Kansas City Royals Quiz: 1) Dan Quisenberry was Fireman of
the Year five times. Who was the only other Royal to be
selected in this category? 2) What two years did they go to the
World Series? 3) Who threw two no-hitters (the only one to do
so)? 4) Who is the only pitcher to win 20 games, three times? 5)
Who are the only two to score 130 runs in a season? 6) Who am
I? I hold the single season ERA mark, 2.08, and my initials are
R.N. Answers below.
Simpsons Quiz: Who are the six primary voices? Answer below.
Jason Giambi
What a totally weird dude he is. I know many of you are sick of
baseball’s steroids scandal and all the reporting on it, but I’ve
decided I’m documenting the whole issue as well as anyone and
when you have idiots like Giambi, you can’t help but report it.
So Jason, who yearns to be loved by all mankind, admitted to
USA Today that he likely tested positive for steroids.
“I was wrong for doing that stuff. What we should have done a
long time ago was stand up – players, ownership, everybody –
and said: ‘We made a mistake.’
“We should have apologized back then and made sure we had a
rule in place and gone forward…Steroids and all of that was a
part of history. But it was a topic that everybody wanted to
avoid. Nobody wanted to talk about it.”
But then Jason said “That stuff didn’t help me hit home runs. I
don’t care what people say, nothing is going to give you that gift
of hitting a baseball.” Right.
When asked, “So why did you take steroids?” Giambi said:
“Maybe one day I’ll talk about it, but not now.”
As for Barry Bonds, Giambi said “Barry is one of the greatest
players, if not the greatest, I’ll ever see play. I know people have
a tough time accepting it, but what he’s doing is unbelievable.
And I don’t care what people say – nothing is going to give you
that gift of hitting a baseball….He’s chasing one of the most
celebrated records on the planet, and they’re not even giving him
a chance to enjoy it. How can he possibly enjoy it with all of the
scrutiny?”
I’m going to get sick………..
Gary Sheffield, user, said this of Giambi, his former teammate.
“Now, the New York media portrays him as a good guy again,
which is good, because it’s important to Jason that people like
him.”
Ah, but since he has basically admitted using steroids, can the
New York Yankees void what remains of Giambi’s $120 million
contract? They considered it after the BALCO scandal broke
and grand jury testimony was leaked in late 2004 implicating the
Giambino, but didn’t have much of a case. Do they have a better
one today, given contract language saying it can be voided if he
uses illegal substances while with the club? Yes, but given the
collective bargaining agreement with the Players Association it’s
not likely the Yankees will proceed.
Meanwhile, the commissioner’s office is stirred up. Can Bud
Selig suspend Giambi? Would Selig risk a fight with the union?
More importantly, Selig needs to make Giambi cooperate with
George Mitchell’s investigation.
Mike Lupica / New York Daily News
“When (Giambi) did talk about drugs in front of the BALCO
grand jury it wasn’t because he wanted to save baseball. It’s
because the government came after him with a subpoena. When
he issued that fake apology at Yankee Stadium [Feb. 2005], it
wasn’t because he wanted to do the right thing, even though he
wanted to be treated afterward like the most standup guy ever to
wear a pinstriped uniform. It was because he got caught. It was
because his grand jury testimony got out.
“To the end, trying to clean up this sport and all the slobs who
used drugs and now want to blame that on somebody else is like
trying to sweep up the desert. To the end, Giambi says he’s not
hiding anything, even if he didn’t want to do any more talking
yesterday [his first opportunity following the USA Today
comments]. To the end he says, ‘that stuff,’ whatever that stuff
is, didn’t help him hit home runs. Sure it didn’t.”
But there is another steroid story in New York these days, this
one involving the New York Mets. Reliever Lino Urdanetta,
who was brought up briefly about ten days ago and then shipped
back to AAA, became the seventh member of the organization –
including major leaguer Guillermo Mota – to be suspended for
testing positive for steroids. Urdanetta was suspended 50 games.
All seven, by the way, are pitchers, and Mota, on the suspension
list for 50 games himself, is slated to come back in another few
weeks. The Mets are now taking heat in the press for having
signed Mota last winter even after he had tested positive.
General Manager Omar Minaya said there was no mixed
message. “He admitted that he made a mistake. To me, that
speaks volumes.”
So while outfielder Lastings Milledge gets criticized harshly for
his rap song, as Flip Bondy of the Daily News put it, there is a bit
of “hip-hop-crisy” going on. Milledge is rightfully blasted, but
Mota gets to return and earn $5 million over the next two seasons
if he stays clean. The Star-Ledger’s Dan Graziano, who agreed
Jason Giambi should be forced to talk to the commissioner’s
office about all he knows, says the same should apply to Mota
before he is reinstated.
And this last bit on the steroids issue. Former outfielder Darrin
Jackson was interviewed by USA Today and had this to say
about Barry Bonds.
“I broke into the big leagues at about the same time as Barry.
This sleek, 185-pound guy turned into a 245-pound monster. I
had a personal trainer and worked out five days a week and never
put on more than 8 pounds. This guy’s massive growth was
unbelievable.” 22% of today’s players believe Bonds cheated in
the latest survey. 66% have no opinion.
Stuff
–In Kenya, three wildlife rangers and four suspected poachers
were killed in a gun battle. Seven rangers patrolling the Tana
River District were attacked by an unknown number of armed
men.
–A 39-year-old woman was walking in shallow water near an
Australian beach on Thursday when she was mauled by a shark.
She was cradling a baby in her arms when the shark came up
from behind. Her husband saw the shark but was unable to
identify it. The woman’s injuries were not life-threatening.
Good thing she managed to hold onto the baby, know what I’m
sayin’?
–But then we have the case of Bokito, the 400-pound gorilla that
escaped from his Rotterdam Zoo cage and went berserk, biting
one woman, dragging her, and injuring three others. Bokito was
eventually tranquilized and recaptured.
Incredibly, Bokito managed to climb a high stone wall and get
over a moat. Zoo director Ton Dorrestijn said “He got onto a
path for visitors and started running and went at full speed
through tables and diners at the Oranje restaurant.”
One witness said he saw people running and screaming. “I saw
the beast running through the park with a woman behind him,
him grabbing her forearm.” The gorilla then lied down near the
woman, who screamed. “He bit her, or I think he bit her,
because when he stood up his mouth was covered in blood,” said
the witness. Holy cow…it’s Gorcula!
Turns out Bokito actually punched through the glass door of the
restaurant and ran inside before officials finally cornered him.
Goodness gracious. I’m glad I escaped with my life from that
zoo in Chicago I went to the other day. That’s also the last time I
engage gorillas on weighty discussions such as steroids in
baseball, seeing as they are probably on HGH themselves.
–This last bit on the animal kingdom. So we have these two
humpback whales that are stranded in the Sacramento River,
having lost their way after being hit by a propeller, it would
seem. Rescuers have tried luring them back to sea with whale
noises but to no effect, which kind of makes you wonder if we’ve
all been fed a lot of bull over the years that whales communicate
with each other. I’m beginning to think they have no idea what
they are saying and that the sounds come out the way they do
because they are underwater, for crying out loud. I mean you try
making a comment underwater and having someone understand
it.
[Update: The only reason they now appear to be heading in the
right direction, as of a late report, is because an armada of boats
is physically pushing them back to sea.]
–San Francisco bartender Bobby McCambridge on Barry Bonds:
“People here don’t give a s— about Bonds and his record. Who
cares? I’d rather watch my grandchildren play than that a——.”
[Chris Ballard / Sports Illustrated]
–Based on a survey of 464 major league players, 26% voted
Barry Bonds the least friendly in the game. 20% picked Dodger
Jeff Kent. [The friendliest, in a landslide, was Detroit’s Sean
Casey.]
–I’m writing this before the conclusion of “24” tonight, but fans
of the series should be cheered to learn it has been signed for
another two seasons, meaning Jack Bauer will live through the
final two hours.
But my brother brought up an important point the other day when
we were discussing Milo’s demise. As Harry said, Milo is a true
hero for taking a bullet for Nadia. After all, we love Nadia and
her little matador outfit. As for Milo, yes, he was shot in the
head, but something tells me he’ll land on his feet.
–Once again it appeared Street Sense had come from behind in
spectacular fashion, but this time a horse named Curlin ran him
down instead, winning the Preakness at the wire. So it’s another
year without the Triple Crown winner the sport of racing
desperately needs. 29 years and counting. Drat!
–Michelle Wie hasn’t golfed since missing the cut at the men’s
Sony Open in January due to her wrist injury, but she has been
invited to participate in an elite 20 golfer field in Palm Desert,
Calif., in October and that has caused quite a stir on the LPGA
Tour. “People aren’t very happy,” Brittany Lincicome said.
“It’s tough to accept. We’re out here working our butts off to get
a spot in that tournament and it’s just handed to her. She hasn’t
even been playing.” As Kevin Manahan of the Star-Ledger
wrote, Wie’s invitation is just “another privilege extended to an
over-hyped golfer who has yet to win an LPGA event.”
–From Golfweek:
“It sounded too good to be true; as it turned out, it was. Word is
the folks at Pine Valley were surprised to read in last week’s
Forecaddie [column] that a two-day trip to the New Jersey
hideaway via private jet was being auctioned at this week’s
[Nationwide Tour] BMW Charity Pro-Am at The Cliffs. Club
rules forbid members from selling or donating rounds. A Pine
Valley official put down his Golfweek long enough to dial The
Cliffs and have the trip yanked from the auction, according to a
club source.” What an a-hole.
–Zach Johnson won this week’s PGA Tour event in Atlanta,
meaning all three of his triumphs have been in the state of
Georgia.
–Correction: In the last Bar Chat, I said Dale Earnhardt Jr. was
leaving his mother’s team. It’s his stepmother’s. I should have
known that.
–Floyd Landis testified under oath on Saturday that he never
used performance-enhancing drugs, even though he tested
positive when he won last year’s Tour de France. Landis told
three arbitrators who will determine his fate, “It wouldn’t serve
any purpose to cheat to win the Tour because I wouldn’t be
proud of it.”
But earlier, Landis’ manager, Will Geoghegan, called former
Tour winner Greg LeMond, claiming to be the uncle who had
sexually abused LeMond when he was a child. It was pure
blackmail. LeMond testified Thursday:
“He said, ‘I’ll be there tomorrow and we can talk about how we
used to perform a sexual act.’ I thought this was intimidation to
keep me from coming here (to testify).” [As it turned out,
LeMond refused to testify against Lance Armstrong…in this
rather complicated hearing.]
Landis fired his manager, claiming he didn’t know Geoghegan
was about to do that, even though the only one who would have
known about LeMond’s past (something he had never revealed in
public before) was Landis himself.
The case comes down to judging Landis and his character,
though it was supposed to be about the science of the testing.
Landis doped….here’s hoping he loses the proceeding.
–Mickey Mantle’s home uniform from 1960 sold for $101,410
as part of a sports auction by Lelands. Cassius Clay boxing
gloves went for $47,000, a 1954 game-worn jersey of Stan
Musial’s took in $49,000, and a baseball signed by Roberto
Clemente brought $28,900. Hey Shu…I forgot…do you still
have that ball you told me about? Also, a Bobby Orr jersey
fetched $83,800.
But Honus Wagner’s home in Carnegie, Pa. went unsold. Not
sure what they were asking, but I may have to check it out
someday.
–Sports memorabilia dealer Brandon Steiner estimates Barry
Bonds’ home run ball for #756 would fetch $500,000; quite a
come down compared to the $3 million for Mark McGwire’s 70th
in 1998. Hank Aaron’s 755th sold for $650,000, Bonds’ 73rd
(2001) $517,500, and Mickey Mantle’s 500th went for $250,000.
[Yours truly was at this last one…a fact I’ve only brought up
about 55 times before.]
–San Francisco signed lefty Barry Zito to an absurd 7-year, $126
million contract and Zito has rewarded management by going 3-5
with a 5.13 ERA. Ya gotta love it!
–Atlanta’s Bobby Cox has been tossed out of 128 games in his
26 years in baseball. The record is 132 by John McGraw. [That
would be a funny film….showing all of them.]
–It’s official…with David Wright’s two home runs on Saturday
against the Yankees, and another on Sunday, I’m now back on
the Wright bandwagon. And I didn’t slip clambering aboard!
Someone, whose name escapes me, offered their hand and I was
able to avoid serious injury.
–Speaking of the Yankees, who are in free fall, the Wall Street
Journal’s Allen St. John had a column about ten days ago noting
that since 2001, it’s taken an average of 98 wins to take the AL
East, and 97 for the AL Wildcard berth. So for the Yankees to
win the wildcard, since they finished the weekend at 19-23, that
means they’d have to go 78-42 the rest of the way, or a .650 clip.
Uh, I don’t think so…and the fans are going to be increasingly
surly…especially with Roger Clemens unless he throws six-
inning shutouts each time out; Roger not being capable of going
more than six.
–Joey Buttafuoco and Amy Fisher are an item, 15 years after she
shot Mary Jo Buttafuoco in the head as a 17-year-old. Fisher
told “The Insider” television show the other day, after allowing
them to film a date with Joey, that “We know we’re
unconventional and a lot of people think it’s sick and strange.
We’re very hesitant about what people think. We care about
what people think. We’re nice people. We’re a lot of fun.”
You’re sick. [Joey and Amy are angling for a reality show. Oh
brother.]
–The Indy 500 will have three women in the field for the first
time…with Venezuelan Milka Duno joining Sarah Fisher and
sexy Danica Patrick.
–Remember the little Indian boy, Budhia Singh, who ran a
marathon last year at the age of four? I didn’t know doctors
afterwards found him to be undernourished, anemic and under
cardiac stress, and the state government barred him from
running. So now Budhia, all of five, is planning to walk 310
miles in 10 days beginning June 6. Why?! Throw the kids’
parents in jail.
–Two more climbers died in Denali National Park and Preserve
after an avalanche swept them off near the top of 7,650-foot
Mount Barrille. According to the National Park Service, Andre
Callari, 33, and Brian Postlewait, 32, both from Utah, “fell quite
a bit of vertical distance, we estimate between 1,500 and 2,000
feet.” That makes four dead in one week at the park. Two others
also fell 2,000 feet while descending Mount McKinley. A fifth
died last month. The deadliest season was 1992 when 13
climbers died, including 11 on Mount McKinley. [Source:
Anchorage Daily News] Seems like it would be easier to just
relax at home with an adult beverage and watch a video or
somethin’, doesn’t it?
–There are less than four months left in “For Better or For
Worse” and we’re still jerking around with Grandpa Jim and his
recovery. The way I see it, there are about 300 panels remaining
to deal with some major issues, such as Dr. P.’s connections to
the Afghan heroin trade, but I’m beginning to wonder if we’ll
ever get the true story.
But this just in…on Monday we see that Dr. and Mrs. P. have
decided to move down the street, thus giving their current house
to Michael and Deanna. It’s hoped that during some renovation
work that Michael will do, he’ll discover Dr. P.’s weapons cache
and call in the Mounties.
–Congratulations to Duke’s men’s lacrosse team for making the
NCAA Division I semifinals.
Johns Hopkins vs. Delaware!
Cornell vs. Duke
[On the women’s side, the final four are Northwestern, Penn,
Duke and Virginia]
–And now….more classic Bob and Ray
Biff Burns’s Sports
Burns: Greetings and the warmest of felicitations to you, sports
fans. This is Biff Burns emanating from mikeside here in the
Biff Burns Sports Room. In the moments that lie directly ahead,
we shall be scrutinizing all the highlights and sidelights from the
world of sports. In addition, we’ll be chatting with one of the
truly dominant figures in sports, Edgar Barnhorst. And Edgar –
suppose we begin with a most penetrating question: What have
you ever done to become a truly dominant figure in sports?
Barnhorst: Well, it’s really not what I’ve done so far, Biff. It’s
what I’m about to do. I’m going to end all the legal fights over
contracts and salaries that professional athletes have been getting
into lately with the team owners.
Burns: Well, I’m sure that such an achievement would indeed be
hailed by all the leaders of the sporting fraternity, including
myself. But how do you propose to keep sports stars from
getting into contract disputes with team management, Edgar?
Barnhorst: Well, I’ve got an ingenious idea for doing that, Biff.
You see…
Burns: Excuse me for interjecting, Edgar. But before you begin,
I’d just like to say that this is my show. And therefore, I’ll make
the decision as to whether your idea is ingenious or not.
Barnhorst: Oh, sure, Biff. I didn’t mean to be stepping over into
your territory. But I’m sure you’ll think the idea is pretty
ingenious. You see, I plan to change the rules for all sports so
they’ll be a lot easier to play. Then, athletes won’t have the
nerve to demand so much money because they’ll know they’re
not doing anything very difficult.
Burns: Well, that may or may not be an ingenious idea, Edgar. It
all depends upon what you’re talking about when you infer that
sports will be easier to play under your proposed rules.
Barnhorst: Well, I think basketball is a good example of what
I’m talking about, Biff. Right now, you’ve got young guys just
out of school squabbling with management over million-dollar
contracts. And the only reason they’re able to ask for that kind
of money is because they’re seven feet tall – but they’re still
graceful and able to move around well.
Burns: Well, with all due respect, Edgar, I don’t see how you
propose to make a young man more clumsy if he has a natural
tendency to be graceful.
Barnhorst: Well, I think you’ll see that’s now what I’m
proposing to do if you’ll just clam up and let me explain the
thing, Biff. You see, under my rules, the basket will be lowered
about two feet. And guys will be allowed to run with the ball if
they want to. And we may also make the basket bigger around
so it’ll easier to score. That way, I figure any middle-aged man
standing five-feet-six should have enough talent to play pro ball.
Burns: I see. And if this idea of yours proves to be as ingenious
as you think – this will cut down on unreasonable salary
demands in the NBA.
Barnhorst: Well, sure it will, Biff. How can a guy demand a
million bucks when he knows that almost every man in the
country under the age of sixty is able to play as good as he does?
Burns: Well, that does indeed have all the superficial earmarks of
being an ingenious idea, Edgar.
Barnhorst: Thanks. I believe my new rules may have an even
bigger impact on major league baseball. There, I plan to make
the ball a lot bigger and softer – kind of like a volleyball. Test
results indicate that it’ll take a lot less talent to play in the major
leagues under those conditions.
Burns: I assume the ball will be easier to hit, and also to field, if
it’s large and soft.
Barnhorst: That’s right. As I say, I’ve got test results on that,
Biff. We tried the proposed equipment in a Little League in my
home town last season. And even the worst hitter batted .927.
So I don’t see how Rod Carew could ask for more than a couple
of hundred dollars a week – knowing that any eight-year-old kid
can play ball as good as he does.
Burns: Well, that’s a fascinating concept for the imagination to
toy with, Edgar.
Barnhorst: Thanks, Biff. Coming from you, that means more
than it would normally.
Burns: I suppose that’s true. But there’s one question that I
continue tossing over in my mind. Why would the fans pay any
money to come out and watch sports that don’t require any
playing skill?
Barnhorst: Well, I think the fans are going to have to lower their
standards – and stop expecting to see professional athletes who
have talent.
Burns: I see. And do you expect the fans to cooperate by
lowering their standards that way?
Barnhorst: No. I don’t think they’ll do that, Biff.
Burns: I don’t think they will, either. But thanks for stopping by
to tell us about your impractical idea. And now this is Biff Burns
saying that until it’s time for our next get-together in the sports
room, this is Biff Burns saying so long, fans.
[Source: “From Approximately Coast to Coast…it’s The Bob
and Ray Show”]
–SI’s Rick Reilly…sentences that will never be uttered, ever.
“And the Team Citizenship Award goes to…the Cincinnati
Bengals!”
“Hey, Rulon, wait for me to get my snowshoes and I’ll come
with you.”
“With a major on the line and one hole to play, I want the club in
Monty’s hands.”
“So you’ll be going straight from work to the Raiders game?”
“Look up the word ‘class’ in the dictionary, and you’ll see Bob
Huggins’s picture next to it.”
“Pacman for Senate!”
“Do you have that in a size 2 for Serena?”
“Barry Bonds is the feel-good story of the year!”
Simpsons Quiz Answer: The six primary voices belong to Hank
Azaria, Nancy Cartwright, Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner, Harry
Shearer and Yeardley Smith. Incredibly, they have been together
for 20 years, including when it ran as a short on “The Tracey
Ullman Show” on April 19, 1987. They also love their jobs.
After all, it’s just one day of work for 22 weeks a year, for which
they earn six-figures per episode. They can even deliver their
lines while on location for other projects. Azaria, the most
recognized for his work outside the show, said “That’s why it’s
such a blessing and there’s no reason to leave.” Hank is the
voice for Moe, Apu, Chief Wiggum and others. Castellaneta, the
voice for Homer, said “I’m sure the headline over my obit will
probably be something like ‘Homer Simpson Is Dead – Doh!”
[Ray Richmond / Hollywood Reporter]
[Classic stuff last night with the spoof on “24.”]
–As for “The Sopranos,” we are clearly headed for a real train
wreck…two episodes to go. A.J. could still be released and
shoot Tony…per my long-held prediction.
–I’m very interested to see how HBO handles “Bury My Heart at
Wounded Knee,” one of the all-time great books.
Top 3 songs for the week of 5/20/67: #1 “Groovin’” (The Young
Rascals) #2 “The Happening” (The Supremes) #3 “Sweet Soul
Music” (Arthur Conley)…and…#4 “Somethin’ Stupid” (Nancy
Sinatra & Frank Sinatra…loved the bit she had on “The
Sopranos” the other week) #5 “Respect” (Aretha Franklin) #6 “I
Got Rhythm” (The Happenings) #7 “Release Me (And Let Me
Love Again)” (Engelbert Humperdinck) #8 “Close Your Eyes”
(Peaches and Herb) #9 “Don’t You Care” (The Buckinghams…
love this one) #10 “You Got What It Takes” (Dave Clark Five)
Kansas City Royals Quiz Answers: 1) Jeff Montgomery was
Fireman of the Year in 1993. 2) The Royals lost to Philadelphia
in the ’80 Series and defeated St. Louis in ’85. 3) Steve Busby
threw no-hitters in 1973 and 74. 4) Dennis Leonard won 20
three times (1977, 78, 80). 5) 130 runs scored: Johnny Damon
(136 in 2000) and Willie Wilson (133 in 1980…you knew I’d
work him in) 6) 1972, ERA 2.08 in 173 innings…Roger Nelson.
Royal futility…last three seasons
2006…62-100…team ERA 5.67
2005…56-106…team ERA 5.49
2004…58-104…team ERA 5.15
Next Bar Chat, Thursday…bone up on your Indy history.
