Dallas Cowboys Quiz (1960-2003): 1) Name the team’s six
coaches. 2) Receptions, career? 3) Interceptions, career? [Hint:
60s-70s] 4) Passing yards, season? 5) Who has the punt return
average for a single season at 20.8? [Hint: It’s not Deion] 6)
Who holds the single game record for receptions with 13. [Hint:
Think 1960s] Answers below.
Christopher Reeve, RIP…Wife Dana said in a statement, “I want
to thank (his) millions of fans from around the world who have
supported and loved my husband over the years.” There was no
finer advocate for the disabled.
Overrated / Underrated
American Heritage magazine is out with its annual issue.
Overrated candy bar: According to author Patricia Volk, it’s the
Hershey Bar. “Close your eyes and you’d think you were
sucking Clarksdale, Mississippi mud.”
Underrated candy bar: Butterfinger, “one of the only candy bars
that taste the same as they did when I was a kid.” I gotta tell ya,
never liked Butterfingers. I was always partial to Baby Ruth.
Overrated Civil War general: According to Michael Korda,
author of a book on Ulysses S. Grant, it’s Robert E. Lee.
“In many respects, (Lee) reminds me of Rommel, who was…
worshipped by his soldiers and whose glamorous legend, like
Lee’s, petrified most Allied commanders and continues to obsess
historians and biographers…Also like Rommel, Lee benefited
from meeting a succession of inept generals on ground that he
knew well, and he nearly always maneuvered them into attacking
him, as Burnside did disastrously at Fredericksburg and Hooker
still more disastrously at Chancellorsville. Facing a general who
was not terrified by his reputation, as he did at Gettysburg when
he met Meade, Lee found his lack of caution, and the
considerable slack he allowed his own generals, catching up with
him.”
Korda goes on to cite specifically the fact Lee let J.E.B. Stuart
roam around with his cavalry while General Longstreet urged
Lee at Gettysburg to go around the Federal lines and cut off the
enemy from Washington rather than confronting them directly,
such as in the case of Pickett’s Charge.
Underrated Civil War general: Grant. “He understood how to
win the war. He understood that it could not be done by
successfully winning a battle, or even several battles, but that it
depended strategically upon splitting the South by descending
the great rivers deep into Confederate territory and, once that had
been achieved, by forcing on the South a war of attrition that the
Confederacy could not sustain…That the war would therefore be
long and bloody, he accepted and persuaded Lincoln to accept…
(Grant) defined American generalship for all time. Eisenhower
won the war in Europe by using Grant’s strategy and methods,
and whenever America departs from Grant’s strategy, as in
Korea, Vietnam, and, perhaps, Iraq, it pays the price.”
Overrated comic strip: “Peanuts.” Hey, who is this Ron Goulart
who picked on my all-time favorite? Never heard of the jerk.
Oh well, he’s right that there were times when Peanuts was a
little boring, but any cartoonist ( like my brother) will tell you
how tough it is to be on the mark with every strip. Charles
Schulz’s best was still head and shoulders above the rest…
Schulz and Bill Watterson of “Calvin and Hobbes” fame.
Underrated comic strip: Crockett Johnson’s “Barnaby,” which
ran from 1942 to 1952. Schulz called this “one of the great
comic strips of all time.” Since I never read it myself, I can’t
comment.
Overrated Founding Father: According to Michael Knox Beran,
an author of books on Jefferson and Bobby Kennedy, it’s James
Madison. “Begin with the tag ‘Father of the Constitution.’ It’s
enormously misleading. No one man sired the Constitution; that
precious parchment was instead the result of the joint efforts of
more than 50 men who attended the Philadelphia convention….
The Constitution was…the product of dealmaking, horse-trading,
and compromise…”
“Then came his Presidency, during which the British sacked
Washington and set fire to the White House and the Capitol. No
wonder, if the gossip of the day can be believed, President
Madison rarely went to bed sober.”
Underrated Founding Father: James Wilson of Pennsylvania.
Boy, I’m embarrassed I know little of this man. Aside from
being one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence,
Wilson was later a delegate to the Philadelphia convention that
drafted the Constitution. Wilson was perhaps even more
involved than Madison himself, according to Mr. Beran, and he
later served as an associate justice of the U.S. Supreme Court.
Wilson, of Scottish descent, was in the tradition of Scottish
philosophers such as David Hume and Adam Smith who put
forward the thesis that men best lived peacefully and
prosperously when surrounded by the central tenet of commerce.
Wilson was also a strong internationalist. Beran writes that “He
knew if America remained a weak confederation of semi-
sovereign states, a truly free, continental market in goods and
ideas (like the one we now enjoy) could never come into being.”
Overrated industry: The financial sector, according to Gregory
D.L. Morris, a member of the editorial board of the Museum of
American Financial History. “Most people view asset
management as alchemy, and every breath and blink of Alan
Greenspan is parsed for hidden meanings. Yet Greenspan and
every other economist knows that following the ‘key indicators’
is like steering a ship by watching its wake.”
Underrated industry: “Without the chemical industry, modern
life would not be possible,” says Morris. The U.S. chemical
industry produced $459 billion worth of goods and was the top
goods export sector in 2003 ($91.4 billion, broadly defined,
ahead of autos and transportation). “But because of its own
secretive nature, and public fear and ignorance, it is also among
the most reviled industries.”
Da Bears
So I’m waiting for a decision on my “contempt of court”
summons the other day when I spy a brochure at City Hall,
“Living In Bear Country.” ……………………………Perhaps I
should back up a second here. You see, I’ve been at war with the
local parking authorities in the town where I set up shop. Each
morning I park in the city lot for employees…at 5:30. Yes, by
far I am the first person working here each day. But some cops
see my car and think I’ve parked overnight, illegally, since I
don’t have an overnight permit…and I sure as hell am not about
to get one. So from time to time I’m ticketed, at which point I
march down to City Hall and get it dismissed. Yes, there shall be
no one working early in the town of Summit, New Jersey, by
God, ruled the town officials. We will be French!
Anyway, I was told to call in on a certain day just to confirm the
latest ticket was disposed of and when I did they said call back in
another week. In the meantime I got a summons for missing a
court date I had been told was postponed. Bottom line, not to
make more of this than is warranted, it was a computer error.
I’m not about to be arrested……….yet.
But back to the bears and the brochure, I thought I knew
everything there was to know about bears in New Jersey, such as
“Wash garbage containers at least once a week with a
disinfectant solution to remove any odors.” Actually, I booby-
trap my garbage cans to prevent terrorists from filtering through
the trash. Occasionally this means a raccoon gets its head blown
off, but word should have gotten out by now among the animal
kingdom to avoid my place.
“The outside feeding of dogs and cats should be done during
daylight hours.” Oh, let the cats eat out at night; better to
decrease the surplus population, as Dickens wrote.
“Black bears learn very quickly.” Ain’t that the truth. You don’t
see many with Mets jerseys on, for example.
When confronted by a bear, “Make sure the bear has an escape
route.” Right. I’m in a freakin’ panic but I’m going to think of
his escape route before mine.
“If a bear stands on its hind legs or moves closer it may be trying
to get a better view or detect smells in the air.” Two things here.
Always take a shower before you go outside to eliminate that
gamey smell, and second, always carry a spare field level ticket,
for any game, to satisfy the bear’s demand for a better seat.
Remember, the bear isn’t quite smart enough to know you’re
giving him a ticket for an event that may have already taken
place, though my sources tell me the bruins are about six months
from cracking this ruse.
“Black bears can run up to 35 miles per hour.” Yikes. That’s
faster than top speed in a Yugo!
“Bears are excellent climbers.” This is one reason I recommend
that you surround your home with a layer of quicksand. Granted,
it creates a problem for the mailman, which is why you’ll have to
take out a P.O. Box as well.
Next time I’m down at City Hall I’ll see what other information I
can pick up and pass it along to you, something like “Cats and
Dog Licenses…the real story.”
Stuff
–SHARK! A surfer was bit by a great white about 50 miles north
of San Francisco on Sunday. The man smacked it on the head, the
shark released his leg, and the surfer made it to shore.
–College Football Review:
Well, Oklahoma-Texas wasn’t exactly scintillating, 12-0, but it
seems clear Oklahoma will be a BCS final four thanks to
freshman sensation Adrian Peterson. Damn, this kid is going to
be awesome…as if his 225 yards against Texas wasn’t good
enough. But on the Texas side of the ball, did you see that
phenomenal play linebacker Derrick Johnson made to force a
fumble, his 7th forced fumble in just five games this season?
Speaking of fumbles, Texas running back Cedric Benson is no
Heisman Trophy candidate, witness his four fumbles in the last
two games. Finally, Texas hadn’t been shut out in its previous
280 contests, the longest such streak in the nation, until Saturday.
But then there was USC-California, a terrific game as advertised.
I think you’d agree with me that despite Cal’s 23-17 loss, it is
still a legitimate BCS contender. Cal QB Aaron Rodgers tied an
NCAA record with 23 consecutive completions in the game.
USC, my own choice to win it all this season, does have major
injury problems to overcome, particularly at wide receiver. I’m
not as sure about my selection as I was before and they have a
tough contest this coming week against Arizona State.
Back to Cal, they have perhaps the coolest uniforms in the
college game. But can we talk about ABC and its coverage of
the USC cheerleaders? As in, the network hardly showed them!
For crying out loud, some of us just watch USC to see these
honeys. ABC’s inability to realize this is a travesty.
But to digress slightly, I forgot an anecdote from the days of
Russ Meyer, the director who died the other day. Mark R.
reminded me that back in 1973 or 74, it was during a USC-
UCLA game that the camera kept showing this rather attractive
woman in the stands. What caught the attention of the
cameraman was the fact she was wearing a fur coat, in Los
Angeles. I remember watching this game, too, along with
countless millions, and it was as if the woman was daring ABC
to show her one more time. Well, they did. And it was then we
saw what was under the coat. A rather skimpy bikini. The
woman was porn star Edy Williams, then married to Russ Meyer.
And now you know…………….the rest of the story.
Back to the weekend’s action. Michigan fans have to be sky
high following true freshman quarterback Chad Henne’s
spectacular performance against Minnesota. [Gopher fans, on
the other hand, have to be crushed.]
Danny Ainge’s son Erik led Tennessee to a shocking upset of
national title contender Georgia, 19-14.
Among the lesser lights, Notre Dame, 4-2, had a nice win over
Stanford. Rutgers rallied from a 27-3 second half deficit to pull
off a win over Vanderbilt, 37-34. Wake Forest lost another
heartbreaker, 17-10 to Virginia Tech as a last minute gasp at the
goal line fell short once again. [Our receivers are dropping some
crucial passes.] And Army, thank God, snapped a 19-game
losing streak in defeating Cincinnati, 48-29.
But I do have to report some distressing news for Nebraska fans,
not that they don’t already know it. The Cornhuskers suffered
the worst loss in the school’s 114-year history, 70-10…70-10…
to Texas Tech. I imagine the state is in shock. It must look like
a scene from the movie “The Day After.”
[One side note to the Texas Tech effort, QB Sonny Cumbie has
now thrown for over 350 yards in five straight games.]
Finally, entertaining game this Thursday…Louisville vs. Miami.
–Trust me, some of us in the New York area are sick of the
Yankees. I feel for Twins fans, especially since that team is
really a likeable bunch. In fact, I’m thinking that maybe we can
exchange the Mets for the Twins. The Twinkies could keep their
current caps, the best in baseball. [The other two top caps are
the Pirates’ and Cardinals’.]
–I do give A-Rod credit for his recent play, as much as it pains
me to say this.
–Ken Caminiti, the 1996 National League MVP and admitted
steroid user, died of a heart attack at age 41. In a piece for
Sports Illustrated in 2002, Caminiti claimed about half the
players were taking performance enhancing drugs.
–The Mets won’t win 60 games next season.
–Let’s Go Astros…prayed the editor who picked them to go all
the way back in April as they now face a Game Five. Johnny
Mac, seeking a team to root for in the playoffs, chose the
Anaheim Angels. After they got swept I mentioned that at least
the team is thinking of reverting to its old name, Los Angeles, if
it can get approval from the commissioner. To which Johnny
said they should change their name to the La Brea Tarpits,
perhaps more befitting of their play against the Red Sox.
–Sports Illustrated has a good piece in its current issue on the
Yankees’ Gary Sheffield, written by Tom Verducci. Like many
of you, I imagine, I respect the heck out of Sheffield the
ballplayer, but thought his whole line on the steroids issue was a
bunch of crap. As it now turns out he lied, having admitted in
the SI article that he once took a steroid cream.
But at the same time I’ve regained a little respect for Sheff
as a result of some of his comments, particularly those pertaining
to his relationship with Barry Bonds. And boy does Bonds come
off as even more of an asshole than ever before.
Bonds introduced Sheffield to BALCO, steroid central in the
ongoing investigation. While Sheffield denies knowledge of
Bonds’s own steroid use, he provided more than enough
damning testimony to Verducci.
Sheffield lived with Bonds before the 2002 season, Barry having
invited him to train with him in San Francisco. Bonds said,
according to Sheffield, “I got guys here, they can get your urine
and blood and prescribe a vitamin specifically for your blood
type and what your body needs.”
Sheffield described the relationship Bonds had with his various
trainers and hangers on.
“They (Bonds’s ‘team’) used to confide in me about how they
hated (being treated as puppets). I told them ‘You knew what
you were getting into. You accept his money.’”
But here’s a classic example of Bonds’s personality, as well as
an insight into today’s $multi-millionaire athletes and their
lifestyles. Sheffield arranged for the two of them to go to Miami
for a boxing match. Sheffield said, “I was going to pay for the
plane, the flight, pay for the limo service, the hotel. He gets my
mail. He looks in my mail and sees he can get better seats, so he
gets better seats. He can get a better flight, so he gets a better
flight. He can get a better limo service. And he can get a better
hotel.”
Bonds later stole Sheffield’s chef and never asked him if it was
okay.
–In praise of Ichiro, Part XXIV. He hit .372 with runners in
scoring position, the same as his overall average.
–Kimora Lee Simmons hired a hairstylist for $150,000 a year.
My barber recently jacked up his fee to $17.
–Congratulations to the New England Patriots for their NFL
record 19th consecutive win. Then again, they were playing the
Dolphins, for crying out loud, who now resemble the Miami
Chum.
–As I noted a while back, Ricky Williams now realizes he better
get back to work if he is to keep his $8.6 million signing bonus.
But now his former Miami teammates don’t want the head case,
and who can blame them. No doubt, as the reports already have
it, he could end up in Oakland, though he still faces league
suspension for previous drug violations.
–Jamal Lewis was suspended for, get this, just two games by the
NFL for violating the league’s substance-abuse policy, this after
pleading guilty to trying to set up a drug deal four years ago.
Two freakin’ games. Granted, Commissioner Paul Tagliabue’s
accompanying statement was harsh.
“You have needlessly sullied your own reputation and reinforced
unfair and negative public perceptions of NFL players generally.
The long-term damage to your own reputation may well be even
greater.”
Of course it’s also a joke he gets to serve his four month prison
sentence (part of the plea bargain) after the season is over, let
alone the fact that in any other line of work he would have been
fired.
–Us New York fans are getting spoiled with the Jets and Giants’
starts, let alone the Yankees. Speaking of the NFL, we’re
beginning to draw some conclusions. Seattle is a pretender, even
at 3-1, while San Diego (3-2) and Detroit (3-1) are big surprises,
as are the Steelers (4-1) in my book.
–The Arizona Cardinals are 1-4 despite yielding the same amount
of points, 87, as they”ve scored.
–And now….the Eddie George watch. Even after rushing for 75
yards on 15 carries, Eddie is still just averaging 3.5 per carry this
season….exactly what the over / under should be for the season.
I’d bet the house on the under.
–I forget where I heard this but the story is Tiki Barber
specifically worked on his speed during the off-season. Man, it
shows. He’s obviously never looked better and averaging 6
yards per carry; 577 yards after just five games.
–October 12, 1853. [Meant to use this last year.] During the
heavyweight championship bout between John C. Morrissey and
Yankee Sullivan, Sullivan left the ring to throw a few punches at
a group of Morrissey supporters who had been heckling him. He
then failed to get back in the ring in time to answer the bell for
the next round, and Morrissey is awarded the decision. Doh!!
–Harry K. passed along the story of the Malaysian man who just
tied the knot for the 53rd time. “I am not a playboy. I just love
seeing beautiful women,” Kamarudin Mohammed, 72, told the
New Straits Times. So what does the guy do? #53 is his first
wife, now 74. Personally, I thought #43 was pretty hot.
–This is kind of spooky. Last chat I mentioned the author James
Chace and his book on the 1912 election. He died of a heart
attack on Friday.
–Rudy Giuliani’s son Andrew is quite an athlete. It turns out not
only is he a very good high school golfer, but he is also the
placekicker on New Jersey’s #1 rated football team, St. Joseph’s
of Montvale. St. Joe’s (then ranked #2) defeated the previous #1,
Don Bosco, over the weekend as Andrew went 4 for 4 on extra
points and added a 37-yard field goal. For those of us who
remember this kid at the mayor’s first inaugural, it’s pretty
funny.
–John Kelley passed away the other day at the age of 97. The
amazing Kelley was a legend in Massachusetts, having run 61
Boston Marathons, including two wins in 1935 and 1945. At age
70 he was still running 50 miles a week and he ran his last
Boston Marathon in 1992 at 84. Ironically, he died less than
three hours after he arrived at his nursing home.
–With six races to go, Kurt Busch leads Dale Earnhardt Jr. in
the dash for NASCAR”s Nextel Cup.
–LeBron James is a father! Johnny Mac observed:
“Congratulations, LeBron. You have now passed another
milestone in your NBA career, modern version. You have the
sneaker deal, the Sprite commercials, you have the requisite
cream-colored, ugly as @#$%, overpriced suit worn on draft
night, and now, still a few months short of your 20th birthday,
you have your first out-of-wedlock child. Way to go. Larry
Johnson, Shawn Kemp and countless others must be so proud.”
Well, by all accounts LeBron is otherwise a good person, but he
now qualifies for the home version of the game show “Who’s
Your Daddy?”
Top 3 songs for the week of 10/10/64: #1 “Oh, Pretty Woman”
(Roy Orbison) #2 “Do Wah Diddy Diddy” (Manfred Mann) #3
“Dancing In The Street” (Martha & The Vandellas)
Dallas Cowboys Quiz Answers: 1) Coaches: Tom Landry (1960-
88), Jimmy Johnson (1989-93), Barry Switzer (1994-97), Chan
Gailey (1998-99), Dave Campo (2000-2002), Bill Parcells. 2)
Receptions, career: Michael Irvin, 750 (1988-99). 3)
Interceptions, career: Mel Renfro, 52 (1964-77). 4) Passing
yards, season: Danny White…3,980 (1983). 5) Punt returns,
season: Bob Hayes, 20.8 avg. (1968). 6) Receptions, game:
Lance Rentzel, 13 (1967).
Next Bar Chat, Thursday. Religion in the 21st century……….
……………JUST KIDDING!!!!!
