Sorry Performances

Golf Quiz: For junkies only…name the four Americans (out of 12 total) to have made the cut in all four majors this year. Answer below. 

Miss Venezuela Scores Again!

For the first time in the history of the Miss Universe pageant we have a repeat winner – country, that is – as Miss Venezuela prevailed over Miss Dominican Republic and the other finalists; Kosovo, Australia and Puerto Rico.

Your editor, furiously flipping back and forth the second hour between the pageant and Mad Men, did not fare well as only five of his personal top 15 made it through the initial cut; Puerto Rico, Iceland, Croatia, Switzerland, and USA.  My actual projected final five was Bolivia, Bulgaria, Montenegro (ooh baby!), Switzerland, and USA.  Then as the pageant wore on, and Miss Swiss Chocolate progressed to the final ten, I realized I needed a new watch and was prepared to fly to Geneva to let her pick one out for me.  Alas, in the end, Switzerland failed to make the final five and I canceled the flight.

As for Venezuela repeating, I think we all have a problem with Hugo Chavez being given something to crow about, but as Tony Soprano would say, "Whaddya gonna do?"

[Wake Forest didn’t receive a single vote…we got ‘em where we want them.] 

*The AP poll started in 1950 and this year, Florida is preseason No. 1 by the widest margin ever, taking 58 of 60 first place votes. Since 1950, though, only ten preseason top picks went on to win the national championship. [The last two were USC(2004) and Florida State (1999).] 

But if Florida can win, it would represent their third title in four years, with only one other program, Nebraska, doing the same since ‘50. [The Cornhuskers won in ’94 and ’95 and shared the title in ’97.] 

–Over the past four seasons, the ACC has produced more NFL first-round draft picks than any other college football conference. [ESPN.com] 

–Talk about funny. Dallas owner Jerry Jones builds the world’s most modern stadium of any kind, spending $1.2 billion on the freakin’ thing, and during the first exhibition game, a punter for Tennessee hit the giant HD screen that hangs over the field! Jones didn’t think it was an issue and doesn’t plan to alter it. 

Tennessee coach Jeff Fisher, though, is co-chairman of the NFL’s competition committee and he said, “It’s an issue, yeah….It can become a problem.” Jones said the rule is very clear. “You just kick it over.” 

Veteran punter Craig Hentrich hit the video board in warm-ups and couldn’t believe engineers didn’t anticipate the problem. “I hit it probably a dozen times in pregame,” he said, adding, “some of the guys in the league wouldn’t be able to punt here if it’s not raised, they’d just be non-stop hitting it. 

—Brett Favre was 1 for 4 for 4 yards in his scintillating debut for the Minnesota Vikings. 

“You would think I think this Brett Favre-to-Minnesota story is great, but I don’t. I think it’s wrong. I think it’s a circus. And I think Minnesota coach Brad Childress is making a mistake. 

“If I were Childress, I’d have waited until Sage Rosenfels struggled – if he struggled – and then made the call to Favre. By doing it now, Childress loses Rosenfels and Tarvaris Jackson; how can they ever trust anything he says now? I’m sure both are furious, and Rosenfels, particularly, is crushed. And the way Favre talked to me three weeks ago, there’s a chance he won’t last the season and Childress will have to turn to one of his angry quarterbacks. 

“What Favre told me late last month he wasn’t coming back because he felt totally beat after some hard summer workouts, how could he think he’d have enough stamina to make it through a season? He simply didn’t think he’d be able to handle the physical rigors of the season. ‘I just didn’t think my body would hold up the way it had in the past,’ he said. 

“The perfect scenario would have been for the Vikings to see if Rosenfels or Jackson played well enough through a piece-of-cake early schedule (at Cleveland, at Detroit, San Francisco), and if the position was an Achilles heel, then reach out to Favre to see if he was interested. By doing it now, Childress tells his team he doesn’t trust Rosenfels or Jackson. That could come back to haunt him if Favre’s body breaks down. 

“Childress has looked like a desperate man throughout this melodrama. He made it known internally that Favre had to do at least some work in the offseason program or the veteran mini-camp to be considered. Favre never showed. Then he had to come by the start of camp. Favre didn’t come, opting for his third false retirement in 17 months. Now the Vikings let him come back after the team has gone through training camp. Favre’s the wishy-washiest player in memory – and the Vikings are his enablers. It’s ridiculous.” 

“I really have no interest in what Brett Favre does.  He kind of lost me a few years ago by retiring and unretiring and here and there,” said Tarkenton on Sirius NFL Radio. 

“I asked a few friends here, maybe 10 or 12 people we were out with last night. I said, ‘What do you think about Brett Favre going back to the Vikings?’ You know who cared? Nobody. It’s good news for you guys. It’s good news for television and so forth but the last time I heard…football was a team sport, isn’t it? It’s not just about the quarterback…. 

“We have responsibilities, we’re just not athletes that are in it all for ourselves. Football, is it not a team game? Isn’t it all about team?….And here comes Brett Favre riding in on his white horse, doesn’t go to training camp, doesn’t come to offseason workouts and he’s gonna come on his white horse and bond with all these players?” 

Or, as Tarkenton noted last May, “I think he has been a great flamboyant quarterback, but he has made more stupid plays than any great quarterback that I’ve ever seen.” 

Bottom line, as Tarkenton said last Wednesday, “I think the Packers fans have every right to be outraged.” 

–I was all for Jim Rice getting into the Hall of Fame, but he couldn’t have been more of a jerk than with some of his statements on today’s players while attending the Little League World Series. For some crazy reason, Rice lumped Derek Jeter in with A-Rod and Manny Ramirez as players kids shouldn’t look to as role models. Rice also went off on baggy pants and dreadlocks, to which Jeter has neither. 

“Guys that I played against and with, these guys you’re talking about cannot compete,” Rice said. “It was a clean game and now they are setting a bad example for the young guys.” The problem is, of course, he was lumping Jeter with two steroids users. Asked who he thought was worthy of being inducted into the Hall of Fame, Rice mentioned Ichiro, Ken Griffey Jr., and Jim Thome. 

–This truly is unbelievable. Mets shortstop Jose Reyes has been out of action since May 26 with a hamstring issue and now won’t be back the rest of the year. It’s a freakin’ hamstring, for crying out loud! At the rate of his recovery, I’m already scratching him off for 2010. 

But on Saturday night, the Mets paid tribute to the 1969 edition, 40 years after one of the 3 or 4 best moments in all of U.S. sports in the 20th century. Certainly the best ‘team’ moment in baseball, particularly given the era and everything else that was going on in our country that summer, including, gloriously, the moon landing. 

And even Nolan Ryan returned for the first time, Ryan either being tied up in his own career or, as is now the case, having obligations with the Texas Rangers. 

As for this year’s edition, Mets owner Fred Wilpon said GM Omar Minaya would definitely be back next year, as is manager Jerry Manuel.  

Joel Sherman / New York Post 

“Fred Wilpon came out of seclusion and media silence to infuriate his fan base. What is next? Jimmy Rollins Night at Citi Field? 

“The patriarch of the Mets responded to one question from The Post’s Mike Puma, saying: ‘Am I going to bring Omar back next year? Absolutely. That’s a fact.’ 

“Here is another fact. The Mets faithful is going to hate that. They are going to like it less that Minaya then told Puma, ‘Jerry is my guy.’ If you are a Mets fan and are hoping he meant Jerry Seinfeld, who is a season ticketholder in the Delta 360 suites behind home plate, sorry. 

“Alas, it is manager Jerry Manuel, a different kind of comedian this year. Just ask Ryan Church or the team’s medical staff, all of whom served as punchlines for the Mets manager. Perhaps every Mets fan needs to take a deep breath and say, ‘Serenity no!’ 

“Because Wilpon just assured that the main faces of the 2009 humiliation (unless you know what the team doctors and trainers look like) will return next year. The Mets have a tin ear for public relations, and this just furthers that perception…. 

“The Mets were pulverized by the Bernie Madoff scandal, combined with the faltering of the Wilpons’ real estate business. Jeff Wilpon has tried publicly to say that is untrue. But actions speak louder than spin.” 

Mike Vaccaro / New York Post 

“Mostly, though, there is this: there is the growing 8,000-pound elephant in the room. Actually, that’s not quite right: it is more about the graying felon in a jail cell. His name is Bernie Madoff. He is said to have made upward of $75 billion disappear. And he also caused unbearably horrific havoc on the Mets, who are still owned by Fred Wilpon, an old neighbor of Madoff’s in Roslyn, on Long Island, who is believed to have lost as much as $750 million – if not more – because of Madoff and his Ponzi scheme. 

“We don’t know how much that figure really is, and both Fred and his son, Jeff, have every right to keep that number to themselves. It is their business, and their tragedy, the same one that has visited far too many of our neighbors and friends across our city. A man loses that much money – done in by a friend, no less – he is entitled to certain measures of privacy. 

“OK. Now I have a question for all the Mets fans who have suffered silently and agonized aloud throughout this season, who watched the team stand idle at the trade deadline, spend less money than any other team in baseball in signing draft picks (even though their farm system is ridiculously thin), watched the team nickel-and-dime top draft pick Steven Matz out of five grand, and now seems set to retain its management team rather than spend the money to replace them, all while Citi Field remains 93 percent full. 

“Would the anger you feel now – the frustration, the resentment, the bitterness, all of it – have been abated, if not completely vaporized, if Fred Wilpon, still the nominal head of the team, even if he chooses more and more to sit in the stands like a Little League dad, made one singular appearance, sometime in February, or April, or June, well after it was clear just how wounded he had been by Bernie Madoff, and offered up a statement much like this one: 

“ ‘By now, you surely know someone who has been affected by the financial scandal that has befallen my family and me, because as New Yorkers it is almost impossible not to know someone who is hurting now, wondering about their futures, wondering about their families. 

“ ‘And by now you must also know that I am among those affected. The amount is not important. But as I am sure you know, when something has been taken from you, it affects you. It affects the way you conduct business. It affects the way you plan for the future. I have poured my heart and my soul into the New York Mets for 29 years, and hope my family will continue to do so for the next 29 and beyond. 

“ ‘We will continue to invest in our baseball club, and as proof please remember that ours is the highest payroll in the National League. We will continue to provide a first-class experience to our fans who attend games in such vast numbers at our beautiful new ballpark. And we will always be looking to do, within reason, whatever we can to make sure we improve our ballclub whenever possible. 

“ ‘But I will not lie to you: this scandal has affected our bottom line. It has affected the bottom lines of many of our investors. It has affected the bottom lines of some of the sponsors who help bankroll us, and the banks that back us. This is the reality of where we are as a baseball team. I hope you will understand that. I hope you will realize that as soon as our house is back in order, we will return to business as usual. And I hope, most of all, you will have the patience to work with us.’ 

“But that would have been better than what the Mets have done, arrogantly denying money is an issue, disingenuously hoping nobody will notice the fact that they conduct business right now as if they work alongside Green Bay, and not Flushing Bay. 

“Mets fans have gotten little else this year in the way of positive feelings about their baseball club. The least they have deserved is honesty. And that would have provided it. It isn’t much. But it would have been a start.” 

[To compound the Mets\’ frustrations this year, on Sunday, down 9-7 to the Phils in the bottom of the ninth but with runners on first and second and no outs, Jeff Francoeur lined into an unassisted triple play, the first time in 82 years a game has ended in that fashion.]

This week, Sports Illustrated unveiled its 20 all-time greatest golfers, as selected by an esteemed panel including Tim Finchem (PGA Tour), David Fay (USGA), Peter Dawson (Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St. Andrews), Deane Beman (former PGA Tour commissioner), and SI’s leading golf writers; 15 judges in all with players earning 20 points for each first-place vote, 19 for second and so on…ergo, a maximum of 300 points. 

—Y.E. Yang’s decisive shot on the 72nd hole at the PGA Championship was hit with a TaylorMade Rescue TP hybrid (21 degree); a 2007 model, designated on the sole as a Rescue 4…for all you duffers looking to replicate Mr. Yang’s success. [His chip on 14 was with a TaylorMade Z TP wedge with a 48-degree angle, though it was bent to 50 to increase the bounce. Source: James Achenbach / GolfWeek] 

–Can you imagine the final gold medal match in the 2016 Olympics, should this indeed come to pass? Can you imagine the tournament the U.S. would have to determine our finalist? [Like the best American finisher at the TPC, a tournament within a tournament…or maybe the top 64 in the world rankings would automatically qualify, plus representatives from other countries as long as, say, they are in the top 250. You have to have that long shot aspect to it. Say a guy from Paraguay.] 

But here’s your EXCLUSIVE Bar Chat winner of the gold medal in 2016…Henrik Stenson! 

–Reason No. 879 to love Arnold Palmer. Arnie turns 80 on Sept. 10 and as part of the celebration he is throwing out the first pitch at the Sept. 8 Pirates-Cubs game in Pittsburgh, Arnie having helped make the area famous by growing up in nearby Latrobe. 

But Arnie, ever the sportsman, has already been practicing his pitching daily because he doesn’t want to bounce it. I really wish I could be at this game, but the schedule doesn’t allow it. Hopefully Pittsburgh fans turn out in decent numbers. 

–Just another tidbit on the baseball card market, having written about it the other day. Sales of cards peaked in 1991 at $1.2 billion, according to Sports Collector’s Digest, and have slid to $200 million last year. As I noted earlier, MLB has signed an exclusive with Topps in an attempt to reinvigorate the market, but in today’s video world, I just don’t know how you do. For starters, we need to get past this steroid era, and, just thinking outside the box, it would help if Stephen Strasburg got off to a super start with Washington next spring because then maybe everyone would be buying packs to get his rookie card. 

–Yet another poll for USA TODAY/Gallup on Pete Rose. 75% said they thought performance-enhancing drugs such as steroids was a more serious issue compared to 14% that thought Pete Rose’s admitted gambling on the sport was worse. 60% said he should be eligible for the Hall of Fame vs. 35% who say he shouldn’t. [The other 5% were out looking for a job, it being a jobless economic recovery we are witnessing in the current quarter.] Former Commissioner Fay Vincent reiterated he doesn’t think “there’s a chance in hell that three-quarters of the Hall of Fame are going to vote for Pete Rose.” 

–Ah, the best laid plans. Not a lot of meat to the story of the futility of the Pittsburgh Pirates, except that they are about to break the all-time franchise mark for consecutive losing seasons with their 17th. 

The Bucs were cruising, though failing to seal the deal when it came to the World Series. 

So the Pirates will be all alone, surpassing the pathetic Phillies of 1933-48…16 years of losing for them, who at the time were just two years removed from a 14-year run of futility, 1918-31. 

But at least the Pirates haven’t matched the all-time worst 5-year skid…Philadelphia’s run from 1938-42. And check out their attendance figures. 

As for the Lastings Milledge for Nyjer Morgan trade, with the incredibly overrated Milledge going from Washington’s farm system to Pittsburgh and the exciting Morgan going to our nation’s capital, Washington is 21-27 since the move and the Pirates are 15-30, with Morgan hitting .360 in his new uniform and Milledge batting .250 as a Buc with an on-base average of under .300. Coupled with all the other cost-cutting moves that Pittsburgh GM Neal Huntington has been responsible for and as fan Shu says, it’s a wonder they haven’t had a night to hang him. 

–What the heck is it with USA Track and baton passes in the 4X100 relay? Last summer in Beijing they botched an exchange and failed to medal. This time in the World Championships in Berlin, they couldn’t complete a pass inside the designated zone and were disqualified after a heat. This is pitiful. 

At least LaShawn Merritt captured gold in the 400, besting rival Jeremy Wariner, while American Allyson Felix won the 200. 

As for Usain Bolt, with his two world records in the 100 and 200, he took home $320,000 (including $100,000 for each mark), plus whatever he earned for Jamaica winning the 4X100 relay. Americans Carl Lewis and Maurice Greene are the only other men to win three golds in one world championship. 

Oh, and by the way. Some of you may have noticed last time that I said Bolt should run through the 2012 Olympics before giving the NFL a try, thus allowing him to get the 100m record down to 9.40 and the 200m mark to 19.20. 

Well excuuuuse me, Mr. Lightning Bolt. How was I to know that a few days later you would take the 200m record down to 19.19 from 19.30?! I mean the 200 was so spectacular, consider that silver went to a guy doing 19.81. Recall, until Beijing, the 200 meter record held steady at 19.32…Michael Johnson’s mark from the 1996 Atlanta Olympics. So you can see that it’s all Bolt. A healthy Tyson Gay (who didn’t run the 200 due to injury) wouldn’t run under 19.60 and Johnson’s record would have been secure perhaps another ten years. 

–But then you have the case of South African runner Caster Semenya, who won gold in the women’s 800 but is being tested by the International Association of Athletics Federations, the sport’s governing body, over whether Semenya, 18, is really a man. 

Suspicions were first raised when her time suddenly improved from 2:04 in winning the 2008 Commonwealth Youth Games to 1:56 on July 31 in winning the African Junior Championship, a hard-to-believe step up, especially since it was also the fastest time of the year, senior level included. Right before that race, she was basically unknown in the sport. 

–Can you believe the Memphis basketball program? I mean it’s not unexpected, given their former coach, super slick John Calipari (now at Kentucky), but the NCAA is taking away their 38-win 2007-08 season and the school will be on three years probation due to all manner of rules violations involving recruit Derrick Rose, who played his one season, took the team to the NCAA tournament final, which Memphis then lost in overtime to Kansas, and went merrily on to the NBA without a care in the world. 

Calipari, though, thus becomes the first head coach to have vacated Final Four appearances with two different schools, the other being his 1996 Massachusetts team that was also hit with NCAA sanctions. 

In the current case it was all about Rose’s fraudulent SAT score and $1,700 in travel expenses provided to his brother. Rose should not have been eligible to play. 

Memphis at least won’t be banned from postseason play or lose any scholarships, but if it screws up again through 2012, the school will lose its accreditation and the campus will be turned into a maximum security prison. [Actually, not sure if these last two points are true.] 

Mike Vaccaro / New York Post 

“It’s not as if John Calipari, that gallant knight of virtue, has any shortage of media-mouthpiece apologists to begin with. But when you hear the governor of Kentucky, Steve Beshear, wave his blue-and-white pom-poms and say, ‘[The NCAA has] never said Coach Cal did anything wrong at all…I think he’s a very upstanding guy. I think that’s his reputation and I think that reputation will be with him here,’ well, you wonder if they’ve put sippin’ whiskey in the drinking water at the governor’s mansion in Frankfort. 

“What’s funny, of course, is that Coach Cal is now 2-for-2 if you’re keeping score, as in two programs he’s coached and two that have had to vacate their Final Four appearances. And if any of his Memphis Tigers could’ve done that from the foul line down the stretch against Kansas, well, it would have been an NCAA championship trophy they would’ve had to toss in the Mississippi, and not just a runner’s-up medal. And wouldn’t that have made the Guv proud.” 

–Yet another reason why man will never again crack the top ten of the All-Species List. 

Jakarta (AP): “A group of thieves killed an endangered tiger in an Indonesian zoo and stole most of its body, zoo officials said Sunday; a theft police suspect was motivated by the animal’s valuable fur and bones…. 

“ ‘It was sadistic,’ said the zoo director. ‘The killers left only its intestines in the cage.’” 

The number of Sumatran tigers is said to be down to 250 from 1,000 in the 1970s. I’d say it’s long time for revenge.

“NZ beaches empty as dogs poisoned by killer seaslugs” 

“New Zealand’s normally teeming North Island beaches have been emptied after a spate of mystery poisonings left five dogs dead and the bodies of hundreds of fish, dolphins and penguins littering the coastline. 

“At least two dogs in Auckland, NZ’s largest city, have been found to have been killed by tetrodotoxin, a poison found in the deadly pufferfish and at least a dozen others have become seriously ill. 

“More than 1,000 fish, penguins and seabirds also washed up dead on beaches around Auckland at the same time dog owners began reporting their pets’ illness. 

“Tetrodotoxin is potentially lethal to humans; ingesting only a small amount can cause paralysis and death within an hour. The substance has killed many a would-be Japanese gourmet who has eaten under-cooked fugu pufferfish, a delicacy in Japan…. 

“ ‘This substance is extremely toxic and potentially fatal to humans and animals,’ said a spokeswoman for Auckland Regional Public Health.” 

The mystery is the pufferfish, which are plentiful in NZ waters, haven’t washed up, so, “The most likely culprit appears to be the humble and normally harmless sea slug after tests on a slug found it contained the same toxin found in the vomit of one of the dead dogs.” 

“ ‘If you put a slug in your mouth, within minutes you’d be paralyzed. Your heart and lungs would shut down and you’d be dead within the hour,’ said Paul McNabb, an algae specialist.” 

Not that we’re walking on beaches, putting slugs in our mouth, but no one can figure out how the slugs ingested the pufferfish poison. 

–Another “Jerk of the Year” candidate…the Knicks’ Nate Robinson. Robinson was pulled over in the Bronx, Tuesday, for driving with an unfastened seat belt. “Sources said he cranked up a rap song when the cop walked off to check his license, and then sang along when the officer returned,” as reported by the New York Post. 

“But Robinson changed his tune when told he was being arrested for driving with a suspended license. 

“ ‘Well, I’m Nate Robinson from the Knicks,’ sputtered the player. 

“ ‘OK, Nate Robinson from the Knicks, you’re under arrest,’ replied the cop, who hauled him off to be booked and held pending arraignment. But later, police brass ordered that Robinson be freed that night with just a desk-appearance ticket.” 

Top 3 songs for the week of 8/22/70: #1 “Make It With You” (Bread) #2 “(They Long To Be) Close To You” (Carpenters) #3 “Spill The Wine” (Eric Burdon and War)…and…#4 “War” (Edwin Starr) #5 “In The Summertime” (Mungo Jerry) #6 “Signed, Sealed, Delivered I’m Yours” (Stevie Wonder) #7 “Patches” (Clarence Carter) #8 “Band Of Gold” (Freda Payne) #9 “I Just Can’t Help Believing” (B.J. Thomas…man, B.J. is underrated) #10 “Tighter, Tighter” (Alive & Kicking) 

Golf Quiz Answer: Only four Americans to make all four cuts in the majors this year: Jim Furyk, Kenny Perry, Kevin Sutherland, Sean O’Hair. The other eight are Henrik Stenson (who had the best average finish, 16.5), Ross Fisher, Lee Westwood, Graeme McDowell, Rory McIlroy, Camilo Villegas, Vijay Singh, and Angel Cabrera. Only Stenson, Westwood and McIlroy had two top tens.