NFL Quiz: 1) Which are the only four teams to win 15 games in
a regular season? 2) Who are the six to lose 15 games in a
season? [Never done twice by the same franchise] 3) Who holds
the record for most consecutive losses with 26? Answers below.
The Adventures of Harry Wolhuter
From Robert R. Frump’s “The Man-Eaters of Eden” comes the
tale of Kruger National Park ranger Harry Wolhuter. As Frump
writes, without Wolhuter and his actions long ago, there might
not be a Kruger National Park today.
In 1902, near the border between South Africa and Mozambique,
Harry was leading a party of pack animals, dogs and local black
African rangers in a quest for water. Wolhuter, 27, was on patrol
for poachers. Even then, rangers were trying to make a statement
about preserving game, though most of the poachers of this day
were actually police officer-sportsmen from surrounding
communities. Harry thought a few high-profile arrests would put
a stop to the slaughter going on at the time.
Wolhuter was seeking a campsite for the evening but kept
coming up empty at each water hole, due to a drought. So he set
out alone on horseback and told his men to follow on foot with
the pack animals. One dog, a terrier named Bull, accompanied
Harry.
As they were passing through some brush, Wolhuter heard
animals moving. He thought it was the sound of antelope.
Robert Frump:
“But then, very close to him, he saw two lions. Neither was
cowed by his presence and may not even have known he was
there. Both were transfixed by the horse, which they were
stalking as if it were a zebra. [Ed. even I can tell the difference
between a horse and a zebra….yeesh.]
“Wolhuter spurred the horse in an attempt to run through the
lions, and he drew his rifle from its scabbard. But as he did so,
one of the lions, a large male, jumped onto the back of the horse
and bumped the ranger hard. The horse bucked [as would you]
and threw Wolhuter from the saddle.”
As he fell, though, Harry dropped the rifle. He was now prey.
Two vs. one.
“The second lion broke the ranger’s fall, then grabbed him by his
right shoulder and spiked its teeth through bone, tendon, and
muscle. Wolhuter felt excruciating pain and cried out. The lion,
a large male, shook him as if cracking a whip. Wolhuter then
remained quiet and limp. Through it all, he was aware that the
horse had escaped and was pounding down the road. The first
lion chased the horse. The dog, expert in harassing lions without
getting mauled, chased the lion chasing the horse, assuming no
doubt that Wolhuter was still astride his mount.
“(Wolhuter) was being dragged to a gory, gory end as the lion
searched for a nice spot to stop and begin to feed. He had seen
this pageantry all too often in the bush.
“Harry lay face up toward the lion, face buried in the mane, back
to the ground. His heels plowed furrows in the dirt, and each
time his spurs caught, the lion growled. Wolhuter remained still,
feigning death. He heard a low, purring sound from the lion, a
sound of contentment not unlike that of a house cat with a
mouse. [Or your editor with a Pilsner Urquell.] The smell of the
lion engulfed his senses. The lion, with claws still extended,
sometimes stepped on him as they moved, tearing his legs and
ripping further his dangling right arm. Wolhuter, afraid the lion
would stop and finish him off, remained silent even though each
step brought more excruciating pain. Moreover, he was quite
aware that lions regularly began eating prey while the prey still
lived, usually starting on the intestines. [Ed. No different than a
bad batch of spinach….know what I’m sayin’?]”
Harry’s mind was clear.
“He thought of a magazine article he had once read that said if
you struck a house cat on the nose, it dropped what was in its
mouth. He thought for a moment of trying that, but played it out
in his mind. Even if the article was correct, his conclusion was
always the same. Ranger hits cat on nose, cat drops prey, prey
runs, cat catches and kills prey.”
Harry then thought of using his knife, and slowly reached behind
his back to see if it was still there. It was.
“His thoughts now focused on a simple choice. Go along for the
ride and succumb? Or try to do something with the sheath
knife?”
But it’s not like he could just kill the lion.
“The lion continued dragging Wolhuter….Then, still holding the
knife, Wolhuter felt slowly, cautiously along the lion’s chest
until he found the pulse of a beating heart and a space between
ribs.
“Wolhuter’s boots and spurs had plowed furrows for ninety
yards. The lion would soon stop to begin feeding. So Wolhuter
reached around the lion’s front left shoulder, holding the knife
backhanded in his left hand. He stabbed the lion twice in the
chest at the pulse.
“The lion roared loudly but did not drop him. Still in the lion’s
mouth, the ranger vibrated like a piece of waxed paper held to a
comb as a kazoo. There was no Plan C, but instinctively
Wolhuter swept up and stabbed at the lion’s throat.
“The lion dropped Wolhuter then and stood there roaring at him.
The ranger scrambled to his feet, resisted the urge to run, and
faced the lion.
“Harry began cursing at the lion with a passion, with words he
did not know he possessed. He brandished the knife and yelled
at the lion, calling it all manner of names, spouting blasphemy
upon blasphemy. The words vomited up from some heretofore
unknown part of him.
“The lion roared back and held its ground. Wolhuter braced for
the charge he knew must come. Then he saw blood geysering
from the lion’s mane and seeping from the chest wound. The
animal slumped its head as if it had suddenly grown heavy. It
retreated, growling back at Wolhuter as it departed. Then the
ranger could hear moans and a throaty roar that turned to a cough
and then a death rattle.”
Well, Harry was pretty elated, as you can imagine; that is until he
realized the second lion would return since lions can’t catch a
horse over long distances.
Harry first tried to set a fire, but couldn’t. Then he looked for a
large tree to climb, but none were scalable. His right arm was a
mess and he was weak from loss of blood. Finally he lashed
himself to the branch of a smaller tree with his belt, afraid he
would faint, but he was a mere twelve feet above the ground.
The ranger saw the lion. It was following his blood trail, right to
the tree.
“Soon the second lion was looking up at him and measuring the
distance to this strange piñata. If a weakened Wolhuter could
climb the tree, the lion would have no trouble. The lion started
up the slope of the trunk. Wolhuter yelled “Yankees suck!” [or
something like that], cursed, and waved his arm. The lion
paused. But just for a moment. Wolhuter yelled again, and the
lion backed up again, but not nearly as far as it had the first
time.”
Enter Bull, the terrier.
“Bull made some midcourse corrections. He had chased after the
lion chasing the horse, and then past the lion when it gave up the
chase. When the horse slowed and eventually stopped, Bull
seemed finally to figure it out. The horse was riderless. The big
terrier reversed direction and sprinted back to the site of the
attack.
“There, he found the lion halfway up the tree and Wolhuter
weakly flapping his arm and yelling. The dog did not hesitate. It
struck the lion hard from behind, ripping into the heels and butt
of the big cat, barking, and growling. The cat wheeled and Bull
was gone, tail tucked in tight, sprinting just out of reach. A game
of cat and dog commenced, and it was a game the dog was very
good at. The rules were simple: nip, harry, and bark, but never
attack for real and never close with the lion and all its superior
‘technology’ of teeth, claws, and heft. Dogs trained by Boers –
masters of guerilla warfare – did not make the mistake of directly
confronting lions. Or if they did, the dog made the mistake only
once.
“Every time the lion started for the tree, Bull attacked from the
rear. Every time the lion turned, Bull sprinted away. The dog
could not kill the lion, but the lion could not catch the dog. The
game went on for hours, with Wolhuter fading into
unconsciousness, held high above the ground by his belt. Barks
and growls and roars and yelps would awaken him. Then he
would fade.
[You know, I just have to interject here that I’ve lost a ton of
respect for lions. Bull the terrier, on the other hand, would have
been a “Bar Chat Animal of the Year” had Al Gore invented the
Internet back then.]
“Finally, (Harry) heard the tinkle of bells on his packhorses. The
‘relief column’ of his men had reached him and he was saved.
The second lion retreated.
“His rescue force thought him delirious when he said he had
killed a lion with a knife. He showed them where to look for the
animal’s body, and the converts then helped Wolhuter walk five
miles to the next water hole where, finally, he got his drink. He
would ranger on for another forty-five years.”
And the reason why the preceding was such a big deal was
because Harry put Kruger on the world map. His tale was front-
page news in London and around the globe, and now everyone
knew of the preservation effort going on there.
Kruger had been formed just a few years earlier in 1898 and the
publicity gave the warden, James Stevenson-Hamilton, political
capital.
“The world now knew that there was abroad in Africa a new sort
of hero, the wildlife ranger who certainly could kill a lion, bare-
handed with a knife if need be, but whose good angels told him
the world was better served by saving animals.”
But as Frump concludes, “Wolhuter was not an ecological saint.
His shoulder healed poorly, but he worked on it so he could hold
a rifle. Then he did wage a deadly grudge game against lions.
But it was precise and brief. Then for the next four decades
Wolhuter dedicated himself to preserving wildlife, and he noted
proudly upon his retirement that his son would serve as a ranger,
too, protecting the offspring of the lions that had nearly killed his
father….
“While it is oversimple to say it, (Wolhuter and Stevenson-
Hamilton) were in a sense the first great white antihunters of
South Africa. What they did changed forever the relationship of
men and lions in this part of the bushveld.”
Al Capone
On Oct. 17, 1931, Al Capone was found guilty of only 5 of 23
counts of income tax evasion. “Scarface” earned just an 11-year
sentence and he was out after 7. But he was afflicted with
syphilitic dementia and died in 1947, age 48.
In case you forgot about this guy, Capone first gained notoriety
in May 1924, when he walked into a bar in Chicago and pumped
a six-shooter into the head of gangster Joe Howard. As author
Harold Evans writes in “The American Century,” “Three men
saw him do it, but between the murder and the inquest two were
overcome by amnesia and one went missing.” Capone never
stepped foot in court, setting a pattern of immunity.
Capone was just 25 but was already the strong-arm partner of
John Torrio, the father of modern American gangsterism. One
year later, Capone was in charge after Torrio was shot by the
North Side Irish. He survived but fled to Italy, handing Capone
breweries, speakeasies and brothels with revenues in the $tens of
millions. [Capone got his syphilis in his own brothel.]
But now Capone had to subdue every gang in the city so he
amassed a force of 700 thugs and by 1929, his boys had
committed 300 murders (none solved) and helped get Big Bill
Thompson elected as mayor, after Thompson had lost a re-
election battle in 1923.
Then one day, Michael Malone, an IRS agent who passed
himself off as Michael Lepito, a Philadelphia burglar, got invited
to the Capone gang’s poker table. At the same time the top IRS
man, Frank Wilson, pressured a onetime Capone cashier to
testify about Capone’s illicit gains. Then the incorruptible Eliot
Ness, only 26, led his squad on a series of raids of Capone’s
secret beer breweries and amassed evidence on 5,000 offenses.
Capone put out a contract for $25,000 on Wilson and three times
he tried to assassinate Ness, failing, but he did get Eliot’s
bodyguard.
It took until 1931, though, to prove that Capone cheated the IRS
and it was Federal Judge James H. Wilkerson who saved the day.
Capone’s lawyers and the U.S. attorney had worked out a light
sentence, as the federal government was worried about witness
intimidation and not getting anything.
“Capone came cheerfully to court in a banana-yellow summer
suit. But Judge Wilkerson was angry at the deal. ‘The parties to
a criminal case may not stipulate as to the judgment to be
entered….It is time for somebody to impress upon the defense
that it is utterly impossible to bargain with a federal court.’ The
deal was off.” [Harold Evans]
Capone then pleaded not guilty and lost. He received his 11-year
sentence a week after the verdict and on May 4, 1932, Eliot Ness
escorted him to Atlanta Penitentiary. Capone ended up in
Alcatraz, suffering from the dementia brought on by the
untreated syphilis. Upon his release in 1939, one of Scarface’s
associates described him as “nutty as a fruitcake.”
As for Ness, from 1935 to 1941 he was director of public safety
in Cleveland and forced 200 officers to resign as he cleaned up
the police force.
Stuff
–As I go to post, the Mets are down 3-2 to the Cardinals. As
fellow Mets fan Johnny Mac and I were musing, on one hand
we’ve had a lot to overcome.
Consider the Opening Day starting staff.
Pedro, Glavine, Trachsel, Victor Zambrano, and Brian Bannister
After Zambrano and Bannister got hurt, and with Pedro’s
uncertain status, the Mets picked up Orlando Hernandez (“El
Duque”) at mid-season and he pitched well for them. They also
brought up John Maine, who also performed ably.
But today, after El Duque and Pedro went down, it’s:
Glavine, Maine, Trachsel, Oliver Perez and Mr. X
Not exactly the kind of pitching that wins World Series.
But, it’s not like the Mets are facing Koufax and Drysdale in this
current tussle. So one need look no further than David Wright,
our supposed superstar.
Here are the facts. Wright went to the All-Star game in July with
20 home runs and 74 RBI; MVP-type numbers.
But since then, he finished the regular season with just 6 home
runs in 67 games, and has gone a whopping 2 for 17 in the
NLCS, failing time and again in the clutch.
If the Mets don’t come back it’s going to be a long winter for
Wright, let alone a long one for us fans. And that’s your Mets
fan musing of the day.
–NFL tidbits
I just noticed that the two teams with the worst turnover ratios at
minus-9 are Oakland, 0-5, and Cleveland, 1-4…just as you’d
expect.
And some of us like to look ahead to the playoffs, hoping for a
bunch of bad weather games as we sit snug in our warm homes,
drinking grog and eating Chex Mix. So I’m fired up the Chicago
Bears are on fire. Wrap up that home-field advantage, baby.
And the Giants and Eagles could nail a home game or two if
we’re lucky. Otherwise, way too many indoor stadiums to deal
with.
Like in the AFC, where Indianapolis should be forced to remove
the dome come January. But at least we have a chance for some
cold, nasty weather with Denver and New England at the top of
their divisions as of this week.
[C’mon, guys….I know I’m not the only one already thinking of
this.]
–College Football PICKS TO CLICK!
I have to tell you, sports fans, despite my 7-5 mark thus far, I am
not too confident about this week’s games. But here goes.
Tennessee, giving 11 ½ to Alabama
Boise State, giving 20 ½ to Idaho
LSU, giving 32 ½ to Fresno State
As noted last time, assuming you’ve been betting $250,000 a
game, you’re up $500,000 thus far. So I guess what I’m saying
is I’d be a little leery this time around and perhaps you should
hold off on buying that Lamborghini until we see what happens
on Saturday.
I do have to admit I feel badly about this sudden caution,
especially since Jeff B. remarked that, heck, why should he slave
as he does at the company he founded when he can make such
easy money on my football picks?!
–From Phil W., a hot news item from the Carolinas.
**Terror Alert at Chapel Hill**
North Carolina Tarheel football practice was delayed nearly two
hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white
powdery substance on the practice field. Head Coach John
Bunting immediately suspended practice and called the police
and federal authorities.
After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that
the white substance unknown to players was the GOAL LINE.
Practice resumed after special agents decided the team was
unlikely to encounter the substance again this season.
[You read something like this and it just makes you want to hug
your kids (if you have any). Life is so precious.]
–Speaking of Carolina and ACC football, do you think the
conference is fired up these days it went out and got Miami a
while back? The last few years we kept hearing these stories
about how they had cleaned up the program, how the coaches
and players stressed academics, blah blah blah. Yes, the Miami
Hurricanes were no longer the thugs of the 80s and 90s.
Then you have last Saturday’s contest against Florida
International Univ. and the huge brawl that erupted.
Donna Shalala, Miami’s president, tried to explain why FIU
kicked two players off its team and suspended others
indefinitely, while Miami issued far less severe penalties, even
though the videotape reveals a Miami player hitting an FIU
athlete with his helmet and you could also see a number of them
stomping on FIU players.
“I believe they did something awful, but I want them to continue
at the University of Miami. It’s time for me to say to the
community and to those who have been sending me e-mails that
this university will be firm and punish people who do bad things,
but it will not throw any student under the bus for instant
restoration of our image or our reputation. I will not hang them
in a public square.” [Selena Roberts / New York Times]
Of course Shalala isn’t the only idiot down Miami way. Former
player Lamar Thomas was fired from his position as analyst for
Hurricanes games over comments he made as the brawl was
taking place.
“Now that’s what I’m talking about. You come into our house,
you should get your behind kicked….I was about to go down the
elevator to get in that thing.”
Later, as the fight was winding down, Thomas added, “I say,
why don’t they just meet outside in the tunnel after the ball game
and get it on some more?”
–This just in…from Harry K. and the CBC.
“A woman who lives in Port Moody, just east of Vancouver, is
recovering at home after being bitten in the thigh over the
weekend by a black bear that was in her yard.
“Police say the bear attacked Jan Lanz, 57, late Saturday night as
she let out her dog.
“The mother bear was in Lanz’s garage eating garbage while her
two cubs were in nearby bushes. The dog ran over to the bushes,
where it was confronted by the cubs.
“Lanz went to help her dog and came between the cubs and their
mother. That’s when the mother bear attacked.
“The bear then grabbed the victim by the thigh and bit her.”
Lanz hit the bear and it let go of her. Lanz then rescued her dog
from the cubs.
“Police and conservation officials said the attack serves as a
reminder to people living near wilderness areas to keep their
garbage in secure containers.”
But you should see a picture of Ms. Lanz. Not exactly the
sharpest tool in the shed, if you catch my drift.
–I was looking at an article on the late Byron Nelson in
GolfWorld and forgot a few things from his great year, 1945; the
one in which he won 18 events, including 11 in a row. Consider
this.
In the other twelve events he entered, he had seven 2nd place
finishes and never finished lower than tied for 9th.
30 tournaments, nothing worse than 9th.
And in this age of e-mail, never forget the power of a personal
note. You’d be amazed how it’s appreciated. [Personally, I got a
ton of mileage out of this practice when I was on Wall Street.]
I only bring this up because there are countless examples of how
Nelson would write a little note to a golfer and today it’s the
prized possession of many of them, including Tiger Woods.
Tiger received the first of about 50 notes from Nelson when he
won his first U.S. Amateur in 1994.
“He wrote a nice letter,” Woods recalled. “I was just shocked.
Here is a legend of the game writing to some little amateur a
handwritten letter, which I never, ever forgot.”
Ken Venturi was asked for his thoughts on Nelson.
[I’ve written this one before, but it’s worth repeating.]
“He may have been one of the finest players ever to play the
game, but he was the finest gentlemen who ever played the
game.
“We played many exhibitions together. Byron would always get
on the first tee and ask, ‘What’s the course record and who owns
it?’ In the car later, I wanted to know why he always asked those
questions. He said, ‘Ken, in tournaments it’s different. But in
exhibitions, I’ll tell you what you do. Always find out who owns
the course record. If it belongs to the host pro, never break it,
because he lives there. We’re just visiting. He wouldn’t ever
break the course record. Wouldn’t even tie it.”
–Stephen Hunter of the Washington Post began his discussion of
Clint Eastwood’s “Flags of our Fathers” thusly.
“Beverly Hills, Calif. – Something familiar about the guy in the
chair. Hmm, what is it? Is it the lanky, slouchy spread of body
draped helter-skelter across seat and back and arms? Is it the
lack of pretense, so that even in a luxury suite of the Four
Seasons on Doheny you feel as if you’re talking tractor oil
selection with a smart mechanic in Iowa? Is it the Sunday-go-to-
meeting suit in a tone that might be called ‘bright gray,’ that
recounts the town garb of Joe Kidd between gunfights? Is it the
small, tight mouth, the leanness of cheek and jaw?
“Well, all those things are indeed familiar. But it’s something
else. It’s the eyes. Most of us have seen those eyes a hundred or
so times: watchful, wary, smart but not intellectualized, a
hunter’s eyes, a soldier’s eyes, a survivor’s eyes. And a
director’s eyes.
“Oh, hell, it’s just Old Clint, as he calls himself.
“Clint Eastwood, 76, all dressed up but ever laconic, ever
inscrutable, ever interesting, sits before us without a movie-star-
big-director affectation anywhere in sight, ready now to chat up
his sensational movie ‘Flags of Our Fathers,’ opening nationwide
Friday.”
Some of us can’t get enough of Clint.
–My brother is joining the chorus of disapproval over Anthony
in “For Better or For Worse.” “He sucks,” notes our own in-
house cartoonist. “Grandpa should wake up for a moment and
say, ‘Marry Paul,’ then die.” Creator Lynn Johnston can not be
reached for comment.
Top 3 songs for the week of 10/21/78: #1 “Kiss You All Over”
(Exile) #2 “Hot Child In The City” (Nick Gilder) #3 “Boogie
Oogie Oogie” (A Taste of Honey)…and…#4 “Reminiscing”
(Little River Band…great one) #5 “You Needed Me” (Anne
Murray….gag me) #6 “Whenever I Call You ‘Friend’” (Kenny
Loggins…incredibly mediocre) #7 “Love Is In The Air” (John
Paul Young…quite possibly one of the worst songs in the history
of the free world…as opposed to the unfree world where
anything coming out of Pyongyang is unlistenable)
NFL Quiz Answers: 1) Only four to win 15: San Francisco,
1984; Chicago, 1985; Minnesota, 1998; Pittsburgh, 2004. [San
Francisco and Chicago went on to win the Super Bowl;
Minnesota and Pittsburgh lost in the conference title game.] 2)
Six that lost 15: New Orleans, 1980; Dallas, 1989; New England,
1990; Indianapolis, 1991; San Diego, 2000; Carolina, 2001. 3)
Tampa Bay holds the record with 26 consecutive losses from
9/76 to 12/77…0-14 and 2-12. In fact, picture being a Buccaneer
fan those two seasons. In 28 games they were outscored 228-
635. Yikes! By 1979, however, Tampa Bay went 10-6 and
made it to the NFC Championship game.
Next Bar Chat, Monday pm….from somewhere in New Mexico.
