[Sunday PM…Lincoln, Nebraska]
*Congratulations to Roger Federer on his U.S. Open victory over
Andre Agassi. Yes, Federer is the greatest men’s tennis player of
all time. But can he play beer pong?
Nebraska / Oklahoma Quiz: 1) So I’m looking for Nebraska
alum who went on to have Hall of Fame careers in the NFL,
modern era, post-1950, and there is only one. Name him.
[Played in 60s and 70s, offensive tackle.] 2) So then I thought,
what about Oklahoma? There are only two here, post-1950, to
make the NFL HOF. Name ‘em. [One is a wide receiver. The
other you should get with some thought.] Answers below.
Nebraska 31…Wake Forest 3
It was a thrilling night in Lincoln, Nebraska, sports fans, as your
editor ventured out with a few hundred other die-hard Demon
Deacon fans to brave the hostile environs of Memorial Stadium.
77,000 rabid Husker supporters, representing the 270th
consecutive sellout, incidentally, were fired up as the ACC’s
elite, Wake Forest, began the game by fumbling the kickoff and
returning it to the one-yard line. Later, Wake’s QB threw a
freakin’ ball right into the hands of a Nebraska player who
returned it for a touchdown. Then on the ensuing kickoff, Wake
fumbled it again and started out on its 2. Later, Wake’s running
back literally had the ball stripped out of his hands and the
Husker defender ran it back for a touchdown. After this, Wake’s
shell-shocked quarterback threw another interception that was
returned for a score.
I mean to tell you, it was absolutely dreadful!!!! We were
embarrassed, humiliated, slapped around like one of Mike
Tyson’s (oops, better not go there)….and I will never, EVER,
make another special trip just to watch the Deacs get stomped on.
It was so bad, in all seriousness the most fun we had was when
they shot hot dogs into the stands in the third quarter. Your
fearless reporter, kind of hungry after having last eaten about
seven hours earlier, made a stab for one but it fell into the hands
of another Wake fan in front of me. I have to admit, the kid
deserved it. [Of course then we all cautioned him on actually
eating it and I think the tube steak eventually went into a bin for
hurricane relief.]
Well, I should point out that I like the city of Lincoln; very
pleasant, wide avenues, lots of bars, and friendly people. Plus
it’s nice being able to walk just a few blocks to the stadium from
your hotel. It made the walk back bearable as I smiled at the
locals who gave me a look of sympathy as they glanced at my
Wake Forest shirt.
And at least our game ended in time for me to catch the last
quarter and a half of the Texas – Ohio State game; easily one of
the top three games of the year, I imagine, and with the Texas
victory, it’s not too soon to think about the dream match-up for
the NCAA championship, USC – Texas. Now we’re talking.
The Omaha Zoo
Alas, who gives a damn about a football game when one can go
to the Omaha Zoo! That’s what I just did on Sunday and I’m
here to tell you, this is the best zoo in the world…and I’ve been
to virtually all the big ones. After my trip to Singapore last year,
I thought maybe that one was the best (combined with its
separate “Night Zoo”) but for a total package, you can’t beat the
Henry Doorly Zoo.
As a matter of fact, this zoo had the best aquarium I’ve ever seen.
Not the largest, mind you, but the best set of way cool exhibits,
including something I’ve never seen before, the leafy sea dragon
…a seahorse with a bush growing out of it.
And what an incredible vampire bat exhibit….goodness gracious,
these little suckers were drinking blood out of dishes.
Then you had a bunch of Macaws from Brazil. Now you
wouldn’t ordinarily think some tropical birds would be so
fascinating, but you ain’t seen these Macaws, I mean to tell you.
Let’s just say that if you are in the jungle and hear these awful
birds, run for your life! The screaming would drive you crazy; at
which point a python would come along and swallow you whole,
thereby putting you out of your misery.
This zoo, known for its unique desert exhibit – complete with a
30-foot sand dune and 50-foot mountain – also had a spectacular
cave / night-life complex with a giant swamp where the alligators
were practically on top of you. Plus it had the coolest beaver
exhibit you ever did see. I took the opportunity to ask them
about the housing bubble, seeing as they appeared to be on a
break in their den, and they told me…………..well, I’m not
telling you. It’s a secret; just suffice it to say I’m selling my
townhouse as soon as I get back and renting for a spell.
What else did I learn? Jaguars are bigger than leopards, the
Siberian Tiger can be 10-feet long and outweigh the African lion
by 100 lbs., and the Taipan is the deadliest snake in Australia.
So there you have it…my trip to the zoo. And to top it off there
was a local burger joint nearby that served up the best wildebeest
cheeseburger I’ve had in years.
Other Nebraska Notes:
I went through quite a few small towns the last few days.
Osceola (pop. 921), Beemer (726), Hooper (827), Stromberg (the
“Swede Capital”…or so they say), Scribner, and Seward, a town
with a sense of humor. There was a sign in the middle of it
pointing out the fact Seward, Alaska is 4,135 miles away.
And here’s more on Johnny Carson. From looking at the exhibit
in Norfolk, he returned home in 1982, ‘88, and ‘96; the last time
to help celebrate the 100th birthday of his penmanship teacher,
Fay Gordon. Now how great is that? He gave her a music box
that played “Unforgettable.”
I went to see the house he grew up in, 306 So. 13th St., and it’s a
modest place. In fact there’s a story behind it. In the spring of
2003, Jim Pruett bought it, thinking he could make a pretty
penny by then selling it on eBay. Turns out Pruett was a fool, as
he paid $150,000 for the place. All the locals knew it wasn’t
worth that much. It’s 1,500-square feet with one tiny bathroom,
a narrow corridor of a kitchen and little closet space. One of the
neighbors told Stephanie Simon of the Los Angeles Times that it
wasn’t worth $100,000. So after two years, Pruett has had zero
luck getting his money back and now he’s renting the place.
But while at Carson’s exhibit in the Elkhorn Valley Museum, I
read of one of Johnny’s classic lines. In discussing his ever
famous ring of privacy, he noted that he was having a barbecue
at his Malibu estate. “We’ll just toss some steaks against the
electric fence.”
I also ended up purchasing a 1965 book that Johnny wrote,
“Happiness is a Dry Martini.” You’ll have to excuse me if I
gravitate to this one from time to time for Bar Chat filler.
Happiness is…getting up at 2 a.m. to feed the baby and finding
two bottles – one for the baby and one for you.
Happiness is….being served with a paternity suit on your 75th
birthday.
Happiness is…discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered
you to drink has fermented.
Happiness is…having the machine that replaced you figure out
that the man who bought the machine should be fired.
Happiness is…being a 200-pound bully and having a 97-pound
weakling kick sand in your face.
[Yes, these were different times. I can’t be the only one who
misses them.]
Here’s another Nebraska moment, only I totally blew it. I drove
through the thriving metropolis of Columbus, which is indeed
booming with all kinds of road projects, but what I didn’t know
until later is that Columbus was the birthplace of Andrew
Jackson Higgins of “Higgins boat” fame; the LCVPs (landing
craft vehicle personnel) that were so critical in the beach
landings of World War II.
Ironically, the only reason I’ve thought of going to New Orleans
the past few years was to see the D-Day Museum. I still will
(assuming it didn’t sustain too much damage). Higgins
Industries was headquartered in New Orleans and it’s a big
reason why Stephen Ambrose, Tom Hanks and the rest placed
the museum there.
Back to the Elkhorn Valley Museum, Carson’s town of Norfolk
was the scene of the famous Blizzard of 1888, where teacher
Miss Loie Royce got lost with some of her pupils and three of
them died. It was something like 65 degrees that morning, the
kids all went to school wearing little, the weather changed hours
later, and by the next day it was about 5 degrees below zero. The
kids froze to death trying to find their way back home. I have the
book on this somewhere.
My friends Ken and Colene S., who took me out to dinner in
Omaha, told me the story of the 1949 blizzard in Nebraska where
the drifts got to 25 feet. Ken, about 11 then, said he remembered
walking along the rooftops.
Stuff
–Headline in the local paper here in Nebraska.
“Hunters to take aim at bothersome Canada geese”
Yesss!!!!! But last year fewer than 500 were bagged. However,
a Nebraska game official said “the September season is targeting
resident birds that may cause nuisance problems. If we harvest
one Canada goose during that season, to me it’s a success.”
Ain’t that the truth. And then there was this editorial comment.
“Those who frequent parks, athletic fields and golf courses in
Omaha and Lincoln will appreciate the efforts of hunters to
reduce the number of Canada geese.”
But the hunters have to remove the tail fans and take them to a
commissioner’s office. Identification is important in order to
determine if the geese killed were large birds, which indicates
they are residents, or small birds, which are migrants. The Feds
want us to save the migrants. I say they’re all vagrants.
–And there is this story from the AP concerning Johan Otter, no
relation to the mammals of the same name, who was attacked by
a grizzly last month in Glacier National Park in Montana.
Otter, who was hiking with his 18-year-old daughter, had his
scalp ripped off, exposing his skull, yet managed to get to the
hospital and survive about ten hours of surgery. He also suffered
five fractured vertebrae, three broken ribs, a fractured eye socket,
five major bites over his body and a broken nose. He just spoke
to reporters for the first time.
“He said that numerous signs along the trail warned that they
were in bear country and that one should tuck into a fetal
position if attacked. He said that advice saved their lives.
“Otter and his daughter were about an hour and a half into an
early morning hike when he saw Jenna take two steps back and
heard her say, ‘Oh, no.’
“The bear went straight at Otter’s thigh and jostled him around.
“ ‘This bear is right at me and mouth wide open,’ he said. ‘You
see the fangs, you see the huge claws.’
“At least one of the claws went into his face and his right eye, he
said. After he fell off the trail, Otter said the bear followed him
and continued the attack, climbing on top of him.
“Otter curled into a fetal position and tried to protect his head
with his arms. Still, ‘I could feel the tooth going in’ his head, he
said.
“After the bear left, Otter and his daughter yelled for help until a
hiker discovered them about 45 minutes later.”
He is expected to make a full recovery. Jenna received some
minor bites.
But Johan Otter’s troubles are not over, no sirree. For you see,
friends, I have just decided to nominate Mr. Otter for Bar Chat
“Dirtball of the Year” for endangering the life of his daughter,
even if she was of an age where she could make her own
decisions. Then again, we could nominate Jenna for “Idiot of the
Year.” These are tough calls…but it goes with the territory.
–Here’s some interesting data, courtesy of The Atlantic Monthly
and Salary.com.
Television Dads…their professions and salaries (in 2005 dollars)
J.R. Ewing… ‘Dallas’ …CEO…$636,904
Jed Bartlett… ‘The West Wing’ …US President…$400,000
Cliff Huxtable… ‘The Cosby Show’ …Obstetrician…$239,028
Sandy Cohen… ‘The OC’ …Lawyer…$150,693
Rob Petrie… ‘The Dick Van Dyke Show’ …TV writer…$85,192
Homer Simpson… ‘The Simpsons’ …Nuclear safety inspector
… $65,346
Ward Cleaver… ‘Leave It to Beaver’ …Accountant…$46,835
Jim Anderson… ‘Father Knows Best’ …Insurance agent…
$38,974
Fred Flintstone… ‘The Flintstones’ …Quarry crane operator…
$37,518
–Congratulations to StocksandNews reader and good friend of
Trader George, Bud Eichorn, for setting a world record in the
New York North-South challenge. Starting along the Canadian
border on Route 9B in Rouse’s Point, New York, Eichorn
pedaled the 310 miles to the Connecticut border in 20 hours 9
minutes. This is an officially sanctioned mark by the Ultra
Marathon Cycling Association. And Bud, who has been
suffering with Lyme Disease, is not on steroids! [Though he
might be on something else, come to think of it.]
Good job, Bud. I owe you a six-pack of your favorite lager.
–I’m trying to hide the fact I lost $5 to Ken S. in the Wake –
Nebraska game. I know he won’t forget….I just have to move
some money around before I can pay him.
–Harness racing great Stanley Dancer died. Dancer won 3,781
races; but get this, he also suffered 32 spills, was involved in four
auto accidents, and crashed in helicopters and light planes, too.
–Drat! Barry Bonds will play the last few weeks of the season
after all. What an a-hole. Christine Brennan of USA Today put
it best.
“Just what the country needs; a surly, self-absorbed, steroid-
using cheater…to cheer us all in our days of gloom.
“Barry Bonds is too selfish to see what’s best for the game, for
the season, even for the nation.”
And as Brennan also notes, it’s sickening how well the San
Francisco fans will receive him. Our only hope now is that his
flesh-eating disease returns in the off-season, assuming he
doesn’t whack 12 homers in 12 games to pass Babe Ruth.
Aaron….755
Ruth……714
Bonds…703
–Forgot to add that my football ticket for the Nebraska – Wake
Forest game cost $55! Start doing the math…77,000 Xs $55 Xs
6 home games…The Cornhuskers rake in some dough.
–St. Louis Cardinals ace Chris Carpenter is 13-0 with a 1.36
ERA in his last 16 starts.
–I picked the Twins to win the World Series. For my next trick
…………
–So long Roger Clemens…and so much for his historic season,
ERA-wise. He got shelled in his last outing and his ERA
ballooned to 1.78.
–Not for nothing, but the Kansas City Royals are 46-95. In other
words, they could easily finish up with one of the worst marks in
baseball history if they don’t get their act together soon.
–Mark Calcavecchia, age 45, won his first PGA event since
2001 and his 12th overall in taking the Canadian Open.
–Kim Clisters won her first grand slam tennis event in winning
the U.S. Open.
–Jeff Gordon failed to qualify for the 10-event, season-ending,
Nextel Cup Chase.
–So I see that there is an Ansel Adams exhibit at Boston’s
Museum of Fine Arts. But it costs $22! $22 for Ansel Adams!
Hey, I like the guy’s work as much as the rest of you, but you
can go on line and see it for free; know what I’m sayin’?!
–On the other hand, as I continuously scour exhibits to pick out
the best ones for you…another free feature of Bar Chat…I see
that the Baltimore Museum of Art is having a Monet show and it
will cost only $10. Now that’s a good buy. Remember, though,
never mix up Monet and Manet. Manet is overrated.
–Speaking of overrated, I still say sea lions are.
–Historian Kevin Baker wrote a piece in American Heritage on
U.S. memorials. I liked his thoughts on the Korean War one in
Washington, compared to other successful displays in town.
“The recent memorial to our Korean veterans seems to me as
confused and ambiguous as the war they fought in: a patrol of
life-size troops, their color and expressions so odd and spectral it
might have been subtitled ‘Nineteen Ways of Looking at
Christopher Walken.’”
–I was checking the high school football box scores here in
Nebraska, looking for one of those “Jerry Davis carried it 10
times for 298 yards” stories, but all I found was quarterback
Chris Griffin’s effort. The poor kid. In the battle between
Omaha Central and Omaha Westside, Griffin, Central’s signal-
caller, was 3 for 14 with six interceptions. Yikes. But he made
Bar Chat! Not too many of his classmates can say the same,
that’s for sure.
–An LSU official on the plight of the Saints and scheduling
games in Baton Rouge.
“The problem is hotel rooms in this city and as far north as
Shreveport are all saturated with refugees. Nobody wants to kick
refugees out of hotel rooms for football.”
Wanna bet?
[Congratulations to New Orleans for its stirring win over
Carolina on Sunday.]
–Pity Temple. They were down 51-0 to Wisconsin, at half!
Final score…65-0…Total yards…Wisconsin 492…Temple 54.
Wake Forest – Temple…now that would be a ballgame.
Top 3 songs for the week of 9/16/72: #1 “Black & White”
(Three Dog Night) #2 “Baby Don’t Get Hooked On Me” (Mac
Davis…always thought this guy got a bum rap) #3 “Alone
Again (Naturally)” (Gilbert O’Sullivan…immensely depressing
tune)
Forgot who wrote this song….but another good country lyric.
I ain’t as good as I once was
But I’m good once, as I ever was
*I found Shiner Bock only once on the trip. A major
disappointment. Then again, it’s a Texas beer and I was in
Nebraska.
Nebraska / Oklahoma Quiz Answers: 1) Nebraska HOF: Tackle
Bob Brown, 1964-75; Eagles, Rams, Raiders. 2) Oklahoma
HOF: Tommy McDonald, WR, 1957-68; Eagles, Cowboys,
Rams, Falcons, Browns. LeeRoy Selmon, ED, 1976-84, Tampa
Bay.
Next Bar Chat, Thursday.
**Note to Woody R. I feel awful…never hooked up with your
parents at the game. My fault.
