Baseball Quiz: 1) Name the top five in extra-base hits, career. 2)
Who holds the single season record for most extra-base hits?
Answers below.
Trevor Immelman Wins At Augusta
I think Johnny Mac put it best. This was the least satisfying
Masters in quite some time. Nothing against a well-deserving
champion, South African Trevor Immelman. There just wasn’t
any of the usual Masters drama, thanks to Tiger Woods flat out
choking on some short putts. Or as David Feherty correctly put
it, “Tiger hasn’t been on all week.” [Yet in a testament to his
greatness, he was still runner-up.] I thus lost my $50 bet on
Tiger to win the Grand Slam. Very upset, you understand….
very, very upset. I had already spent the $400 I would have won
on some of the world’s true premium beers.
But it was kind of cool how fellow South African Gary Player
basically called Trevor’s win. And one thing is for sure, the last
two Masters champions, Zach Johnson and Immelman, are the
real deal and will be in the hunt for the next 15 years. Good for
them.
Now Tiger, get back to work!
—
And now….your New York Knicks!!!!!
Tonight, I’m attending my first Knicks game in what seems
decades. A few months ago, a group of us decided we’d honor
one of the worst sports teams in the history of the world by
attending their last home game of the season, one that also
promised to be Coach Isiah Thomas’ last (if he hadn’t been fired
earlier). Thankfully, Thomas survived to now and so it’s the
23-57 Knicks vs. the 64-16 Celtics, the latter having completed
the greatest turnaround in the history of the sport thanks almost
solely to the brilliant acquisition of Kevin Garnett.
But this is about the Knicks. Johnny Mac passed along a piece
from New York magazine by Jeff Coplon.
“As the Knicks wind down their seventh-straight losing season, a
biblical drought of ineptitude and ill grace, all hands seem ready
to bail. The owner, the cable-TV scion with the bully’s temper
and sad goatee, is rarely seen in his baseline seat. The $9 million
-a-year milquetoast center cannot live with the $13 million
nightclubbing power forward, who in turn can’t wait to be
traded. The $20 million prodigal point guard, hobbled by foot
surgery and a gangrenous attitude, sits embittered in a big house
in Purchase – just a full-court heave from the home of his coach
and erstwhile father figure, to whom he is now dead. And that
$6 million coach who counts the days like a guest at Guantanamo
as he waits for an older, wiser head to end his misery….
“When the venerable Donnie Walsh arrived on Wednesday as the
Knicks’ fourth president in seven years, he supplanted the least-
loved incumbent since LBJ. During the four years and change of
the Isiah Thomas era, the team lost more than 60 percent of its
games, a ratio that got worse after Thomas added the title of head
coach in 2006. Over that span, the Knicks have amassed the
largest payroll (peaking at more than $160 million with luxury
tax) and the third-worst record in the National Basketball
Association. Never has so much been spent for so little in the
world of sports. They’ve been called the worst team in the
history of pro basketball, but they’re really much worse than that.
These Knicks are worse than the fire-sale ’41 Phillies or the
expansion ’62 Mets or the ’76 Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who were
perfect in their winlessness. They’re the worst of the worst
because of how they’ve lost, in petulance and complacency – and
with management that bulldozed any critic it could not ignore…..
“More often than not this season, Knicks games were an exercise
in agony.
“Now that the Thomas era is dead, the obituary can be written.
The temptation in these moments is to gloss over the faults of the
deceased – to remember through a lens, brightly. But Isiah’s
tenure was so contemptible – so bereft of redeeming value, on
court and off – that such tenderness is hard to muster. In the
Knicks’ me-first self-regard, they’ve blasphemed the most
gorgeously collaborative of games. Worse, they’ve severed the
connection between players and fans, that idealized first-person
plural that makes us part of something large and wondrous. It’s
not so easy to love a pro sports team in the 21st century, yet we’re
willing to lend our heart, and get hurt, and lend it again. The
Knicks have made that impossible. The storied brand of
McGuire and Frazier and Ewing has been rendered unlovable.”
The Knicks are so bad, and put together so poorly that, as Coplon
writes, in the days before Stephon Marbury was shelved due to
his ankle surgery, “the Knicks were starting five stone scorers…
five players who saw each shot as rightfully their own. The
result, (as one expert pointed out), was that you had ‘four guys
pissed off on every possession’ and disinclined to do the little
things – like setting a good screen or moving without the ball –
that help an offense flow. In jock argot, this is known as lousy
chemistry.”
As for Isiah, a Western Conference scout comments: “He thinks
he’s a genius. There are so many people who are happy that this
happening to him – not to the Knicks, to him.”
A full report on Thursday as to the experience of watching the
worst team in history. Will we actually stay beyond halftime?
Stuff
–As far as we know, San Diego pitcher Greg Maddux has never
used steroids, so you can only help but appreciate his greatness
as on Sunday he won his 349th game in pitching five shutout
innings in 95-degree heat to defeat the Dodgers, one day shy of
his 42nd birthday.
–Geezuz, my Mets suck………….Bar Chat continuuuues……
–22-year-old Chicago resident Patrick “Deep Dish” Bertoletti
won the Acme World Oyster Eating championship in New
Orleans on Saturday, downing 35 dozen bivalves in eight
minutes, as reported by the Associated Press.
“I could probably do a couple dozen more, especially if they
were charbroiled,” said Bertoletti afterwards. Deep Dish holds
the record of 53 ½ dozen in 2007.
Crazy Legs Conti, who took third in downing 24 dozen, said
“They’re supposed to be an aphrodisiac, but I think that’s only
true for about the first three dozen. When you get up higher than
that, you don’t want much activity for a while.”
Juliet Lee, 43, of Germantown, Md., took second with 31 ½
dozen.
I have to tell you that when I was down in New Orleans two
weeks ago, I wanted to go into the world famous Acme Oyster
Bar but every time I passed it the line was too long. I had beers
to drink, people to see, after all. No time for lines.
By the way, Tim “Gravy” Brown, 13th in the world in the Major
League Eating rankings, suffered a “reversal of fortune” after 14
dozen, in what must have been a real freakin’ mess to clean up
after. No word on whether Gravy survived the night.
–For those of you who are professional drug couriers, let the
following be a lesson to you.
Australian John Paul Jones, 51, landed in a hospital in Thailand
in critical condition after allegedly swallowing condoms packed
with hashish that then burst inside his stomach.
As reported by the Sydney Morning Herald, “Friends took Jones
to a hospital in Surat Thani (southern Thailand) saying he had
been complaining of severe stomach pain for five days,” said the
local police official. The friends then disappeared after dropping
the poor sap off.
“An X-ray found he had 60 condoms packed with hashish in his
stomach, weighing 800 grams.”
Turns out Jones was staying on the southern island of Koh
Phangan, known for its all-day, all-night Full Moon Parties.
Normally, when there is a full moon I tend to stay home and
watch a Mets game, and/or dump my beer cans at the recycling
bin next to the firehouse down the block.
–Track coach Trevor Graham goes on trial for distributing
steroids next month and Duff Wilson of the New York Times
reports that big names will come out in the testimony. BALCO’s
Victor Conte told the Daily News, “This is going to be very big.”
Angel Guillermo Heredia agreed to cooperate with federal
investigators three years ago after being confronted with
evidence of his own trafficking and money laundering, and
Heredia is supposedly prepared to name about two dozen elite
athletes as his own clients.
The Times reports that Heredia supplied the paper with records
that link him to many of the best sprinters of the last decade,
including 12 Olympic medalists who had won a combined 26
Olympic medals and 21 world championships. Marion Jones is
one of them. Another is two-time Olympic gold medalist and
five-time world champion Maurice Greene, who has never failed
a drug test.
The trial starts soon, with the U.S. Olympic Track and Field
Trials commencing in less than 10 weeks. [Your editor is
attending the entire event.] Awful for the sport, but no shortage
of copy for moi.
–Since the new Speedo LZR Racer swimsuit, designed with
input from NASA, was introduced, swimmers wearing it have set
22 of the 23 world records during this time, as reported by Karen
Crouse of the New York Times. One coach has described the
suit as “drugs on a hanger.”
–From Eric Gay of the AP: “Icebergs are melting, jobs are
disappearing and Paris Hilton wants to get pregnant. The world
heaves in turmoil and yet Tar Heel fans want to know: What was
Roy Williams thinking?”
The debate continues following last Monday’s national
championship game where Williams sat behind the Kansas bench
wearing a sweater with a Jayhawk logo on it, two days after
Kansas annihilated his Carolina squad.
One blogger, in commenting on the question of Williams’
loyalties, said “You don’t see Target employees wearing Wal-
Mart smocks do you.”
But wait…according to Adam Lucas, publisher of Tar Heel
Monthly (as passed on by Shu), Williams was merely at the
championship game Monday night with his family when he
spotted nine former Kansas players that he had coached and one
gave him a Jayhawk sticker, so Williams put it on. Maybe it’s
not as bad as it first looked.
–Until I read the account of the NCAA hoops title game in
Sports Illustrated, I didn’t realize Memphis guard Derrick Rose
was bawling his eyes out afterwards and that the Rev. Jesse
Jackson attempted to console him, saying, “Don’t look like a
freshman crying. It looks pitiful.”
SI, incidentally, has the following top five for next season.
1. UNC
2. UConn…assuming shot-blocker extraordinaire Hasheem
Thabeet returns.
3. UCLA
4. Purdue
5. Kansas
But SI doesn’t have Wake Forest even in the top 25. We’re
going all the way next year, baby! It’s the Bar Chat Guarantee!
–Only in New Jersey. The Picatinny Arsenal is about 30
minutes from where I live and on Saturday there was a front-
page story in the Star-Ledger titled “Artillery piece lands on
child’s bed.”
It seems the homeowner heard a loud noise between 2 and 3 pm
on Friday of something crashing through the roof and found that
shell fragments had struck her 10-year-old daughter’s bed. The
girl had just been picked up for a sleepover ten minutes earlier or
she might have been killed. Alas, the family cat was on the bed
and wasn’t so fortunate. No word on whether the fellow who
fired the errant shell actually targeted the feline.
–Jeff B. passed on this story out of Commerce City, Colorado.
“A couple fighting about which gang their 4-year-old toddler
should join caused a public disturbance that resulted in the
father’s arrest, Commerce City police said Thursday.
“On Saturday, Joseph Manzanares stormed into the Hollywood
Video store where his girlfriend worked, threatened to kill her
and knocked over several video displays and a computer,
according to authorities.
“After he ran out of the store, police were called and the 19-year-
old was arrested at his home.
“His girlfriend told police that they had been arguing about the
upbringing of their son and which gang he should belong to. The
teen mother, who is black, is a member of the Crips. Manzanares
is Hispanic and belongs to the Westside Ballers gang, the woman
said.”
Oh brother. Needless to say we have two candidates for “Idiot(s)
of the Year.” No wonder some say ferrets are smarter.
–I missed this earlier, but a star minor leaguer for the Atlanta
Braves, Jordan Schafer, was suspended by Major League
Baseball for 50 games for using human growth hormone. As the
New York Daily News’ Bill Madden noted, this was “stunning…
In particular, it marked the first official ‘bust’ by MLB’s newly-
formed Department of Investigations and it was for HGH, not
steroids.”
What this also shows is that MLB’s new hotline, which is
available for MLB employees to report violations of any kind is
working. Good.
–Only five teams in baseball history have started a season 2-8
and gone on to reach the World Series, the 1991 Minnesota
Twins being the last to do so. The Detroit Tigers started the
season 2-8 and are now 2-10. These have to be the most
disappointed fans in the history of the century thus far.
–I told you “Big Papi”, David Ortiz, was really 54, not 32 as he
claims to be. [Bar Chat 4/7/08.] Thus it’s no surprise here he is
off to a 3 for 43 start, .070. I still maintain he will hit .145 for
the season. [I also loved the New York Post’s new name for
Ortiz, “Big Slumpi”.]
–Not for nothing, but the Yankees’ Ching-Ming Wang is not
only off to a 3-0 start with a 1.23 ERA, but he went 19-6 and
19-7 the previous two seasons. I apologize for not
acknowledging his greatness before.
–Delaware quarterback Joe Flacco is rocketing up the NFL draft
boards and could become the first Division I-AA quarterback
since Steve McNair in 1995 to be a first-round selection. I’m
kind of proud of this one, because back on 10/29/07, I wrote:
“I-AA Delaware defeated Navy 59-52 as QB Joe Flacco passed
for 434 yards and four touchdowns. On the season, Flacco is
completing 72.8% of his throws! I haven’t seen tapes of the
senior, but he’s 6’6” 230 lbs. Not real mobile, it would seem
from his rushing stats, but he has to be on some NFL radar
screens these days.”
[Flacco first went to Pitt, but transferred to Delaware when it
became apparent he wasn’t going to get any playing time as a
Panther…Pitt and Delaware being the two schools my father and
his brother taught at, though neither had anything to do with
Flacco’s development.]
–Just why would you go to Penn State to play football when
your coach is 81-years-old? mused your editor upon seeing that
Joe Paterno and the school have decided to wait until the next
season ends before discussing a new contract. This is absurd.
Walk off into the sunset, Joe Pa.
–Yeah, professional athletes all make a bundle these days, but
sometimes you see a contract that even in these jaded times
causes you to sit up from your easy chair and go, “ ‘Sup with
dat?” The Jets just granted safety Kerry Rhodes a five-year,
$33.5 million extension, with $20 million guaranteed. He’s a
very nice player, but just entering his fourth season, and he gets
$20 million guaranteed! Eegads.
–Sports Illustrated’s “Sign of the Apocalypse”:
“During a book signing in Chicago, Jose Canseco rejected a cup
of coffee left for him because he thought it might be poisoned.”
–Congratulations to Boston College for winning the NCAA
men’s hockey championship, defeating surprising Notre Dame,
4-1. Nathan Gerbe, a junior whose rights are owned by the
Buffalo Sabres, scored twice and added two assists.
–Extreme skier John Nicoletta lost control when he tried to ski
off a band of rock called the Headwall at Alyeska Ski Resort in
Girdwood, Alaska, during the Subaru Freeskiing World
Champions on Friday. RIP Mr. Nicoletta, 27.
–Crap…the new season of “Entourage” has been delayed until
September thanks to the writers strike.
–Yes, I was disappointed I once again didn’t win a Pulitzer.
Talk about elitists (including Barack Obama), those voting on the
awards clearly don’t appreciate the importance of my reporting
on shark attacks, Tiger maulings, and marauding elephants.
–Congratulations to 26-year-old Crystle Stewart, of Missouri
City, Texas, who was crowned Miss USA on Friday, defeating
the gals from Mississippi and New Jersey.
But goodness gracious, I was working on another column I’m
responsible for that evening and I read later that the pageant tried
to show off its edge by having “contestants in barely there black
bikinis and faux-fur coats.”
Donny and Marie hosted the event from the Planet Hollywood
Resort & Casino on the Vegas Strip. [The preceding paid yours
truly $50,000 just to mention this in a rapidly deteriorating
national economy.]
–Orlando Bloom is hot and heavy with Jennifer Aniston. Go for
it, dude!
–We have a “Jerk of the Year” candidate, actress Halle Berry,
who is shopping pictures of her newborn daughter Nahla (dumb
name).
–If you are in the Westfield, N.J., area and someone comes up to
you offering the latest in Victoria’s Secret thongs and such, it’s
probably hot…as in a couple has robbed the Westfield Victoria’s
Secret store twice in four months, walking off with about
$24,000 worth of undergarments.
–Annika Sorenstam can do 30 pull-ups, three sets of 10, and
three sets of men’s pushups, the latter with a 25-pound plate on
her back. Most women can’t do one pull-up.
–Speaking of fitness, I saw Jack LaLanne on CBS’ “Sunday
Morning” program. Talk about an amazing man, he’s now 93
and still exercises two hours every morning. God bless him.
–Singer Alicia Keys told Blender magazine she wears a gold
AK-47 pendant around her neck “to symbolize strength, power
and killing ‘em dead.” Keys also said the feud between slain
hippers Tupac Shakur and Notorious B.I.G. was fueled “by the
government and the media, to stop another great black leader
from existing.” Huh? Ms. Keys is a great performer, and I like
her music, but she apparently has the IQ of a marmot.
Top 3 songs for the week 4/14/73: #1 “The Night The Lights
Went Out In Georgia” (Vicki Lawrence) #2 “Neither One Of Us
(Wants To Be The First To Say Goodbye)” (Gladys Knight &
The Pips…you know how I feel about this act) #3 “Tie A
Yellow Ribbon Round The Ole Oak Tree” (Dawn featuring Tony
Orlando)…and…#4 “Ain’t No Woman (Like The One I’ve Got)
(Four Tops) #5 “Sing” (Carpenters…not their best effort….they
mailed it in…) #6 “The Cisco Kid” (War …great car song) #7
“Danny’s Song” (Anne Murray…my mother can’t stand her) #8
“Break Up To Make Up” (The Stylistics) #9 “Killing Me Softly
With His Song” (Roberta Flack) #10 “Call Me” (Al Green…
Rev has a new album out that Rolling Stone liked)
Baseball Quiz Answers: 1) Extra-base hits, career: Hank Aaron,
1477 [624 2B – 98 3B – 755 HR]; Barry Bonds, 1440 [601 – 77
– 762]; Stan Musial, 1377 [725 – 177 – 475]; Babe Ruth, 1356
[506 – 136 – 714]; Willie Mays, 1323 [523 – 140 – 660]. 2)
Single-season leader in extra-base hits: Babe Ruth, 119, 1921.
Talk about a great season…204 hits, 44 doubles, 16 triples, 59
homeruns, 171 RBI, 177 runs scored, .378 batting average, 145
walks, .512 on-base percentage. Spectacular. Lou Gehrig is
second with 117 in an equally awesome year, 1927. 218 hits,
149 runs, 52 doubles, 18 triples, 47 homers, 175 RBI, .373 BA.
Next Bar Chat, Thursday….what was it with this rumor that hot
dogs would be free for the Knicks last home game? Find out if it
was true.
