Wild Thing Quiz: Tony Mullane is the all time leader in wild
pitches with 343. But since Tony pitched from 1881-1894, I
figure that most of you didn”t know that. So, who are the top 3
all time among those who pitched after 1900? I”ll give you a
big hint. All are post-1950. Answer below.
The Worst Songs…Ever
Years ago, 1992 and 1993 to be exact, my brother passed on
some columns that Dave Barry had written on the worst songs
ever written. For some reason I held onto them all these years
and about six months ago, I wrote Barry asking permission to
reprint them for Bar Chat. After about 6 weeks, his assistant
called me up and politely said “No.” That”s OK. I understand.
We had a pleasant chat and I learned that at least once a week,
someone is literally passing off whole Barry columns as their own.
With the Net being what it is, I bet it”s more like 5-10 times.
Well, I did tell his assistant that I have quoted Barry before
(always complimentary) and felt within my rights to pull a quote
or two from his pieces. And guess what? I”m about to do it now.
You see, these columns were stupendous and the topic is as good
as any, I think you”d agree. When it comes to the worst songs
ever, we get rather passionate about it.
Barry polled the Miami Herald (where he hangs his hat) newsroom for
their opinions back in ”92. [For purposes of this discussion we
are limiting it to mostly popular music from the 50s, 60s and 70s.]
Some of the nominations Barry received were as follows:
“A Horse With No Name” – America
“Billy, Don”t Be A Hero” – Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods
“Kung Fu Fighting” – Carl Douglas
“Me And You And A Dog Named Boo” – Lobo
“Seasons In The Sun” – Terry Jacks
“Feelings” – Various artists
*Now you”ll recognize that some of these have been featured in
my previous music lists. What one person hates, obviously, the
buying public has loved.
Other comments: “Every song ever recorded by Bobby
Goldsboro.” “Virtually every song recorded since about 1972.”
Well, after Barry then polled his nationwide audience, he came up
with the following Top 3 Worst Songs of All Time:
#1 “MacArthur Park” – Richard Harris
#2 “Yummy Yummy Yummy (I Got Love In My Tummy) –
Ohio Express
#3 “Having My Baby” – Paul Anka
As to the #3 entry, one reader wrote: “It has no redeeming value
whatsoever – except my friend Brian yelled out during the birth
scene in the sequel to ”The Fly,” in full song. ”Having my
maggot!””
Other assorted observations, re worst lyrics of all time. From
Bobby Goldsboro”s ”Honey.”
“She wrecked the car and she was sad; And so afraid that I”d be
mad, but what the heck;
“Tho” I pretended hard to be; Guess you could say she saw
through me; And hugged my neck.”
A reader said of Goldsboro, “Bobby never caught on that he
could have bored a hole in himself and let the sap out.”
Now one artist who got an Honorable Mention, who your editor
personally likes, was Mac Davis, for hits such as “Watching
Scotty Grow” and “Baby Don”t Get Hooked On Me.”
Heck, I liked both of these! But there is a line in “Baby.” that
some argue is the worst of all time.
“You”re a hot-blooded woman child; And it”s warm where you”re
touching me.” Yeeshh!
How about some more. A lot of folks wrote in on “Sugar
Sugar,” “Afternoon Delight,” and “In The Year 2525”.where
evidently there is violent hatred in the land for this Zagar and
Evans garbage.
As to my all time worst, yes, “MacArthur Park” is right up there.
“Sugar Sugar” and “Yummy Yummy.” too, it goes without
saying. But my most visceral hatred is reserved for “The Lion
Sleeps Tonight” (The Tokens). On more than one occasion I
have come close to jumping out a window (or driving the car off
a bridge) when it comes on. You have to understand, it”s not a
matter of turning the dial, just hearing the first few bars ensures
that you are stuck with it for 2, maybe 3 days. [Just writing
about it, I”m breaking out in hives.]
The local oldies station in New York (actually the biggest in the
country), CBS-FM, has a Top 500 poll every two years or so.
Because it”s New York, the results aren”t what you”d imagine,
say, in North Carolina or Illinois. There is a hard core Doo-Wop
crowd, particularly in Brooklyn, that stuffs the ballot box to
guarantee victory for The Five Satins “In The Still Of The Night.”
Granted, not a bad song, but not #1, by far. [As I”ve written in
the past, I”d go for “Crystal Blue Persuasion,” “Hello, It”s Me,”
or “Fooled Around And Fell In Love”.for starters.then a little
“God Only Knows,” “Sail On Sailor” (Beach Boys).]
But the CBS poll from 1995-96 that I have lying around has “The
Lion Sleeps Tonight” at #34.All Time!!! What were these
people thinking! The same poll had “Crystal Blue Persuasion” at
#355! Hell, it had “Pennies From Heaven” (The Skyliners
version, an awesome tune) way back at #357.
Now I”m getting upset…I better wind this up…I”m sorry but I
can”t stand Bobby Darin. Now before I get death threats,
understand that CBS plays “Splish Splash” in its regular rotation.
Geezuz, it”s 2000, guys. You know how some songs, like The
Flamingos “I Only Have Eyes For You,” will be hits 200 years
from now? Well, “Splish Splash” was hideous when Darin
recorded it in 1958! But these CBS voters always have it around
#300. You know where the great Junior Walker”s “What Does It
Take” is listed.#461! A travesty, I tell ya.
And while we”re at it…I would number at least 4 Beach Boys
tunes in my personal Top 20. But I will never forgive Mike Love
for coming up with “Kokomo.” Ughh! And it got to #1 on the
charts! Where”s that window…
1968 Democratic Convention, continued
As the opening date of August 26 approached, tension in Chicago
mounted. Some 23,000 police, guardsmen and Army troops were
assembled to deal with the estimated 100,000 protesters that were
due to descend on the city.
On the night of August 22, a 17-year-old Native America in
hippie garb was shot and killed near Lincoln Park by police who
said he had fired on them. The demonstrators were to be allowed
to rally at the park each day but would have to clear out by an 11
o”clock city-imposed curfew.
Yippie leaders Abbie Hoffman and Jerry Rubin had compiled a
preposterous mock agenda and they got down to it on the 23rd,
when the two held a rally outside the Chicago Civic Center and
nominated their own presidential candidate – a porker dubbed
“Pigasus.” As described by author Jules Witcover:
“Rubin walked him over to the huge Picasso sculpture known to
locals as ”the gooney bird,” where a local reporter asked him.
”Why are you here?” Rubin replied: ”We want to give you a
chance to talk to our candidate, and to restate our demand that
Pigasus be given Secret Service protection and be brought to the
White House for his foreign-policy briefing.” In a minor scuffle,
seven of the Yippies were arrested, charged with disorderly
conduct, and the pig was taken to a humane shelter. Undaunted,
the Yippies found another pig.”
Rubin and Hoffman also floated rumors that they were going to
inject LSD into Chicago”s water supply and that they would
seduce the delegates” wives by sending out “stud” teams. This
kind of talk helped to keep many of the security forces occupied.
On Saturday the 24th and Sunday the 25th, the crowds in Lincoln
Park grew but the demonstrations were largely peaceful. Most of
the time they just shouted “Hey, hey, LBJ! How many kids have
you killed today?” But as the curfew was being enforced Sunday
evening, 1,000 demonstrators decided to confront the 500 or so
police on hand. The night sticks were flying. It was but a taste of
things to come.
To digress a second, remember that on August 20, the Soviet
Union and its Warsaw Pack allies had invaded Czechoslovakia to
put down the “Prague Spring.” It was a chaotic time. But since
we were already involved in Vietnam, and had no real obligation
to come to the Czechs aid, all the U.S. did was to call on the
Soviets “not to engage in punitive measures” against the Czech
people. For its part, the UN Security Council passed a resolution
condemning the invasion, but it was vetoed by the Soviets. Case
closed.
And so on Monday night, August 26, Mayor Daley opened the
convention. Daley saw the gathering as “an important sign of
faith to the American people for this national political convention
to be held here – not in some resort center, but in the very heart of
a great city where people live and work and raise their families.”
But he set the tone when he said of the “extremists.(they) seek
to destroy instead of to build, (and) make a mockery of our
institutions and values.”
Convention delegates, themselves, were not necessarily behind
the mayor. They were deeply divided on the issues. Daley”s
firebrand rhetoric would not be well received. “As long as I am
mayor of this city, there”s going to be law and order in Chicago.”
As Witcover writes, “In the temper of the times, the use of those
words that Democrats regularly charged were Republican code
for racism was particularly jolting.”
Giving the keynote speech, Senator Daniel K. Inouye (geez, this
guy has had a long career) noted:
“Why, when we have at least had the courage to open an attack
on the age-old curses of ignorance and disease and poverty and
prejudice, why are the flags of anarchism being hoisted by leaders
of our next generation? Why, when our maturing society
welcomes and appreciates art as never before, are poets and
painters so preponderantly hostile?”
As to Vietnam, Inouye, a war hero from World War II, noted,
“Just as we shun irresponsible calls for total and devastating
military victory, so must we guard against the illusion of an
instant peace that has no chance of permanence.”
There was a lot to discuss in Chicago. We”ll continue on
Wednesday. [Source: “1968: The Year the Dream Died”
Jules Witcover]
Canada at Sea
Harry K has been updating me on a rather bizarre situation. I”m
assuming the facts haven”t changed much since July 28.
The Canadian Forces arranged a deal whereby SDV Logistics of
Montreal was to figure out a way to return the military”s
equipment from Kosovo. SDV, in turn, subcontracted the job of
providing a ship to Andromeda Navigation of Montreal. So
Andromeda selected the GTS Katie, owned by Third Ocean
Marine of Maryland, but registered in St. Vincent.
Now GTS Katie was to ship 580 Canadian Forces vehicles,
including sophisticated Leopard tanks and highly sensitive gear,
along with 390 containers of equipment (like ammunition). In
other words, this huge cargo represented 10% of Canada”s entire
fleet of armoured vehicles and enough equipment to outfit a battle
group of 1,000.
The ship set sail around July 15 from Europe, bound for Canada.
On board are a crew of 21 Ukrainians, 2 Croatians, and 3
Canadian soldiers to monitor the cargo.
Canadian Forces don”t have their own transport ships capable of
moving such equipment, an increasingly large embarrassment for
the government in Ottawa.
So what happens? Well, some kind of very complex contract
dispute has arisen and a few days into its voyage, the GTS Katie
was told to slow down. Eventually, around July 25 it got to
within 600 miles of Halifax and was ordered by the contractor to
run around in a circle.
The whole operation was to cost about $1.3 million. Who and
when each party is going to get paid is the issue.
But now, suddenly, the Katie is running out of fuel and you can”t
just refuel a huge container vessel like this in the wicked North
Atlantic. That”s where we leave this story. The soldiers are
being treated well (they are unarmed but could probably man a
tank or two if need be) and spend their days watching Russian-
language videos.
Of course the real danger is that a ship stuck in the North Atlantic
during a storm, without fuel, is a sitting duck. Yet, this may have
an ant-climatic ending. Then again, it may not.
Golfing Fans in Scotland
After my story about Tiger and the “guttie” golf ball last week,
Johnny Mac passed along a tale of yore.
It seems that Tom Weiskopf and Jack Nicklaus were playing a
practice round at Carnoustie in 1975. The weather was more
typical of the land than what we just witnessed at St. Andrews,
very windy and drizzly. As it was a practice round, the crowds
were sparse.
At the par 3 8th hole, Weiskopf hit an iron aimed right at the only
2 spectators, a couple of elderly lads. As was his intention, the
wind took the shot right at the stick but there was no reaction
from the “crowd.”
Jack and Tom looked all over for the ball; in the trap, in the
gourse around the green, when Jack found it in the hole.
Weiskopf asked the 2 Scots if they saw the shot go in. “Sure
did,” they replied.
Said Tom, “Well, no reaction at all?”
Said one of the Scots, “Aye laddie, but it”s only practice, isn”t it?”
Top 3 songs for the week of 7/27/68: #1 “Grazing In The Grass”
(Hugh Masekala) #2 “Lady Willpower” (Gary Puckett & The
Union Gap) #3 “Stoned Soul Picnic” (The 5th Dimension…a
solid Top 3, mused the editor).
Quiz Answer: The all time leader post-1900 in wild pitches is
Nolan Ryan with 277. Phil Niekro is 2nd with 226. These first
two make perfect sense, when you really think about it. But #3 is
Jack Morris, who threw 206.
And now for your totally useless tidbit of the day. In 1963 there
were 4 no-hitters, 2 thrown by Sandy Koufax, one authored by
Juan Marichal, and the fourth tossed by Houston”s Don
Nottebart. Don Nottebart? Yup, forever in the record book
despite a less than auspicious 36-51 lifetime mark. Kind of like
Bo Belinsky, but Nottebart didn”t date Mamie Van Doren.
Next Bar Chat, Wednesday.One-Hit Wonders and more from
the ”68 Democratic Convention.
