ABA Quiz: 1) What two players won 2 or more MVP awards
during the league”s 9 years (1967-1976)? 2) What player won
the award at the age of 21? Answers below.
Animal Chat…Public Service Announcement
As you know, from time to time the International Web Site
Association (IWSA) mandates that those of us who operate in
this medium dispense some advice on how to take care of
yourself in the event of a mountain lion or bear attack.
For starters, mountain lion sightings have been soaring in
California the past few years. But while only two people have
been killed there between 1986-1998, and only another two,
ever, in Colorado, the threat is growing.
Oh sure, fans of mountain lions say that 4,000 folks in
California, for example, die each year in auto accidents (or
something like that), and that the incidents of mauling by cougar
are insignificant.
Well, I have just one thing to say to that.even here in New
Jersey I”m more scared of mountain lions or bears than I am of,
say, airport security at Newark Airport.
You see I always measure the threat in one simple way. When I
go out to get the morning paper in my driveway, what would I do
if a cougar was sitting there, paper in its grasp?
The good folks in California offer up the advice that if you ever
do come across a mountain lion, always make yourself look
bigger. And if you have small children lying around, pick them
up and put them on your shoulders. [Don”t let them giggle or
snicker, however, the animals hate being made fun of.]
Authorities also advise, seriously, that you “Yell for help by
screaming cougar!” Of course this is to alert humans in the area,
like in a nearby parking lot, that you face a real menace. But my
issue with this would be that with Ford”s announcement that they
are discontinuing the ”cougar” line of automobiles, anyone
hearing “Cougar!” would think, there”s no way that”s true, Ford
no longer makes them.
Also, remember that mountain lions lie in wait, hidden, before
BAMM, you”re bitten on the back of the neck and your spinal
cord is severed.
True story.as is 90% of the above.back on July 17, 1997, a
10-year-old boy was killed by a 88-pound adult female cougar
while hiking in Cascade Falls, Rocky Mountain National Park,
Colorado. The kid had raced ahead of his parents to see if
peanuts he had left on the ground as the family was climbing up
a hill were eaten by an animal while they were away. He was
only minutes ahead of his folks when they saw him. [The rest is
really gross.but let”s just say the boy didn”t die solely from the
puncture wounds. And you can look it up.
“tchester.org/sgm/lists/lion_attacks.html”]
As for bears, you may want to check out
“worldweb.com/parkscanada-banff/bears.html”. Our good
friends up north have put together a terrific guide to follow in the
event you find a bear munching on the sports section one
morning.
On the safety front, if you”re walking downtown, for example, or
running out for a 6-pack, make noise! Let any bears in the area
know you”re around. Also, never forget the old saying, “stay
alert, stay alive!” “Watch for bears in the area and for their signs
– tracks, droppings, torn-up logs,” human skulls.
And if you come across large dead animals (like an elephant),
leave the area immediately and report the finding to your local
Game Warden. If you”re in an urban area and you can”t find the
appropriate official, go online.
Other tips:
Remember, each bear is unique; some are sports fans, for
instance, and some aren”t. Whatever you do, though, stay calm:
speak firmly, but with understanding, “You know, Smokey, you
really should diversify out of this wildlife telecom stock. What
do you need an exposure in broadband for, anyway?”
Now the experts agree on one thing, if you surprise a bear and it
opts to defend itself, “Play Dead!” “Lie on your stomach with
legs apart. Protect your face, the back of your head and neck
with your arms. [In other words, sacrifice the arms. Also, watch
out for red ants.] Remain still until the bear leaves the area.
These attacks seldom last more than a few minutes (at which
point you”ve died of shock). While fighting back usually
increases the intensity of such an attack, in some cases it has
caused the bear to leave. If the attack continues for more than
several minutes (and you have a sinew left in your body),
consider fighting back.”
But here”s a contradiction.If a bear stalks you and then attacks,
or attacks at night, “Don”t play dead – Fight Back! First – try to
escape, preferably to a building, car, or up a tree.” [I”d
recommend the nearest U.S. Army Special Ops unit. Rambo,
please.]
Horrific Real Life Tales
While we”re on this general topic, wild elephants have killed at
least 17 people in central India in just the past week. If
misinterpreted, this could precipitate war between India and
Pakistan. Let”s hope cooler heads prevail.
Also, Harry K. passed along a piece by Patti Edgar of the Ottawa
Citizen concerning the fisher, the metre-long member of the
weasel family and close cousin to the wolverine. Actually, this is
more than a bit scary. Fishers were deemed to be eradicated long
ago in Ontario, but, thanks to misguided conservation efforts,
they are back in a big way. At least 15 cat owners in the eastern
part of the province have lost their pets, all assumed to be victims
of the fisher. One owner saw a fisher haul away her cat in broad
daylight. Said Dave Arbour, a former conservation officer,
“They”ll eat them right off your front step.”
Now if you remember your childhood lessons, fishers are also
one of the few animals that can kill a porcupine and they”ve been
known to take down wounded deer as well. Of course if they
were to cross into the United States, look out. They”d hook up
with the bears and the mountain lions and.
Stuff
–Remember how I wondered what the ”dot” was all about in
singer India.Arie”s name? Well, the current issue of Newsweek
explains all. But first, Arie”s father is former ABA / NBA player
Ralph Simpson. Newsweek fails to point out that Simpson had
some pretty fair seasons with Denver of the ABA, including
scoring averages of 27.4 and 23.3 during the period 1971-73. He
ended up with a 20.4 avg. for his full time with Denver, 1970-76,
before heading to Detroit of the NBA after the merger, where he
scored at a 11.0 clip his first year. After that he was basically a
bust. Simpson played a little college ball at Michigan State and I
seem to remember him going out early.
Now where were we? Oh, back to India.Arie”s ”dot” or ”period.”
According to reporter Lorraine Ali, “(Her parents) named their
daughter India because her due date was on Mahatma Gandhi”s
birthday, and gave her the middle name Arie because it was short
for her mother”s name, Marie. [Yeesh]. She inserted the period
later ”to make it more like a logo people would remember.”” So
there you have it. I”m changing my own name to “The….Editor.”
–By now many of you have seen the story of the new Brooklyn
Borough president and his attempt to remove a portrait of George
Washington that has hung from the president”s office for years.
Marty Markowitz said “I respect history but there has to be a
recognition that this is 2002. There”s not one picture of a person
of color, not one kid, not one Latin.”
Now I”m trying not to get too uptight over this. Of course there
is the American History angle we have harped on in this space
over just the past few weeks. It”s all pretty disgusting. But in an
attempt to step back and look at it objectively, evidently there are
other portraits of white men in colonial garb hanging in the
building, most without name plates so no one knows who they
are. Yeah, go ahead and remove them. And you can take
George out of your office, I guess. But, geezuz, don”t freakin”
tell people why, especially when you are such an idiot!
In an attempt to be helpful, however, may I suggest a picture of
Slappy White or Nipsey Russell?
–The New York Post reported on its Page Six column that Wall
Street Journal editorial page writer John Fund has taken a leave
of absence because he is rumored (emphasis on ”rumored”) to be
marrying the daughter of a former girlfriend. Let”s see; he”s 46,
the daughter is 27. And Fund dated the mother for 20 years. But
wait.there”s more. The daughter taped phone conversations
with Fund to show her incredulous mother what he was doing.
You can see why some say the wedding won”t come off.
–January 20, 1968: 52,700 see #2 Houston defeat #1 UCLA 71-
69 at the Astrodome in a game that will change the shape of
college basketball forever, as tens of millions view it on
television. The “Big E,” Elvin Hayes, dominated an injured Lew
Alcindor (eye problem), with Hayes pumping in 39 of his team”s
71.
–Oops, one more animal story passed along by Harry K. From
AP, several flesh-eating pet lizards were found, err, feasting on
the corpse of their owner in his Newark, Delaware apartment.
Nile monitor lizards were chowing down on 42-year-old Ronald
Huff. The largest was 6-feet long. Eegads. The actual cause of
death is unknown at this time. Don”t worry. I won”t report it
when I see it.
Top 3 songs for the week of 1/21/67: #1 “I”m A Believer” (The
Monkees) #2 “Snoopy vs. The Red Baron” (The Royal
Guardsman) #3 “Tell It Like It Is” (Aaron Neville)
ABA Quiz Answers: 1) Mel Daniels was a two-time MVP with
Indiana in 1969 and 1971. Dr. J. won it 3 times, 1974-76. In ”75
he shared it with George McGinnis. 2) Spencer Haywood was
MVP in 1970 at the age of 21, as he averaged 30 points and 19.5
rebounds for Denver. Of course us New York Knicks fans recall
a different ballplayer, “Spencer Driftwood.”
Next Bar Chat…well, to be truthful, I”m not sure. We may take
Martin Luther King Jr. Day off.
