Minnesota Vikings Quiz: 1) Interceptions, career? 2) Field
goals, career? 3) Rushing, career? 4) Receptions, season? 5)
Passing yards, game? [hint: 490] 6) 1st coach (1961-66)?
Answers below.
Your Detroit Tigers!
You know, it’s really unbelievable that this club is actually
breaking records as one of the three worst teams in baseball
history since 1900. I mean when I went to see them last month,
they were something like 28-82 and I was thinking, surely,
they’ll win well over 40. Not likely now, heading into the final
week of the season, as the Tigers just matched the record of the
1916 Philadelphia A’s with loss #117 on Sunday. At 38-117,
only the ’62 Mets stand in the way with their 40-120 season.
Unfortunately, this isn’t in the least bit funny.
Miss America
So I returned from powerless Norfolk, VA on Saturday (I was
lucky to get out of there) and that evening I was flipping
through the channels at 8:00 when, omigosh, it’s Miss America!
I have something to write about now for Bar Chat, I thought.
We live for shows like this, good filler as we say.
Now if you didn’t catch Miss America, you probably won’t
appreciate what follows, but there should be something else
below that tickles your fancy.
So…being the shallow fellow that I am, as the 51 women
introduced themselves at the start of the festivities, I jotted down
those that appealed to me and I came up with 13…
Alaska (Blair Chenoweth!!!!!), Colorado (Broncos cheerleader!),
Florida, Louisiana (loved NASCAR), Maryland, Mississippi,
New Jersey (best eyes), New Mexico, North Carolina (wants to
intern for Elizabeth Dole…Republican!), Oklahoma,
Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, and Virginia.
I then guessed that Miss Alaska would take it all, Miss Florida
would be second, and Miss Louisiana third.
So they then announced the final 15.
Alabama, California, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Indiana,
Maryland, Michigan, Missouri, New Hampshire, New Jersey,
Oklahoma, Rhode Island, Virginia, Wisconsin.
At this point I was incredulous that Miss Alaska, the beautiful
and talented Blair Chenoweth (actually, I had no idea whether or
not she was talented, but she WAS beautiful!!!), had failed to be
picked for the final 15. This was an outrage, I tell ya.
But I also realized I had terribly missunderestimated New
Hampshire, Hawaii, and California. I was liking all three more
and more.
Meanwhile, my original #2, Miss Florida, appeared to be holding
her own, but I was getting irritated with Miss Virginia, who was
more than a bit over the top with her cocky behavior. I wanted to
trade Virginia for Hawaii or California, but the Bar Chat judges
wouldn’t allow me to do so. Anyway, Miss Virginia didn’t make
it to the final ten, if my scribbled notes are correct, and before
you knew it, there were just five left:
California, Maryland, Florida, Hawaii, and Wisconsin.
So these five then gave us a display of their talent, which was
minimal. Plus earlier, in an interview segment, Miss Maryland
had turned me off with her anti-school voucher stance. Of
course the audience wildly applauded her, which told you
everything about their political bent as well.
But we move on, and now…Miss America…the third runner-
up…Miss Maryland. “Boooo, Boooo,” cried the audience. Yoh,
guys, Miss Maryland not only brought up school vouchers, she
also threw in Maya Angelou, of “A river, a hawk, a gerbil”
fame, or something like that.
In the end it was between Hawaii and Florida, with Florida, my
original #2 way back, taking the crown…Ericka Dunlap.
We eagerly await the Miss Universe pageant!
Stuff
–Did you see that Tigers announcer Larry Sorensen was jailed
for 30 days for his 5th drunk-driving offense? Like I said, the
story of the 2003 Tigers isn’t in the least bit funny.
–And now, your college football review. Who gets the
coveted StocksandNews “College Game Ball” award for the
week? It’s a toss-up, between Marshall and Toledo, but we give
it to Marshall for its 27-20 upset win over #6 Kansas State.
“Frosties,” our new award for those earning an honorable
mention, go to Toledo for its 36-31 victory over #11 Pitt (crap!),
and Northern Illinois, which defeated #21 Alabama, 19-16.
Do you detect a pattern here? All three victors are from the
freakin’ Mid-American Conference, for crying out loud, and for
its part, Northern Illinois has also defeated a then ranked
Maryland squad in week one. Plus, another member of the
MAC, Bowling Green, earlier beat Purdue and this week lost to
Ohio State by only 24-17. So it’s about time this conference got
some respect, don’t you think? Yet the powers that be refuse to
include it in the Bowl Championship Series. This blows. Back
in sixty……………
–Go DEACS! Wake Forest did what it had to do in handily
defeating East Carolina, 34-16. We’re 3-1 and feeling pretty
good about ourselves, to tell you the truth. Big game against
Virginia this coming weekend, though.
–Southern Cal didn’t play, thus no award for those lovely
cheerleaders, but we look forward to seeing them in action again
soon.
–How about these individual, record-breaking performances?
Oklahoma’s Antonio Perkins had 277 return yards and 3
touchdowns, both Division I-A marks (the old record was 219),
and then you had Oklahoma State’s Rashaun Woods who caught
7 (!) touchdown passes against SMU. Goodness gracious.
–Sports Illustrated had a note that boosters down at the
University of Georgia have reportedly spent $309,000 to
refurbish athletic director Vince Dooley’s home.
–Guess who’s coming back? Opus, of “Bloom County” fame!
Can you believe it’s been 8 years? Cartoonist Berkely Breathed
is returning with Opus, solo, and only on weekends, but we’ll
take it. Now if we can just get “Calvin and Hobbes” to make a
comeback, I’d be set.
–Atlanta’s Greg Maddux won his 15th game of the season on
Sunday, meaning he now holds a pretty darn impressive record,
that being he has won at least 15 games for 16 straight seasons.
The fellow he shared the mark at 15 and 15 with was none other
than Cy Young. Can’t say I’m a Maddux fan (you wouldn’t
expect a Mets fanatic to be one, would you?), but you have to
respect this, big time.
–So I’m catching “The Emmy Awards Show” out of the corner of
my eye, just to see what the babes are wearing, and I have to
hand it to Jeri Ryan (“Boston Public”), nice outfit…but horrible
hair.
–13-year-old golfer Michelle Wie missed another cut as she
attempted to compete with the men, this time on the Nationwide
Tour (the AAA-league, for those of you not familiar with the
various golf tours). She fell short by 12 strokes. In other words,
Michelle, why aren’t you back at school yet?
–Is Wanda Sykes the least funny lady in show business or what?
–Wohhh, a bear story! This 180-pound black bear broke into the
basement of a Vernon, NJ home last week, twice in the same
day. The first time a neighbor saw it happen and alerted a
woman and her two children in the home, who were all able to
escape. But they didn’t report the intrusion, after the bear was
frightened away by an air horn. So later that day, the bear
returned through the same broken basement door. Well, this
doesn’t have a great ending, for the bear, that is, so I’ll leave
out the gory details.
However, now that the bears are looking for their winter dens
and bulking up, as one wildlife spokesman in the state said, bear
encounters are an increasing possibility. Bar Chat will be there
to report on the carnage.
–The owners of the Bottom Line nightclub in New York’s
Greenwich Village, a once famous spot of some 30 years, owe
New York University, the landlord, some $185,000 in back rent.
So these dirtball owners want someone to bail them out. What a
shame that the fabled Bottom Line could be shut down, they say.
Oh, c’mon. No one gives a damn. Pay up or ship out.
–One of my favorite newsletters, “International Living,” had its
annual list of best places to retire to, and this year’s winner is…
Panama?! Followed by Malta, Australia, France, and Canada.
Ireland was #27 and the U.S. #28, both receiving “zero” for real
estate prices and cost of living.
–No, I will never watch Whoopi Goldberg’s new show.
–The only shows I do watch, aside from the news, Sunday talk
shows, and “60 Minutes,” are “The Simpsons,” “Everybody
Loves Raymond,” and “Friends.” [“Seinfeld” reruns, too, when I
remember.] Of course I also watch PBS’ “Frontline,” the best
serious program on the air, but I don’t see the cast sitting in the
front row at the Emmys.
–Tony Shalhoub? Monk? When is this show on?
–The New York Mets are closing with a rush, having lost 16 of
17.
–Us Jets fans can”t blame Vinny Testaverde for the 0-3 start.
Can”t anyone catch the ball, or run a route without going out of
bounds?
–Of 600 deaths in hurricanes and tropical storms the last 3
decades, 354 died from flooding related mishaps. Not sure on
the tally for Isabel. And since I was stranded in Virginia for a
few days, I learned while there that the heaviest rainfall ever in
the state was 27 inches from the remnants of Hurricane Camille
in 1969. Now Camille, you’ll recall, struck Mississippi, but was
still packing quite a punch when it hit Virginia. In fact an
incredible 153 were killed in the state, mostly from landslides in
the mountains. The highest wind gust ever recorded in Virginia
was 130 mph from Hurricane Hazel back in 1954.
And I was reading a piece in the Virginia-Pilot on the Hurricane
of 1933. One resident remembers this vicious storm that passed
directly over Norfolk.
“Mosquitoes were so thick they had to get chained-up convicts to
dig drainage trenches to the ocean,” Elizabeth Sills said. “You
could hear these convicts out there going: ‘Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!’ They were being bitten so bad.”
I’m not so sure Ms. Sills remembered this properly.
–Finally, we have a new entrant to the “Bar Chat Hall of Fame,”
golfer Darren Clarke from Northern Ireland. According to
Sports Illustrated, Clarke was asked if he had ever won
tournaments in back-to-back weeks.
“It’s taken longer than five days to sober up, so probably not.”
Mr. Clarke, a plaque in your honor will be placed in the entrance
hall.
[A site for the Bar Chat Hall of Fame has yet to be determined.
Actually, we’re trying to get a government grant.]
Top 3 songs for the week of 9/23/67: #1 “The Letter” (The Box
Tops) #2 “Ode To Billie Joe” (Bobbie Gentry) #3 “Come Back
When You Grow Up” (Bobby Vee)
Minnesota Vikings Quiz Answers: 1) Interceptions, career: Paul
Krause, 53 (1968-79). 2) Field goals, career: Fred Cox, 282
(1963-77). 3) Rushing, career: Robert Smith…6,818 yards
(1993-2000). 4) Receptions, season: Cris Carter, 122 (both 1994
and ’95). 5) Passing yards, game: Tommy Kramer, 490 (11/86).
6) 1st coach, 1961-66: Norm Van Brocklin, 29-51-4.
Next Bar Chat, Thursday. A legend in Poland.
