St. Louis Cardinals Quiz: 1) Who was the last to throw a no-
hitter? 2) Who were the two NL MVPs in the 1940s besides Stan
Musial, who won three times that decade? 3) Who was batting
champ in 1931, initials C.H.? 4) Who are the only three to hit
250 home runs in a Cardinals uniform? 5) Who am I? I have
1,105 RBI as a Cardinal and my initials are J.B.? 6) Who is #3
on the list for most wins with 163, behind Bob Gibson (251) and
Jesse Haines (210)?
**Congratulations Philadelphia!!!!**
On Sunday, the Phillies registered loss #10,000 in franchise
history. They are now 8,810-10,000, and have won only one
World Series (1980) in 125 years.
Ralph Kiner
So Saturday, the New York Mets honored Hall of Famer Ralph
Kiner for his 46 years as a Mets broadcaster and you’ll have to
excuse my getting a little personal here but I took my father,
brother and his son to the event and what a special time for us.
Dad grew up watching Kiner when he was a student at the
University of Pittsburgh, attending a ton of Pirates games at
Forbes Field at a time when Kiner was the only attraction. So it
was great that he was able to be there Saturday.
And the Mets did a super job in having representatives of key
eras in attendance, including Ed Charles, Ed Kranepool, Bud
Harrelson, Jerry Koosman, Tom Seaver and Keith Hernandez.
But a big surprise was the great Bob Feller’s appearance, plus
Yogi, and then, of all people, especially after all I’ve written the
past few weeks, there was Bob Friend! My man! It was all very
cool.
As for Kiner, in just ten years, before a bad back forced him into
early retirement, he amassed 369 home runs, leading the league a
record seven consecutive seasons, and had 1,015 RBI on his way
to Cooperstown.
Kiner became a broadcaster for the Chicago White Sox in 1961
before the expansion Mets plucked him away to team with Bob
Murphy and Lindsey Nelson in New York’s first season in ‘62.
While Kiner’s work has been limited due to health issues the past
decade or so (he’s now 84, after all), he’s still best known for his
terrific stories of the old days, as well as his malapropos, such as:
“We’ll be right back after this word from Manufacturers
Hangover.”
Or this one, “All of his saves have come during relief
appearances,” which Ralph said about relief pitcher Steve
Bedrosian. He also said “All of the Mets’ road wins against Los
Angeles this year have been at Dodger Stadium.”
Kiner used to say of his slugging prowess, “Home run hitters
drive Cadillacs, and single hitters drive Fords.”
On Phil Niekro’s knuckleball, “It’s like watching Mario Andretti
park a car.”
Of course Ralph was also the first to say, “Two-thirds of the
earth is covered by water, the other one-third is covered by Garry
Maddox.”
Then there is this anecdote from his famous post-game show,
Kiner’s Korner, as told by Daniel Okrent and Steve Wulf in their
book “Baseball Anecdotes.”
“Choo Choo Coleman was supposed to be a catcher, but he
moved around so much behind the plate that when pitcher Chuck
Churn, who had been his occasional battery-mate with the
Phillies*, was asked who was the toughest man in the league to
pitch to, he said, ‘Coleman.’
“With the Mets, it was more of the same. Choo Choo was
something of a laughingstock even on this woeful club, a
situation he generally shrugged off with his notably taciturn
nature. A sample of his conversational style became clear in a
dialogue with Mets broadcaster Ralph Kiner.
“ ‘Choo Choo,’ Kiner began his interview, ‘how did you get your
nickname?’
“Coleman: ‘Dunno.’
“Kiner was forced to grope. ‘Well, what’s your wife’s name,
and what’s she like?’
“Coleman: ‘Her name is Mrs. Coleman, and she likes me.’”
Kiner said of those pitiful early Mets teams, “The first year, we
lost our first nine games, then the next year our first eight, then
our first seven, then our first six. Then the next year, we got
rained out our first three games and that was our best start.”
Kiner also has a reputation of being a prince of a gentleman and
current broadcaster Howie Rose relates this story.
“The closest I ever came to seeing Ralph get angry was in San
Diego about 10 years ago. He used to smoke cigars all the time,
and somebody came in and said very apologetically: ‘I’m sorry
Mr. Kiner, but there’s a state ordinance that says you can’t
smoke this in public, I’m going to have to ask you to put the
cigar out.’ And Ralph just gives the guy a look and says, ‘You
know, California used to be a great state.’ That’s the closest he
ever got to losing it.’”
Revenge of the Elephants
Christina Lamb filed this report from Zambia for the London
Times.
“Behind the picture-book scenes [of an African safari] a war is
under way. Many people in Zambia and other parts of Africa are
living in terror of elephants, which are becoming increasingly
aggressive. Scientists believe they may be seeking revenge for
the culling of their parents.” [A topic I’ve broached before in this
space.]
As people move closer to the national parks of Zambia, and as
elephants in Zimbabwe flee the indiscriminate poaching taking
place there as that nation implodes, “Villagers are not only losing
their crops but in some cases their lives. Last year Jacqueline
Lyamba, 25, and her two-year-old daughter, were killed in
Nakatindi township while her six-year-old son crouched behind a
bush in terror. On the other side of the border in March a British
mother and daughter were trampled to death on holiday in
Hwange national park. Last month an elephant overturned a
truck on the highway.”
But now villagers are fighting back with, get this, chilli.
“Chillis are to elephants what garlic is to vampires,” explained
biologist Loki Osborn. “Give them a whiff and they will dance
around like cartoon characters, flaring their ears, shaking their
heads, blowing out air and trumpeting.”
The key is elephants have 100 to 150 times better sense of smell
than humans. When they breathe in even very small amounts of
capsicum, “their whole trunk is stimulated and it drives them
crazy,” said Osborn.
At the same time, though, the elephant herd in Zambia has
exploded from 7,000 to 30,000. Osborn argues, “People believe
elephants are near extinction. In fact it’s the other way round –
they’re recolonizing parts of southern Africa where they haven’t
been for 100 years.”
We need to convince the pachyderms to reverse course and take
on President Robert Mugabe in Zimbabwe. Then debate in the
United Nations could turn to how to recognize them as the
legitimate authority there.
Stuff
–You know who I like? David Beckham. I feel like I’ve read
quite a bit about the man and his plans for promoting soccer in
the U.S. and the first thing that comes across is he just seems like
a really good guy. His introduction in Los Angeles the other day
was typical. Beckham has no entourage, he drove himself to the
event, showed up early, exhibited a great sense of humor, and
really seems to care about the product.
About a separate event, an interview with Sports Illustrated,
Grant Wahl wrote:
“He’s only one man, which is clear when he arrives at the photo
studio sans entourage – a half hour early at that. In his white V-
neck T-shirt, blue jeans and five-year-old brown work boots, the
world’s most recognizable athlete could almost pass for a ranch
hand in Kalispell. His famous hair is shorn close (a remedy for
an ill-conceived, bleach-blond dye job), and both wrists are
brimming: a green malachite bracelet (for the anti-blood-
diamond charity run by hip-hop impresario Russell Simmons), a
silver charm bracelet (a gift from his wife, Victoria) and three
multi-colored evil-eye bracelets for good luck. At the end of an
hour long photo shoot he individually thanks the small army of
assistants, not once but twice. ‘I’ve never had that happen
before,’ says one.”
Sure, Beckham and Victoria are taking L.A. by storm and
playing to the paparazzi, but he’s genuine and likeable. As for
his play, he’s also 32 and past his prime, though he can still have
a big impact on the sport. Here’s hoping he does. This is one
guy I’d love to hand a Bar Chat “Good Guy of the Year” award
to.
–HBO’s “Real Sports” is must-see television, Tuesday, as Gary
Sheffield is interviewed. Sheffield, now with Detroit after years
with the Yankees, claims black players are treated differently
than white players by Joe Torre. The Yankees had no comment,
though Torre did say he had his own thoughts, “but I would
rather keep them to myself.”
Sheffield also said, when asked about the treatment accorded
captain Derek Jeter, that he “ain’t all the way black. Derek
Jeter’s black and white.”
But on the issue of steroids, Sheffield blames his workout
partner, Barry Bonds. According to Gary, Bonds saw Sheffield’s
stash of vitamins, and said, “What are you taking that stuff for,
it’s stupid.” Sheffield then says, “Look, I trusted this man…as
time went on and we started training, I started seeing the control
factor.” Nonetheless, Sheffield still denies he knowingly used
“the cream” and “the clear,” even though the evidence is
overwhelming to the contrary, including the leaked grand jury
testimony in the BALCO case.
–SI has a story on baseball memorabilia and the decline in value
due to Barry Bonds fatigue. His rookie cards, once worth $60,
now fetch only $20. Overall, it’s also about “milestone fatigue,”
what with Frank Thomas’s 500th homer, Ken Griffey Jr.’s
exploits, Sammy Sosa’s 600th, and A-Rod’s imminent 500th.
Roger Maris’s 61 lasted 37 years until Mark McGwire’s 70, but
then just three years later Bonds hit 73, and now we all know
what was going on behind the scenes during this era. It will be a
long time before anyone is paying $3 million for a baseball, as
comic-book king Todd MacFarlane did for McGwire’s 70th.
–The latest grand jury examining the BALCO case is due to see
its term expire in a few weeks. At that point the government
either seeks an indictment of Bonds or walks away. I thought a
grand jury could “indict a ham sandwich”? We only have a
week or two left before Barry breaks the record, guys. Freakin’
get to work! [A staph infection would work as well.]
–Interesting….in a poll of 464 major leaguers for SI, Jose Reyes
was voted the most exciting in the game by 42% of them. Ichiro
was next at 11%. I’m surprised by the margin.
–David P., my former full-service broker and now independent
trader, passed along an AP story I missed from Friday night.
“French long jumper Salim Sdiri was struck by a javelin in his
right side while waiting in a designated warm-up area at the
Golden League meeting in Rome.
“The incident occurred midway through the evening when
Finnish thrower Tero Pitkamaki slipped at the end of his run-up,
hurling the javelin out to the left of the landing area and spearing
Sdiri in his right side as he crouched in the long jump warm-up
section. A medical crew and ambulance were quickly at the
scene, but meeting organizers could not say how serious the
injury was.”
–Now this is incredibly stupid. The NCAA is demanding that
Oklahoma erase its wins from the 2005 season because two
players, one of whom was starting quarterback Rhett Bomar,
were paid for work they had not performed at a Norman car
dealership owned by a rogue booster. The NCAA said
Oklahoma was guilty of a “failure to monitor” the employment
of the players.
Now consider this. The Sooners went 8-4 that year, including a
bowl victory, and not only are the wins to be erased, but coach
Bob Stoops’ career record will be amended to reflect this,
dropping it from 86-19 in eights seasons to 78-19.
What a crock. The NCAA is also penalizing the school by taking
away two scholarships for the 2008-09 and 2009-10 seasons.
That’s fine. That’s a fair sanction. But this wasn’t point-shaving,
plus Stoops dismissed the two players from the team before the
season in question began! Here’s hoping Oklahoma wins the
appeal.
And for their actions, the NCAA is hereby thrown in the yearend
file for consideration as “Dirtball Organization of the Year.”
–Goodness gracious. Brad K. first alerted me to the story about
the Basra badgers and since then I have seen a number of
articles. From the BBC, “British forces have denied rumors that
they released a plague of ferocious badgers into the Iraqi city of
Basra. Word spread among the populace that UK troops had
introduced strange man-eating, bear-like beasts into the area to
sow panic.”
However, some of the animals that have since been caught were
identified as honey badgers. UK military spokesman Major Mike
Shearer, in denying that his people are responsible, says “We
have been told these are indigenous nocturnal carnivores that
don’t attack humans unless cornered.”
Badgers are capable of taking on cobras, among other creatures,
and one local wildlife official believes they have been driven
towards Basra because of flooding nearby. One woman, who
claims a badger attacked her while she was sleeping, said “It is
the size of a dog but his head is like a monkey.”
Another fellow, Sattar Jabbar (not to be confused with Kareem
Abdul-Jabbar), said “I saw it three days ago at night attacking
animals. It even ate a cow. It tore the cow up piece by piece.”
Well, it looks as though Sattar is prone to exaggeration, but it is
true these particular badgers are more ferocious than any others
found around the globe, and their numbers are increasing. So as
Brad points out, this opens up a whole new front in the war. No
reaction as yet from President Bush.
–Following up on my musing about dying on the golf course,
Phil W., with whom I have played a few rounds in my life, says
that under the scenario where I was bitten by a copperhead while
searching for my ball in the woods, he and my other friends
would eventually drag me out, but they’d have to finish the hole
first.
“Then there would be some conversation about whether we
should finish the round because someone will be playing really
well and hate to lose any momentum. Once we finished the
round, we’d have to get a couple of beers to talk about it,
concluding that we would have played even better if we weren’t
slowed down by your untimely demise on the tough #1 handicap
hole. The 19th hole would also afford us time to determine who
your partner was, plus we’d have to look through the rule book to
determine if it was the partner’s responsibility to drag your body
out from the poison ivy and bugs.”
Look, I have no problem with this. I’d likely do the same, only I
have a much higher bar in terms of how well the round is going
and whether or not I can be bothered.
–Reader Derrick passed along some rules of golf, such as:
“Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.”
[Personally, I haven’t tried to hit one this year…it was getting so
bad for me in 2006.]
“All 3-woods are demon-possessed.”
[I’ve hit some great ones this season, but the club does have a
mind of its own.]
“A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.”
[Very true.]
“The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the
one who beats you.”
[I’m playing in my club’s D-flight championship soon and there
is one fellow I hope I meet in the final round, if I get that far. I
lost in the finals to the guy three years ago and it’s time to get my
revenge. Last year I had moved up to C-flight and was crushed.
Yes, I suck.]
–Jessica Simpson tells Harper’s Bazaar that her boobs are real.
The August issue hits newsstands July 24.
[Sorry, can’t comment further or I’d lose my International Web
Site Association license.]
–From Jon Thurber of the Los Angeles Times:
“Jim Mitchell, who developed a multimillion-dollar adult film
empire with his younger brother, Artie, but was later convicted
of killing him, has died. He was 63.”
Turns out the Mitchell brothers produced “Behind the Green
Door,” which starred Ivory Snow baby (grown up), Marilyn
Chambers. It cost only $60,000 to make and reportedly grossed
$25 million.
But in Feb. 1991, Mitchell killed his brother, though he served
less than three years in San Quentin for this.
–I just had a thought. Maybe I could produce a movie, “Behind
the Curtain” …the true story of Carol Merrill of “Let’s Make a
Deal” fame.
–Hot dog eating champ Joey Chestnut was asked by SI what his
most embarrassing moment was?
“I was leading the Deep-Fried Asparagus contest in 2005. My
mom was in the crowd, and all of a sudden she screamed out,
‘Come on, Joey! Do it for Mama!’ in front of everyone. I have
never been so close to coughing up food.”
–We note the passing of longtime baseball umpire Shag
Crawford at the age of 90. Son Jerry has been a major league
umpire since 1977, while another son, Joey, has been a NBA
referee since ’77. Shag umpired from 1956 to 1975.
–And in noting the passing of former NFL All-Pro lineman and
football executive Bucko Kilroy, 86, I have to make mention that
when he helped the Eagles win NFL championships in 1948 and
1949, the team rewarded each player with a $500 bonus and a
cigarette lighter. Kilroy, a Philadelphia native, played his
college ball at Temple.
In 1955, Kilroy sued Life magazine for calling him one of the
NFL’s “bad men” and a dirty player. A jury awarded Bucko
$25,000. But once, Al DeRogatis of the Giants accused Kilroy
of biting his nose. Kilroy denied it. “I didn’t bite his nose,” he
said. “I bit his ear.” [Frank Litsky / New York Times]
–I see that former Montreal Canadiens’ great John Ferguson, one
of the game’s big-time enforcers, passed away at the age of 68.
Ferguson, who played from 1963 to 1971, was more than just a
fighter, though, amassing 145 goals and 158 assists. He later
coached the New York Rangers.
–Nice choke job by golfer Tim Clark at the John Deere on
Sunday. Jonathan Byrd won his 3rd PGA Tour title.
–Congratulations to Stephen Brown for winning the 13-15 age
group title at the Forsyth County (NC) Junior golf tournament
last week with a birdie on 18. Stephen is the son of my buddy
Todd, who plays a mean game of golf himself. But Stephen,
there are few kids your age who can claim to have made the
pages of Bar Chat. 60 years from now you’ll regale your
grandchildren with this. “Really, Gramps? Bar Chat?” As
Ronald Reagan would have said, “Not bad. Not bad at all.”
–In the ongoing saga of golfer Jacqueline Gagne, 46, who claims
to have made 13 holes-in-one in 90 rounds since Jan. 23, Dr.
Joseph B. Keller, professor emeritus of mathematics at Stanford
University says the odds are about 1 in
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. [Golf Digest]
–In “For Worse,” Jeff B. brings up the great point that here the
Pattersons gave Michael and Deanna their home, while Dr. and
Mrs. P. moved into a smaller one (dragging the insufferable
April along); but the payoff is, while the Pattersons busted their
hump to fix the place, one that has squirrels, incidentally,
Michael was nowhere to be found. Nope, the selfish jerk and his
wife Deanna couldn’t lift a finger to help with all the repairs on
the shack his parents were moving into.
And what of his book advance? Did he already spend it? Like
on drugs? And as my brother noted long ago, where the heck is
the book, anyway? Jeff and I also know that Michael is having
an affair with rock star Becky.
But at some point soon the Battle of the Bands is going to
commence and all of us are wondering if Shannon will have
upgraded her wardrobe by then. I’m ready to send the kid a
gift certificate or somethin’. I mean the strip only has two
months left. You’d think the characters would know how to
dress by now, for crying out loud.
Top 3 songs for the week 7/17/65: #1 “I Can’t Get No
Satisfaction” (The Rolling Stones) #2 “I Can’t Help Myself”
(Four Tops) #3 “I’m Henry VIII, I Am” (Herman’s Hermits)…
and…#4 “Mr. Tambourine Man” (The Byrds) #5 “Cara, Mia”
(Jay & The Americans) #6 “Yes, I’m Ready” (Barbara Mason)
#7 “Seventh Son” (Johnny Rivers) #8 “You Turn Me On (Turn
On Song)” (Ian Whitcomb) #9 “What The World Needs Now Is
Love” (Jackie DeShannon…call me Mr. Schmaltz, but this tune
is now in my personal Top Twenty…it’s a sign of aging….) #10
“What’s New Pussycat?” (Tom Jones…he’s still got it)
St. Louis Cardinals Quiz Answers: 1) Bud Smith had the last no-
hitter, 2001. [He was out of the game a year later, at the age of
22.] 2) MVPs in 1940s: Musial 3Xs; pitcher Mort Cooper, 1942;
shortstop Marty Marion, 1944. 3) Chick Hafey was batting
champ in 1931 with a .349 average. He’s also an incredibly
marginal Hall of Famer with all of 1,466 hits. 4) 250 HR: Stan
Musial, 475; Albert Pujols, 270 (thru Sun.); Ken Boyer, 255. 5)
Jim Bottomley, 1922-32, had 1,105 RBI as a Card. In 1931, he
lost to Chick Hafey for the batting title, .3489 to .3482.
Bottomley is also in the Hall, but unlike Hafey he’s deserving
with 6 straight 100 RBI seasons, a .310 career average, and 1,422
RBI overall. 6) Wins: Gibson, 251; Haines, 210; Bob Forsch,
163. Forsch also had two no-hitters, plus 12 career home runs.
*Re the Chuck Churn anecdote above, I”m not sure authors Wulf
and Okrent are correct, having looked at Baseball-Reference.com.
But we”ll let it slide.
Next Bar Chat, Thursday.
