Bong Hits

Women’s Winter Sports Quiz: 1) Who was the five-time overall World Cup Ski Champion from 1971-75? 2) America’s Lindsey Vonn won the overall WC title in 2008. Who was the last previous American World Cup overall champion? [Think 1983] 3) Figure Skating: Peggy Fleming was U.S. champ from 1964-68 and won the Gold Medal in ‘68. Name the three women who followed her as U.S. titleholder, all at least three-time champs, covering the period 1969-80. [All three also medaled in the 1972, 76, and 80 Olympics.] Answers below. 

Michael Phelps and His Bong 

Sally Jenkins / Washington Post 

“So Michael Phelps dove headfirst into the bong water. Is anyone really surprised, after all those laps? There has always been something submerged and escapist about the world’s greatest swimmer. When presented with a chamber containing a hazy translucent liquid, he did what’s become second nature to him. He buried his face in it. 

“I’m just sorry I wasn’t at that University of South Carolina house party to witness Squid Boy’s binge firsthand – not that I would ever make such a staggering misstep myself…. 

“Can you imagine how much dew he inhaled, with his world-class lung capacity? I don’t know exactly what kind of killer nuggets were stuffed into the bowl of that German-made red Roor bong…but they weren’t cloves. 

“I’m sure some people will be disappointed in Phelps for partaking of a non-government-approved substance for relaxation. But he merely got caught doing what scores of people – I’m not saying me – did every weekend in college, and what many residents of Austin still do every day, given the quite liberal sentencing laws, which I only know about secondhand. According to a study cited in U.S. News & World Report last summer, 42 percent of Americans have at one time or another gotten sweetly baked on hay. No one is condoning illegal activity – or admitting any. But frankly, it’s better than drinking and driving, which is what Phelps did last time. And it’s organic! 

“ ‘I’m 23 years old, and despite the successes I have had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner that people have come to expect from me,’ Phelps said in a statement. ‘For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public – it will not happen again.’…. 

“That phrase Phelps used, ‘people have come to expect from me,’ is an interesting one. It points to an emerging fact about Phelps, which is that there are two versions of him: the obedient Olympic champion who says and does what’s expected of him and the caught-red-handed whiffer, who does the precise opposite, inadvertently countermanding the purist image built by his commercial sponsors…. 

“There’s clearly a more genuine and, um, adventurous Phelps than the one he presents. Like most great athletes, he’s a creature of extremes, which is a quality egregiously unhealthy corporate sponsors such as Kellogg’s and McDonald’s don’t really like to admit to in their athlete-pitchmen. But maybe it’s one more parents should realize is part of the potential cost when their kid announces they want to be a gold medalist like Michael Phelps. Being a champion is frankly not the most healthful career to aspire to; it’s an abnormally stressful one.” 

Michael Wilbon / Washington Post 

“If you want to read that it’s okay to take bong hits because you’re 23 and the best swimmer in history, cast your eyes elsewhere, because that’s not going to be the position taken here. 

“Michael Phelps, of his own free will, decided to trade on his image to the tune of $100 million or so, an image that surely doesn’t include drunk driving and getting high. This isn’t fine print; it’s in big block letters: DON’T SCREW UP! This is what Phelps agreed to, implicitly, when he signed on with AT&T, Visa, Hilton Hotels, Kellogg’s, Rosetta Stone, Speedo and Nestle, among others: to conduct himself without scandal…all the time. 

“It doesn’t matter that ‘everybody else is doing it,’ because my bet is that everybody else smoking pot at that student party at the University of South Carolina doesn’t have endorsement deals worth $100 million. They haven’t courted the concept of being a role model and selling cellphones and cereal to mothers and grandmothers and little children. I’m annoyed over reading my friend Sally Jenkins’ column justifying that Phelps ‘periodically needs to bust out of the confines of the pool and of his too-coy image,’ because he already busted out in 2004, when he was caught drinking and driving…. 

“So how many times does Phelps get to act irresponsibly before Sally and a whole lot of other folk hold his feet to the fire a bit? 

“Three times? Five? Sally suggests in her column yesterday that people are holding Phelps to superhuman ideals if they don’t accept his apology. 

“No, we’re not. You want to get blatantly practical about this? If Michael Phelps wants to get high, then he should do it in the privacy of his own home, far away from cellphone cameras. At the very least, these incidents represent serious lapses in judgment…. 

“And everybody excusing it, Sally, doesn’t help Phelps get the message that he’d better be careful and vigilant. Being granted a pass at every turn usually breeds a sense of being bulletproof, as we saw in the much more serious case of Michael Vick, who actually squandered $100 million or more. And Phelps isn’t cast in the role of bad boy or tough guy. His marketing representatives have set him up to be the guy who walks the straight-and-narrow…. 

“Sally asks in the lead of her column if anybody is really surprised that Phelps dived headfirst into the bong water? I realize her tongue was firmly planted in cheek, but yes, I’m surprised. The kid I’ve observed is aware enough to know that he’s different than other 23-year-olds, that he’s more gifted, that the rewards and experiences have been greater for him than the average college kid, that his wealth and riches have to be protected, first and foremost, by exercising common sense. To do that, Phelps is going to have to keep his wits about him, and the best way to do that, whether anybody’s watching or not, is to keep his face out of the bong water.” 

So, you think there’s a little tension in the cubicles of the sports department at the Post? 

Flip Bondy / New York Daily News 

“Here’s the thing nobody tells you about smashing records and becoming an overnight hero: It actually stinks. 

“It stinks because you don’t know who your friends are anymore, and every nanosecond of your life is a photo or YouTube op for the schemers and opportunists on the planet. It stinks because no matter how rich you become and how many impossible goals you attain, there is somebody waiting in the weeds with the latest techno gadget set on stun and humiliation…. 

“So Phelps was caught doing something very dumb, presumably smoking marijuana during a November party…and now we get a flurry of damage-control statements from all the expected sources. His handlers tried at first to squelch the story. Phelps himself has come off directly enough with an apology, though like Bill Clinton he didn’t actually admit to inhaling. 

“His only defense was hormonal insanity, which can be paraphrased as, ‘I’m still just a kid, really. What do you want?’…. 

“He may just get away with it, sort of. The lark took place while he was out of competition and training, so the existing World Anti-Doping Agency laws don’t really apply to marijuana in this instance – nor should they. This is a recreational drug that surely will not help him defeat the Serbians and the French at the next world championships.… 

“It would seem Phelps has a choice here: He can either become the 24-hours-a-day model of perfect comportment that he tried so very hard to project during the Beijing Games. Or he can go off and have some fun, put mouth to bong during the offseason and lose a ton of money. 

“There is one thing he can’t do, however. Phelps can’t pretend to be one thing, and then act in a fashion utterly contrary to his image. 

“Phelps is no longer Phelps, he must realize. He is the man who bettered Mark Spitz, who never once faltered in the pool and told reporters he was here to make swimming a major sport. His life is ours now, until we tell him otherwise.” 

The Beatles!!!!!

This coming Monday, Feb. 9, is the 45th anniversary of the Beatles’ historic appearance on Ed Sullivan. Unbelievable. I was close to turning six at the time, but still vividly remember it. [JFK’s assassination is the first TV moment I had real memories of.] 

Key events 1964

Jan. 20: “Meet the Beatles!” is released by Capitol Records, the first album available in the U.S. [Meanwhile, knowing the Beatles were coming to America, the Beach Boys were rattled so they rushed out “Fun, Fun, Fun,” wanting the Beatles to hear it while they were in the States. The Beach Boys were also on the Capitol label, but Capitol’s thoughts were obviously elsewhere. Nonetheless, “Fun, Fun, Fun” did manage to grab the #5 slot.]

February 7: Pan Am Flight 101 arrives at Idlewild Airport (before it was renamed Kennedy). On board, four lads from Liverpool. Crowd estimates at the airport range from 10,000-25,000. The British Invasion has begun.

The Beatles stayed at the Plaza Hotel in Manhattan. As related in Ronnie (of the Ronettes) Spector’s autobiography, “Be My Baby,” Ronnie had previously met the Beatles in London and was invited to come up to the hotel and party with them. She describes a chaotic scene, with the Beatles occupying a whole floor, while thousands of screaming fans were outside. DJ Murray the K acted like a real jerk, using Spector to gain access to the Beatles. They were well aware of his influence on the radio airwaves those days, but they were particularly miffed when he took out his tape recorder and started asking inane questions, like about their hair. Soon, Murray was bragging that he was the “Fifth Beatle,” which further irritated them, but they put up with his crap to get the PR.

This was on February 8, and, as Spector describes it, later in the day everyone was ushered out of the suites, except close friends. Ronnie’s own friends were urging her to leave because something weird seemed to be going on in one of the rooms. Well, it turns out there was a nude couple in the bedroom (members of the Beatles’ entourage), along with about 20 others, but if you want to know anything more you’ll have to get Spector’s book because if I list the details I’ll lose my International Web Site Association license.

*Spector has some inaccuracies in her tome, one being that other sources seem to point to DJs Scott Muni and Cousin Brucie of WABC as being the first to interview the Beatles, not Murray the Jerk, and a great deal of credit needs to go to WABC program director Rick Sklar. Sklar got his two to do the first live reports from Idlewild, commandeering ABC News equipment, while later Muni and Cousin Brucie used remote mics to capture the kids singing along with WABC jingles outside the Plaza Hotel. [Dan Ingram held forth on air for those of you from the New York area.]

February 9: The Beatles make their historic appearance on “The Ed Sullivan Show.” Sullivan had been playing up the act for weeks, having watched a Beatlemania mob at Heathrow Airport a few months earlier. The Boys were paid $2,400 for the appearance, playing five tunes – “All My Loving,” “Till There Was You,” “She Loves You,” “I Saw Her Standing There,” and “I Want To Hold Your Hand.” John Lennon was so nervous he taped the lyrics onto his guitar. 73 million tuned into the show, 60% of the television audience back then (and a far better percentage than virtually every Super Bowl).

Rocker Alice Cooper once recalled, “I just sat there in my living room in Phoenix with a huge smile on my face. My parents looked like they were in the audience of ‘Springtime for Hitler.’” And who else did Sullivan have on that show? Georgia Brown and the children’s chorus from the Broadway show “Oliver” (including future Monkee Davy Jones), Tessie O’Shea and Frank Gorshin (I always liked this comedian / impersonator; “Kirk DOUG-las”).

February 11: Beatles play first concert at the Washington (D.C.) Coliseum. Appearing with them were Tommy Roe, the Chiffons and the Caravelles.

February 12: Beatles play Carnegie Hall. 250 reporters show up for a press conference.

April 4: Beatles hold top 5 slots on the Billboard chart.

#1 Can’t Buy Me Love
#2 Twist And Shout
#3 She Loves You
#4 I Want To Hold Your Hand
#5 Please Please Me

June 1: The Rolling Stones arrive in America.

August 19: Beatles begin first full American tour at San Francisco’s Cow Palace. 30 shows in 24 cities.

September 4: The Animals debut in America at Brooklyn’s Paramount Theater. “House Of The Rising Sun” quickly rises to the top of the charts.

October 25: The Stones make their debut on Ed Sullivan’s show. The audience is rowdy and Sullivan announces: “I promise you they’ll never be back on our sheww. It took me 17 years to build (it); I’m not going to have it destroyed in a matter of weeks.” [May 1965, Sullivan relents, the Stones return.]

Back to the Boys, New York Times columnist Bob Herbert once described the Beatles phenomenon thusly:

“They blew in like a sudden storm and permanently altered the cultural landscape. One night they were singing to an audience of shrieking teeny-boppers on that quintessential 1950s televised program, ‘The Ed Sullivan Show,’ and in the next instant, it seemed, the Sullivan era had been left behind and the ‘60s had blossomed in brilliant, even blinding color.”

Grammy Winners in 1964

Song of the Year: “Hello, Dolly!”
Best Vocal Performance, Female: “People” Barbra Streisand
Best Vocal Performance, Male: “Hello, Dolly!” Louis Armstrong
Best Vocal Performance, Group: “A Hard Day’s Night” The Beatles
Best Rock ‘n’ Roll Recording: “Downtown” Petula Clark [#1 January ‘65]

#1 tunes in 1964. [The following topped the Billboard pop chart, in chronological order]

There! I’ve Said It Again – Bobby Vinton
I Want To Hold Your Hand – The Beatles
She Loves You – The Beatles
Can’t Buy Me Love – The Beatles
Hello, Dolly! – Louis Armstrong (May 9)
My Guy – Mary Wells
Love Me Do – The Beatles
Chapel Of Love – The Dixie Cups
A World Without Love – Peter & Gordon
I Get Around – The Beach Boys
Rag Doll – The 4 Seasons
A Hard Day’s Night – The Beatles
Everybody Loves Somebody – Dean Martin
Where Did Our Love Go – The Supremes
The House Of The Rising Sun – The Animals
Oh, Pretty Woman – Roy Orbison
Do Wah Diddy Diddy – Manfred Mann
Baby Love – The Supremes
Leader Of The Pack – The Shangri-Las
Ringo – Lorne Greene…amazing
Mr. Lonely – Bobby Vinton
Come See About Me – The Supremes
I Feel Fine – The Beatles.

[Sources: “VH-1: Rock Stars Encyclopedia;” “The Nearest Faraway Place,” Timothy White; “Be My Baby,” Ronnie Spector; “FM,” Richard Neer; “Rock On Almanac,” Norm N. Nite.] 

—AP Men’s College Basketball Poll 

–We talked about the lack of gambling action leading up to the Super Bowl because experts said the line, 7 points, was “too pure.” Turns out gamblers in Nevada’s sports books bet only $81.5 million, the lowest since 2004, earning $6.7 million. Gambling on NFL games overall last season was off 5 to 7 percent thanks to the economy. 

—Roger Clemens’ trainer Brian McNamee famously provided syringes said to be used by Clemens to investigators and now tests have evidently linked Clemens’ DNA to blood in the syringes that McNamee says he used to inject the Rocket. McNamee had been storing the syringes and gauze pads and while Clemens’ attorney says the DNA tests “won’t matter at all,” the fact is they will, though prosecutors will still need to show evidence of steroids in the syringes. 

–A positive drug test from 2003 is reportedly being included in the government’s case against Barry Bonds. The sample was deemed negative at the time as part of Major League Baseball’s testing program, but when retested by the feds after it was seized as part of a 2004 raid it came back positive. The trial begins March 2. Yippee! 

Note: The evidence against Bonds has just been unsealed; hundreds of pages worth.  Details to follow.

–The other day I mentioned that the Phillies’ Ryan Howard said the toughest pitcher for him to face is Oliver Perez. Well, the Mets just signed Perez to a new 3-year contract and I see that last year, Perez was 1-0 with a 0.35 ERA against the Phils, while overall, Howard is just 2 for 22, 14 strikeouts, against lefty Oliver. 

–Bloomberg is creating a platform exclusively for baseball on its terminals, for you Wall Streeters out there with nothing better to do.  

–The other day I mentioned Hall of Fame pitcher Robin Roberts and I didn’t have time to bring up the six straight seasons he won 20 games, often on highly mediocre Phillies teams. To wit… 

You rocked, Robin! [1952-55, Roberts led the N.L. in wins, and pitched over 300 innings each of the above six seasons. As Ronald Reagan undoubtedly said at the time, “Not bad…not bad at all.”] 

But he also had 160 career wins at age 28, seemingly a lock for 300, but, alas, he fell short with 286. 

–I may comment on Citigroup and its $400 million marketing deal with the Mets for naming rights in that other column I do for the site, but for those not in the New York area, just understand the names Citi Field and Citigroup are already plastered all over the new park and picture how ghastly it will look if they have to remove all of the signs. 

–Did you know MLB commissioner Bud Selig made $17.5 million last year? Goodness gracious. Only Alex Rodriguez ($23 million plus $4 million deferred), Derek Jeter ($22M) and Jason Giambi ($21.5M) earned more.  

–Back in 1744, the HMS Victory sank in a storm off the Channel Islands with 1,000 on board. 265 years later the wreck was found, some 100km off from where the first divers looked for it, it turns out, and it is said to contain more than $1 billion of gold, though this is assuming the giant clams didn’t take it first….or the squids. 

Odyssey Marine Exploration discovered the ship last May, fending off said clams and squids, but the wreckage has just now been confirmed. The gold is the possession of the British government, which could use some coin to help pay for the bank nationalizations taking place there, but Odyssey would share in the riches. 

“Historians believed the ship was lost due to poor navigation on the Casquets, a group of rocks northwest of Alderney. 

“But the wreck’s location, 100km away from the rocks, suggests the 74-year-old admiral, (Sir John Balchin) was not to blame.” 

Said a relative: “A piece of my family history and of national history has come alive. As a family we have always been proud of Sir John but this confirms what a fantastic admiral he was.” [BBC News] 

Well that’s a leap, Balchin family. I’m not too sure what my own relatives were doing back in 1744, though I’m assuming they were drinking domestic. 

–AP / Sydney: “An Australian traveler was caught with two live pigeons stuffed in his trousers following a trip to the Middle East, customs officials said yesterday. 

“The 23-year-old man was searched after authorities discovered two eggs in a vitamin container in his luggage, said Richard Janeczko, national investigations manager for the Customs Service. 

“They found the pigeons wrapped in envelopes and held to each of the man’s legs with a pair of tights. Officials also seized seeds in his money belt and an undeclared eggplant.” 

The moral to the story, sports fans, is always declare the eggplant to avoid further embarrassment. 

—Kobe Bryant dumped 61 on the Knicks the other night, the most ever scored at Madison Square Garden as the Lakers won 126-117. Back in 1984, Bernard King had 60 in a contest on Christmas Day. The Garden crowd ate it up, alternating boos with chants of “MVP”. Bryant was 20-20 from the foul line, incidentally. So let that be a lesson to the boys and girls out there, especially those who might be playing for the Wake Forest men’s team. Practice your freakin’ free throws! [It cost us against Georgia Tech the other day.] 

–I missed a big golf development last time, 19-year-old Rory McIlroy’s victory in Dubai over the weekend, a stunning achievement. McIlroy almost blew a six-shot lead with six to go, but held off Justin Rose by one to take his first professional title. Rory had to get up and down from a greenside bunker on 18 to avoid a playoff. 

McIlroy is playing in the Masters and has a practice round set up with Tiger, and the lad from Northern Ireland’s participation is yet another reason why, if Tiger is healthy, this could be the greatest Masters ever. The drama of Tiger’s return alone would make it so, but then you have the new wunderkind, Rory, on one end and the return of Greg Norman, 54, on the other. Plus you have the Mickelson dynamic, thanks to Steve Williams’ comments. 

Here’s my early prediction….the winner is….Davis Love III!! [Defeats Ernie Els by one…Tiger two back, though with a spectacular late charge after starting the 4th round trailing by 8.] 

Take a 1,000-milligram fish oil supplement daily, according to research cited by U.S. News & World Report, just as we do here in the home office of StocksandNews with our chocolate donut and coffee. 

1. Chattanooga, Tenn. …residents take the train everywhere instead of walking
2. New Orleans…it goes without saying
3. Baton Rouge, La. 

And this. As noted by Sarah Baldauf in USN&WR: 

“According to three large studies published in the journals Sleep and the Archives of General Psychiatry, people who slept five hours or less per night had approximately a 15 percent greater risk of dying – regardless of the cause – over the periods studied, which ranged from six to 14 years.” 

Uh oh. Your editor only gets about five hours. And the Mets didn’t get another power bat for the lineup. Nor are the Jets close to getting into a Super Bowl.  

–Floods have swept northern Australia and residents are being warned to beware of large crocodiles and snakes. Crocs have been sighted near one large town, Normanton. The manager of the Albion Hotel, Donna Smith, said a 13-foot crocodile “had been seen stalking residents and dogs in the flooded main street,” according to BBC News. 

But you’ve gotta love this.  Donna added the town was expected to run out of beer in two days. 

“We can put up with a lot of drama, no fruit and veggies, but nobody wants a pub with no beer,” she told Brisbane’s Courier-Mail newspaper.  Tell me about it, Donna.

–Brad K. is warning me that with the recent fossil discovery of a 40-foot snake found in Colombia, this proves that as parts of the U.S. heat up, we need to be concerned. Jason Head of the University of Toronto said, “It could easily eat something the size of a cow. Humans would just be toast immediately.” 

But Head added, “It’s a leap” to apply the conditions of the past to modern climate change. Given that, the finding still has some “potentially scary implications for what we’re doing to the climate today. We won’t have giant snakes, however, because we are removing most of their habitats by development and deforestation.” 

I’m thinking, don’t be so sure, Professor Head. They could easily adapt and move into foreclosed properties. 

—Mars is home to the largest mountain in the solar system, the 26km-high Olympus Mons., 80,000+ feet. And just beneath it is the biggest canyon in the solar system, the Valles Marineris, which is as long as the U.S. is wide, and in places reaches 10km, 6 miles, deep. So the Martian mules really need to be in shape, as do the Sherpians. 

–Good Lord. According to Parade, Cameron Diaz made $30 million to voice a part in Shrek 3. I do a good version of Maurice White of Earth, Wind & Fire, in case anyone is looking for that kind of thing in a feature flick or cartoon. Yow! 

—Bruce Springsteen’s halftime performance at the Super Bowl boosted sales of his “Working on a Dream” CD dramatically, as well as ticket sales for his upcoming concert tour. But I couldn’t believe how many of you, his fans, wrote to say you were underwhelmed. C’mon, he was great. He had 12 minutes. What did you expect? 

Some of you are forgetting, or are too young, to remember the early Super Bowl halftime shows. I mean “Up with People” performed at four of them, for crying out loud. At least this decade we’ve had U2, the Stones, Paul McCartney, Shania, Prince, Tom Petty and Janet’s, err, you know. 

–The great Tom Jones, 68, has stopped dying his hair. Good for you, Tom; mused the editor who recognizes that if he suddenly had to go on a job search, he’d be at a disadvantage according to the Just for Men commercial where the hot babe (Who is she, anyway? And is she really a boss?) has to decide between the guy who dyes his hair completely and Mr. All Grey. 

Top 3 songs for the week 2/2/80: #1 “Rock With You” (Michael Jackson) #2 “Do That To Me One More Time” (The Captain & Tennille) #3 “Coward Of The County” (Kenny Rogers)…and…#4 “Cruisin’” (Smokey Robinson) #5 “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” (Queen) #6 “Escape (The Pina Colada Song)” (Rupert Holmes) #7 “Sara” (Fleetwood Mac”…Starship’s “Sara” came out in 1986) #8 “The Long Run” (Eagles) #9 “Yes, I’m Ready” (Teri DeSario with K.C.) #10 “Don’t Do Me Like That” (Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers) 

Women’s Winter Sports Quiz Answers: 1) Austria’s Annemarie Proll (Moser-Proll, later) won the overall World Cup skiing championship from 1971-75. 2) Tamara McKinney was the last American prior to Lindsey Vonn to win the WC title. 3) U.S. figure skating champions, post-Peggy Fleming: Janet Lynn, 1969-73 (bronze, ’72 Olympics); Dorothy Hamill, 1974-76 (gold, ’76); Linda Fratianne, 1977-80 (silver, ’80).  

*Lindsey Vonn became the first American to win the world championship in the super-G on Tuesday at Val d’Isere, France. She is primed for Whistler and next year’s Winter Games.