, “Cool critters, wolverines…Still, pound for
pound, there is probably nothing as vicious and foul tempered as
their little cousin, the mink. Thank God they aren”t the size of
wolverines, or they”d probably be hunting us for sport!”
And one last thought from your editor.
The wolverine is also a true dirtball (after all, it is a weasel). It
mates for a few days (perhaps at Club Wolverine), then goes off
to find a new mate, taking no part in the rearing process.
Wolverine young stay with their mother for two years,
incidentally, which Len McDougall points out displays just how
intelligent these creatures are.
Mini Cooper Update
I profiled John Cooper in this space on 1/3/01. Cooper, who
recently died at the age of 77, was the engineer behind the
popular Mini Cooper car of the 1960s.
Well I just wanted to pass on some more information concerning
the rollout of the “new” Mini Cooper, which is being built by
BMW for unveiling in the U.S., March of 2002.
BMW hopes to emulate Volkswagen with their updated Beetle,
as well as the Chrysler PT Cruiser and the just unveiled new
Ford Thunderbird.
The Mini, designed to compete directly against the Beetle, will
be a two-door, 4-passenger auto with a sticker price of around
$18,000.
In 1959, the first Mini sold in Great Britain for $786, without a
radio or heater. They were only 10 feet long, 4 feet tall and 4
feet wide. The new Mini is thankfully 18 inches longer and 14
wider. This will be a guaranteed smash success.
The Pope and Bill Clinton
According to the Washington Times, in an interview published in
the Italian weekly, Oggi, the surgeon who operated on the pope
in 1994 said Pope John Paul II had told him:
“The only leader I did not manage to have a proper conversation
with was Bill Clinton. I was speaking, and he was looking at one
of the walls, admiring the frescoes and the paintings. He was not
listening to me.”
I hate to think of what was really on Clinton”s mind at that
moment. The frescoes depict angels of indeterminate sex,
wearing little more than angelic expressions.
Top 3 songs for the week of 1/12/63: #1 “Go Away Little Girl”
(Steve Lawrence.hey, where”s Edie? Actually, Steve Lawrence
is a pretty fair entertainer) #2 “Telstar” (The Tornadoes) #3
“Limbo Rock” (Chubby Checker)
NBA Quiz Answer: Wilt Chamberlain (1959-60) and Wes
Unseld (1968-69). Chamberlain averaged an astounding
37.6 ppg plus 27 rebounds! Unseld is an interesting story in that
his scoring average was only 14 per game. But he averaged 18
boards and he immediately became a huge presence in the
league. In addition, Unseld”s Baltimore Bullets went from 36-
46, the year before he arrived on the scene, to 57-25 in his rookie
year. Unseld is also the only player in NBA history whose last
name begins with “U” to average in double figures in scoring for
any single season. [Now where else will you get that tidbit?!]
–Johnny Mac tells me that Alonzo Mourning still has a
comfortable lead at center for the East in the voting for the NBA
All-Star game. Grant Hill remains second among forwards.
Neither will have played a single game this season due to injury
or medical condition. J Mac says we should honor the moronic
fans and let the East squad play with 3 players. We also agree
that Mourning, hooked up to his dialysis machine for his kidney
problem, is probably more effective than the fellow currently
residing in second place in the vote for center, Theo Ratliff.
Next Bar Chat, Monday…Theo Ratliff takes off on the editor.
