Baseball Quiz: 1) All-time leader in steals of home? 2) Rickey
Henderson enters 2002 with 1,395 career stolen bases. Who is
next on the active list? 3) Who is the all-time leader in games
pitched? Answers below.
Doin” the Museum Thing
Boy, I mean to tell ya, you don”t come all the way to Taipei to go
to museums. They”re pretty boring, to say the least, unless
you”re into looking at 1,000-year-old pottery, floor after floor,
museum after museum. Seeing as I serve my favorite guests
plastic utensils at home, my appreciation for the finer stuff is
nonexistent.
Anyway, I bring this up because my first two full days in Taipei,
I crisscrossed the area doing the sites and I can”t say I found
much of interest. [I”ll have kinder words, however, in my “Week
in Review.”] In fact, I wanted to learn more about Chiang Kai-
shek, who ruled the place from 1949-75, and found zero, zippo,
nada.at least in English.
So first, let”s go through some of the museums I went to. There
was the National Palace Museum. Now this is where all the
possessions from the mainland that Chiang looted in the ten
years before he fled to Taiwan are stored. There is so much stuff
(mostly pottery) that he had tunnels built into the mountain to
store it all. I had read this museum was dull but it was part of a
tour so I suffered through it. At least my personal guide taught
me some Buddhism.
Then, day two, it was onto the Museum of Natural History,
where I found nothing but more pottery and a little sculpture. I”d
rate it a 2 on a scale of 1 to 10 (the Palace Museum was a “1”).
Now I was beginning to panic, because what the hell was I going
to write about? So it was off to the Provincial Museum. [Day
two I was on my own and I must have hopped in 7 cabs,
frantically looking for something interesting.] This one had an
exhibit on a British chap, Needham, who is a key figure in these
parts, only nothing was in English! D”oh! [I did see a giant
cockroach in the corner, however.]
Back to the hotel, where I begged the concierge for help. I need
to learn something about Chiang Kai-shek, I pleaded. Don”t you
have a military museum? Oh, it”s a small one, I was told, and off
I went. None of the cadets manning the place spoke a word of
English and the whole three floors was in Chinese, except for an
English translation of the Japanese surrender in 1945. The
document ended, “We need to remember the hate.” Oops. Not
very diplomatic these days, I mused. [Actually, earlier the
translation read, “On Sept. 18, 1931.Japanese troops
unreasonable (sic) attacked Shen-yang to slaughter people.”
Well, that”s the truth, sports fans.]
Anyway, I have learned zippo at 4 national museums. [Saw a
few jade snuffboxes that were pretty cool, though.] Alas, there
was always the Sun Yat-Sen memorial. Now the good ”Dr.” is
the founder of the Republic of China, back in 1911, and he really
is a fascinating figure, but I arrived at his memorial, started going
through the exhibit and, once again, it was all Chinese. Well,
this time I asked a female cadet if she spoke any English. The
poor girl got so flustered, but she saved the day as she pulled a
booklet in English out of her desk drawer. I could have hugged
her, but I”m sure I would have received twenty years for that so I
thought the better of it.
So now you probably think I”m going to bore you with the
history of Sun Yat-Sen, don”t you? No, I”ll save that for “Hott
Spotts” someday. He is worthy of a full piece. And as for
Chiang Kai-shek, well I already knew he was a dirtball and I
can”t say I have any more respect for the man having been here.
After all, he gave new meaning to the terms “corruption” and
“martial law” while he graced the world stage. Thankfully,
Taiwan has made tremendous strides since his passing (though it
took almost another 25 years) and this place does have an
exciting future. But if they need a new museum curator, I”m up
to the task.
Stuff
[They do have 3 decent English language newspapers here,
which I devour each day. It”s always funny what other places
find important when they pull wire service stories from around
the world.]
–Like this morning the tale of Dwight Gooden”s drunk driving
arrest made the Taiwan Times. Granted, baseball is pretty big
here, but news?
–Here”s a headline: “Mainland gives Taiwan ”finger” in
encouraging friendly gesture.” It turns out a Buddhist group
from the mainland is escorting a finger purported to have come
from Sakamuni Buddha, who died in 485 B.C. Since then, there
was a period of over 1,000 years when it wasn”t seen in public.
Too bad I”m leaving the day before it arrives in Taipei. This is
going to be a big deal, complete with a huge parade. I could
have joined the locals in throwing myself down on the street as it
passed. [But knowing my luck I would have been hit by a
scooter.]
–Here”s something straight out of a James Bond flick.
“Hong Kong police have launched a hunt for four men who
pulled off an audacious armed robbery in the middle of.one of
the territory”s upscale shopping malls.
“The thieves, dressed in suits and ties, strolled into the jewelry
story…posing as well-heeled customers.
“They then proceeded to pull out pistols and forced 13 customers
to lie on the floor.they fled with more than $1.2 million in
jewelry and watches.
[Here”s the movie angle.and you know these guys planned it
this way.]
“Reports said the robbery was carried out while shoppers outside
the shop were distracted by a noisy lion dance being staged to
mark the return to work after last week”s Lunar New Year
holiday.”
–So I missed President”s Day back home and the latest poll,
which at least had Abraham Lincoln #1. But Bill Clinton tied for
4th with Reagan and FDR? Sad; very, very sad.
–If you live in Turkmenistan and reach the age of 62, you get a
3-day holiday and a small government stipend! Awright! One
problem. The life expectancy at birth for Turkmen men is only
60.
–Gosh, I wish there was a way I could put a picture from the
paper this morning up on the site, that of a wild boar that was
caught in the mountains of Taiwan yesterday. Unbelievable.
Dozens of hunters rounded up this beast that had terrorized a
village for ten years, killing at least 20 dogs. Hell, I”ll bring it
back and get the boys to scan it later. [By the way, Taiwan is
incredibly mountainous and really is a beautiful place once you
get out of the cities.]
–Now this story had to make the papers back in the States. A
Filipino man was killed after sarcastically applauding a student
for singing Sinatra”s “My Way” at a Manila karaoke. The singer
felt insulted and shot the guy outside. Evidently, karaoke parlors
have been removing the song from playlists because it frequently
causes fights. These guys haven”t heard me do my mean
impersonation of Maurice White of Earth, Wind & Fire.
–Headline: “Man missing in Daintree (Australia) may now be
crocodile food.” StocksandNews extends its sympathy to the
family.
–20 Chinese chefs have gotten together and pledged to keep rare
animals out of pots, things like “monkey brain.” Now if we can
just get them to do the same with dogs.
–One of my tour guides, fascinated that I”m losing money yet
still traveling to Taiwan, noted that his favorite American group
is the Eagles. “Ah, ”Hotel California,” great song, great song.”
Good tastes, my friend.
–World Golf rankings: #1 Tiger Woods #2 Phil Mickelson #3
David Duval #4 Sergio Garcia #5 Ernie Els #6 Retief Goosen
#7 David Toms #8 Vijay Singh #9 Davis Love III #10 Chris
DiMarco. [If you got Goosen and DiMarco, you”re goooood.]
–So when I arrived in Taipei, I was reading this story about a
giant shopping mall that has opened up recently. [Haven”t seen
it yet.] It”s 15-stories, in the shape of a sphere, and has some
1,000 stores. Now picture that on weekends some 100,000
crowd into it. I”m thinking huge firetrap. [For some reason the
mall opened up last November without a license, which it then
obtained a month later.] Sure enough, Monday the mall had a
real life fire, starting on the third floor, but amazingly, no one
was injured.
It turns out it was probably arson, and the owners are now
offering an award for $500,000 leading to the arrests of the
perpetrators. But you know how my mind works. I fear that this
site, “Core Pacific City,” will one day be the scene of a massive
terrorist attack. It”s simply too easy.
I did go to a different 12-story shopping mall yesterday (in
between my frantic museum search) and I loved the uniformed
elevator operators, beautiful women in shocking pink outfits,
bowing as you entered. A nice touch for back home.
–I met a couple from Oregon that was stopping through Taipei
on their way back from Thailand. Now get this, they belong to
the Jackie Chan fan club and, true groupies that they are, they
went all the way to Thailand to attend a party he throws for his
fans each year. There were over 500 at this year”s shindig and
the Americans said it was an awesome time. [Yes, he”s there and
makes sure everyone gets a picture with him.] Hey, who am I to
criticize? I traveled all the way to Taiwan to look at pottery!
Top 3 songs for the week of 2/19/66: #1 “Lightnin” Strikes”
(Lou Christie) #2 “These Boots Are Made For Walkin”” (Nancy
Sinatra…probably not a good karaoke song in Manila, either) #3
“Uptight (Everything”s Alright)” (Stevie Wonder)
Baseball Quiz Answers: 1) Steals of home: Ty Cobb, 50. No
active player has 10. [Who wants to risk injury with the bucks
they”re making?] 2) Barry Bonds is second on the active steals
list with 484. Kenny Lofton has 479. 3) Jesse Orosco is the all-
time leader in games pitched with 1,131. John Franco enters this
year with 998.
So after my initial Belgian beers, I have been drinking nothing
but “Taiwan Beer.” My first night I ordered up two bottles as a
nightcap…only each one was 32 ounces! Goodness gracious.
Then I”m out at a fancy restaurant last night, I order Taiwan Beer
(which I”m told isn”t exported outside the country…if anyone
has seen this in America, I”d like to know) and they place the 32-
ounce bottle in a wine bucket! Baby, you gotta love it. You”re
reading Bar Chat.
Next one, Tuesday.
