Chicago Cubs Quiz (1901 – ) : 1) Most years with club? [Hint:
It”s not Ernie Banks] 2) Most homers, left-handed, season? 3)
Most games pitched, season? [Hint: The record is 84. One did it
in the 60s, the other the 80s.] Answers below.
The Editor Goes Fishing…and Scores!!!!
I arrived on the island of Yap in Micronesia on Saturday and
Monday morning, the owner of my hotel, Al, and I are having
coffee. The fact that I”m Al”s only official guest made this all
the easier. He has a beautiful spot, right on this spectacular piece
of beachfront, but it”s a little off the beaten track, even for Yap,
and business hasn”t been great. Knowing that Al fishes all the
time, I had to plug him for some stories. Alas, no shark fatalities,
although there have been a few gruesome attacks, such as the one
on a spear fisher who somehow survived a Tiger shark assault on
his thigh and is said to be awful to look at today.
Anyway, Al said that the day before he had caught 6 barracuda.
Bingo! I”m all over that. “Take me out, Al. Please?” Tuesday
afternoon we go.
Now understand that your editor hasn”t gone fishing in ages and
the last time he was out in the ocean was back in ”82, with the
catch that day being a bunch of lousy Spanish mackerel. So we
head out in his little boat, get beyond the reef (I”m not doing this
justice…this spot is as beautiful as any you will find in the
world…and Yap is world renowned for its diving, particularly
for manta ray), and head out to sea. We are just trolling and drop
our 120 or so foot line. Al makes a beeline for where he had
success the previous day and within five minutes…hit! I reel in
a barracuda. It was a small one but, heck, it was my first so a
real thrill. Then five minutes later…hit! [The way we knew we
had one was when the line reached up around my neck, cutting
off the circulation and almost piercing the aorta. I grabbed it just
before Al would have to write my parents a very uncomfortable
letter.]
The second one was “medium-sized,” according to Al, and then
shortly thereafter, we had our third hit. This was a monster. A
3-foot barracuda. Yes, I reeled all of them in, but when it came
time to lifting it out of the boat, I said, “Al, this is what I”m
paying you for.”
Well, those suckers thrashed about every few minutes and as it
was a small craft, I had to keep looking back to make sure they
weren”t making a move on my ankle. [Next time you see a
barracuda, dead, take a look at those teeth again. My
orthodontist couldn”t do a better job.] The other problem was
that they were thrashing near the gas line. Oh well, the water
was only about 60-feet deep where we were, and it was hours
before the sharks arrived (dusk, so I was told).
Unfortunately, that was it. We had a huge hit after the first three
were caught…but I lost it. Al thought it was a jackfish. I saw a
picture later and I”m kind of glad it wasn”t sharing my seat on the
boat…know what I”m sayin”? Then we hooked another
barracuda, but I lost that one as well. However, this one gave me
a moment I”ll never forget. The sucker whirled high in the air, a
la “American Sportsman,” but that”s when he shook the hook.
So there you have it, folks. Now I can say I”ve done it. Next
time, the great blue marlin.
Guam…the editor is assaulted
So now I”m in Guam (for the second time this trip). I mentioned
in a previous chat about the brown treesnakes here. The people
are duly embarrassed over all the poor publicity they have
received because of this ugly creature that has killed all the birds,
bitten babies in their cribs, and shut off the power to many
communities. There are hundreds of thousands of these monsters
lurking around. Before I leave I”ll get the true story for you, but,
for now, just know that I”m lying in this very nice pool area,
dozing off amidst thoughts of the pleasant chirping of birds.
Birds, I mused. Huh, they certainly are plentiful within this
enclosure here at the Hilton!
[They look like imported New Jersey sparrows and they”d sit
down an arms length from you while you were eating your meal.
I imagined they were chirping, “Hey, where are you from? I”m
from New Jersey. Do you like “The Sopranos?” I love the
show. How long you in for?” This all happens very quickly and
you can”t get a word in edgewise.]
Anyway, there I am, trying to figure out this puzzle when I start
to feel something biting on my arm. Now I”m lying facedown
and was almost afraid to turn my head to look. It was a freakin”
column of ants!!! Geezuz…all over my right side. Well, the
editor was flailing away and everyone in the pool has no clue
what is bothering this crazy American. Alas, I shook them all
off, I think, and headed for the bar.
Looking at the drink list I thought, darnit, you deserve a Long
Island Iced Tea. Of course, any “Simpsons” aficionado will
recall the episode where Marge had one too many of these, thus,
I held myself to one. Afterwards, I switched to beer.
Sharks!!
Enough about me. Now for a real tale. It seems that Mark
Butler decided to have one last ride on his surfboard down in
Brooms Head, Australia a few weeks ago. As he paddled out,
face down, he was suddenly attacked by a shark, and it felt as
though his leg had been grabbed with vise-like strength.
“It”s teeth were so sharp that I didn”t feel them cut and tear the
flesh,” Butler said. “It grabbed me and shook me and let me go
so quickly that by the time I turned around, it was back under the
water.”
Butler struggled to shore and managed to use the ankle-leash off
his surfboard as a tourniquet (the StocksandNews safety tip of
the month), then he struggled up the dunes to get some help. The
thigh wound took 80 stitches to close. And from the bite marks,
experts identified the shark as an 8-foot Bronze Whaler.
Mr. Butler was lucky. While Australia normally only has about
one fatality by shark each year, last fall it had 3 in a matter of
weeks, including a New Zealander on honeymoon and another
who was killed in “waist deep” water. All 3 were blamed on
Great Whites.
Which leads me to a bonus safety tip. If you are out in the ocean
this summer, don”t wear a wetsuit. You look like a seal or
dolphin to sharks, and it”s one reason why some experts have
seen a rise in fatalities (10 worldwide, last year). More and more
wetsuits.
And just so you know, remember, Great Whites like the colder
waters (as in south Australia, the San Francisco area, and Long
Island). They taste by biting, but the amount of damage inflicted
on a human during this “test taste” can be rather dreadful.
[Source: Michael Richardson / Herald Tribune]
Stuff
–I was at the War in the Pacific Museum here in Guam today
and they had a clip of the film “Pearl Harbor.” Now I”ve read
the Newsweek advance review, which basically panned it, but
I”m pumped for it nonetheless. So then I see the clip, after
walking around reading some gripping accounts of the action on
Guam. I mean to tell you, if you”re as patriotic as I am, bring a
box of Kleenex to the flick. Who cares if the love story in the
film sucks. Just as in “Saving Private Ryan,” every American
should be required to see “Pearl Harbor.”
–So I was out of touch with the world for a few days and just
saw that Perry Como died. Well, I”m reading this lengthy
obituary and the jerk that wrote it didn”t say one thing about his
Christmas tunes! This guy went on and on about how reviewers
panned Como”s other work…geezuz, who cares?! Folks will be
singing “Home for the Holidays” 500 years from now. That”s
what matters. Perry Como was cool. Perry Como is Christmas.
–Just read a box score here in the local paper of a game between
Montreal and Los Angeles, held in Olympic Stadium. Official
paid attendance was 4,700. So that means about 3,000 were
actually there. I”m no Al Einstein, but I think I can figure this
one out. Put Les Expos out of their misery.
–Speaking of things Canadian, our North of the Border
correspondent, Harry K., has been out of commission due to
major computer problems. However, Harry told me that it
wasn”t a total loss. He finally got around to painting his garage
doors and setting up a new run for his dog. With his PC back up,
we now eagerly await the next grizzly story from the wilds.
If you have an exciting story to tell of what you did while your
computer was down, pass it along to StocksandNews. If
appropriate, we”ll mention it in this space. And you also get a
one-month subscription…free!
–The first time I was in Guam (last week), I saw posters for the
“Harlem Ambassadors” basketball team, and a local charity
event. Now I laughed at this, never having heard of the
Ambassadors, a Globetrotters wannabe. I mean, aside from the
originals, the Harlem Magicians were at one time a legitimate
act, but who the heck are the Ambassadors? [It”s all kind of like
having four “Drifters” groups running around, a real problem
these days as each outfit may have one original member, if that,
while the lawsuits fly all over the place to see who can use the
real name.]
Anyway, the Ambassadors” idea has worked. I arrive in Yap and
there are the same posters. The Ambassadors have come to this
island of 9,000 to play b-ball. And the people all think they are
the Globetrotters! Everyone said “The Globetrotters are
coming!” “No they aren”t,” I”d say. Then I gave up. Why spoil
their fun. And the day I left Yap, 500 school kids greeted the
Ambassadors at the airport! This is too much.
What”s worse, though, is that the Ambassadors have a woman on
the team (as do all of these sorts of clubs these days). Not that
there is anything wrong with that, mind you, it”s just that in Yap,
few women have any positions of influence (I”m being kind). So
the Ambassadors were playing a bunch of local athletes and
politicos, and of course the locals are going to get beat…by a
team with a woman! Oh, I wish I had been able to stick around
for that.
–Speaking of basketball, I have kind of kept up on the playoffs.
You do have to hand it to Iverson. And it”s an awesome job by
Larry Brown. But here at StocksandNews, we are huge Tim
Duncan fans. Kick butt, Tim!
–Oops…just heard that Strawberry got another chance. Why?
But I”m assuming that New York Giants player won”t even get a
first one.
Top 3 songs for the week of 5/17/69: #1 “Aquarius / Let The
Sunshine In” (The 5th Dimension) #2 “Hair” (The Cowsills…ah,
that opening drum riff) #3 “Get Back” (The Beatles…song
sucks…one of their worst)
*As I”m typing this up, there is a band in the outdoor hotel
lounge playing Chuck Mangione. My goodness! And I was
going to have a drink there later!
Chicago Cubs Quiz Answers: 1) Most seasons: Phil Cavarretta,
20 (1934-53). Cavarretta had 1977 hits in his career,
accumulating 920 ribbies to go along with a .293 average. He
was the Cubs player-manager from ”51-”53 and finished his
career with a few at-bats for the White Sox in ”54 and ”55. 2)
Homers, lefty: Billy Williams, 42, 1970. 3) Games pitched: Ted
Abernathy (”65) and Dick Tidrow (”80) appeared in 84 games.
Cubs Tidbits: For all the talk about how the fans come out to
support the team, the Cubbies didn”t draw 2 million until 1984.
Granted, many of the games are played in awful weather (April
and Sept.), but still. Actually, a good reason for the relatively
poor attendance is the fact that from 1947 thru ”62, they had only
one season where they finished .500 (1952: 77-77)
Next Bar Chat, Monday. We start a week of war remembrances.
