[Posted Sunday pm from Hong Kong]
So here’s the deal. I screwed up royally by forgetting to bring
along material, including the sports quiz and songs, that I had
diligently prepared ahead of time. Just kind of left it sitting there
on the wrong computer.
But in going to the race track in Hong Kong on Saturday, here’s
what we’ll do. I’ll give you the field for the first two races, you
pick the winner.
WARNING: You have to pick the winner before reading any
further in the column because the answers are contained early on,
not at the bottom. Get those office pools ready. Sorry, no odds
or the jocks.
Race One from Sha Tin:
1. Sunny Desert
2. Viva Fighter
3. Top Stitch
4. Kung Fu
5. Forte
6. Holi Ravioli
7. Daylight Express
8. Heart to Heart
9. Mount Surplus
10. Power Dragon
11. Careless Whisper
12. Perseverance
13. Silver Wraith
14. Zero Gravity
Race Two:
1. Speed of Light
2. Lord Cairns
3. Best Choice
4. Knight Templar
5. Deflect
6. Hurricane Way
7. Main Attraction
8. Touch Down
9. Rena’s Wunderbar
10. Dolphin Star
11. Rising Win
12. Fortune Gold
13. Show Bravely
14. Zabeel Victory
So Sha Tin is one of two tracks in Hong Kong, the other being
Happy Valley, though Sha Tin is technically outside Hong Kong
in what is known as the New Territories. I went six years ago
and had a blast and it’s a fun way to spend a Saturday afternoon.
But last time I had taken a cab out, about $40, and took the train
home and got hopelessly lost because you have to change twice
along the way and basically I was an idiot.
This time I thought I’ll cab it out and if I win I’ll cab it back. If I
lose I’ll train it, having gotten explicit directions from the front
desk.
Now understand I haven’t a clue as to what I’m doing at Sha Tin.
I took along the sports section from the morning paper that
contained a racing guide, but it was practically indecipherable to
me. I also just wanted a grandstand pass but suddenly found
myself being asked for my passport because I was in the
members enclosure.
“But I don’t have my passport.” “Just show me some ID.”
So I gave them my New Jersey driver’s license, paid $100HK
(about $14US) and just like Telly Savalas and Players Club, I
was in, baby!
OK…post time is 1:00 for the first race, it’s about 12:20, so time
for an ice cold one. I sauntered (as opposed to ambled) over to a
Lowenbrau kiosk and for just about $3 got a 16-oz. draft. As
Ronald Reagan would have said, “Not bad…not bad at all.”
Except for one thing. I sat down in a chair outside and promptly
dropped my beer after all of one sip. So back to the kiosk I went
(this time ambling) and got another one that I managed to finish
without anyone getting hurt.
So I’m reading the racing form and I see they have a table for the
tipsters…seven of them…and for “straight bets,” win, place and
show…Murray Bell is the only one with a positive cumulative
total for the meet. I mean that’s pitiful. But what would you do?
I went with Murray Bell. Murray, my man!
Now you undoubtedly noticed up above, because it’s staring you
right in the face, that there are 14 horses in each race. In fact for
all ten on Saturday there were 14. I mean this isn’t Monmouth
Park in New Jersey where most of the time they are fielding just
six horses, and three of them are retired from Central Park
carriage patrol. No wonder Murray was the only one who is up.
I mean you try picking a winner out of 14, especially when you
don’t know squat like me and the races are fixed to begin with.
Anyway, the first race is 1000m and all the races here are run on
turf. The track is fast and firm. Murray Bell and I are betting
$50HK (about $7) on Power Dragon to ‘win.’ [All my bets are
to win…I didn’t come this far to be a wimp, you understand.] It
looks like Power Dragon is going off at 8-1.
And they’re off! Of course about now I have to interject that the
first time I was here in 2001, when the first race started I was
looking one way and everyone else was looking the other. Doh!
Hong Kong is British, or was. The horses go the other way!
Well this time I had wised up and was looking the right way,
only I didn’t know where they started the shorter races (the
toteboard blocks your view and you basically watch a giant video
screen), so I’m still looking one way and whoosh! The horses
had already passed the finish line right in front of me.
And the winner….#5 Forte, which was 23-1! In fact the 5-2-3
trifecta paid off $13,997 on $10HK.
As for Power Dragon, when I watched the replay I realized it was
about 13th. Nice going, Murray. But we’ll get ‘em next time,
right?
Time for another beer, this one a San Miguel, as I ponder
Murray’s pick in the second, Rena’s Wunderbar. Geezuz, I hate
this name. I kind of like Knight Templar. But to deviate from
my scheme with Murray would spell trouble. I need a winner so
I can take the cab back home and not have to deal with getting
lost and becoming a mugging victim.
Post time for the 2nd race is 1:30…track still fast and firm…
And they’re off. This one is 1600m and I can see the starting
line from my vantage point. Hey, where the hell is Rena’s
Wunderbar?! C’mon.
Down…the…stretch…they…come!
It’s…it’s….#7…Main Attraction….which went off at 7-5. The
7-11-12 trifecta paid $3,147, thanks to the fact the ‘show’ horse
went off at 81-1.
Rena’s Wunderbar? Why that nappy-headed…………..oops,
sorry. The damn horse finished 9th.
I’m starting to get a little ticked off at Murray, quite frankly. In
the third race he picked Champion Lad and it too finished way
back, like last! You know what I was thinking of Murray about
then? Jeff Spicoli saying “What a….” If you saw the movie,
you can fill that one in.
But, again, I can’t change the system. I decided instead to go for
some food between the 3rd and 4th….like a jumbo hot dog. So
I’m watching the woman take it out of the dirty water, throw it
on a roll, and then totally lather the whole thing in mustard! Not
inside the roll, mind you, but all over the freakin’ roll! How the
heck are you supposed to eat this monstrosity without ending up
looking like a Gulden’s bottle? Well I gathered up every paper
towel I could find in Hong Kong before attacking the challenge
and it worked out OK in the long run.
On to race #4…Murray likes the 5 horse…Euphoric Kid. So I
plop down another $50HK to win. Euphoric Kid goes off as one
of the favorites and finishes………………10th.
That’s it….I’m out of there. And I took a cab, anyway. I wasn’t
up for Bruce Lee action on the subway.
I never did check to see today how Murray Bell did with the
other six races. Let’s just say he and I didn’t exactly hit it off.
After I got back to my hotel, I took the ferry across to Kowloon
and the world’s most scenic bar at the Intercontinental Hotel,
where you can stare at the fascinating harbor through floor to
ceiling windows and drown your sorrows.
Sunday
But today was going to be different. Off on my Turbojet ferry to
Macau. I did this three years ago and I was just curious as to
exactly how much development had taken place in the interim.
When I went last time, the only big game in town was Hotel
Lisboa, Stanley Ho’s joint…Stanley running the whole city,
basically. But right after my trip in ’04, Sheldon Adelson opened
up the Sands and before you could say “Mao!” everyone and
their brother, including Steve Wynn and Kerry Packer, has built
or plans to.
As I approached the ferry terminal in Macau (it’s a comfortable
50-minute ride on a hydrofoil…about $35US), I kept thinking
‘holy cow!’ In just three years this city has been transformed
and by the end of 2009 Macau will have added 20,000 luxury
hotel rooms to its existing 11,700 base.
You’ve probably heard that Macau also now beats Las Vegas in
terms of revenues, though I’m going to save a lot of details for an
upcoming “Wall Street History” piece.
But here’s one for you. Adelson spent $260 million to build the
Sands (right next to the ferry terminal) and had recouped his
investment in 8 months! The place has a world record 740 tables
and sees 40,000 gamblers a day.
So I walk in and………….was totally grossed out. You couldn’t
pay me to go back to this place. It was the worst looking group
of people since…well, Atlantic City! And you know these folks
are making 1/15th what the average American does yet from the
looks at the table minimums, I don’t know how they survive.
I did end up having a delightful time at the Museum of Macau,
which gives you a great sense of what it was like to live here in
the old days when the Portuguese ran the place, but otherwise I
will never go back. They are building these palaces, but they’re
only as good as the people that frequent them.
It’s been said Macau is “Vegas on steroids” and that’s true. But
it ain’t for me, baby. So after a pretty miserable lunch, I hopped
on an earlier ferry to head back home.
Oh, one last true story concerning mogul Stanley Ho, now 85.
This hit April 3…“Elderly Macau gambling mogul Stanley Ho
has been hospitalized for an injury suffered when he was
undergoing a procedure to relieve constipation.”
Suffice it to say, you don’t want to know the details, but he’s
doing fine at last report.
Stuff
–I should just give you a little history lesson on Macau itself. It
was founded in 1513 by slick-fielding shortstop Jorge Alvares of
Portugal.
And one of the more historic moments occurred on June 23-24,
1622. A Dutch invasion force of 1,300 was meeting little
resistance in taking the city when a lucky hit was made on half-
finished St. Paul Cathedral; a canon ball struck a barrel of
gunpowder amongst the Dutch soldiers in formation and chaos
ensued.
Captain Lopo-Sarmento Carvalho rallied the people of Macau
with the cry “St. James and at them!” Soon the Dutch were
scurrying (not sauntering) back down the hill, onto the beach,
and into their boats as they high-tailed it out of there. [Sarmento
I believe is the great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather of
former hurler Manny Sarmiento.]
And now you know……the rest of the story.
–Brad K. passed along a disturbing story from the mouth of the
Russian River (Calif.) that leads into the Pacific, contained in the
following headline:
“Nibbles the elephant seal is defying his tame nickname by
killing smaller seals…and chomping on a surfer.”
Brad rightly says it always starts on the Left Coast, though I
would add I thought elephant seals were famously known to be
as dangerous as any in the animal kingdom. But Brad warns that
those of in New Jersey, for example, need to “watch out for
attack cows named Bessie that will soon make cud of the slower
amongst us.”
–Of course I had to remind Brad that I wrote of the coyotes
invading our hometown of Summit, NJ, and wouldn’t you know
just two days later we did indeed have the first official attack on
a human, a 22-month-old toddler who was being hauled off by a
coyote the size of a German shepherd, only to have an 11-year-
old nephew scare the coyote into dropping the kid, who suffered
minor injuries. True story. Now you know why I’m scared to go
out in my driveway these days. And in all honesty, here in Hong
Kong I’ve had two nightmares involving coyotes.
[I asked my interpreter in China if they had any animals to deal
with and she said ‘no.’ I then regaled her with all the bear stories
from New Jersey. I’m sure she went back home that evening and
said to her family, “I was assigned to this real whack job from
America who tried to convince me in crowded areas like here
they have to deal with bears.”]
–I was incredibly depressed to see the news about Barry Bonds
hitting two more home runs.
–As I’m writing this from my 19th floor hotel room, overlooking
Hong Kong Harbor, I’m trying to figure out what the large
crowds of young people are doing down below. It’s late on a
Sunday afternoon, they’re gathered in circles, not chanting or
anything, and they must be bored to tears. I imagine they’re
going, “What are we doing late on a Sunday, standing around in
the hot, smelly, humid air, listening to some kind of lecture? We
should be home having a beer, watching the end of golf or a
baseball game!” And then getting ready for “The Sopranos,” of
course.
–We note the passing of Don Ho, Mr. “Tiny Bubbles,” at the age
of 76. I have to be honest. I thought he died five years ago. For
you younger folk out there, however, this guy was truly a legend,
particularly in the 1960s as tourism to his native state of Hawaii
took off.
–So what beers have I been quaffing on this trip? It’s been a
heavy Japanese beer excursion, frankly; Asahi and Sapporo.
However, today I really wanted a Macau Beer but the darn
restaurant I chose was out of it, so I settled for San Miguel,
which of course is quite tasty in its own right. And every time I
have a San Miguel I can’t help but think of a long layover in
Manila one year (I think it was 2003), and lets just say the San
Miguel was flowing in this ugly bar that was straight out of the
Vietnam scenes from “The Deer Hunter.”
–So these scientists found a protein in a dinosaur bone that links
chickens to T. rex; meaning you should probably be wary of any
free-range birds you come across.
–Ripped from the pages of the local paper here in Hong Kong,
“Israeli researchers are looking into whether venom from spiders,
including the black widow, may help cure impotency. Some
men bitten by spiders ‘suffered from prolonged erections.’” And
that’s a memo………….
–Nina Wang, Asia’s richest woman, died the other day, leaving a
fortune estimated at $5 billion. Nina and her late husband,
Teddy, made their money in real estate. It appears from what
I’ve read that Nina is leaving it all to her assistant.
But I do remember the case of Teddy from back in 1990. He was
kidnapped and despite Nina handing over about $40 million in
ransom (half of what was demanded), he was never seen again
and a court finally declared him legally dead in 1999. Teddy had
also been kidnapped in 1983, when he was freed after Nina paid
$1.5 million for his release.
–So my Continental Airlines non-stop to Hong Kong from
Newark was 15 hours and 45 minutes. You might be thinking,
hey editor, what did they serve you in coach?
We got three meals. The flight took off at 3:30 pm, New York
time, and around 4:30 we had the worst rubber fish (they say it
was salmon) I’ve ever eaten. Just dreadful.
But then about five hours later they served a surprisingly tasty
chicken sandwich with Haagen-Dazs ice cream.
And then about six hours after that, we had an edible breakfast of
eggs and sausage. So this is what I have to look forward to on
my return tomorrow.
Speaking of planes and meals, my Dragonair flight from Hong
Kong to Fuzhou last Thursday was serving cheeseburgers at 9:30
in the morning.
–Back to the local paper, you always see some bizarre murders
here. Like this one:
“Couple’s toilet dispute ended in wife’s death”
“A heated argument over toilet usage turned deadly, leading an
elderly man to strangle his wife, a court heard yesterday.
“Cho Pui-Kee, 77, has pleaded not guilty to the murder of his 73-
year-old wife, Chan Nui-oi, on June 6. He had previously
offered to plead guilty to manslaughter.”
Actually, this story is even more morbid than you think, so I’ll
pass on providing further details.
Next Bar Chat, Thursday. Back to my normal routine. I
appreciate your indulgence this time. Jeff B., I also need to catch
up with FBOW. [Oops…just took a sneak peak at the past
week’s strips. Looks like April aged ten years on Saturday.
Hard core drug use will do that to you.]
