Winter Olympics Quiz: 1) Who won the Men”s Ice Hockey gold
in 1998? 2) What women”s figure skater from Ukraine won gold
in 1994? 3) What American male won the World Championship
in figure skating in 1969 and 1970? Answers below.
The Osmonds
After looking at the top tune in the below “Top 3 songs,” I
suddenly realized, hey, Salt Lake City, Utah, Mormons.the
Osmonds! Now I can”t say I ever purchased one of their records
as a kid, I was smart enough to stay clear, but, let”s face it, they
are one of the better American success stories.
Parents George and Olive Osmond, Mormons, were scared to
death when their first two boys, Virl and Tommy, were born
deaf, and while their religion encouraged large families, the
Osmonds weren”t so sure about having more children. But when
Alan was born and everything appeared to be alright, George and
Olive were off and winging, ending up with 9 kids, 8 boys and
Marie.
The four after Virl and Tommy; Alan, Wayne, Merrill and Jay,
formed a barber-shop quartet in 1959, and it was during a family
trip to Disneyland in ”62 that the boys were discovered by a
Disney talent scout when he heard them singing, informally, with
the barber-shop regulars at the amusement park. [The editor
hates barber-shop music…almost as much as he hates mimes
(which was a big topic of conversation at my brother”s 50th
birthday dinner the other night, to give you an idea of how
quickly it degenerated).] Well, the Osmonds were hired to do
some shows at Disneyland and then Andy Williams”s father
heard them and soon the kids were regulars on the “Andy
Williams Show.”
Donny, who was born in 1957, joined the group as a 7-year-old,
and in 1971, the Osmonds, with Donny out front, had a #1 hit (5
straight weeks) with “One Bad Apple,” a rip-off of the Jackson 5.
MGM records, recognizing that Donny had major appeal with
the teeny-bopper crowd, began to produce some solo records for
him and by early ”72, Donny had four Top Tens (“Sweet
Innocent,” “Go Away Little Girl,” (#1) “Hey Girl,” and “Puppy
Love”).
Also in 1972, Osmond-mania swept Britain, outstripping the
U.S. Upon discovering this fact, I was totally disgusted. What
the hell were you Brits thinking? You, the great folks who gave
us the British Invasion, embraced this corny act totally. And
then, when the youngest brother, 9-year-old Little Jimmy, scored
a #38 U.S. hit, “Long-Haired Lover From Liverpool,” you made
it not only a #1 single in the U.K., but also the biggest seller in
the country for the whole year. Truly pitiful. [Little Jimmy was
actually even bigger in Japan, but that”s easier to understand.]
Back to Donny, in early 1974 he co-hosted the inaugural
American Music Awards with Michael Jackson and later that
year the Osmonds were on BBC for 6 straight nights of
performances in prime time. In the name of Queen Elizabeth
herself.
As for that hot chickie Marie (sorry, girls), George and Olive
Osmond didn”t want her to get into the family business until she
turned 14, so she started performing with her brothers in 1973,
doing a few solos with each show. That year she scored it big
with the #5 “Paper Roses,” which was a 1960 hit for Anita
Bryant. Then in January 1976, Marie joined Donny for the
“Donny & Marie” show on ABC, which lasted the better part of
3 seasons. But by 1980, the whole Osmonds” clan broke up, with
each part going its own way.
The four original Osmond brothers hit the country music circuit,
and while charting numerous tunes, didn”t come up with any Top
Tens. They are now in Branson, Missouri, making gobs of
money with the Osmond Family Theater. [Some day “Bar Chat”
has to get down to Branson for an exclusive, behind-the-scenes
look.]
As for Marie, she ended up with 4, #1 country hits in a solid
career.
Donny, meanwhile, made what was hailed at the time as one of
the big comebacks in pop history when his 1989 “Soldier Of
Love” peaked at #2. [Though at the same time Rolling Stone
magazine voted him “Most Unwelcome Comeback.”]
And then there is Little Jimmy, who turned out to be a huge
success as a promoter, coordinating tours for the likes of Prince
and Michael Jackson, as well as earning $millions in real estate.
Between 1971 and 78, the Osmonds, either as a group or in their
solo acts, had 23 gold records. Not too shabby. And the 9
children collectively now have about 167 kids. But all kidding
aside, how can you knock them? Though I still wouldn”t be
caught dead listening to any of their music. Sorry, L.D.
[Other Osmonds” hits.”Yo-Yo” (#3), “Down By The Lazy
River” (#4.at least it was written by Merrill and Alan, as
opposed to ripping everyone else off.and boy does this rock!),
“Hold Her Tight” (#14), “Crazy Horses” (#14.#2 U.K., there
they go again).]
Stuff
–Johnny Mac assembled some real-life sports quotes for your
enjoyment.
“We”re gonna turn this team around 360 degrees.” Jason Kidd
[Having just watched Jason on “Meet the Press,” I”m not
surprised.]
“Are you any relation to your brother Marv?” Basketball player
Leon Wood to announcer Steve Albert.
“Tom.” Tom Nissalke, former coach of the Rockets, when asked
how he pronounced his name.
“I”m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.”
Anonymous senior basketballer at Pitt. [Hey, my parents went
there!]
“I want all the kids to look up to me. I want them to copulate
me.” Andre Dawson, on being a role model.
“OK guys, line up alphabetically by height.” Bill Peterson,
former FSU coach.
“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards this year, whatever
comes first.” George Rogers, Saints.
–Harry K. had the following thought. “First there were the
fibreglass cows grazing on Chicago streets a few years back.
Then we had moose on Toronto streets. Then there were pigs in
Cincinnati. Now Miami is looking to install 8-foot fibreglass
flamingos on that city”s streets. Where will it all end? Houston
commemorating Enron with giant fibreglass weasels?”
–You”ve probably seen the story that Muhammad Ali actually
may have some Irish roots, specifically a grandfather who came
from the town of Ennis. [In the west, County Clare.] I just have
to comment that I have spent many a night in beautiful Ennis, but
I have to add that I”ve seen more fistfights here than anywhere
else I have been to in the world. So from that standpoint, this
story makes perfect sense. It”s in the water, err, ale.
–Sports Illustrated”s Steve Rushin on turning 35 and exiting the
18-34 demographic. “Bikini-clad beer-commercial
spokesmodels who only days ago gave me come-hither looks
now fix me – unmistakably – with go-thither looks.” Tell me
about it.
–Allen Iverson and Michael Jordan skipped the NBA”s media
session for the All-Star game. That”s an automatic $10,000 fine.
A-holes.
–Speaking of a-holes, those elite folk at Harvard have some
major egg on their face. It seems that two students connected
with the Hasty Pudding Theatrical Society, those kids who are
“famous” for handing out man and woman of the year awards,
embezzled $91,000 from the club”s coffers. The two seniors
used Pudding Society credit and debit cards to transfer money to
their personal accounts. Then they purchased drugs with their
newfound wealth. So Suzanne Pomey and Randy Gomes are
now eligible for StocksandNews “Dirtball(s) of the Year
Award”.
–In New Jersey, packs of coyotes (which now number up to
2,000 in my state) have been terrorizing a suburban town
recently. No humans have been attacked, yet, but these are not
your normal 35-pound Western coyotes. No sirree Bob, these
are your basic Jersey hybrid (part wolf / part coyote / part
German Shepherd) and weigh up to 60-pounds. But I loved this
account in the Star-Ledger of one Skip Newton, who lives in the
affected area.
“I was in the kitchen, washing a dish on Martin Luther King Day
about 3 PM.” We don”t even need to finish this. Actually,
sounds like my life.
–Speaking of dogs, South Korean officials are rather
embarrassed at all the negative publicity they are receiving
leading up to their hosting of the World Cup (along with Japan)
this spring. Yes, it”s over the issue of dogmeat, a common menu
item in Korea. Some 100 Seoul establishments, which specialize
in dogmeat, have set up a federation to promote the benefits of it
to tourists. Now dogs are bred to be eaten in South Korea,
notably for a dish called “poshintang,” which is a “body
preservation stew.” But, I kid you not, the association of
restaurants has labeled its chief spokesman, “Dr. Dogmeat.”
[Source: High Plains Journal]
Top 3 songs for the week of 2/13/71: #1 “One Bad Apple” (The
Osmonds) #2 “Knock Three Times” (Dawn) #3 “Rose Garden”
(Lynn Anderson…I beg your pardon.)
*So I”m currently listening to Steely Dan”s “The Royal Scam”
album and wondering how it didn”t generate one Top 40 tune
when released in 1976. [The highest was #59, “The Fez”.] Now
I mean to tell ya, what were we thinking back then? This is great
stuff. as are all of the group”s albums. That”s just my opinion,
I could be wrong.
Winter Sports Quiz Answers: 1) Czech Republic won hockey
gold in 1998. 2) Oksana Baiul won gold in figure skating for
Ukraine in 1994. She then had all kinds of problems with the
bottle in Connecticut. 3) Tim Wood won the world
championship in figure skating in 1969 and 1970.
Next Bar Chat, Wednesday. Abe…Lincoln, not Vigoda.
