**Bar Chat returns May 8/9**
[From both Seoul and Tokyo]
Baseball Quiz / Who am I? [Sorry, guys. I don’t exactly have
my sports books here in Seoul as I begin to prepare this chat, so I
took some info from a recent NY Times article and turned it into
a quiz.]
Of players who have gone at least 1,000 at-bats between home
runs since 1960, Don Kessinger had three such streaks.
But who am I? 1) I had a streak of 1,079 AB between homers
from 1973-77, National Leaguer, and my initials are G.C. 2) I
had a streak of 1,593 AB, 1966-70, and my initials are H.L. [No
league clue on this one.] 3) I had a streak of 1,103 AB from
1973-75, National Leaguer, and my initials were R.M. Answers
below.
Baby Terror at 37,000 Feet
Jeremy Clarkson of the London Times had the following
comment on flying:
“Now British Airways does not allow you to smoke while on
board, or carry knitting needles or have sexual intercourse with
other passengers.
“You are also not allowed to board if you have shoes with
explosive soles or if you’ve had one too many tinctures in the
departure lounge. And if you make any sort of joke, about
anything at all, in earshot of the stewardesses, you will be tied to
your seat as though it was 1420, and you in the stocks.
“But you are allowed, welcomed even, into the club class section
of the plane even if you are accompanied by what is essentially a
huge lung covered only in a light veneer of skin.
“I want to make it absolutely plain at this point that I never took
any of my children on a long-haul flight until they were old
enough to grasp the concept of reason. It is simply not fair to
impose your screaming child on other people, people who have
paid thousands of pounds for a flat bed and therefore the promise
of some sleep.
“There’s talk at the moment of introducing planes with standing
room for economy class passengers. Imagine the sort of seat you
get in a bus shelter and you’ll grasp the idea. Fine. So why not
soundproofed overhead lockers into which babies can be placed?
“The family at the center of this morning’s parable were seated
in club class, between me and another columnist on The Sunday
Times….I said I wanted to write about them. Christa said she
wanted to kill them.
“The crying began before the Triple Seven was airborne, and
built to a climax as we reached the cruise. And this was the
longest climax in the history of sound. It went on, at Krakatoan
volume, without hesitation, until we began the descent eight
hours later. At which point, thanks to a change in pressure on the
lung’s tiny earholes, the noise reached new and terrifying
heights. I honestly thought the plane’s windows might break.
“And what do you suppose the mother did to calm her infant?
Feed it some warm milk? Read it a nice soothing story? Nope.
She turned her seat into a bed, puffed up her pillow, and
pretended to go to sleep.
“I know full well she wasn’t actually asleep for three reasons.
First, it would have been impossible. Second, no mother can
sleep through the cries of her own child, and third, every time I
went to see Christa I made a point of trailing a rolled up
newspaper over the silly woman’s head.
“So why was she pretending? Aha. That’s easy. I know exactly
what she said to her husband as they left home that morning. ‘If
you’re going to play golf while we’re on holiday, you can be
child minder on the plane. I spend all day with those bloody
kids. I’m doing nothing.’
“This is almost certainly why the lung was so agitated. Because
the person it knows and loves was apparently dead, while it was
being jiggled around by a strange man it had never seen before.
Because he leaves for work at six in the morning, doesn’t get
back till 10 and is away all weekend playing golf.
“And that’s why he was put in charge of the children, and that’s
why the flight was ruined for several hundred people. Who then
had to spend a fortnight in the Caribbean, terrified that the lung
would be on their night flight back to Britain.
“It wasn’t. And this is the point of my sermon. I do not know
what happened to it. But if there really is a God, I like to think it
was eaten by a shark.”
Walter Hagen
I save a bunch of articles ahead of time when I’m going on a
long trip and Jim Moriarty recently wrote a piece on the great
golfer Walter Hagen for GolfWorld.
Hagen won 11 majors between 1914 and 1929 and once Tiger
Woods captures his 11th, the next one up is Jack Nicklaus at 18.
But as Moriarty writes, Walter Hagen was probably not the kind
of role model Tiger had in mind when he was putting posters of
Jack Nicklaus on his walls as a kid.
“The Haig was at his best when America was popping in with
Black Jack Pershing to put an end to the war to end all wars, then
came home to brew potentially lethal liquor in bathtubs and
amass fleeting fortunes in bonds. America was young, strong
and convivial, and so was Hagen.
“If Woods treats his body like a temple, Hagen treated his like a
garage. Herbert Warren Wind, the New Yorker writer who was
hardly prone to hyperbole, said Hagen ‘broke eleven of the Ten
Commandments and kept on going.’ This is not to say Woods
has never been seen with a beer in his hand, but Hagen was
rarely seen without one….
“Woods lives in the age of Mothers Against Drunk Driving,
knowing the virtue of legal limits and self-discipline. Hagen
lived when drinking well was part of the job description of a
man. The way Sydney Greenstreet’s character, Kasper Gutman,
explained it in ‘The Maltese Falcon’ was pretty much the way it
was: ‘I distrust a man who says ‘when.’ If he’s got to be careful
not to drink too much, it’s because he’s not to be trusted when he
does.’ The Haig never said ‘when’ about much of anything…
“It’s hard to know whether half the stories about Hagen are all
true or if all the stories are just half true. The night before (the)
U.S. Open playoff in 1919, Hagen supposedly partied with
entertainer Al Jolson (and friends) then showed up on three hours
sleep with a ripping hangover to beat the unfortunate (Mike)
Brady. If there are anecdotes of Hagen’s dissipation, there are an
equal number of testimonials claiming he watered countless
ballroom potted plants with single malt, could nurse a weak drink
into the next millennium and was given to crumpling his tuxedo
then arriving at the golf course wearing it just to make it appear
he had been out all night….
“Hagen was chronically late, though only his opponents ever
seemed to hold it against him, and not even that much. ‘I played
with him in a tournament in Ontario, Canada,’ recalls (Byron)
Nelson. ‘I was leading going into the last round. He was about
45 minutes late. You could do that in those days, especially
name players. He did things you’d get disqualified for now.
He’d call and say ‘I’ll be late, but I’ll be there.’ Anything to
draw the people and his name drew people. He was a top
showman.”
Hagen’s career crossed with that of Bobby Jones (ten years
younger) and Moriarty writes that in their lone challenge match,
a 72-hole affair, Hagen crushed Jones 12 and 11, “and then
bought his victim a $5,000 pair of cuff links the younger man
would never wear.”
Hagen won two U.S. Opens, four British (he was the first
American-born golfer to win it, 1922) and five PGA
Championships, including four in a row. [At the Masters,
though, his best was a tie for 11th in the six he entered. The
tournament didn’t get going, however, until he was past his
prime, 1934, at which point he was 46.]
In the PGA, Hagen won 22 straight 36-hole matches, and as
Moriarty writes, “when they asked him for the trophy back, he
swore he left it in a taxi. It turned up in Detroit in the basement
of the sporting-goods company he represented in a crate with his
name on it.”
And so we salute the Haig…an American original.
Stuff
–Boy, I was salivating over this headline in the JoongAng Daily
in Seoul.
“A hunting ban spurs city boar baby boom”
“Alarmed by a recent series of attacks by wild boars in the
capital region’s residential districts, the Ministry of Environment
yesterday announced the results of a survey of 22 sites in and
near Seoul. The data show that there are twice as many wild
boars per unit area in and near the city than in other mountainous
areas of the country.
“At least one of seven recent incidents would have been
humorous had it not resulted in injuries. In September, a boar
weighing 290 pounds burst into a bar in Amsa-dong in southeast
Seoul, injured a customer, escaped and then attacked a man in a
nearby park. The animal was eventually tracked down and killed
after leading pursuers on a day-long chase.”
Goodness gracious. No word on the severity of the injuries, but
if this had happened in Los Angeles the television stations would
have been covering it like O.J. and the van; helicopters circling.
Turns out there are an estimated 254,000 wild boars in Korea.
I’m thinking boars kill about 36,000 a year….give or take
12,000.
–On Sunday I went to the National Museum in Seoul. Now I’ve
been to hundreds of museums in my day, and this particular
structure was one of the better ones, architecturally speaking that
is. But the content was, shall we say, rather boring.
I’ve said this before but I don’t need to see another rock or pot or
plate or spoon or dagger (unless ornately bejeweled) for the rest
of my life…but I keep torturing myself no matter where I go.
So as I’m speed-walking through this massive place, looking for
something halfway interesting, I came across a Baekje Incense
Burner with a Phoenix on top. OK, that might not turn you on.
How about a “Jar Coffin”? Never saw one of them before. It’s
two body-size jars, one fitting inside the other. Frankly,
scattering my ashes on Lahinch Golf Club in Ireland looks better
and better every day.
But I was thinking of my poor brother, who continually bemoans
the fact he lost his Pete Rose rookie card. Now if they could
unearth that one for him it would be a terrific find.
[You see, when you’re in a tedious museum, your mind tends to
wander far outside the realm of where you’re supposed to be.]
Oh, but here’s a good one. As I started out I’m looking at a
timeline and see “BCE” and “CE.” What’s this? I mused.
“Because these terms do not convey any religious
connotation….”
You see, “Before Common Era” and “Common Era” have
replaced BC and AD. Oh brother.
There was one interesting factoid at the museum I guess I should
have been aware of, however. I’m looking at this helmet, the
kind worn in “Gladiator,” and some kids are getting their picture
with it, which seemed kind of strange.
So it turns out the helmet was donated by one Sohn Kee-chung.
Who’s he? He won the gold medal in the marathon at the 1936
Berlin Olympics and what’s even more significant here is that it
not only was Korea’s first Olympic medal (I’m 99.9% sure on
this), but recall that Japan was occupying Korea at the time so for
the Koreans, his achievement provided a ray of hope that
someday Koreans would once again be independent.
–I can’t say I’ve boned up on this coming Saturday’s Kentucky
Derby, but an item in Sports Illustrated caught my eye.
“Churchill Downs will sell $1,000 mint juleps…What makes a
drink worth a grand? How about Woodford Reserve bourbon,
mint from Morocco, ice from the Arctic and sugar from the
Island of Mauritius in the South Pacific – plus it comes in a 24-
karat gold-plated cup you can keep.”
Proceeds actually go to a charity for retired horses, but Arctic
ice? C’mon…you just know it’s from Joe’s Gas Station in
Louisville.
—
Monday afternoon…Tokyo…
And now….you’re right there with me…in the World Class
Lounge of Northwest Airlines, Narita Airport, Tokyo, thanks to
the fact I sprung for a Continental Presidents Club card.
Boy, this is important, sports fans, because I’m in the midst of a
7-hour layover before my next flight to Guam.
I just took a Korean Airlines flight from Seoul to here…my first
experience with KAL…and it was pleasant. Great shrimp chow
mein dish in coach. But I was also served a Budweiser.
Speaking of beer, it ended up being mostly OB in Seoul.
[Oriental Brewery] Not a bad brew, especially at this little
restaurant/bar I discovered walking around the city on Sunday.
I mean to tell ya, the OB was ice cold…just the way your editor
likes it. [I even like the way Guinness is generally served colder
these days, I have to admit.]
OK…continuing with the chat….I’m overlooking where all the
passengers get off before they go through customs. Scary lot, but
I digress.
Totally random musings….
–When I went on the DMZ tour on Saturday, there was a Dutch
fellow on my bus and we got to talking. Good guy. Somehow
the subject turned to the World Cup and I had forgotten the
Netherlands qualified….my bad….but he tells me speedskater
Joey Cheek is very popular in Holland. Says Cheek is known to
be a super person. I then told him, “You know, in America, if
Eric Heiden was walking down the street I wouldn’t recognize
him.”
–Let’s see, Keith Richards took a fall off a palm tree in Fiji, but
then he got on a jet ski and immediately had another accident.
–Happy Birthday to the Empire State Building…just an awful
place, by the way. Smells, can’t find a bathroom….
Anway, it took only 410 days for 3,400 immigrants to build it, an
amazing feat. These days, witness what’s been transpiring at
Ground Zero, it would take 410 days just to arrange a meeting
between the developer and the mayor.
–Michelle Wie is in South Korea this week for the SK Telecom
Open, where she’ll be competing with men if I read it right.
But I picked up this newspaper in Seoul this morning and there is
a photo spread of her having just gotten off the plane and ….
goodness gracious. She’s only 16?! I don’t know what the U.S.
papers are showing, but suddenly this little girl has to be
considered for People magazine’s “Most Beautiful Person on the
Planet.”
Speaking of which, People’s “100 Most Beautiful People” is out
and they chose Angelina Jolie instead. Here is a quote in the
accompanying article from Wyclef Jean.
“She looks the most beautiful when she’s in the field – natural,
no makeup, nothing. Because you see Angelina, the angel. It
doesn’t get any better than that.”
Yes it does.
–Britain is in a state of shock these days. Their World Cup
hopes are down the drain with the loss of their great striker,
Wayne Rooney (I think he’s a striker) to a broken foot.
The World Cup starts in just about a month and boy I’d stay
away from the venues. Terror alerts from all sides.
–Albert Pujols ended up setting the record for most home runs in
the month of April…14. But I’m not penciling him in for 109
just yet.
–Just saw a piece in the Washington Post on steroids in baseball
and for those of you who still say the likes of Roger Clemens
were clean these last ten years or so, think again. Of the ten who
have tested positive for steroids in the minors thus far this year,
nine are pitchers.
[So I’m still here in the Northwest lounge and there is this total
freakin’ jerk way down at the other end of the place, an
American by the name of Robert Kelley, whose voice is booming
as if he’s the only other person in here. Of course I know his
name because he was just making a reservation for a hotel and he
spelled it out. I was waiting for the credit card # so I could then
use it to purchase some concert tickets or something, but alas he
hasn’t given it out yet.]
–There was a good reason why I didn’t care about the return of
hockey this year, because I just sensed at the end of the day my
New York Rangers would get their butts wiped if they made it to
the playoffs and wouldn’t you know that happened to be the
case. Not only did they lose their last five regular season games,
they were then swept by the Devils. Don’t look for me to give a
damn about the sport next year either.
–Tim Montgomery, BALCO dirtball, was implicated in a large
money laundering / bad check ring. He’s toast. And I see the
key scientist in the BALCO deal pleaded guilty to trafficking in
steroids.
–Wohhh Nellie! Keith Jackson is finally retiring for good.
Geezuz, haven’t we been through this before?!
–So I guess you’re wondering what I think of the NFL draft and
my NY Jets’ selections. Of course I wanted Reggie Bush or Matt
Leinart…plus you also know how much I wanted Jay Cutler.
But nooooooo….we end up with D’Brickshaw Ferguson. Oh
well, he’s the real deal if you’re looking to build an offensive
line. And I do like the quarterback they got from Oregon.
–Former pitcher Steve Howe died in a car crash. He was only
suspended a still record seven times by Major League Baseball.
What an idiot.
[Notice how “jerks,” “idiots” and “dirtballs” are flying all over
the place here in the Northwest Lounge?]
–On Friday night I hit a sports bar in Seoul and caught some
Korean Baseball League action. They have 18 professional
teams, I was told, and the game I saw was the Kia Tigers vs. the
Anycall Lions. I can’t say I was impressed, though I only saw
four innings, this being the place where a Guinness was $16! [If
you read my “Week in Review.”] I nursed that sucker big time,
and I’ll be damned if I was going to spring for another at that
price.
Anyway, they flashed a radar gun on the two pitchers and neither
was throwing more than 126 kmph….which I looked up and it
translates to just 78 mph. Plus the ball-strike count is reversed,
so if you’ve been heavily drinking and you see 2-3 up on the
screen….it may take you a while to realize it’s really 3 balls and
2 strikes. Not that I was confused, of course.
–Here I recently wrote that Charles Howell III was one of
the big busts of all time on the PGA Tour and I just saw he
finished 2nd this week in the latest event in New Orleans. Chris
Couch, a great feel-good story, won his first title. And my buddy
Bill Haas (using the term loosely…but he’d recognize me) is
finally putting some decent tourneys together. Go Deacs!
[Father Jay has also begun kicking butt on the Senior Tour.]
–Lastly, as I wrap this up on a little more serious note, I
mentioned in that other piece I do that I went to the DMZ on
Saturday and the War Memorial the day before. There were over
4 million casualties (killed and wounded) in the Korean War.
The South lost 1.3 million, the North an estimated 1.5 million,
the Chinese at least another 500,000 and then the UN forces.
Here is the list of Killed in Action for the good guys, aside from
the South Koreans who lost 170,000 soldiers, with just a little
political observation here. This is what you call a real coalition.
USA…33,642 killed
UK…1,086
Turkey…729
Canada…516
Australia…332
France…269
Colombia…213….this shocked me
Greece…186
Thailand…130
Netherlands…124
Ethiopia…122…as did this one
Philippines…112
Belgium…106
21 nations in all participated.
But what’s interesting these days, as an article in the paper just
today pointed out, is that the demilitarized zone, 2-km on each
side or 907 square kilometers in total, is an ecological treasure.
You see, no one is allowed in the DMZ and back in 1953 they
ruled it a paradise for the plants and animals. So today I read
where researchers have found 11 types of rare animals inside the
zone, including cranes thought to be extinct and golden eagles.
Overall, there are 2,716 species of plants and animals.
But they all have to tread softly…the DMZ is also a minefield in
many spots.
*Well, time to wrap this up….still in the Northwest Lounge.
Robert Kelley never supplied me with his credit card #. But I see
they have Sapporo on tap here! Hey, go Northwest. You guys
rock!
Top 3 songs for the week of 5/2/70: #1 “ABC” (The Jackson 5)
#2 “Let It Be” (The Beatles) #3 “Spirit In The Sky” (Norman
Greenbaum)…and…#4 “American Woman” (The Guess Who)
#5 “Instant Karma (We All Shine On)” (John Ono Lennon) #6
“Love Or Let Me Be Lonely” (The Friends of Distinction)
Baseball Quiz Answers. 1) Gene Clines. 2) Hal Lanier. 3)
Roger Metzger. The overall record for at-bats between home
runs since 1960 is 1,869 by Rafael Belliard, 1987-97.
Next Bar Chat, Tuesday, May 9. I have a tough trip travel-wise
later in the week and need to take a chat off. But I’ll try and
finally get you the definitive word on the brown tree snake in
Guam.
Shout out to LT!
