Note: It took me 22 hours to get to Guam…Sun / Mon. Then
the site went down for about six hours…network issue. I”ll
catch up with the news later and try and incorporate that for
the 4/27 edition.
*In the meantime, did you see that 70 chimps attacked and
killed a tour guide in a Sierra Leone wildlife sanctuary? This
could be the start of the final assault.
San Francisco Giants Quiz (1958 to present): 1) Who holds the
record for runs scored in a season with 134? 2) Who holds the
record for most hits in a season with 208? 3) Who holds the
rookie record for home runs with 31? 4) Who am I? I won 16
games in a row in 1962 and I’m not Juan Marichal. 5) And this
surprising one. Who holds the record for lowest ERA in a season
(min. 162 innings)? [Not Juan Marichal…in fact, his initials are
B.B.] Answers below.
Worst Song
Jeff B. passed along a piece by Todd Leopold of CNN. As a new
subscriber to XM Satellite Radio I can relate to Leopold’s
problem.
“Every day, at the end of almost every hour, XM’s ‘60s channel
plays the top six hits of a corresponding week from that decade.
As an aficionado of the Billboard charts – I knew what was
going to be No. 1 when the countdown got to mid-April 1968:
‘Honey,’ by Bobby Goldsboro.
“I sat transfixed in my car as it played, as if I were in the midst of
an accident. The simpering melody, the tearjerking lyrics: God,
how I hated it. And yet I couldn’t change the station.
‘See the tree, how big it’s grown / But friend, it hasn’t been too
long, it wasn’t big…’
“ ‘Honey’ wasn’t just a hit – it was No. 1 for five weeks in April-
May 1968, one of the biggest songs of the year….
“I’ve always been at a loss to its success. Sure, it’s about a
‘Love Story’ – type romance, and those sorts of tearjerkers sell.
But the narrator of ‘Honey’ isn’t even kind to his wife: he laughs
when she slips, describes her as ‘kinda dumb and kinda smart’
and mocks her for crying at the late show.
‘One day while I was not at home / While she was there and all
alone / The angels came…’
“And then there’s her death. Even in 1968, what kind of jerk
wouldn’t be at his wife’s bedside as she died?”
Well, Leopold’s piece forces me to reprise a bit of my own,
courtesy of Dave Barry.
[April 2004]
The Worst Songs…Ever
Blender magazine is getting a ton of press for its “50 Worst
Songs Ever” list, headed up by Starship’s 1985 tune “We Built
This City.”
About four years ago I did a bit in this space that was better,
quite frankly, examining a series of columns Dave Barry wrote in
1992 and 93. I held onto them all that time (having initially
received them from my brother) and I wrote Mr. Barry asking
permission to reprint them for Bar Chat. After about six weeks,
his assistant called and politely said “No.” We ended up having a
pleasant chat and I learned that at least once a week, someone is
literally passing off whole Barry columns as their own. With the
Net being what it is I bet it’s more like 5-10 times.
Well, I did tell the assistant that I have quoted Barry before and
felt within my rights to pull a bit or two from his pieces and so I
did. But now, with Blender’s list there is a crying need to repeat
Barry’s opinions, as well as my own. After all, when it comes to
a topic like this we get rather passionate about it.
Barry, who hangs his hat at the Miami Herald, polled the
newsroom for their thoughts on the subject back in ‘92. [For
purposes of this discussion we are limiting the results to mostly
popular music from the 50s, 60s and 70s, as opposed to
Blender’s more current selections.]
Some of the nominations Barry received were as follows:
“A Horse With No Name” – America
“Billy, Don’t Be A Hero” – Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods
“Kung Fu Fighting” – Carl Douglas
“Me And You And A Dog Named Boo” – Lobo
“Seasons In The Sun” – Terry Jacks
“Feelings” – Various artists
*Now you”ll recognize that some of these have been featured in
my “Top 3 songs of the week” lists. What one person hates, it
seems, the buying public has loved.
Other responses: “Every song ever recorded by Bobby
Goldsboro.” “Virtually every song recorded since about 1972.”
Barry then polled his nationwide audience and came up with the
following Top 3 Worst Songs of All Time:
#1 “MacArthur Park” – Richard Harris
#2 “Yummy Yummy Yummy (I Got Love In My Tummy)” –
Ohio Express
#3 “Having My Baby” – Paul Anka
As to the #3 entry, one reader wrote: “It has no redeeming value
whatsoever – except my friend Brian yelled out during the birth
scene in the sequel to ‘The Fly,’ in full song, ‘Having my
maggot!’”
Other assorted observations, including worst lyrics of all time.
From Bobby Goldsboro’s “Honey”:
“She wrecked the car and she was sad; And so afraid that I’d be
mad, but what the heck;
“Tho’ I pretended hard to be; Guess you could say she saw
through me; And hugged my neck.”
A reader said of Goldsboro, “Bobby never caught on that he
could have bored a hole in himself and let the sap out.”
Now one artist who got an honorable mention, whom your editor
personally likes, was Mac Davis for hits such as “Watching
Scotty Grow” and “Baby Don’t Get Hooked On Me.”
Hell, I liked both of these! But there is a line in “Baby…” that
some argue is the worst of all time.
“You’re a hot-blooded woman child; And it’s warm where
you’re touching me.”
Yeeshh!
How about some more? A lot of folks wrote in on “Sugar
Sugar,” “Afternoon Delight” and “In The Year 2525.”
Regarding the last one, there is hatred bordering on violence
for this Zagar and Evans piece of crap.
As to my all-time worst, yes, “MacArthur Park” is right up there.
“Sugar Sugar” and “Yummy Yummy,” too, it goes without
saying. But my most visceral hatred is reserved for “The Lion
Sleeps Tonight” (The Tokens…sorry, Jeff B.). On more than one
occasion I have come close to jumping out a window (or driving
the car off a bridge) when this tune comes on the air. You have
to understand, it’s not a matter of turning the dial; just hearing
the first few bars ensures that you are stuck with it for 2, maybe 3
days. [Just writing about it, I’m breaking out in hives.]
Stuff
–April 26, 1986…An explosion blows the roof off reactor #4 at
the Chernobyl nuclear power plant in Ukraine, spewing more
radioactivity than the Hiroshima and Nagasaki atomic bombs
combined. To date an 18-mile exclusion zone remains one of the
most radioactive spots on earth. 31 true heroes died directly
from the accident, firemen battling the blaze. I saw their
uniforms at a museum in Kiev a month ago and you wouldn’t
believe how flimsy they were, like simple ponchos. Pitiful.
It is estimated that anywhere from 4,000 to 90,000 more have
since died as a result of radiation exposure and cancer.
–Geezuz, time flies. I just looked up when I was last in the
Black Hills of South Dakota. It seems like just yesterday I was
caught in a snowstorm there around Halloween but it was
actually 2002.
I was musing about this because I saw where the Black Hills
town of Lead (home to the original Homestake gold mine and up
the hill from Deadwood) was buried under 59…count ‘em…59
inches of snow the other day! I’ve seen how one part of the
Black Hills, which is really a pretty compact area, can receive 20
inches and another virtually nothing, but this is remarkable.
This is a truly awesome part of our country and is also home to
Mt. Rushmore. Thankfully for the people living here, trying to
operate a small business, HBO’s “Deadwood” series has done
wonders for tourism.
–Sports Illustrated swimsuit model May Andersen, one of them
Nordic bombshells, got all tanked up and beat the crap out of a
male flight attendant on an Amsterdam to Miami flight on
Thursday. While she was charged with all manner of things,
including simple battery, she’ll probably face no jail time.
Why the heck can’t this stuff happen on my flights? [Bar Chat
filler always appreciated, of course.]
–And here’s an item from the gossip columns I found halfway
interesting. Singer-actress Christina Milian hacked into her
boyfriend’s (Nick Cannon) mobile Sidekick, cracked the pass
code, and found out he was cheating on her. Geezuz, what a….
…not that we condone Mr. Cannon’s behavior either.
–Former baseball commissioner Fay Vincent on Bud Selig and
his investigation of Barry Bonds.
“(Selig) is virtually powerless to act.
“There are two reasons. The first is that if Bonds is indicted on
perjury charges, he will be afforded the same procedural rights as
any criminal defendant in a federal case. But Bonds is also
protected by baseball’s collective bargaining agreement, which
insulates him from arbitrary action by his employer. Since a
perjury charge would have nothing to do with the game on the
field, it is not clear that baseball could sanction Bonds even if he
is indicted. It has been my experience that the players’ union,
which is run by talented lawyers, is very successful at convincing
arbitrators to overturn decisions by commissioners in these kinds
of cases….
“As for the record book, the commissioner has few options there
as well, even though he can make statistical rulings without the
union’s consent. Assuming (Sen.) Mitchell’s investigation
concludes that steroid use was widespread – by pitchers as well
as hitters – it would be impossible to determine which statistics
are tainted. For now, I suspect the commissioner is being told by
his lawyers to stay warm but remain in the bullpen.”
[Sports Illustrated]
–Brad K. alerted me to the fact that a second coyote has been
spotted in New York City, this one in the Bronx. Officials said
they would not pursue the animal because it posed no immediate
danger to humans. Ha! Look for more killings than at a Dr. Dre
affair.
–Jeff B. asked me to reconsider my comments from the other
day concerning UConn’s Rudy Gay. “He’s a really nice kid,”
J.B. said, having been around the future mega-millionaire. But
as I told Jeff, he’s got a reputation for disappearing during
crunch time. J.B. countered I should direct my venom at Barry
Bonds. He has a point there.
–Steve D. said Allen Iverson once gave his son one of his
coveted sneakers. Now that was cool. But AI is still a primo
jerk and Mark R. tells me the City of Brotherly Love is tired of
both Iverson’s and Chris Webber’s acts.
–We note the passing of legendary test pilot Scott Crossfield, the
first man to fly at twice the speed of sound. Crossfield died in a
crash of a single-engine plane in northern Georgia. Chuck
Yeager, who first broke the sound barrier in 1947, before
Crossfield hit Mach 2 in ’53 (1,300 mph), couldn’t stand him.
–You have to feel sorry for the Cubs’ Derrek Lee who broke two
bones in his wrist during a freak collision at first base. He’ll
probably miss at least 8 weeks; a big time blow to any chances
the Cubs had of making noise this season.
–For the archives, congratulations to the Mets’ Julio Franco for
becoming the oldest player in major league history to swat a
home run. Franco was 47 years and 240 days. Previously, Jack
Quinn held the record at 46 years 357 days in 1930. Some say
that Franco was actually in elementary school then. I say Franco
is 63.
–The University of Central Florida’s Institute for Diversity and
Ethics said that based on 40-man rosters in 2005, 3 percent of
pitchers, one percent of catchers and 11 percent of infielders
were black. 26 percent of outfielders were.
–A 1952 Mickey Mantle card, featuring stats from his first
season, is up for auction at Leland’s for an estimated $14,000.
[Normally the rookie card is worth more. I’ll have to look into
this later.]
–Golfer Larry Nelson was finally selected for his sport’s Hall of
Fame. Nelson is probably the most obscure three-time major
champion in the modern era, having bagged two PGA titles and a
US Open. In addition he had a sterling 9-3-1 record in Ryder
Cup play.
–Boy, western Pennsylvania golf fans must be upset to learn the
84 Lumber Classic, which debuted in 2003 and was a rousing
success (I attended it in 2004), will not be a fixture on the PGA
Tour after this season. In a sudden announcement, 84 Lumber
(the 3rd-largest building supply dealer in the country) CEO Joe
Hardy decided to focus on his business rather than commit the
kind of money he has to the tournament. But, this means
Hartford gets its event back so they’re fired up.
–More on rock and roll memorabilia. A sketchbook of John
Lennon’s childhood work went for $226,000. He was only 12
when he filled a 10-pager with drawings and watercolors. The
auction house described it as a “vibrant example of the emerging
artistic talent.”
Reminder…there was only one John Lennon and your own
sketchbook remains worthless so don’t bug your mother to go up
into the attic and find it for you.
–As told to the Wall Street Journal, Vince Gill’s favorite honky-
tonk and classic country albums:
Emmylou Harris, “Elite Hotel,” 1975
Buck Owens and His Buckaroos, “The Carnegie Hall Concert,”
1966
Ray Charles, “Modern Sounds in Country,” 1962
Willie Nelson, “Red Headed Stranger,” 1975
Hank Williams, “The Ultimate Collection,” 2002
Top 3 songs for the week of 4/24/65: #1 “Game Of Love”
(Wayne Fontana & the Mindbenders) #2 “Mrs. Brown You’ve
Got A Lovely Daughter” (Herman’s Hermits) #3 “I’m Telling
You Now” (Freddie and the Dreamers)…and…#4 “I Know A
Place” (Petula Clark) #5 “Stop! In The Name Of Love” (The
Supremes) #6 “Tired Of Waiting For You” (The Kinks) #7 “I’ll
Never Find Another You” (The Seekers) #9 “Shot Gun” (Jr.
Walker & The All Stars) #10 “Silhouettes” (Herman’s Hermits)
San Francisco Giants Quiz Answers: 1) Bobby Bonds holds the
record for most runs scored in a season, 134, 1970. 2) Willie
Mays holds the single season record for hits, 208, 1958. 3) Jim
Ray Hart holds the rookie record for home runs with 31 in 1964.
4) Jack Sanford won 16 games in a row in 1962. He was 24-7 on
the season and 137-101 for his career. 5) Bobby Bolin holds the
single season record for lowest ERA, 1.98 in 1968.
Next Bar Chat, Thursday….at some point in the day and
hopefully from Guam.
