**Next Bar Chat, Tues.**
[From Moscow]
Friday…So I just saw the Barry Bonds news. Not for nothing, but
with what we know and can surmise about Bonds, McGwire and
Sosa, who is the real single-season home run king? Roger Maris.
And it goes without saying that Hank Aaron is also still the man.
NCAA Football Quiz; 1) Who is Minnesota’s career rushing
leader? [He played sparingly in the NFL from 1990-94] 2) Who
is Mississippi’s all-time rusher with 3,060 yards? [Currently in
the NFL…successful career.] 3) Who am I? I am #3 on
Mississippi State’s all-time receiving list (at least as of the start
of this year), but I have had a much better NFL career, beginning
in 1996 and I’m now on Tennessee. Answers below.
The Weather
Friends, for the second time in five years I selected this exact
week in November to come to Moscow, because the weather is
transitioning to winter and I figure it’s fun to get an idea of what
it might have been like back in the day when Napoleon and
Hitler were brought down by it; without the full, below-zero cold
of late December thru February, that is.
So last time I had a little snow when I arrived, but the weather if
I remember correctly was generally in the mid- to upper-30s and
just not that bad.
But this time is different…way different. To wit:
Arrive Sunday…there had been a dusting but it was very cold, in
the 20s.
Monday…absolutely brutal…light snow but temps in the 20s and
a wind that found the slightest break in your clothing. As bad as
any winter day in New Jersey recently. And it’s Nov. 12.
Tuesday…cold, flurrying, in the upper 20s, but the wind died
down while I was walking around town, doing the museum
thing. Then Tuesday afternoon, after I got back to my room for
the day, it started snowing heavily.
Wednesday…woke up to snow…I figured four inches had fallen
and I read later I was right on…10 centimeters. But by noon it
had ended and they do a terrific job here of shoveling the
sidewalks, important since I only have shoes designed for much
lighter stuff. Temps were still in the 20s but had a good
afternoon exploring.
Now it’s Thursday morning. And it’s been snowing like a
banshee for hours…big, heavy flakes and totally overwhelming
the snowplow operation, as I’ve observed from my upper story
room that has a view of the Kremlin. The Moscow Times’
Thursday edition has the lead headline:
“Major Snowfall Snarls Streets and Metro”
The article goes on to say that on Wednesday, there were record
traffic jams (five hours each way for some drivers), but while the
newscasts were saying stay off the roads, the extensive Metro
system was telling riders to forget the subway. Comical. Being
a sensitive sort, my heart goes out to the average workers who
really struggle to make ends meet here and probably get all kinds
of grief when they are three hours late.
But here’s the clincher. Thursday’s paper also said the skies
would clear. Absolutely nothing about Round Two of the great
November snowfall of 2007. Let’s just say they could not have
missed the forecast any worse.
Not to bore you with this but it’s what I’m dealing with. It’s
back outside when I finish this to brave the elements and snap
more pictures of Red Square. I do have a potential problem
tonight, though, and that is I have to get to a concert about a 25-
minute walk away, though I’m not even sure the Hungarian
pianist made it into town with the airport evidently having major
problems.
Also, I wish I had an exciting story or two for you but thus far no
real problems. The political demonstrations for the coming
parliamentary elections have been quashed until next week,
where there could be some violence, but I myself now know my
way around town and I really love Moscow. Knowing the
alphabet is a necessity, though. [In case you don’t know,
Russian is very different.]
Then again, I haven’t ventured into the hotel casino, where I had
a run-in five years ago and where an Armenian lawmaker was
gunned down this past Sept. 26. In other words, three more days
here to get in trouble, and, boy, if you want you can get in
trouble in Moscow.
Stuff
–Goodness gracious…another monkey rampage in New Delhi
with over two dozen humans hurt. Note to my Indian brothers
over on the subcontinent…after a while you should get the
picture and do away with the monkeys. Give ‘em an inch and
they’ll take over the whole freakin’ country. [Of course if we
were talking lions, tigers or elephants….I’d be fully supportive
of their efforts to take us out. Just not a real monkey fan these
days, maybe because I had a nightmare about them, though that
could have been a result of the sambuca I was drinking.]
–And more crazy doings near the Berlin Wall as Germany
wrestles with the issue of what to do with all the wild boar that
have infiltrated the city since the Wall came down, thus giving
the beasts an entranceway from their forest habitat. Berlin has
some 6,000 boar roaming the parks and streets and they are a real
menace. Hell, a pack of them even killed a wolf in August in
former East Germany. [Assuming I get out of Moscow
unscathed, I’m going to have a special report from Berlin on the
boar threat in about four weeks. Another Bar Chat Exclusive!]
–Speaking of bores, the human kind, the New York Knicks’
Stephon Marbury, possibly the most overrated player in the
history of the NBA, walked off the team after Coach Isiah
Thomas, a rival dirtball, questioned Marbury’s desire and
whether he should start. It’s funny, though. After the Knicks
defeated Denver the other day to open the season 2-1, I said it
was almost half-entertaining, the ten minutes of action that I
caught. As the New York Post’s Mike Vaccaro then wrote on
Wednesday, it was almost as if “you could talk about the Knicks
above a whisper, or so it seemed.” But then the team lost its next
four and it’s the same old, same old. Marbury returned after his
one-game hiatus, for which he was fined $195,000.
–Back to the animal kingdom, and man’s ongoing stupidity in
not recognizing the growing threat, Brad K. relayed the story of
the fellow in Florida who was suspected of breaking into some
vehicles at an Indian casino, whereupon while fleeing police he
jumped into a pond…a pond with some nasty gators that monitor
the police band, so they were prepared. One notoriously
temperamental alligator proceeded to kill the sap. The story then
said the gator was transported to “All-American Gator,” where it
was feted. Actually, gators that kill a human are incinerated. No
alligators in Moscow that I’ve seen, but there are some old
communists and Stalinists…Russian bears not to be messed with.
–I have seen or heard nothing while in town about the incident
involving tennis player Tommy Haas and the poisoning
allegation before he played in a Davis Cup match for Germany
against host Russia, in Moscow. Haas was forced out of his
Sept. 23 singles match with a stomach virus, but the story took
on a life of its own when German teammate Alexander Waske
said he was told by a Russian who manages a number of players
that Haas was poisoned. I’m betting it was just some bad
borscht.
–So you say you like to go hunting? Maybe in Russia? Like in
Tchaikovsky’s “Peter and the Wolf”? Well think again, sports
fans, because I saw this little tidbit in a Moscow paper.
“The bodies of nine hunters have been found in the Caucasus
province of Kabardino-Balkaria, where police suspect they were
killed after running into a militant group.
“Police said the nine bodies were found on Sunday, with gunshot
wounds in the back of their heads and their arms tied. A search
was launched after their two cars were found in the woods.
“Islamic separatists from Chechnya often hide in other republics
of Russia’s North Caucasus region.”
You know, kids, I really don’t feel like even having a beer in this
part of the world; the Caucasus, that is. “Who are you looking
at, Jersey Boy!” “Ah, ah, I was just looking at the beer coaster,
sir.”
[The above also kind of makes “Deliverance” look small time,
doesn’t it?]
–And “A 69-year-old Russian man who rigged his house with
booby trap bombs died on Tuesday. The pensioner’s body was
found in his home in the village of Piskuny in the Nizhny
Novgorod Region.
“Bomb disposal experts found trip wires attached to every
window in the house. The man’s coat hanger was also booby-
trapped.”
The man may have been drinking a little too much vodka, it
seems, and accidentally triggered one of his own devices. There
are some very troubled people in these parts. Then again, I have
my own place wired to protect myself from wolverines.
–OK, time for some ‘R’ rated material. Children under 13
should ask their parents whether it may be suitable for them. It’s
hardly suitable for me, frankly.
“Men and Women,” by Nathalie Cooper of the Moscow Times
“As expat men and women pour out of their offices every
evening in their chosen land of opportunity, towards the various
hip bars and night spots on the eternal quest for love or casual
adventure, the men seem to win on every front.
“ ‘How do men always manage to find themselves a Russian
girlfriend?’ is an oft-heard complaint among the luckless expat
ladies. Statistically, this makes ample sense as there are far more
women in Russia than men, and the latter therefore have the pick
of the bunch, whereas great Russian men are thinner on the
ground.
“ ‘I have heard the complaint from Russian women that Russian
men are all drunk and/or lazy,’ says Maria Kleminsova, who is
half British and works for a PR company in Moscow. ‘It’s a bit
unfair, but statistically not only are there fewer men, but there are
fewer men with gainful employment.’ [Hmmm…except I’m not
sure that what I do is ‘gainful employment,’ either.]
“ ‘I’ve seen how it works and it’s quite scary,’ remarks Andrew
Collins from the U.S. ‘If you go into one of the sports bars
around town you’ll find a group of about 20 foreign men
watching football and suddenly Russian girls will appear from
nowhere, some are prostitutes, some just women seeking to meet
foreign men, and they will start ‘practicing their English,’ or
Swedish, or whatever language the men happen to be speaking.’
For the men it is a very easy ‘score,’ for the girls – a very easy
catch. Presumably, everyone is happy.”
[For the record, your editor is obviously in his hotel room,
banging out a column.]
“ ‘Bars are a waste of time,’ say Ruth and Karen, two lively and
attractive girls from Scotland and London. ‘We even tried
speed-dating here once. It seemed like the perfect solution, think
of all the guys we were going to meet…only the organizer
couldn’t find enough interested men to pair up with the girls for
the evening and had to fill in the gaps with a load of his gay
friends! Then we tried joining an international choir, but there
were 6 men to 45 women! Hopeless.’”
I don’t have a good voice for a choir, or I would have thought
about helping Ruth and Karen out.
–From a local paper on “This Date in History”:
November 10, 1982…The death of Leonid Brezhnev, General
Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. He was
born on January 1, 1907, in Dneprodzerzhinsk. His time in
power was marked by conformism and stagnation, and he was
known for his fondness for decorations and awards, many of
which he gave to himself.”
And here’s an interesting one.
November 12, 1472…Sophia Paleologue, niece of the last
Byzantine sovereign, arrived in Moscow. She married Ivan III
that same day. She also brought the double-headed eagle to
Moscow, which became an official symbol of Russia – and later
the State Emblem of the Russian Federation.
Sounds like they had speed-dating in those days, doesn’t it?
Wouldn’t have thought the concept existed in 1472.
–Back to ‘R’ rated material. From the weekly Moscow Times,
reviews of some of the bars and night spots.
Vodka Bar – “Book the table, it’s going to be a crowded party.
The music is hip, and the dancing girls are very original.” [Huh]
Actually, this is nothing like the reviews I saw when I was here
five years ago, as in the following that I reported on then:
Doug & Marty’s Boar House: “First and only foreign-owned and
managed bar in Moscow. Foreign clientele mixed with Russian
whores and businessmen.”
Or this one, from five years ago:
Garage: “A once popular club now going downhill. Its famous
face control is much less discriminating. To keep the crowd,
they hired an entertaining bartender and let the strippers dance
with the patrons. A cheap breakfast may be the only reason to
come here in the mornings.”
[Here at The Hotel Metropol, we have a harpist for breakfast.]
Actually, all these places have ‘face control.’ Thank god they
don’t have it where I live, or I’d be limited to McDonald’s.
–Speaking of face control, Prince Harry and his Zimbabwean-
born girlfriend Chelsy Davy have split up. Davy, 22, told friends
that she and the prince were having a trial separation. “Chelsy
just couldn’t put up with his antics anymore,” a friend told the
The News of the World and the Mail on Sunday. It turns out
Prince Harry decided to attend a rugby match instead of her
birthday.
Harry, what were you thinking?!
–So Alicia Keys says that when she was selecting a stage name,
she went through a dictionary and stopped on the word “wild.”
Alicia tells Newsweek that she then asked her mother what she
thought of the name. “It sounds like you’re a stripper,” Keys
says her mother answered, and after that, she decided to use the
name Keys, after the famous all-purpose back from Purdue,
Leroy Keyes. [OK, this last part isn’t quite right. Everything else
is accurate, though.]
–Let’s see, what am I going to do tonight after the concert, the
above nightspots notwithstanding. Let’s look at the “Guide to
Moscow Night Life,” shall we?
“Violete” Musical Erotic Club…priva……….I better stop there.
Let’s check another one….
“Oh La La!”….To drink her to the bot………..ooops, better not
continue on this one, either.
How about “Chou Chou”…….uh oh….but there is free entrance
with the brochure.
OK, to be serious for a second, these aren’t exactly the kind of
spots a near 50-year-old from New Jersey, traveling by himself,
should be hanging out at. However, I could hire out a private
guard with an uzi. There are quite a few contract hits in these
parts, like one a day from what I read. Better to operate below
the radar, I always say.
–And say it ain’t so! Satriale’s, home to the pork store where
Tony Soprano and his crew hung out and chopped up ol’
whatshisname, was demolished to make way for some condos!
[My maid is cleaning my room right now and she just closed the
blinds, thinking I don’t want to see the snow. Let’s just wait for
her to leave before I reopen them, OK?]
–So let’s say your sending your kid to high school in Huntsville,
Arkansas, and he says, “Hey, Mom…can I bring our raccoon into
school to be killed and skinned?” “Sure, honey. Go right
ahead.”
But that’s what one kid did…and when the teacher saw it was
still alive, he took it out back, away from the eyes of the
students, and killed it with a staple gun before proceeding to skin
it as some kind of learning experiment. Yet we keep ending up
with presidential candidates from here! Both parties, this time.
–Ripped from the pages of the New York Post…shapely women
spawn smart kids. Turns out it has a lot to do with Omega-3
fatty acids and a woman’s waist-to-hip ratio. Beyond that, I’m
keeping my mouth shut.
–I was going to start charging $795 a week for my football
picks, seeing as how I’ve made some of you upwards of $32
million this year (you need to report this on your taxes, by the
way), but then I realized I’m not too confident, to say the least,
about this coming weekend so it’s another freebie as I put my 19-
10 record on the line. Kids under 12, I’m urging you all to take it
easy this time…only $42,000 a game…OK?
Take Navy and give 15 to Northern Illinois
Take Clemson and give 7 to Boston College
Take Wake Forest and give 6 ½ to North Carolina State
Take Air Force and give 11 to San Diego State
I hate betting on my alma mater, I have to admit.
[Wednesday’s lines out of USA Today]
Top 3 songs for the week of 11/12/66: #1 “Poor Side Of Town”
(Johnny Rivers…one of the greatest, and most underrated, artists
of our time) #2 “Last Train To Clarksville” (The Monkees…not
to be confused with the simians in New Delhi) #3 “96 Tears” ?
(Question Mark) & The Mysterians…and…#4 “Good
Vibrations” (The Beach Boys) #5 “Dandy” (Herman’s
Hermits…talk about an underrated tune…great lyrics) #6
“Winchester Cathedral” (The New Vaudeville Band…has not
aged well) #7 “You Keep Me Hangin’ On” (The Supremes
….decent group) #8 “If I Were A Carpenter” (Bobby Darin…if
I, on the other hand, were a carpenter, your house would collapse
in six days…just not my talent, know what I’m sayin’?) #9
“Devil With A Blue Dress On & Good Golly Miss Molly”
(Mitch Ryder and The Detroit Wheels) #10 “I’m Your Puppet”
(James & Bobby Purify)
NCAA Football Quiz Answers: 1) Darrell Thompson is
Minnesota’s all-time rusher with 4,654 yards on 936 carries (5.0
avg.) He played with the Packers from 1990-94, but only
accumulated 1,600 yards there. 2) Deuce McAllister is
Mississippi’s all-time leading rusher with 3,060 yards on 616
carries (1997-2000) before advancing to the NFL and a good
career with New Orleans. 3) Eric Moulds is #3 on Miss. State’s
all-time receiver list with 118 catches for 2,022 yards (1993-95).
Moulds then had 675 receptions for Buffalo, 1996-2005, and is
currently on Tennessee.
*Tidbits: Mississippi hasn’t had a final season AP top ten since
1969, when it finished #8 with Archie Manning at the helm.
And Mississippi State’s last six seasons have been 3-8, 3-9, 2-10,
3-8, 3-8, 3-9. But this year they are 6-4! Road trip to Starkville
…the beers are on me!
Next Bar Chat, Tuesday p.m. I need a little time to catch up
when I return.
