Golf Quiz: Name the eight golfers under the age of 50 who have
won at least two majors. Answer below.
NCAA Tourney
Well, at least I picked the Final Four….but no bigger prizes for
me as UCLA and North Carolina played like crap. But when
will CBS learn that having a coach in the studio is an incredible
waste of time. For example you had this inane comment;
Florida’s Billy Donovan said after Memphis had totally
dismantled UCLA, “Both teams were prepared and well
coached.” He said this with a straight face. Nothing like ye olde
coaching fraternity. UCLA coach Ben Howland showed how
prepared he was when afterwards, he called the Tigers “Memphis
State.” Howland must have had a Larry Finch, Larry Kenon
flashback. And way to show up for the big game, Darren
Collison. 1 of 9 from the field. This guy was actually third team
All-American. Also, I haven’t seen what Kevin Love is thinking,
re the draft, but it’s clear he better stay in school another year.
As for Carolina’s effort, goodness gracious, absolutely pitiful. I
have to agree with a comment Billy Packer made at the end.
Even when Carolina made its run, it wasn’t playing well.
And note to Bobby Knight….it’s “Hansbrough,” not
“Hansborough.” I’ve been a Knight fan in the past, but one look
at him in the ESPN studio tells you a school would be nuts to
hire him, as much as Dick Vitale is pushing this idea.
Charlton Heston, RIP
The end finally came to Heston, 84, after announcing in August
2002 that he had Alzheimer’s disease. What a life.
Appearing in 100 movies in his 60-year acting career, Heston of
course will forever be known for his roles in sweeping epics such
as “Ben-Hur,” “The Ten Commandments,” and “El Cid.”
Heston was born in Evanston, Ill., Charlton Carter, Oct. 4, 1923,
before his family moved to St. Helen, Mich. After his parents
divorced, his mother remarried and Charlton’s stepfather’s name
was Heston.
Aside from his heroic roles, Heston was quite the political
activist, and initially a Democrat as he supported the Rev. Dr.
Martin Luther King Jr., calling him “a 20th-century Moses for his
people.” Heston later switched parties and for another
generation will probably be best known as president of the
National Rifle Association.
Just a note on “Ben-Hur.” Heston was not the first choice. Burt
Lancaster, Paul Newman and Rock Hudson were under
consideration, too. [One obit said Marlon Brando also turned it
down.] And that chariot race took five weeks to film and
required 15,000 extras. Today, it would be done in two hours on
a laptop. I’ll take the former, anytime.
And I didn’t know this. In “The Ten Commandments,” the
infant Moses was played by the Hestons’ newborn, Fraser Clarke
Heston.
But in reading the obituaries, I can’t help but take note of his
wife of 64 years, Lydia, who was by his side at the end. That
speaks volumes about the man in my book. Not your normal
Hollywood marriage, for starters. His family issued the
following statement.
“Charlton Heston was seen by the world as larger than life. No
one could ask for a fuller life than his. No man could have given
more to his family, to his profession, and to his country.
“In his own words, ‘I have lived such a wonderful life. I’ve lived
enough for two people.’”
His former publicist, Michael Levine, told the AP the actor’s
passing represented the end of an iconic era for cinema.
“If Hollywood has a Mount Rushmore, Heston’s face would be
on it. He was a heroic figure that I don’t think exists to the same
degree in Hollywood today.”
Stuff
–Former cyclist Tammy Thomas was convicted of lying to a
grand jury investigating the BALCO steroid distribution ring.
After being found guilty on three counts of perjury and one count
of obstruction of justice, Thomas shouted at the jury.
“I already had one career taken away from the,” referencing her
lifetime ban from cycling. “Look me in the eye. You can’t do
it.”
Then Thomas’ father shouted, “They can’t do it.”
Thomas then shouted and gestured to prosecutors:
“Look me in the eye….You like to destroy people’s lives.”
And so we hereby put Tammy Thomas’ name in the December
file for consideration as “Dirtball of the Year.” She’s actually
eligible for the triple crown…including “Jerk” and “Idiot.”
The above was also a case of ‘roid rage. Barry Bonds’ legal
team followed the proceedings closely.
–“A woman stole a boa constrictor from a pet store by slipping
the snake down her pants, the owner said. The animal was stolen
Thursday afternoon from Preuss Animal House in Lansing
(Michigan).” [Reuters]
One fellow at the reptile department called the heist “audacious.”
No word on whether the boa is in the process of swallowing the
woman, knowing it would probably take a week or so to finish
the job.
As for nominating her for “Idiot of the Year,” we don’t have her
name so she’s off the hook.
–From the Sydney Morning Herald:
“A tiger devoured a mentally ill man who entered the animal’s
zoo cage in northeast China.”
Now I’m not making fun of this, but this is the latest in a string
of incidents in China. In February, we reported on the lion that
ripped a 10-year-old boy’s arm off after grabbing him through
the bars of its cage. And last year, a boy was eaten alive at a
crocodile enclosure. Plus you had a zoo tiger attacking a six-
year-old girl waiting to have her picture taken with the animal,
biting her head and killing her. Of course in this last case, the
parents of the girl were nuts.
–Wow…how ‘bout that girl being attacked by the red-tailed
hawk at Fenway Park the other day?
“The girl was in the upper deck behind home plate, some 40 feet
from the hawk’s nest, where a single egg lay in an overhang near
the press booth. The hawk had been perched on a railing and
swooped at the girl with its talons extended.”
But talk about an omen. Brad K. said it’s yet another sign ‘they’
are coming after us, but it could be a simpler case than that, for
we’ve learned the victim’s name is Alexandra Rodriguez. I’m
assuming the Yankees will have extra security around their star
when they play in Fenway this coming weekend.
–From the BBC, “A South American river dolphin uses
branches, weeds and lumps of clay to woo the opposite sex and
frighten off rivals.”
Can’t say I’ve ever tried this.
–And yet another reason not to go rushing to Tanzania next time
you have a three-day weekend. The president “has ordered a
crackdown on witchdoctors who use body parts from albinos in
magic potions to bring people good luck or fortune.” This is on
top of a report from there that “Old women with red eyes have
been killed in parts of Tanzania, after being accused of
witchcraft.” [BBC News]
So….Zimbabwe has Mugabe, Kenya has incredibly ugly tribal
warfare I will describe in detail next time, and Tanzania is flat
out nuts. Let alone there is a simmering civil war in Nigeria
between Christians and Muslims, Sudan’s reign of terror, the
ongoing horrific conflict in Congo, and Somalia. Other than all
this, Africa is just fine.
–Now I like to be a generous tipper, but someone needs to teach
K-Fed (Kevin Federline, Britney’s ex-) a little math. According
to court documents filed in his custody battle with Spears, K-Fed
dropped a $2,000 tip on a $365 meal bill at Scores strip club.
His company, Gooseneck Productions, Inc., also spent $841,000
in 2007 while earning $544,000. Actually, their kids might be
better off becoming hobos and riding the rails rather than having
either parent gain custody.
–So I’m looking at the Parade All-America high school
basketball team and there is a picture of first-teamer Al-Farouq
Aminu, Wake Forest’s recruit who just got into trouble with the
law. The school has said nothing officially to date whether they
will accept him.
–At Tuesday’s NFL owners-coaches meeting, New England
Patriots owner Robert Kraft and Coach Bill Belichick addressed
their counterparts, with both denying there was any truth to the
story the team taped the St. Louis Rams’ walk-through practice
the day before the 2002 Super Bowl. But the man in question,
video assistant Matt Walsh, is still negotiating terms on the
matter before appearing before league officials. I grow weary of
Walsh. Get on with it!
–Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry was cut after his
fifth arrest since 2005, the latest incident involving an 18-year-
old man that the 24-year-old Henry allegedly punched in the face
and then broke his car window with a beer bottle. The judge in
Cincinnati called Henry “a one-man crime wave.” Henry is
eligible for a “Lifetime Dirtball” award, though I really don’t
want to spend the money to have the trophy made in this case.
–And now, your EXCLUSIVE baseball predictions based on
the first week’s play. Once again Bar Chat obtained use of Jeff
B.’s Cray Supercomputer and we’ve been cranking out the
figures all weekend to bring you the finest analysis of America’s
pastime available anywhere. So ask not what your country…….
sorry, wrong tape.
First, the teams.
Initially, we projected that the Mets would play the Tigers in the
World Series, but it would appear the 2-3 Mets may, indeed, be
headed to the 77-85 record the Times-Picayune of New Orleans
had forecast. As for the Tigers, no team has ever started a season
0-4 and gone on to win a Series. But Detroit is now 0-6, for
crying out loud. We still believe, however, that the Tigers will
go all the way…and henceforth say they will go 131-25 from here.
Others….
Houston has started out 2-5….they’ll finish 28-134.
Baltimore, now 4-1, will finish 119-43.
Milwaukee, 5-1, will finish 121-41.
San Francisco, 1-5, will struggle to finish 19-143.
Colorado, 1-5, will start off 2-38, before rebounding to go 90-72.
The Yankees, 3-3, will finish 81-81.
The Red Sox, now 3-4, will nonetheless finish 131-31, or a cool
50 games ahead of the Yanks. George Steinbrenner, not exactly
aware of what’s going on (and we don’t mean to make light of
this), will order World Series tickets be printed, only to have his
sons rescind the order just in time.
And now, the individual stats….
Ben Broussard, Texas, has 3 homers and 8 RBI but a .190
average. Broussard, in true Dave Kingman fashion, will hit 49
dingers, drive in 119, and hit .172.
Houston pitcher Roy Oswalt, one of the decade’s best, is 0-2.
Oswalt will incredibly win just one game while losing 28.
The Dodgers’ Andruw Jones, now batting .136, will hit just .121
as his career continues to spiral ever downward. Jones will go on
to bat .115 in 2009 and leave the game, dispirited over what had
once been thought to be a Hall of Fame career.
San Francisco’s Barry Zito, having signed a mammoth contract
last year, will show zero signs of recovering from his 0-2 start
this season and end up 2-24.
The Mets’ Johan Santana, 1-1, will finish 17-17.
Texas hurler Kevin Millwood, 0-2 despite a 1.29 ERA, will go
3-22 and 1.31 in what will go down as one of the truly
remarkable and puzzling performances of all time.
The Red Sox’ David Ortiz, said to be 32 years of age, but off to a
.115 start, will finish the season hitting .145 as it’s discovered
he’s really 54.
New York’s Johnny Damon, off to a miserable .126 start, will
finish .089.
Teammate Jason Giambi, now at .083, will finish .110.
A-Rod will be seen over the course of the year with a stripper in
every port, but will still hit 52 home runs and drive in 154.
Ichiro, sadly, will come down with bird flu and be shelved for
the year. We are happy to report, though, that he’ll recover to hit
.445 in 2009 in the feel good story of the decade.
Cincinnati’s Jeff Keppinger, a former Met, will torment his
former club and take his .435 start to a batting title as he ends up
at .428, just one point ahead of Philadelphia’s Chase Utley.
Utley, with six early ribbies, will drive in 151.
Baltimore’s Luke Scott, now at .538, will shock the world and
win the AL batting title with an all-time record .487 mark. Come
September the only issue will be does he get enough at bats as
the Orioles continue to platoon him.
Workhouse pitcher Livan Hernandez, now with the Twins, is off
to a 2-0 start and will end up 33-21, as Minnesota decides to
shelve the rest of the rotation by mid-August.
San Diego’s Jake Peavy, last season’s Cy Young winner and off
to a 2-0 start with a 0.56 ERA, will have the finest season for a
starting pitcher in history…31-1, with two no decisions and a
phenomenal 0.34 ERA.
Lastly, we have the story of Pittsburgh’s Xavier Nady, another
former Met, who already has three homers and nine RBI in the
Bucs’ first six games. Fan Jeff B. wired me late Sunday to say
that if the 29-year-old Nady hits 81 homeruns this year, and then
matches that total the following eight seasons, coupled with what
he has already hit, he’ll become the new home run king. Jeff, of
course, is ignoring A-Rod, as many of us would like to.
So there you have it. We’ll take a look at season’s end to see
how accurate I was.
–It’s time for an uplifting story…..the Board of Directors at Bar
Chat, including Mark R., Mark K., and Johnny Mac, in its
infinite wisdom is placing golfer Natalie Gulbis in the Bar Chat
Hall of Fame. The Hall of Fame itself is $48 million short of
funding, however, and there is no actual timetable on when it
will be built….in case you’ve been wondering about the status of
this effort.
–Comedian Jerry Seinfeld is another slated for enshrinement,
just because there’s still no better show on television than a
“Seinfeld” re-run, after all these years.
And Jerry was quite the hero the other day. Seinfeld loves
vintage cars and was out in a 1967 red Fiat around 7:40 pm,
taking it for its first spin, when the brakes failed as he
approached the busy intersection of Montauk Highway in the
East Hamptons.
Instead of plowing into traffic, though, Seinfeld “turned action
hero by pulling an evasive maneuver that flipped his car over on
its side but avoided a major traffic accident, police said,” as
reported by Kieran Crowley in the New York Post.
“I don’t think there is any question that his actions that night
saved numerous lives including his own,” East Hampton Police
Chief Todd Sarris said after Seinfeld applied the emergency
brake and expert steering.
After the accident, numerous witnesses rushed to Seinfeld’s aid,
but he climbed out, uninjured. His publicist, following in a car
behind, drove him home (just blocks away). When police caught
up with Jerry, he was clearly sober and not under the influence in
any way. Seinfeld then issued a statement:
“Because I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure
they all know that driving without braking is not something I
recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a
comedy background, as I do.”
–Golfer Mark Calcavecchia on his complex relationship with
putters.
“At times I’ve talked nicely to my putters. Patted them on the
head. Gave them a little kiss. Other times I talk to them, and
they don’t listen. You have to threaten them. I think they can be
mean. That’s why I think buying putters is a good philosophy.
A putter knows if it has been paid for, it is replaceable.” [Jim
Moriarty / GolfWorld]
–Nice effort by Johnson Wagner as he went wire-to-wire in
Houston to capture his first PGA Tour title and a trip to Augusta.
–The LPGA, despite having the likes of Natalie Gulbis, is
struggling to keep sponsors for some events in 2009, thanks to
the state of the economy. In particular, real-estate king Bobby
Ginn is taking it on the chin and two events he fronts are now in
jeopardy.
–Meanwhile, Lorena Ochoa won her second consecutive LPGA
major, the Kraft Nabisco, where some of us were hoping Ms.
Gulbis would win because….well, I better not get into that.
–Goodness gracious. You know the Tavistock Cup, the event
between the two exclusive clubs, Lake Nona and Isleworth, that
is conducted over two days following Doral? J. B. Holmes,
playing for Isleworth, won the individual crown, two ahead of
Tiger Woods. Guess what he won? Try $510,000!
–Mariah Carey racked up her 18th No. 1 single on Billboard’s
Hot 100 Song Chart with “Touch My Body,” thus surpassing
Elvis Presley. The Beatles had 20. Mariah also had the biggest
debut week in digital sales history: 286,000 downloads banked.
But as music critic Jim Farber correctly notes, “The modern
singles chart isn’t as competitive as the one from the days of
Elvis or the Beatles, 30 to 40 years ago.” Ain’t that the truth.
Here are some lyrics from “Touch My Body”.
“Touch my body
Put me on the floor
Wrestle me around
Play with me some more
Touch my body
Throw me on the bed………”
I’m not sure what this is all about……………………..ohhhhhh,
now I get it. Carry on.
Top 3 songs week of 4/3/71: #1 “Just My Imagination” (The
Temptations) #2 “Me And Bobby Bonilla” (err, Bobby McGee)
(Janis Joplin) #3 “For All We Know” (Carpenters….laaaaaaaa!)
…and…#4 “She’s A Lady” (Tom Jones…in honor of Peggy
Fleming) #5 “What’s Going On” (Marvin Gaye) #6 “Proud
Mary” (Ike & Tina Turner……absolutely dreadful) #7 “Doesn’t
Somebody Want To Be Wanted” (The Partridge Family) #8
“Help Me Make It Through The Night” (Sammi Smith…no
relation to former NFL running back ‘Sammie’ Smith) #9
“(Where Do I Begin) Love Story” (Andy Williams) #10
“Another Day” (Paul McCartney)
Golf Quiz Answer: The eight golfers under 50 who have won
two majors.
Tiger, 32….13
Ernie Els, 38…3
Phil Mickelson, 37…3
Vijay Singh, 45…3
John Daly, 41…2
Retief Goosen, 39…2
Lee Janzen, 43…2
Jose Maria Olazabal, 42…2
Next Bar Chat, Thursday.
