Wimbledon Quiz: 1) Bjorn Borg won five straight titles from
1976-80. Whom did he face in the finals each year? [Hint: 4
different players.] 2) Pete Sampras has won the men”s title each
of the last 8 years except 1996. Who won it that year? 3) Who
are the last five women”s champs? [Hint: 5 different players.]
Kris Kristofferson
You all know why the editor has this site, don”t you? So I can
educate myself on history, or events of the day, with the goal
being to drag you all along for the ride. I bring this up because I
certainly don”t pretend to know all when it comes to the music
industry, and in glancing through some books the other day I
happened upon Kristofferson and, frankly, I had forgotten what a
huge force he was in the country songwriting field.
Briefly, Kris was born in Brownsville, TX in 1936. Son of a
two-star Air Force general, he was an excellent athlete (football
and soccer) and Rhodes Scholar. At Oxford he studied William
Blake. Afterwards, however, he ended up in the army where he
became a captain and crack helicopter pilot. Kris also had one
hell of a good time.
“I nearly ended up destroying myself,” he said of this period. “I
was drinking all the time, doing all kinds of reckless things. I
totaled two cars and had four motorcycle accidents.”
In 1965, though, just two weeks before he was scheduled to teach
English Lit at West Point, Kris resigned his commission to take
up songwriting in Nashville. He had always had an interest in
music, growing up mostly with country influences, now he was
stepping out on his own.
And for about five years it was rough. He held a variety of odd
jobs, working for a long time as a night janitor at Columbia
studios while tending bar during the day. But through both jobs
he was able to make some music contacts while developing his
songwriting skills at the same time. As to the latter, he finally
convinced the great Roger Miller (now there was an underrated
star), with help from Johnny Cash, to record “Me And Bobby
McGee.” [Busted flat in Baton Rouge / Headin” for the trains /
Feelin” just as faded as my jeans.] It was a big hit, which by
1971 was also a #1 Billboard smash for Janis Joplin. [Kris and
Janis were romantically involved.if you catch my drift.
Actually, they shared a lot of stuff.]
Then in 1970, Kristofferson burst into superstardom. Ray Price
recorded “For The Good Times” (as I”ve probably commented
before, simply one of the best tunes ever) while Sammi Smith
lent her voice to Kris”s “Help Me Make It Through The Night.”
Price and Smith both won Grammies, as did Kristofferson for
writing “Help Me.” The two tunes were revolutionary in that
they were racy (“Help Me.” embraced one night stands), but
because they were poetic, Kris got away with it. The approach
opened Nashville”s conservative doors to songwriters from all
over the country.
In 1970 the New York Times ran an article touting Kristofferson
as “the hottest thing in Nashville right now – and if you”re hot in
Nashville, man, you”re hot everywhere.” He was more of a
superstar as a songwriter than many of the performers were.
Johnny Cash featured him on his television show and Cash had a
#1 country hit with Kristofferson”s “Sunday Morning Coming
Down.”
Of course what makes Kris”s success all the more amazing was
that he continued his partying ways. [Which is why, in spite of
his leftist views, Kris Kristofferson will some day have a bronze
statue in the Bar Chat Hall of Fame.] But, alas, after a few years
of incredible fame, he decided to give Hollywood a try and his
music career was never the same. Sure, he had two #1 Country
singles that he recorded, first, “Why Me,” and later as part of the
Highwaymen (Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, and Johnny
Cash) the hit “Highwayman.” And during his marriage to Rita
Coolidge, the two captured a few Grammies for their duets, but
his concert performances were judged to be erratic and one
would have thought that after the awesome start to his career he
would have achieved more success.
Lastly, there is one incident in which he was involved that gained
him some notoriety, particularly if you”re an Imus fan. First, on
October 3, 1992, Sinead O”Connor appeared on “Saturday Night
Live” and proceeded to make a total ass of herself, particularly
when at one point she ripped up a picture of the pope. The
audience, and Lorne Michaels, was stunned by her behavior.
Two weeks later, O”Connor appeared in Madison Square Garden
as part of a 30th anniversary tribute to Bob Dylan. She was
supposed to perform “I Believe In You,” but when she was
booed rather vociferously by the audience, she launched into
“War,” whereupon she eventually had to exit in tears [Sinead
isn”t as bright as her press clippings would have you believe,
know what I”m sayin”?]. It was at that moment that
Kristofferson, one of the performers and emcees of the evening,
stepped forward and said in support of her, “Don”t let the
bastards get you down!” [Sources: “VH-1 Rock Stars
Encyclopedia,” “The Encyclopedia of Country Music (Paul
Kingsbury),” and “Country Music: The Encyclopedia (Irwin
Stambler).”]
The Animal Kingdom
Yes, we like to have fun with this topic, but there is also a
serious side to it, that being the fact that the animals are taking
over. And you better get used to this, people. I mean, even the
Washington Post had a recent front page story on this issue.
Specifically, Jo Deurbrouck and Dean Miller listed a few facts
worth mentioning.
In 1890, there were an estimated 300,000 white-tailed deer in all
of the U.S. Today, the total is 15-25 million! Canada geese
were once near extinction, then the geese, upset over the socialist
policies of Pierre Trudeau (hey, the timing is right, at least),
decided to stay in America instead of trekking up further north
each spring and summer. So this once rare breed now numbers
some 4 million. [In the interest of fairness, I read another article
that said 2.7 million. Hopefully, this is correct, meaning the
other 1.3 million have been humanely disposed of.]
And 40 years ago, cougars were considered endangered. But
today, the cougar population is at historical highs in western
Canada and across the western U.S. into Texas. Most
importantly, we were taught growing up that cougars are shy
creatures.ergo, if you saw one while taking out the garbage, the
animal would undoubtedly flee before you could strike up a
conversation.
Oh, but not today. As Deurbrouck and Miller write, “They”ve
been killed under pool tables, in motor homes and cabins, been
chased out of schoolyards and even classrooms. One report from
Colorado described a cougar sitting on the roof of a house,
batting at a weather vane.”
Only one cougar attack on a human was reported in the U.S. and
Canada in the 1940s. In the 1990s, there were 53, and I”ve
written of the cross-country skier who was killed last winter.
I”ve spent a lot of time writing of the bears, but we all know they
are incredibly stupid…witness Yogi…Bear, not Berra…the latter
being street-smart. But clearly the cougars are taking over the
North American leadership role. And we don”t have a lot of
advice on what to do if you cross paths with one. We”ll keep
looking for some.
In the meantime, bears are still a nuisance and have been known
to kill a person or two. So while from time to time we have
offered tips on how to escape from, or confront, a bear, I
recently received a pamphlet, over the transom, so to speak, from
my friend Trader George. Now George got it from a friend”s
hunting magazine…but I apologize I don”t have the name of the
publication. Anyway, some of these may be old hat. To new
viewers of the site, however, you may want to clip this section
and stick it in your wallet.
–Lie still and be quiet: Documented attacks show that an attack
by a mother black bear often ends when the person stops
fighting. [Of course, most people do stop fighting when their
face has been clawed off.]
–Stay where you are and do not climb a tree to escape a bear.
[Personally, I”d have a jet fueled up and ready to go.]
–Make your presence known by talking loudly, clapping (very
irritating to the other animals, however) or wearing bells. [Our
own Harry K. offered this latter advice last year. He also says to
be on the watch for bear “scat.” And remember; grizzly bear scat
is full of little bells.]
–While all bears should be considered dangerous, three types
should be regarded as more dangerous than the average bear.
Females defending cubs.
Bears habituated to human food.
Bears defending a fresh kill.
–Regarding the latter, stay away from dead animals, says the
hunting guide. Bears may attack to defend such food. [This is
particularly useful advice for those of you who like to inspect
road kill.]
–Most bears in the continental U.S. are black bears, but black
bears are not always black in color: sometimes their fur is brown
or blond! [Of course everyone is streaking their hair these days,
why should bears be different? I would also be extremely
careful upon coming across a bear with a Mohawk.]
–Bears can run as fast as horses, uphill or downhill. [I didn”t
know that. Kind of makes you want to set up a match race
between Gentle Ben and Point Given, doesn”t it?]
–Bears are extremely strong. They can tear cars apart looking
for food. [This is what is so silly. Man and bear have not been
getting along. But we could offer them what they”ve always
wanted; jobs in our border patrol. I think a drug runner would
give up the goods if his car was being violently dismantled, don”t
you?]
So those are just a few more bear tips.
As for a real life example of bear violence, Jim Lockwood (Star-
Ledger) recently wrote of a New Jersey attack.
“In Vernon Township, a mother bear and her three cubs had a
feast inside the home of Lee and Tom Shortman on Wednesday,
trashing the kitchen, eating cereals and junk food from the
cupboards, swilling down a container of Miracle-Gro plant food
(Ohh.gross!) and dragging the garbage outside for an al fresco
snack.” As the game warden said afterwards, “This was a home
break-in. This was dangerous behavior.”
No, the Shortman”s weren”t home. If they had been, we”d be
talking about New Jersey”s first bear fatality. Which is another
reason why our Canadian outdoorsman, Harry K., always
recommends keeping a large caliber weapon handy, the 44
Magnum being his personal choice, because, as Harry adds, if you
don”t get a grizzly with the first shot, he”ll eat you.
New Jersey and Sharks
Last year I wrote of the great white shark which in 1916 killed 4
New Jersey swimmers (the state”s total shark fatalities since
1670 are 5, by the way). Two books have come out on the topic,
but as part of a recent review of one, some shark tips, similar to
the bear safety measures, were included. I found the following
two particularly useful.
–“Never enter the water with an open wound.” [Very true.
Hospitals are normally most easily found onshore, not offshore.]
–“Avoid water heavy with sewer effluent or fish bait.”
Angelina Jolie
Last Sunday”s Times had some rather humorous snippets from
reviews of Jolie”s movie, “Lara Croft: Tomb Raider.” Here are
just a few.
“Awesomely vacant, ”Lara Croft: Tomb Raider,” stars Angelina
Jolie”s lips and breasts and, in a much smaller role, the actual
Angelina Jolie herself.” –Washington Post
“Jolie has had so much collagen pumped into her lips that they
threaten to become duck-like.” –Providence Journal-Bulletin
“”Tomb Raider” is selling a product, or products, actually:
Angelina Jolie”s lips. Her thighs, strapped dominatrix-style with
twin handguns. Her hips. And of course her co-stars, Breast
Left and Breast Right.” –Cleveland Plain Dealer
Top 3 songs for the week of 6/29/68: #1 “This Guy”s In Love
With You” (Herb Alpert) #2 “The Horse” (Cliff Nobles & Co.)
#3 “MacArthur Park” (Richard Harris…interminable stream of
effluent)
Wimbledon Quiz Answers: 1) Borg faced Ilie Nastase(1976),
Jimmy Connors (1977-78), Roscoe Tanner (1979), John
McEnroe (1980). 2) Richard Krajicek is the only player to
interrupt Pete Sampras”s incredible run at Wimbledon. 3) The
last five women”s champs are Graf (”96), Hingis (”97), Novotna
(”98), Davenport (”99), and Venus Williams (”00).
*O.K., golf fans, what is the difference between tour players J.P.
Hayes and J.L. Lewis? Sorry, no answer.it just confuses the
heck out of me. Kind of like the difference between Frank
Lickliter and Franklin Langham.
Next Bar Chat, Friday. We”ll take a look at some MAJOR social
issues. I”m talkin” MAJOR, folks.
