Girls, Sharks, Jets and BC

Totally Haphazard, Random Stuff

And at Chapel Hill, no less. I was all set to wrap the column up when I saw this. I’m shocked. 

Sharks!…Jan. 4, Sydney… “Two hammerhead sharks feeding on a squid have forced swimmers from the water at a beach in Sydney’s east.” After a shark patrol spotted the hammerheads (which must have been cool to see), “The shark alarm was sounded and swimmers left the water before lifesavers in inflatable boats and on power-skis removed the squid and chased the sharks out to sea.” 

Oh, they’ll be back. Of this you can be sure. [And sure enough they were spotted at more beaches on Jan. 5.] 

Meanwhile, the sharks have clearly served notice on the squid family. No more 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea-type attacks launched by the Calamari Gang it would seem.    

And you’ll recall after last week’s deal involving the fatality in Australian waters when a snorkeler was gobbled up, I said at the time that it was an excuse to check out the validity of the International Shark Attack Files again. 

Consider this cursory research of yours truly that you just won’t find anywhere else. Really. 

According to the Taronga Zoo and the Australian Shark Attack File, in the last 50 years there have been 56 recorded fatalities due to shark attacks in Aussie waters. And, since the earliest recorded attack in 1791, 194 total (before this last one). 

But the International Shark Attack File folks in Gainesville, Fla., say that since 1700, Australia has had only 136 fatalities. So we start with this massive discrepancy in the data. 

Now I understand President-elect Obama has a lot on his plate, but I would hope he would assign a heavyweight such as Colin Powell to tackle this important issue; perhaps a commission involving Rudy Giuliani, Giuliani being the type of no-nonsense prosecutorial type. 

–On the off chance a few of you watched CBS’ “Sunday Morning” yesterday, how about that story of the elephant and the dog at the game preserve and how they are fast friends? One of the coolest tales I ever saw. [I haven’t done so myself, but it’s worth checking to see if the show has the video up. It’s also a given elephants and dogs will place well ahead of man in the next All Species List.] 

–Danica McKellar, aka Winnie Cooper, turned 34 on Saturday. I felt so old and depressed upon learning this news.  

–But Danica Patrick, 26, paid a $196 fine in her hometown of Scottsdale for doing 54 in a 35-mph zone. A year ago, she did 57 in a 40 zone there.   You go, Girl!!!  

[It’s important to note that Bar Chat in no way condones irresponsible driving. We just assume Danica knew what she was doing…though she did cause a few accidents herself on the Indy Circuit this year.] 

Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis underwent surgery to have his right knee replaced, but then I saw he was 52. 52?! Geezuz, Weis looks like he’s 65. 

UConn’s Donald Brown, three weeks after saying he was coming back for his senior year, announced after the Huskies’ win over Buffalo in the International Bowl that he lied…lied not only to his family and teammates, but also to a nation of sports fans; especially UConn supporters. [Fake outrage. The running back, in becoming the 14th in major college history to gain 2,000 in a season, has no reason to return.] 

Speaking of the International Bowl, I’ll admit I was just as bad as anyone in getting swept up in the whole Turner Gill deal. He’s where he should be…continuing to build a program that has a long ways to go before it can legitimately get votes for the AP Top 25. I also promise not to write anything more about him until at least September. And that’s a memo. 

Can you believe Joe Paterno’s actions at the Rose Bowl? Can you believe Penn State still puts up with him? He clearly had nothing to do with the team’s success this year, sitting up in the box, feeling sorry for himself. And then he refuses to fulfill Penn State’s contract with the networks in not granting an interview before the USC contest, as he once again took his place upstairs. The result? The school gets fined $10,000. Hell, Paterno didn’t even come down at halftime. Leave, Joe. 

[Of course as Johnny Mac reminded me, criticizing Joe Pa in Pennsylvania is a Class A felony. I have hired counsel.] 

Awesome performance by West Virginia QB Pat White, which I forgot to mention last time. Yes, he can play in the NFL. 

So I caught the first few minutes of the Rose Parade and did you see the Prairie View A&M Univ. dancers that were lined up with the marching band? Holy cow. I have a new order for the universe when it comes to cheerleaders and others of their ilk. 

[Okay, now that I’m in trouble…better cut off this list right here.] 

Speaking of Utah, due to other writing responsibilities Friday night, I only caught snippets on television, but was following the game on the Web as well and saw enough to marvel at their awesome pass rush. 8 sacks! It’s just too bad ‘Bama lineman Andre Smith wasn’t able to play. He would have made a difference, though nowhere near enough to prevent a super Ute triumph. So where will the only undefeated team in college football finish in the AP poll? Assuming Texas destroys Ohio State, I can’t see Utah being any higher than No. 4. 

1. Oklahoma/Florida winner
2. Texas
3. Oklahoma/Florida loser (assuming it’s a close game, 10 or fewer points)
4. USC
5. Utah (moves to No. 4 only if OU/FL loser gets blown out) 

I just think a lot of AP voters will look at the Andre Smith deal and not want to place the Utes any higher. I hope I’m wrong. 

Let’s see. Wake Forest beat Ole Miss. Ole Miss beat Texas Tech (and Florida). Texas Tech defeated Texas. Texas beat Oklahoma. 

That means Wake Forest really deserves to be in the top five, if not top three. 

Lastly, congratulations to Rutgers for winning their last seven after starting 1-5. They deserved grief early, but coach Greg Schiano did a helluva job and should be right back on the radar screen for any top positions opening up come end of next season. 

Us football junkies have watched Fox’s Pam Oliver for years and I’ve finally concluded, she’d be tough to deal with at my condo association meetings (which I tend to run as a dictator). 

What an awesome Saturday in terms of the wildcard games. Not just close, but highly entertaining. As for the Colts’ loss to San Diego and their fantastic back Darren Sproles, with his 328 all-purpose yards (3rd most in NFL history), what of the fact Tony Dungy, in getting to the playoffs 10 straight seasons (including with Tampa Bay), is just 9-10 in those contests?  

The Los Angeles Times’ Bill Plaschke commented on Saturday’s effort. 

“After spending previous days intimating that this could be his last season, the historic coach did nothing Saturday to dispel the notion that this was his last game. 

“ ‘I don’t know,’ he said quietly from the bowels of a house gone mad. ‘I’ll let you know in a week.’ 

“As the league’s first and only African-American coach to win a Super Bowl, Dungy understands all about the difficulty of beginnings. 

“Playing a mediocre, sometimes clueless bunch that sprinted breathlessly just to get here, Dungy watched his proud, sturdy group disintegrate before his cold stare. 

“If Dungy is indeed retiring forever to spend time with family and charity as he has warned, he will leave with the door smacking him firmly and unfairly in the behind. 

“He will leave with his high-powered offense needing one first down – two yards – to win this wild-card playoff game in regulation. 

“But Peyton Manning disappeared under the sweaty rolls of Tim Dobbins, the most suffocating of sacks, and they lost. 

“ ‘We’ve got to make a first down to ice the game and we weren’t able to do it,’ Dungy said. 

“He will leave with the MVP Manning needing only one drive to win this playoff game in overtime.” 

Atlanta Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan sure sucked on Saturday. On the other hand, I love watching Arizona wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald. If Jerry Rice is No. 1 all time, Fitzgerald will finish his career 1A. [Literally as I was typing this, Johnny Mac wrote and asked how the Jets can get him. We are both now working feverishly on a plan that we hope to hatch in the offseason.] 

We have us an early “Jerk of the Year” in ’09…Buffalo Bills safety Ko Simpson, who was arrested outside a bar in his hometown of Rock Hill, S.C. (been there and had a good time…but I can’t get into any specifics). According to wire reports, “Simpson was in a car speeding through the parking lot of the Celebrations bar around 2 a.m. New Year’s Day. The driver and another passenger in the car were arrested and charged with disorderly conduct after they yelled and cursed at police…Simpson then began yelling at officers, saying ‘I’m Ko Simpson with the Buffalo Bills. I am worth millions!’ several times. The officers asked Simpson to leave the parking lot and he began to walk away, but turned and started yelling at officers again, police said.” 

–Goodness gracious. LaDainian Tomlinson has a detached tendon in his groin. I just can’t imagine….[I was just informed by management, “No, don’t finish that sentence.”]  

“Ben Roethlisberger has now had one too many concussions…as will be shown within the next two years. It’s sad.  [Don\’t tell me it’s ‘minor.’  None of them are.]” 

Well, the New York Times’ Alan Schwarz, who has been on top of the issue of concussions in the NFL, wrote of the Steelers’ quarterback’s third (at least) concussion of his career this past Friday.  

Understand the Steelers have lost former players Mike Webster, Terry Long, and Justin Strzelczyk to concussion-related illnesses, if not in the official autopsies. The three, who all died before age 51, “were later found to have chronic traumatic encephalopathy, degenerative brain damage similar to that found in boxers with dementia.” 

The findings have convinced many that the NFL hasn’t taken concussions seriously enough, but the Steelers themselves would argue otherwise as they’ve assembled a “concussion-management team,” including a neurosurgeon at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center who is considered one of the nation’s leading experts on the topic. When Roethlisberger got hurt two Sundays ago, the three-member team sprung into action. 

Roethlisberger lay on the field for 15 minutes before being carted off, but Schwarz notes the normal procedure for a Steelers player is “to sit on the bench and be questioned about his location, identity, the play and so on, to gauge any amnesia. Motor and sensory tests are typically followed by more memory exercises, and doctors ask if the player has any nausea, a severe headache or visual distortion.” 

“Even if he passes all tests…the player sits for 15 minutes and then is retested, both before and after physical exertion, to see if symptoms return. If they do not, he can return to the game – a practice the NFL claims is safe for its players but is known to be dangerous for amateur athletes. Anything but the slightest concussion, (an expert says), calls for the player to leave that game permanently.” 

But here’s what is disturbing about Roethlisberger’s last incident. Alan Schwarz: 

“Given that (he) was immediately taken to a local hospital, it is highly unlikely that he had taken an ImPACT test [ed. the latest in treating such cases] before (Steelers Coach Mike) Tomlin addressed the news media after the game and characterized the injury as relatively mild. Tomlin said, ‘He is not permanently injured or scarred at this point – he just has a concussion.’ He also expressed optimism that Roethlisberger could return to practice in several days. 

“Several concussion experts, including the former Steelers doctor Julian Bailes, bristled at Tomlin’s remarks. They said that concussions could not be deemed fully healed for at least two or three days and that Tomlin’s immediate, public optimism – while not uncommon – misrepresented the seriousness of brain injuries. 

“ ‘Research has shown that symptoms and manifestations of concussion can become apparent days later and are not always apparent immediately following the injury,’ said Bailes, the chairman of neurosurgery at the West Virginia School of Medicine, who served as a Steelers team doctor from 1988 to 1998. ‘Why the rush to judgment? I think it’s a disservice to the science. If the public doesn’t realize – players, coaches, parents, trainers, fans – that concussions can have later manifestations, it can present a real danger.’” 

Roethlisberger’s status remains unclear at this moment for next weekend’s playoff game. 

Steelers safety Troy Polamalu, who sustained a concussion this past October and missed no practices, commented: 

“Concussions are weird in the sense that you don’t know the severity of it. You can’t really measure it too much. Not only that, it’s the worst injury you can sustain in sports. You can live life without legs, your arms, but it’s hard to go on in life without your mind.” 

The reason why I and many in the New York area are so sensitive to this topic is because we have seen what concussions have done to former Jets receivers Al Toon and Wayne Chrebet. Let’s just say it’s very sad. I don’t see how anyone can be optimistic about Roethlisberger’s future given the pounding he has taken on the football field, let alone the concussion he suffered in his motorcycle accident a few years ago (which isn’t included in the NFL’s stats). 

–Wow…the Giants’ Derrick Ward became just the seventh back in NFL history to average 5.6 yards per carry or more while gaining 1,000 yards. As Ronald Reagan would have said…not bad, not bad at all. 

–Watching the Falcons-Cards contest, I couldn’t believe when Cris Collinsworth brought up Matt Ryan’s quarterback rating for throwing left and right. Now if that isn’t a Sign of the Apocalypse, I don’t know what is. Ah, guys? I think we have reached overkill when it comes to this garbage…quarterback ratings being a stat I couldn’t give two [hoots] about, excepting the only time I’ve ever written it up, last fall, in looking at the likes of Colt McCoy and Sam Bradford, simply because their numbers were so outrageous. 

I mean when I was first getting interested in football, no one thought about Jim Hart’s or Bill Nelson’s quarterback ratings. We just loved watching the game, and knew when a quarterback was playing like crap or not. No need for ratings, for crissakes.  

–Tiki Barber continues to be annoying. His sideline performance on Saturday was also worthless. For Tiki, it’s always about him. 

—Jets fans have had it, following their latest Mets-like collapse. It’s so bad that after firing Eric Mangini, both Bill Cowher and Mike Shanahan said “not interested” in the vacancy. 

“It’s that brutal time of year again, when the ruthless meritocracy that is the National Football League does its annual reckoning with its head coaches. Three of the league’s 32 coaches got the sack yesterday, following three who were fired during this season, and there are undoubtedly more to follow. [Ed. written before the Shanahan firing.] 

“Two of yesterday’s dismissals weren’t surprising: Rod Marinelli of the 0-16 Detroit Lions (that city can’t catch a break) and Romeo Crennel of the 4-12 and perennially hapless Cleveland Browns. On the other hand, the New York Jets gave the boot to third-year coach Eric Mangini, whose team finished 9-7 and who only two years ago was called ‘Mangenious’ because he took the team to the playoffs in his rookie year as coach. He had a year left on his contract and on Sunday he said he expected to return in 2009. 

“However, the Jets lost four of their last five games despite a big offseason investment in players, and the local tabloid writers were calling for Mr. Mangini’s head. Off it went. ‘He did a great job for us for three years and he helped lay a great foundation,’ said Jets general manager Mike Tannenbaum, in explaining the dismissal. ‘We felt, in our judgment, we want to build on that and go in a different direction.’ Now there’s a non sequitur for the ages. 

“NFL coaches are highly paid celebrities who know the perils of their trade, so it is hard to feel sorry for them. But in this age of government failure and corporate bailouts, there is something refreshing about a line of work that is so unforgiving about performance. In the phrase of Bill Parcells, the head of football operations for the (11-5) Miami Dolphins and former Super Bowl coach, ‘You are what your record says you are.’ 

“Members of Congress can thank their lucky gerrymandered districts that they aren’t judged by the same standard.” 

But back to the Jets, specifically…Steve Serby / New York Post: 

“The franchise’s coaching search was socked in the stomach with the thanks-but-no-thanks news from Bill Cowher and is reeling around the ring the way Joe Frazier was against George Foreman in Jamaica. 

“The Jets begin the new year trapped in the same black hole occupied by the 0-16 Lions, groping in the darkness, with little to offer their next savior other than (owner Woody) Johnson’s millions.” 

Famed boxing trainer Teddy Atlas, a Jets “special assistant” and close friend of Eric Mangini, told Brian Costello of the Post that Mangini was doomed the moment the Jets acquired Brett Favre. 

“(Mangini) had no choice in the matter. How you going to argue with a Hall of Fame guy coming in and the business part of it? (Mangini) did the best he could to adjust it…. 

“You’re paying a guy ($13) million, you’re asking fans to buy (personal seat licenses in a new stadium), you’ve got money all over the place. You bring this guy in and in your mind, you’re looking at Mick Jagger…. 

“I think Brett Favre basically is a selfish guy. Brett Favre goes out there with his gray hair, his Wranglers and gets up when he gets hit. I understand why people like that. But there’s another side. He’s a selfish guy.” 

Atlas said he also saw the Jets lose their “fear of losing” down the stretch. 

“When you’re a fighter and you’re going into the fight, your fundamentals have to be there. We always say, ‘The jab leads the way.’ If you took that analogy and put it in football (terms), the quarterback leads the way. If you lead it in a reckless way, bad things are going to happen. (Favre) was reckless.” 

Can’t argue with that. Then there was running back Thomas Jones’ take on Favre. Now Jones is supposed to be a real good guy. He also fulfilled expectations this past season and is headed to the Pro Bowl (one of the few of seven Jets truly deserving of the honor). But also understand Jones is not the most articulate guy…not that there is anything wrong with this, seeing as we aren’t asking Thomas Jones to be Barack Obama. 

So on Wednesday, Jones was a guest on a local New York radio station and was asked by the DJ about the Jets’ collapse. 

“We’re a team and we win together…but at the same time, you can’t turn the ball over and expect to win. The other day, the three interceptions really hurt us. I mean, that’s just reality. If I were to sit here and say, ‘Oh, man, it’s okay,’ that’s not reality. 

“The reality is, you throw interceptions, I’m (ticked) off, I don’t like it. You know what I’m saying? I don’t like it, I know everybody else on the team doesn’t like it…. 

“If somebody is not playing well, they need to come out of the game. You’re jeopardizing the whole team.” 

Uh oh. Jones was the first to suggest all was not rosy with the team and Favre over the course of the season. 

So on Friday, Jones clarified his remarks in a mighty feat of backpedaling. 

“I’ve got most respect for Brett,” he told ESPN. “He’s one of the best quarterbacks of all-time. He’s a great teammate, you know, he brought a lot to our team this year.” 

Well, like I said from back in the summer, there was nothing wrong with Chad Pennington…as Chad proved…and we would have made the playoffs with him. [As for Sunday’s four interceptions, Chad, Jets Nation is giving you a pass. We’d still gladly take you back.] 

And lastly, how can the Browns actually be interested in Mangini? I asked Dick Vitale for his reaction. “ARE YOU SERIOUS!” 

–You can’t make this stuff up. In the Sunday paper there was a flyer for the “New York Jets Express,” a model train “featuring future Hall of Famer Brett Favre!” 

No thank you. Now if it was the Ute Express, featuring the Utah cheerleaders…. 

By the way, there is no Jets Nation. Giants Nation? Yes. Jets Nation? Hardly. We’re a very fragile bunch, us Jets fans, responsible for 80% of the murders in the tri-state area, I imagine, though I can’t prove this. 

–Ah yes, as NBC winds down its football coverage, except for the Super Bowl, that means it’s time for the weekend Ice Shows! Now if any of you actually watch more than five minutes of this insipid entertainment, well then you’ve lost my respect. I did see that “Seal on Ice” was on the other day, however. Oh, that must have been electric. 

I just remember as a kid going to the one and only ice show that ever mattered, the Ice Follies, or maybe it was the Ice Capades (there were really only two back then, as I search my five remaining brain cells). Actually, I think my parents dragged me to it as I tried to answer the question, “Just why am I here?”  

[OK…I looked it up. The Ice Follies ran from 1936 to 1979 and the Ice Capades started in 1940. I think I saw the latter.] 

College Basketball Bits: 

Huge win for Wake Forest at BYU on Saturday as the Deacs ended the Cougars’ 53-game home win streak before over 26,000 fans. It’s too bad it wasn’t on TV because in following it on the Net, it was nip and tuck the entire way until the 13-0 Deacs pulled away 94-87. Next up the NBA’s North Carolina Tarheels…Sun., Jan. 11.  As for UNC’s loss on Sunday, even the 1995-96 Chicago Bulls lost 10 games in going 72-10. Carolina will be fighting it out against the Celtics for Eastern Conference supremacy next season. 

NJIT has now lost 47 games in a row, extending its men’s Division I record. The thing is it’s getting rolled these days by the likes of Lehigh and Vermont. Check this out. The last two games, in a 66-38 defeat at the hands of Lehigh and Saturday’s 73-47 pasting by Vermont, NJIT shot 25% from the field! [26-104] For the year they are shooting .307%. Good god! 

Johnny Mac just pointed out a four-overtime thriller between Portland State (winners over Gonzaga a few weeks ago) and Northern Arizona. Johnny suggested you could make some coin selling liniment to NA’s starters who went 58, 55, 52, 50 and 48 minutes. [Portland State won 92-91.] 

Great win by St. John’s over No. 10 Notre Dame on Saturday. The Johnnies have a long ways to go before they crack the Top 25, but the New York area needs this team to get back to where it was under Coach Louie, which is now ancient history. Those were great days for college basketball in these parts.  

Can you believe Rutgers’ schedule? It’s been the toughest stretch of all time. [You’ll quickly see it can be duplicated, but not beat.] 

In one week…first, No. 1 UNC…a 97-75 loss. Then No. 3 Pitt…another loss, 78-72. Then on Saturday, No. 2 UConn. Rutgers can be excused if it was mentally and physically beat by this time as the Huskies romped 80-49. 

I’m posting this before the next AP poll but I’m not so sure Pitt gets elevated to No. 1. [No. 2 UConn lost since the last poll.] I think Carolina stays No. 1 on votes. 

I have to admit, until I read a piece in the New York Post by Kevin Kernan, I hadn’t thought of Mets free agent Oliver Perez going to the Yankees. Yes, it’s the perfect fit. I’m hoping the Mets still wise up and re-sign the enigmatic lefty (I threw in enigmatic because I’m hoping to win a Pulitzer for this piece). If not, we better get Derek Lowe. 

–I mentioned a few years ago that way, way back, in my party days at PIMCO (gross exaggeration…except when I was on the road), I met Charles Barkley when he was still a player, at a bar in Scottsdale. He was standing up against a wall (the better to see who was approaching…kind of like what Wild Bill Hickok used to do – sit against the wall facing the door – until Wild Bill screwed up, took a seat with his back to the door, and got plugged…but I digress) and I went up to Barkley, shook his hand, and said I was a fan. Nothing more. He didn’t punch me in the face or throw me through a window, which was a good thing, seeing as how I would have had to explain matters to my superiors at PIMCO were this to be the case. 

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. Barkley was arrested early Wednesday on suspicion of drunk driving and his initial statement was “I am disappointed that I put myself in that situation. The Scottsdale police were fantastic. I will not comment any further as it is a legal matter.” 

Not so fast, Sir Charles. After the first story hit, another came out. It turns out while in custody he admitted he was rushing to pick up a woman for oral sex.

It also turns out Barkley was partying with Michael Strahan, not that he was either inebriated or looking for, err, you know. 

Well, there are a bunch of folks that are just tired of Barkley’s act. 

Peter Vecsey / New York Post 

“To Charles Barkley’s credit, his capacity for audacity and proclivity for stupidity are unrivaled in NBA annals. 

“Granted, that covers tons of tainted territory, but Sir Chump tilts the scale of generally every affliction and addiction mastered by man…. 

“Yeah, you name it – habitual gambling, deviant drinking, overeating, sexcapades…the majority of which he does behind the wheel – and Sir Cumference is shamelessly proud to number it. 

“ ‘Once a philosopher, twice a pervert,’ that’s Barkley’s credo…. 

“For the most part, (David Levy) the president of TNT cheers him on and laughs at the antics of his house hoople. 

“So much for thinking David Stern is in charge of all things NBA. 

“In other words, do not, I reiterate, do not, expect Levy to take any action – other than a token scolding, complete with Barkley’s normal insincere apology – in the wake of his latest incident…. 

“If memory serves, didn’t Barkley get sued by Steve Wynn this past May for some 400-large in Vegas gambling debts? 

“Just like Manny Being Manny, it’s just Charles Being Charles.” 

And I forgot this story, as told by the New York Times’ Harvey Araton. 

“Back in the day when Charles Barkley was selected to be a basketball ambassador as a member of the original Dream Team, he introduced himself on the Olympic stage by putting the force of his 250-plus pounds behind an elbow planted in the modest chest of a player for the Angolan national team. 

“The overmatched Angolan, Herlander Coimbra, had the audacity to contest a Barkley sortie to the rim during an American rout to launch the 1992 Summer Games in Barcelona. 

“ ‘You hit me, I’ll hit you, even if it doesn’t look like he’s eaten in a while,’ Barkley said, oblivious to the fact that his opponent was an economics student from a war-torn third-world nation who said his favorite NBA player happened to be the one, the only and the occasionally ugly Sir Charles. 

“Given a chance to sleep on that performance, to be a redeem teamer, Barkley said the next day that he was inclined to launch his elbow because he didn’t know if Coimbra ‘would pull a spear’ on him. 

“Wouldn’t you know it? His audience of reporters had a good laugh. A social critic of slapstick and stereotype got his international baptism. But when did Barkley, an I-man in his own right, become a broadcasting shock ex-jock whose opinions are accepted as serious commentary when he is so lacking in personal credibility? 

“What makes Barkley – who recently attacked Auburn, his alma mater, for not hiring an African-American football coach – any more of a voice of reason on race than Don Imus? 

“When was Barkley anointed such an authority on professionalism that his criticism of LeBron James was aired and legitimized as if it had come from the almighty – and not a player whose career greatest hits include spitting on a fan and throwing a bar patron through a plate-glass window?” 

[I stand guilty for using Barkley’s Auburn/Turner Gill comments to then write way too much on the topic.] 

–We all love a good catfight. OK, some of us do. Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, as reported by the New York Post’s Page Six. 

“The thaw in the relationship between (the two) sure didn’t last long, with the girlfriends ringing in the new year with a nasty fistfight. 

“Trouble started Tuesday night as the two partied at Set in Miami. ‘Both their families were there, and Lindsay and Sam just started going at it,’ our spy said. 

“Then, on New Year’s Eve, the couple went nuclear and started screaming at each other while hosting a party at Mansion. The fight spilled out into an alley behind the club, where Lohan screeched at Ronson, ‘When I storm off, you are supposed to follow me!’…. 

“After Lohan and Ronson went back to the hotel, several sources heard crashing sounds and screaming coming from their room until the fight spilled out into the hallways at about 11 a.m.” 

[If I was staying in a room next door, I would have been pissed. I need my sleep, after all.] 

“ ‘They were punching each other – it was bad,’ a spy said. ‘And they were doing this in front of all of us. It was scary.’” 

[So go back to your room and lock the door, you jerk….but I digress…] 

“At one point, Lohan dropped to her knees and cried, ‘Why are you doing this to me?’ And Sam just said, ‘I don’t know you.’” 

[I thought they were girlfriends….how could they not know each other?…but I digress…] 

“Eventually hotel security was called and photos were taken of the girls’ ‘trashed’ room. ‘Mirrors were broken and it was a complete mess,’ another spy said.” 

“Several hours later, still fighting, Lohan and Ronson tried to board an American Airlines flight back to Los Angeles. Lohan was said to be such a mess before takeoff that flight attendants asked her if she’d like to disembark. She refused. 

“A rep for Lohan said, ‘There was an argument – I don’t know the details – but they left for LA together and it’s fine.’” 

–“Comedienne Kathy Griffin may be doomed to life on CNN’s S-list after answering a heckler with a shrieking, vulgar tirade during the network’s live New Year’s Eve broadcast. 

“ ‘Screw you,’ she told the heckler. ‘Why don’t you get a job, buddy? You know what? I don’t go to your job and knock the d— out of your mouth.’” 

That was Kathy Griffin, ladies and gentlemen. Kathy is available for your kids’ birthday parties. 

–Speaking of jerks, golfer John Daly admitted he was suspended by the PGA Tour for six months because of his overall jerk behavior the past year or so (on top of everything else he’s done in his 18-year career). [The Tour doesn’t comment on such matters.] 

“Is it fair that I got suspended?” he said. “It’s not fair in reality, but it’s probably fair in perception.” Right. 

Since the Tour doesn’t talk, Daly wanted to let his fans know the suspension is the cause of his playing overseas so much. Bar Chat will be handing John a “Lifetime Jerk” award at year end.

–I’m sorry…but I love the Coors Light commercial with Ditka and Billick. 

–Finally, as Mike Lupica wrote this Sunday, “One week to Jack Bauer.” [Having watched the movie the other month, I can already see this story line is going to be very intense, and frustrating.] 

Top 3 songs for the week 1/2/71: #1 “My Sweet Lord” (George Harrison) #2 “One Less Bell To Answer” (The 5th Dimension) #3 “Knock Three Times” (Dawn)…and…#4 “The Tears Of A Clown” (Smokey Robinson & The Miracles) #5 “Black Magic Woman” (Santana) #6 “I Think I Love You” (The Partridge Family) #7 “Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?” (Chicago) #8 “Stoned Love” (The Supremes) #9 “Domino” (Van Morrison) #10 “Gypsy Woman” (Brian Hyland) 

[On the off chance one of you caught something, yes, I skipped a year in the top 3. It’s kind of like a lunar eclipse, rare (or once a year). You can’t go from the last week in ’69 to the first week in ’70, for instance, without repeating all the same tunes.] 

Tom Fears, Bill George (Go Deacs!), Forrest Gregg, Ken Houston, Paul Krause, Jim Langer. 

[It’s the last one that I thought would trip some of you up. And if you didn’t get a perfect score, no premium for you!] 

*Folks, I screwed up again the other day regarding Peyton and Eli, since corrected. I would venture everyone has a mental block on one thing or another and this is mine. It’s funny because I try and proof these columns twice before posting, but the brain is whirring as the fingers are typing and…oh well. So thank you, George L., for pointing it out. Me so stupid!  

**I also didn’t realize last Chat, as Glen Z. did, that only Vida Blue hadn’t made the Hall off the list. I should have said something about this. And seeing as Glen is a former co-worker, a stud, and a helluva lot better dancer than me, I’m doubly embarrassed.

Next Bar Chat, Thursday.