Los Angeles / Brooklyn Dodgers Quiz (1900-2003): 1) Last
season they won a pennant? 2) Only two infielders to have their
uniform # retired? 3) Last N.L. MVP? 4) Only two, 200-game
winners? 5) Only 3 with 2,000 hits? [Hint: One of these guys is
from way, way back.] 6) Last batting champ? Answers below.
Beer Count, Part II
Yes, after intense discussions with my advisers, it has been
decided to continue with the series at the risk of serious damage
to my professional career. After all, it’s the best way to let you
know what I’ve been up to the past few days on this Asian
adventure.
So you’ll recall that commencing on Saturday, April 24, I began
to track my beer intake to see if the new scientific study that
purports to show damage to the cranium after 100 beers in a 30-
day period is correct. The question thus becomes…if I hit this
mark, would I still be able to write my column?
We pick up our tale on Wednesday, April 28. I’m still in Hong
Kong and opt to have lunch at the beautiful Peninsula Hotel. It’s
also one of the better people watching spots in the world as you
sit in the lobby, ogling the rich women as they strut about in this
very expensive place. Two beers. I then went shopping on
nearby Nathan Road and was harassed 30 times in the space of
five blocks to buy a watch. This is stupid, I mused, and took the
ferry back across to Hong Kong Island. I then had just two more
beers at dinner. So my 5-day tally at this point is a mere 17
beers, a record low for any trip of this kind…and frankly I know
you’re very disappointed in me. But remember…lest you be too
harsh, and pull your subscription, I lost a day to the international
date line in my flight over.
Thursday, April 29. Hong Kong – Singapore….Singapore
Airlines. Oh, those lovely stewardesses. And even in coach I
had a good meal…and a window seat where I had the chance to
view Vietnam as we flew down the coast. I must say, my
thoughts were of the Vietnam War and what it must have been
like, being a soldier, as you approached the land for the first
time, knowing what was transpiring there.
But back to the task at hand…I had two glasses of wine with my
lunch and a cup of beer. “A cup?!” you ask. Hey, they were
serving it with the orange and apple juice. Can’t say I’ve ever
seen it offered up like that before. “That’s beer?” I asked the
Singapore girl. “Yes,” she replied, and I thought “What a
wonderful airline…what wonderful service.”
However, this all calls for an official ruling. Two glasses of
wine and a cup of beer (probably just 7 ounces). Decision? 2 ½
beers. I then arrived at my hotel early evening and, still on a
screwed up sleeping schedule, passed out. That was the total
intake for the day, thus we’re now up to only 19 ½ beers.
Friday, April 30. “Week in Review” day (I help out that other
guy who writes it, mind you). This is an all-day process, in case
you didn’t already know it, but I made good progress and had it
written by about 1:30 PM, earlier than I expected (I did have to
wait over 12 hours for the U.S. market to close, however), and so
I celebrated by rushing out to lunch.
I headed around the corner and walked into the first good-
looking Thai place I could find, where I was warmly greeted and
served my first full Tiger Beer. That’s the award-winning Tiger
Beer, sports fans; Singapore’s own and the 2004 champ of The
Association of Brewers World Beer Cup…European-Style
Pilsener category. [I had seen all this in the paper on the
airplane.]
Well, with my deep-fried grouper (and the head was definitely
fried, if you know what I’m sayin’) I had two Tigers. Duly
replenished, on the way back I did what every tourist in
Singapore has to do once, have a Singapore Sling at the Long
Bar in Raffle’s Hotel. Yes, this is the very place where the drink
originated and they take you to the cleaners, price wise, but it’s a
cool bar and worth the experience. [A Singapore Sling is gin,
cherry brandy, cointreau, and pineapple juice…I think I have that
right.]
So, after this refreshing libation I went straight back to the hotel
and promptly….passed out. And I didn’t awake until about 3:00
AM, at which point I finished WIR. Which means that after 7
days I was up to only 22 ½ beers (counting the Sing Sling as
one). But…this also means I’d still be around 100 for 30 days at
such a pace. Yikes! And I’ve been behaving!
Then came Saturday, May 1. Or May Day, as it’s celebrated
everywhere in the world except back in the U.S., it seems.
Having put WIR to bed, I was looking forward to a busy day
seeing the town, quaffing Tiger Beer with the locals.
But first I headed to the Singapore Zoo. Folks, I’m not saying
you need to travel half way around the world to come here, but if
you’re in the vicinity it’s well worth it. This is the finest zoo I’ve
been to in the world. As you would expect in Singapore, they
treat the animals with respect and the exhibits are superb. I also
saw some animals that I had never seen before, like the Maned
Wolf and Malayan Sunbear (cute little thing). And then you had
these wicked Hunting Dogs of Africa, the size of a beagle but
capable of bringing down a gazelle.
Anyway, I was getting into it…as the sky rapidly darkened. My
taxi driver told me it would be raining by 11:00 AM and I should
rent an umbrella. [It rains a lot here.] I didn’t, but thankfully I
was at the reptile house when the deluge hit…at exactly 10:59.
Goodness gracious; your classic tropical downpour. Well, this
offered me the opportunity to get up close and personal with the
Black Spitting Cobra, a monster indigenous to the area. It spits
venom up to 6 feet, aiming for your eyes.
When the weather finally cleared, I resumed the tour and spent
time staring at these fantastic chimpanzee, orangutan and baboon
exhibits. They actually recreated The Great Rift Valley from
Ethiopia, complete with 50+ baboons. Pretty impressive stuff.
Finally, just to give you a sense of how civil the people are in
these parts, they once treated a Komodo dragon with acupuncture
when it appeared to be in the dumps.
Zoo trip over, I cabbed it back to the hotel, at which point it’s
about 1:00. I forgot to tell you it’s oppressively humid here, very
conducive to beer drinking, and so I didn’t even make it back to
my room to change first (dry cleaners do well here, too)…as I
plunked myself down in the lobby bar and had 4 quick cold
ones…along with a delicious order of Vietnamese spring rolls.
Then upstairs for a power nap and around 4:30 I had to check out
the scene on Orchard Road, the main shopping drag and people
watching strip, as the guidebooks have it. Now it was a national
holiday, the place was jammed, and it was hot as hell. Within 10
minutes you’re dripping wet. But I soldiered on, looking for the
best possible watering hole and finally found an outdoor one that
had some ventilation at the Marriott Hotel. About a half hour
later I met a delightful British chap who worked in the region
and we bought each other a few rounds, while checking out the
sights (if you catch my drift), and before you know it…we had 4
or 5 Tigers.
Now it was about 7:30, my new friend and I parted and I headed
back to my hotel, famished. Along the way I sought out a
Turkish joint I had seen earlier and they had live music going
and I told the waiter, “Order for me, sir.” “You want the fish, or
do you want the meats?” “Gimme the meats,” I said. “And I’ll
have a Tiger.” And so I had another two Tigers there and was in
bed by 10:00. Yes, a 10-bagger. [Maybe 11…but the official
record will show 10.] And wouldn’t you know it; I finally had a
good night’s sleep. Tiger Beer and walking about 5 miles will do
that to you. I’m up to 32 ½ beers.
Sunday, May 2. Yes, I still got up early…had to read all the
papers, you understand, and answer viewer mail. I was at the
Asian Civilizations Museum at 10:00 AM. I have to be honest,
this wasn’t my favorite, but I did get a kick out of the description
on the Peranakan Chinese, who settled in these parts around the
14th century. Following World War II, I learned, “many frittered
their wealth away in extravagant displays of their material
possessions.” Turns out they also lost most of it gambling. A
lesson for all of us, boys and girls.
Next I headed over to the Singapore River to catch a boat cruise.
It was 11:13 and the ticket guy said the next one I could get on
was 11:40. No problemo. I saw a bar was open around the
corner.
Now you’re probably thinking, why did he say, exactly, 11:13?
Because by 11:15, when one boat was leaving and right after I
got into “B.B.’s” (an ironic name since some friends call me
“B”), it rained harder than I’ve ever seen it in my life. The
bartender and I had a good laugh as he got me a Victoria Bitter
(they didn’t serve Tiger here…but V.B. is damn good in its own
right) and we realized how lucky I was because those on the boat
I just missed got drenched…big time.
So as luck would have it, the rain stopped by 11:39 and I stayed
dry during my own 30-minute cruise. A pleasant way to see the
city, and then it was back to B.B.’s. I ended up meeting John
and Robert, two British fellows (that out of nowhere I also ran
into hours later at a shopping mall), and then a retired couple
from Wales that were two of the nicest people you’d ever meet,
and I had 3 more V.B.’s at B.B.’s.
Now I know some of you may be thinking, is this all you do, Mr.
Editor? Well how otherwise would you meet people? But guess
what? Here it was about 1:00 PM, I had had 4 beers, but that
would be it for the day. Later that afternoon I went exploring
Little India, looking for a good place for lunch / dinner, I got
hopelessly lost, didn’t see anywhere I wanted to stop in (though I
wasn’t harassed in the least) and ended up at another Turkish
spot…but…gasp!…no beer. Just as well. I had delicious apple
tea instead. Sunday evening I had to get some work done. Ergo,
I’m up to 36 ½ beers in 9 days.
It’s Monday morning here as I go to post. Two more full days
left in Singapore and I have a lot to see, including the Night Zoo,
which is supposed to be most unusual. I’m saving lots of other
impressions on Singapore for my next Week in Review and I’ll
address the security issue, chewing gum, etc. in that space. But
next Bar Chat, we resume Beer Count.
Stuff
–Looks like my choice of Kansas City in the World Series is
already one of the worst picks of my professional career.
–San Miguel: “Expertly Brewed Beer since 1890,” which means
that the Spanish-American War was really fought 8 years later
over control of this tasty offering. Funny how the history books
seem to miss this fact.
–Boy, I’m glad I wasn’t around for the conclusion of the Jayson
Williams trial. It is going to be interesting to see if he does more
than a year or two, however. And at least he’s had the sense thus
far, from what I’ve read, to keep his freakin’ mouth shut and not
“Thank God,” as he is wont to do these days, God not really
giving a damn about you, a-hole.
–So all week I was going to wake up early to catch the Kentucky
Derby, remembering the time difference and all, and then I
forgot. Sounds like in Smarty Jones we have another great story
this year. Geezuz, I want a Triple Crown winner.
–I don’t follow football (soccer for us Yanks) well enough to
know just how good David Beckham really is, though I seem to
remember him making one spectacular goal in a key game years
ago and he seems to have lived off that ever since. But boy the
papers outside the U.S. love to cover him, even in Singapore
where he is front page stuff. [Of course I shouldn’t be that
surprised, Singapore having been founded by a Brit, Stamford
Raffles back in 1819.]
Anyway, the latest is that Beckham, after just one year, is
looking to get out of his contract with Real Madrid and go back
to English Premiership football because he can’t cope with being
separated from Posh Spice and the kids.
[The preceding thus fulfills my David Beckham requirement
under the guidelines established by the International Web Site
Association (IWSA), “Miscellaneous” category. Editors have to
keep up in order to maintain their license, you know.]
–We congratulate Miss Zhang Meng, a 23-year-old beauty who
won the Miss Universe China title the other day. Miss Universe
is being held in Quito, Ecuador this year on June 1, and if I
remember, StocksandNews will be watching to give you
exclusive coverage of this spellbinding event.
–So you know that guy William Hung of “American Idol” fame?
He’s news in Singapore because he was scheduled to give a
performance in June. But…his record label says not so fast.
This whole thing is so absurd, and a bad reflection on the state of
the world, quite frankly. Hung demands $5,000 for each 45-
minute performance, which according to the report I read in The
Straits Times is unheard of for a newcomer breaking into the
entertainment industry. His album is selling briskly here,
however.
–Anil Menon wrote the following on Sunday in the Sunday
edition of The Straits Times.
“Mr. Bill Clinton’s memoirs, for which he received a stupendous
advance of more than US$10 million, come out next month. Just
the wonderfully imaginative name of the book, My Life, hints
that is may be a potent snore-inducer.
“Yet publisher Alfred A. Knopf promises it will be ‘revelatory’
and portray all the ups and downs in the former US president’s,
well, life.
“What? Something more revealing than that cigar? And don’t
we all know what’s been going up and down with amazing
regularity in Wily Bill’s life? No, don’t think dirty – was only
referring to his zipper.”
–On a related topic, I see where the Snakehead fish has returned
to Maryland. Now this is a truly distressing development, since
this is the creature that can grow to 47 inches and walk short
distances out of water. Just another reason to always have the
chain on your front door. You don’t want to give this guy a
chance to pretend he’s a meter reader.
–Colin Montgomerie was playing in a tournament in China when
he suddenly bolted for home. Seems that his missus is rumored
to be involved with Hugh Grant, Grant having become friends
with Monty due to the actor’s obsession with golf. Montgomerie
has had past marital problems and it didn’t help that after the
second round of this year’s Masters, one in which he fired an 80,
he stomped off, totally ignoring his wife who was there to offer
her condolences. And so…Colin Montgomerie is a new
candidate for “Dirtball of the Year.” ……..I’ve just been
informed he is also now eligible for a Lifetime Achievement
Award.
–Singapore has a fertility rate of just 1.4, so the government has
all kinds of incentives to get people into bed. Parents now
receive 20,000 Singapore dollars, or about $12,000 per child in
tax rebates for having a second, third, and fourth baby.
–Yes, Singapore is rather strict with those caught dealing drugs.
Some 400 have been executed in just the past 10 years. [South
China Morning Post] Now I have no idea what a gram of heroin
would look like, but if you’re caught with 15 of ‘em that’s
enough to do you in. Recently an Aussie lad was sentenced to
death by hanging and there isn’t a thing the embassies do in such
a matter. On your embarkation card is a separate paragraph
warning of the death penalty.
WHICH IS WHY WE STICK WITH BEER…SPORTS FANS!
Top 3 songs for the week of 5/2/70: #1 “ABC” (The Jackson 5)
#2 “Let It Be” (The Beatles) #3 “Spirit In The Sky” (Norman
Greenbaum…dreadful)
Los Angeles / Brooklyn Dodgers Quiz Answers: 1) Last pennant,
1988. 2) Jim Gilliam (#19) and Jackie Robinson (#42) are the
only two infielders to have uniforms retired. 3) Kirk Gibson was
the last N.L. MVP, 1988. 4) Don Sutton, 233, and Don
Drysdale, 209, are the 200-game winners in a Dodgers uniform.
5) 2,000 hits: Zack Wheat – 2,804; Pee Wee Reese – 2,170;
Willie Davis – 2,091. 6) Tommy Davis was the last batting
champ, way back in 1963 (.326).
Next Bar Chat, Thursday.
