LIVE…from Santiago, Chile…
Minnesota Vikings Quiz (1961-2003): 1) Rushing, career? 2)
Interceptions, career? 3) Field goals, career? 4) TDs, career?
[Different from #1] 5) Who was the 1st-round draft pick, 1964,
out of Minnesota? 6) Before Daunte Culpepper was selected
with the 1st pick in 1999, who was the last QB to be taken by the
Vikings in the 1st round? Answers below.
Random Thoughts on Asuncion, Paraguay
[I’m leaving most of the socio-political bits for “Week in
Review,” not that I have anything to do with that column.]
So the first thing I noticed in landing in Asuncion last Thursday
evening was that out of the 120 or so passengers on my flight
from Santiago, only about 20 got off in Asuncion (the rest were
getting connections elsewhere). Customs was a joke and then I
was approached by a man insisting on driving me to my hotel. “I
have no money yet,” I said. He then directed me to the official
moneychanger in the airport. I kid you not, it was a woman
behind a lousy newsstand, smoking a cigar and holding a
calculator. I gave her $100 cash and hoped for the best, having
an inkling that I should have received about 600,000 ‘guaranies’
in return. She gave me about 550,000 so it wasn’t a total rip-off.
Welcome to Paraguay.
The road to the hotel was awful, which is one way of keeping the
speed down, I mused, because if you went too fast you’d bottom
out in a pothole. And there are all kinds of hustlers at each stop
light, most hawking fruit (which actually looked pretty good). It
was also amusing to see things such as their version of a health
club. Picture placing some Solo-Flexes outside on the street and
paying the owner to work out mere yards from the traffic.
I could tell immediately this was not a place to do any real
sightseeing, at least on foot. You have to envision my hotel was
three blocks from the presidential palace (the only decent looking
formal institution or museum I saw the whole time there) and
there was no way I was walking outside for more than a breath of
fresh air at night. Folks, I have ventured forth everywhere I’ve
ever traveled to, no problemo, but not here. In my hotel I was
reading a brochure of local nightspots and one was called
“Coyote Disco.” I figured I would have lasted maybe 90 seconds
there if I had been stupid enough to check it out.
So my initial impression, the first 24 hours, was pretty poor. My
hotel room was the pits, but it was clean enough thanks to my
hardworking maid…a very pleasant sort…and as those who
checked out WIR know I had major communication problems.
But then I got used to the place, the hotel that is. The formal
dining room was nice (but why it was closed Friday and Saturday
I’ll never know) with the exception of the fact they piped in
Michael Bolton music. The other nights I ate in their snack bar,
though it used the same menu as the formal restaurant, and what
was funny about this is I ate my carpacchio and veal cordon
bleau while watching the Animal Planet channel on a big screen
TV.
Of course the best part was the beer. Boy, Paraguayans are
proud of “Baviera.” Every time it was served me I heard the
same thing, “This is the national beer of Paraguay.” And darnit,
they should have been proud…it was one of the better cervezas
I’ve had.
But it comes in a 24-ounce bottle, or thereabouts, and because
your editor is special, they set up a wine bucket for me each time
I ordered it. I noticed no one else got that treatment!
Which leads me to the next topic…the people. Not just the staff
at the hotel but all the cab drivers I had and everyone I met in the
various places I went on my “In Search of Golfer Carlos Franco”
tour was terrific.
And did I find Carlos? No…but this trip was far from a total
loss. What I discovered is just the mere mention of his name
sends everyone scurrying to help you. You have to understand
that Carlos is Paraguay’s national treasure, along with their
soccer team. I asked the hotel desk where his new course was
and discovered it was too far away. They told me about 1 ½
hours and I figured that could mean 3 or more, each way, given
the condition of the roads.
But as I sat in the lobby planning my next move, the hotel
manager rushed up to me and said “Carlos is staying at the
Sheraton!” So off I went in a cab to the hotel (which is probably
where I should have stayed but then I wouldn’t have picked up
the same local color), where unfortunately Carlos wasn’t to be
found that day. But then the woman at the reception desk put me
in touch with a close friend of his (I recognized the name) so I
passed on my note for Carlos which undoubtedly Mr. Franco will
receive. [You see, I had a little money in this envelope, in the
form of a check made out to him and his foundation for burn
victims from the awful fire in Asuncion last August that killed
over 400. I also have to mention that you know how you seal an
envelope here? You literally have to use Elmer’s glue.]
After rushing back to the hotel because I was low on cash, I
hopped in another cab and off we went to the airport to see if
TAM Airways would change my flight back to Santiago (yes,
they did…I love TAM) and then on to Asuncion Golf Club, to
see where Carlos grew up and first learned the game. I saw the
street where he was raised, and the home near the course, but
because I couldn’t communicate well enough with the driver I’m
not sure if I saw his actual house or if, most likely, it had
changed some in 30+ years. Suffice it to say, I doubt the
neighborhood, overall, has. The next time I watch Carlos on TV
at a PGA event I’ll appreciate his story even more. Many of
these folks live in real poverty.
Anyway, Asuncion Golf Club isn’t the greatest facility you ever
saw, but anyone who has money was clearly on it that day. It
was packed. Most importantly I had to buy myself some shirts as
keepsakes and when I mentioned Carlos’s name the staff there
was thrilled. I also thought it would be nice to buy one for my
driver, who clearly could have used another shirt, so I happily
whipped out my credit card.
Doh! They didn’t take it. But, folks, just appreciate last
Saturday was a magical day for me. Almost everything I sought
to do worked out perfectly and I had exactly enough cash on me
for the shirts and my cab fare back to the hotel; right down to the
guaranie. You should have seen the smile on this woman
helping me with the order. Not to be corny about it, but it’s why
I do what I do. Sometimes, the memories are awesome, and they
always far outweigh the bad experiences.
There were other things that worked out perfect that day. Like a
phone call going through to my first hotel in Santiago, Chile,
where my new best friend Mario Peralta told me my luggage had
finally arrived. [I was without my bag for five days…sounds
awful, but you get used to it pretty quickly.] I also discovered a
Wi-Fi hot spot in the hotel’s lobby bar. It was like a miracle. It
worked for only an hour, but that was just enough time to get
some critical site-related work done.
And then there was this episode. I took a different cab to see
what passes for a better neighborhood in Asuncion and it was a
residential section that really wasn’t all bad, but as we were
driving along…“Pow!” …a utility poll transformer exploded
right over our car, showering sparks all around us. For a split
second I thought, “Wouldn’t this be an awful way for it to all
end; electrocuted in Asuncion.” But then my equally startled
driver and I realized we had survived and had a good laugh about
it. [This was right after he had been pulled over for not having
an inspection sticker by some very rough police types but I know
because I was with him it helped his cause. He got off without
even a ticket.]
Sorry to ramble so, but I urge you to read the next installment of
WIR. There will be a nice little Christmas message for you
contained therein. I’ll also review a little Paraguayan history at
that time.
Just a few other thoughts on the trip. One advantage of not
having luggage is you don’t have to wait for it after you get off
your plane!
TAM Airways is one of the best I’ve ever flown. Incredibly
efficient. For starters, I’ve never seen anyone load a packed
plane as quickly as they do and they serve full, delicious meals
…with free beer. [Ah, Baviera comes in a can, too.]
But I was trying to figure out who the very attractive
stewardesses reminded me of and then it hit me…the girls
backing up Robert Palmer on those great videos, like for
“Addicted To Love.” Speaking of Palmer, was he a stud or
what? Sadly, he left us way too soon.
Stuff
–Just want you to know Bar Chat had the story of the 2nd fatal
shark attack in Australia long before Drudge did. And how was
this possible? Ah, I have my sources.
But to close the loop on last week’s dual tragedies, the first
Aussie victim was spearfishing on the Great Barrier Reef when
he was attacked by an unknown specie. Rescuers tried to save
him but his legs were mangled and he was a bloody….you get
the picture. [Imagine, though, he was in very shallow water.]
Then we had this 18-year-old youth who was water-skiing with
three 16-year-old companions off a popular beach in Adelaide.
He had fallen off into the water when his mates saw a great white
grab him by the arm and proceed to tear him literally in half.
[Sydney Morning Herald] Then a second great white took the
rest of him under and a day later search teams had found nary a
sign of any body parts. Needless to say his friends, having
witnessed as gruesome an attack as any in recorded history, were
in shock. Australia has now had 8 fatal shark attacks since 2000.
–I see that Mary Tyler Moore, defender of the red-tailed hawks
in New York, had her own big problem with the co-op board that
had Pale Male’s nest removed. According to the New York Post,
Ms. Moore had been attempting to sell one of her pads in the 5th
Avenue building for $18.5 million, with little luck, until a
Russian character offered $20.5 million. But the board rejected
the application because clearly the guy was a Russian mob
figure. So that’s why Mary Richards was so upset. See, it’s that
old dictum “wait 24 hours” once again.
–Paraguay only charges $18 as an ‘exit tax’ when leaving the
country. Chile, on the other hand, hits you up for $100 to enter.
So I wanted to tell the folks in Paraguay that they should start
thinking big! Raise it to at least $50…and invest the difference
in better roads.
–Friends, I need to make clear this Carlos Franco deal I’ve been
toying with is a real long-shot situation and I’m not even sure at
this point if I myself want to pursue it. [If you’re not sure what
I’m referring to, read the opening of the 12/18 WIR.]
–Santiago would be a great place to hold the Olympics. I asked
a cabbie today if he liked my idea and he was super enthusiastic.
It should be here more than in New York, for starters.
–Yes, I taped “Desperate Housewives” while I was away.
–College Basketball
I see the ACC got its comeuppance at the hands of the state of
Washington as Gonzaga upset #3 Georgia Tech and Washington
beat #9 North Carolina State over the weekend. But at least my
Demon Deacons, who I’m beginning to think are vastly
overrated, more like a Sweet Sixteen than Final Four squad,
squeaked by #12 Texas as Chris Paul finally had an All-
American game.
Earlier in the week, though, Wake beat Elon 85-67 in what all
described as a pitiful effort on the Deacs’ part. Some of the
Wake players blamed it on the travel schedule; the team having
bested Temple in Philadelphia on Monday before the Elon game,
Wednesday. To which Coach Skip Prosser, one of the better
quipsters around, said the following:
“It’s not like we’re in Baghdad. We’re staying in a Marriott, you
know what I mean?” [Thanks, Phil W.]
But what’s the deal with Rick Majerus? The former Utah
coaching legend / ESPN color man signed a 5-year, $5 million
contract to coach USC, then like all of one day later he said he
was resigning because he was too overwhelmed by going back to
the rigors of big time college athletics.
Majerus, though, had initially said he wasn’t going to interfere
with interim coach Jim Saia until Saia’s contract expired in the
spring, but then the two got together and Majerus started making
all these demands pertaining to Saia’s assistants; like being able
to use them for recruiting trips during the rest of this season.
What an a-hole Majerus is. That would have left Saia basically
all by himself.
It comes down to this….we see these guys on television a ton
and we start thinking we know them. We don’t. College
basketball, as great as it is for us spectators, is one dirty game at
the Division I level and you can probably come up with no more
than about twenty truly ethical head coaches.
And back to USC, if you thought athletic director Mike Garrett
was a bit erratic himself before this episode, let’s just say his
friends and family need to watch him closely over the already
stressful holiday season.
–NFL
Peyton Manning only tossed one touchdown pass in
Indianapolis’ win over Baltimore, leaving him one shy of Dan
Marino’s TD mark of 48 with two games to go.
My New York Jets won a game they had to in defeating Seattle
and we should be playoff bound…but it’s not clinched yet.
Remember, sports fans, I did pick the Jets to win the Super Bowl
and I stand by that pick with the Bar Chat Guarantee! If they
don’t win…you get another free year on your Bar Chat
subscription…as long as you submit yourself to random drug
testing, just as we do in the home office of StocksandNews.
Eddie George watch: Eddie has been out the last three games
with an injury and I really don’t know if he’s going to be
dressing the final two contests. Should he not, he thus would
finish the season with 424 yards on 128 carries, or a 3.3 average.
In other words, if you bet the ranch on him finishing under the
magical 3.5 mark (for him, that is), you WIN!
Geezuz, does the NFC suck or what?
–College football tidbit. As friend Phil W. reported to me last
week the Wake Forest Demon Deacons are going to be playing
Nebraska in Lincoln next fall (with the Cornhuskers coming to
Winston-Salem in 2007). This is good stuff. Ken S., the battle is
joined. Assuming Nebraska gets its act together over the
summer, I expect you’ll be giving me 22 points. [By the way,
Nebraska hasn’t scheduled an ACC school since 1973.]
[And Ken, I also saw where Houston is super ticked off at
Nebraska for bailing on a scheduled contest in 2005. And you
scheduled Division I-AA Maine instead? Shame on you.]
–Boy, in just the short time since I’ve been gone the Mets
finalized their deal with Pedro, the Yankees are in the process of
wrapping up one for Randy Johnson, and the New Jersey Nets
acquired Vince Carter.
But in the Carter deal between New Jersey and Toronto, the Nets
were able to unload Alonzo Mourning. Forget his health issues,
writer Peter Vecsey of the New York Post had this to say of
Alonzo. “(He is) out-and-out the most selfish player I’ve ever
covered.”
–The Knicks are two games over .500 for the first time since
December 2001. I’m trying to figure out if this means I have to
care, having grown up a Knicks fan but also having abandoned
them for the Nets in recent years. I do have to admit they are
more entertaining……….hmmmmmm…..what will the editor
decide? ………………………the verdict? ….yes, I have to care.
–The New York Times had an editorial on the endangered
species list, specifically how ¼ of the 1,200 animals and plants
currently on it originate in Hawaii. There are two “ecological
equivalents of nuclear bombs” that most concern
conservationists. West Nile Virus and that dreaded nemesis I
have written so much of over the years, the brown tree snake of
Guam. Amazingly, the snake has not hopped on a Honolulu-
Guam flight as yet. I’ve taken that roundtrip twice and it’s not
that difficult to see a snake slithering out of the woods near the
terminal and wrapping itself around the plane’s wheel barrel.
Most experts say Hawaii has just been lucky in this regard.
Top 3 songs for the week of 12/18/76: #1 “Tonight’s The Night”
(Rod Stewart) #2 “The Rubberband Man” (Spinners) #3 “You
Don’t Have To Be A Star (To Be In My Show) (Marilyn McCoo
and Billy Davis, Jr.)……ah yes, December 1976, my freshman
year in college…but the less said the better. Had a great time,
though!
Minnesota Vikings Quiz Answers: 1) Rushing, career: Robert
Smith…6,818 yards [1993-2000…then he just walked away
from the game…you’ve got to respect that (it wasn’t a Ricky
Williams deal)]. 2) Interceptions, career: Paul Krause, 53. 3)
Field goals, career: The great Fred Cox, 282 (1963-77). 4) TDs,
career: Cris Carter, 110 (1990-2001). 5) 1st-round pick, 1964:
Defensive end Carl Eller out of Univ. of Minnesota. 6) QB taken
with 1st pick before Culpepper in 1999: Tommy Kramer, 1977,
Rice University.
Vikings Tidbits:
–Bud Grant’s coaching record 1969-76…
12-2, 12-2, 11-3, 7-7, 12-2, 10-4, 12-2, 11-2-1
Grant guided the Vikes to four NFC championships over this
stretch, but as fans are all too aware they lost all four Super
Bowls.
–Fran Tarkenton was a Viking from 1961-66 and 1972-78. [He
was with the Giants in between.] At the age of 38 and in his last
season, Tarkenton led the league in passing…3,468 yards. That
was actually his best season in that category, but in ’78 he also
threw 32 interceptions to go along with his 25 TD passes.
For his career, Tarkenton averaged 5.4 yards per carry, rushing
for a total of 3,674 yards, and ran it in for 32 TDs.
–Us older fans of the game remember the running back duo of
Bill Brown and Dave Osborn during the Vikings best stretch.
Brown was a Viking from 1962-74, while Osborn was his
teammate from 1965-75. But these guys could never be
considered great running backs. Brown rushed for 5,838 yards in
his career, but only a 3.5 average, and Osborn accumulated 4,336
yards with a 3.7 average per carry. [And that, sports fans, is
what you call a Viking tidbit.]
Next Bar Chat, Thursday….just a little Christmas Cheer,
following hopefully an uneventful return trip home.
As for right this moment…I’m off to sit outside in the brilliant
sunshine here in Santiago and have an Austral, the local beer of
choice for me in Chile.
