NFL Quiz: 1) Name the top 5 QBs in career passing yards. 2)
Name the top 5 in TD passes. [Four of the names are on both
lists.] Answers below.
Bears
As my friend Mark R. said the other day, oh yeah, sure, there are
lots of web sites where you can get your financial and world
news, like at StocksandNews, but nowhere else can you
also receive such piercing insight as in Bar Chat, because it was
here, folks, that yours truly long warned of a bear mauling
similar to that which occurred in the Catskill Mountains of New
York (just 30 miles or so from the New York / New Jersey
border) on Monday.
And this could be just the start, as I’ve long claimed. Bear
“experts” are trying to figure out why this little 150-lb., 1-year-
old bruin would act so violently, but it all comes as no surprise to
me. Bears, after all, have been holding clandestine meetings
throughout North America, including with cougars, wolves and
coyotes, let alone the special seminars that grizzlies have been
staging. [Six sessions for just $29.95, including a garbage
buffet.]
Monday’s attack (and as some of you have pointed out, why
didn’t the mother grab the baby first?) was just the second fatal
incident in the Eastern U.S. in the last 100 years (the other being
two years ago in the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee). And, as
I’ve been writing for over three years, my native state of New
Jersey has at least 1,900 black bears (twice that of the Catskill
Mountains, by the way) who are bent on establishing colonies in
every part of the state. It’s gotten to the point where I am afraid
to walk outside to get my morning papers, let alone drive to the
liquor store for the daily beer run.
Actually, this attack has renewed the debate for a hunt in New
Jersey, which even the New York Times endorsed Wednesday. I
have waffled on this issue, myself, but it’s probably time to lock
and load, folks.
Finally, a safety tip. If confronted by a bear that appears ready to
charge, talk to it in a normal voice and say, “Now, Smokey, if you
kill me, you’ll be forced to watch the Mets.” Smokey will get the
message and run for its life, trust me.
**But this just in…in northern British Columbia, Paul Engel
killed two grizzlies, one of which had begun to maul his brother-
in-law. According to an article by Ian Bailey of the National
Post, what makes this all so unusual is that the attack itself was
unprecedented in that grizzlies normally don’t travel together.
Said one bear expert, “I have never heard of two adult males
being involved in an attack on humans.”
Engel and his in-law were part of a group of four that were
hunting moose. The grizzlies stormed out of the woods, one
going for Paul, the other for the victim. Paul managed to fell
them both with single shots, while the brother-in-law received
various wounds, including a lacerated scalp, from which he is
recovering. There have been five fatal grizzly attacks in British
Columbia since 1985.
Now you can debate whether or not this was a case of one griz
merely chasing another out of its territory. I would argue they
were both headed for a seminar on killing humans down in Idaho.
Until proven otherwise, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
[Thanks to Harry K. for passing this important news item along.]
Black Death!
The Plague, that is. From time to time I’ve written of the
crippling 1348-51 variety that wiped out ¼ of the European
population, but since I’ve picked up the book “Making A Living
in the Middle Ages” by Christopher Dyer, I want to impart some
new insight.
But first, as written in this space back on 11/15/99, the Black
Death initially spread throughout Asia in 1346, making its way to
the West around 1348 at the Genoese port of Caffa on the Black
Sea. It was here that Tartar armies engaged in one of the earliest
examples of bio-warfare by lobbing Black Death corpses into the
besieged city. The disease was then carried by ship to Messina
in Sicily and onto Genoa, where it spread inland, moving about 8
to 12 miles a day thereafter.
The plague was carried by rats. In fact, rats are responsible for
all such episodes, which depend on a slow and inefficient set of
circumstances involving bacterium that is then passed on to rat
fleas, after killing off its local rodent populations. But none of
the sources of the Black Death leave signs of a rodent epidemic
preceding the human disaster. And aside from the speed of the
plague in 1348, much faster than would have been possible with
rats, there was the issue that the Black Death killed vast numbers
in cold climates such as Greenland and Norway, where rat and
flea densities are much lower than in the European and tropical
countries where it originated.
When I first wrote this piece, there were doubts about how it
spread, but in Christopher Dyer’s book, it all seems so simple.
Yes, the fleas moved on to humans and infected them after the
rats died, but whereas the plague was a warm-weather disease,
active in summer, it developed a pneumonic strain that could be
passed person to person by coughing. How?
The plague was spread to villages and hamlets by travelers,
cartloads of hay and grain, or packaged goods, all of which
contained infected rats or fleas. Then when people called on
their neighbors in order to visit the sick or mourn the dead, they
would spread it from one house to the next. “Hey, stop
coughing! You’ll spread the plague.” Actually, most folks
weren’t smart enough back then to think about staying inside and
you can now see how the Black Death came to Scandinavia,
because in the wintertime, everyone was in such close quarters
most of the days.
As for England, the privileged class had a mortality rate of about
27%, mainly because they lived in stone houses and didn’t have
the same rat problem the townsfolk had. For the peasantry, the
death rate was a staggering 70%. Thanks to the monks, who kept
fastidious records, we know these things. We also know that if a
monk lived to see his 20th birthday, they would probably live
another 20 years, having the advantage of much better diets.
Most peasants didn’t live to see 30, if they first made it to 20.
1,000 villages in England completely disappeared as a result of
the Black Death, while across all of the European continent, the
population didn’t return to 1348 levels until the mid-1500s. For
example, Florence’s population in 1427 was only one-third its
peak of 80 years earlier.
Lastly, Giovannia Boccaccio (1313-1375), the famed Italian poet
and author of “Decameron,” a series of stories on contemporary
mores, described the scene during the Black Death.
“The sick communicated it to the healthy who came near them,
just as a fire catches anything dry or oily near it.
“Many who breakfasted with their kinfolk…supped with their
ancestors in paradise.”
Battle of Crecy
Harry K. just wrote me a note about this topic, and since I
discussed it in the aforementioned 11/15/99 Bar Chat and it has
to do with the topic of the Middle Ages, I thought I’d repeat it.
*We won’t get to Robert the Bruce and William Wallace, today.
Some other time.
Now you have to be a military historian to probably appreciate
this, but the following gives you all a chance to play with your
cereal as you line up the competing forces.
Crecy was a critical battle in the early stages of the Hundred
Years’ War (which actually lasted in fits and starts from 1337 to
1453). Crecy was also important in the history of medieval
warfare in general. The decisive impact of British archers
undermined the long-standing superiority of the mounted knight.
The Battle was part of English King Edward III’s invasion of
Normandy, undertaken on July 11, 1346 in support of a
rebellious Norman faction. Edward marched his 10,000 troops
north from Normandy and settled into a defensive position at
Crecy on the coast of the English Channel. France’s King Philip
VI had heretofore wisely avoided battle against the tactically
superior English, but at Crecy his army numbered twice the
English forces, so his nobles insisted on battle.
[Pause while you get your cereal out. Corn or Rice Chex works
best.]
The English deployment had three lines: the first line was
composed of archers on the wings, the second line had archers in
the center, with dismounted men-at-arms on the flanks; and the
third was a reserve of dismounted men-at-arms.
The French deployed in two lines, with Italian crossbowmen at
the front and knights in the second line.
It’s August 26, 1346 and the battle begins with a duel between
the English archers and the Genoese crossbowmen – mercenaries
hired by Philip to counteract the British archers. As described in
“The Encyclopedia of the Middle Ages” (edited by Norman F.
Cantor), “The French lacked protection and were outshot by their
British counterparts. The crossbowmen fled in disorder and were
trampled underfoot when their impatient knighted comrades
charged. [Now at this point I could make a lame joke about the
Italian crossbowmen, but I really don’t think it would be
appropriate.] Confused and without support, the French knights
were cut down by the English archers and men-at-arms. 1,500
knights were killed, including the elite of the French nobility.”
For you single guys out there, trust me, girls love hearing about
the Battle of Crecy; it’s a real turn on.
[The executive board of StocksandNews disassociates itself from
the above advice.]
John Roseboro
The former Dodgers catcher died a few days ago at the age of 69.
While a solid ballplayer who hit .249 with 104 HR and 548 RBI
in his 14-year career, the man who replaced Roy Campanella was
best known for an incident back on August 22, 1965. So, as told
in a Bar Chat about two years ago, here is the tale.
The Los Angeles Dodgers were playing the San Francisco Giants
at Candlestick Park. On the mound were perhaps the two best
pitchers of that day, Juan Marichal for the Giants and the
Dodgers’ Sandy Koufax. John Roseboro was catching for L.A.
Early in the contest, Marichal threw at the Dodgers’ Maury Wills
and Ron Fairly, just part of the intimidation factor that was
integral to the game back then, as well as a carryover of some
bad blood between the fierce rivals and an earlier contest.
But Roseboro knew that Koufax “was constitutionally incapable
of throwing at anyone’s head. So I decided to take matters into
my own hands.”
Koufax did brush back Willie Mays, but when Marichal came to
bat, Roseboro whizzed a return throw to the mound close to
Marichal’s head. Marichal claimed it nicked his ear. Roseboro
denied it.
“Why did you do that?” screamed Juan. He then settled into the
batter’s box…only to suddenly turn and clobber Roseboro three
times over the head with his bat. [Catchers didn’t wear
protective helmets behind the plate in those days.]
A startled Roseboro got up to retaliate and swung several times
at Marichal as both benches emptied. Marichal ran towards the
Giants dugout, while the bloodied Roseboro took out after him.
Willie Mays was yelling to Roseboro, “Stop fighting! Your eye
is out!”
Marichal was taunting Roseboro, and then Dodgers coach Danny
Ozark attacked Marichal. Roseboro was a bloody mess.
“I thought the bat had knocked Roseboro’s left eye out,” said
Dodger manager Walter Alston. “There was nothing but blood
where his eye had been.”
Alas, Johnny’s eye was still intact, though he required many
stitches to close his head wound. Later he admitted, “Of course I
had provoked the incident. But I don’t think anything I did
justified Marichal hitting me on the head with his bat.”
For his part, Marichal was suspended 9 games (though he really
missed just one start) and received a fine of $1,750…the largest
in league history.
The two of them didn’t speak for years and Roseboro sued
Marichal for $110,000 (settling for $7,500), but later in his life,
Roseboro was afraid the incident had harmed Marichal’s chances
at getting in the Hall of Fame (it had) so he appeared with Juan at
events like Old Timers games to show that they had made up.
These acts of forgiveness did eventually help Marichal find his
way to Cooperstown.
Par-tee!
According to the Princeton Review, following is a list of the Top
Ten Party Schools.
#1 Indiana University…big time upset.
#2 Clemson…ACC, ACC, ACC!
#3 Alabama – Tuscaloosa
#4 Penn State…Joe Pa!
#5 University of Florida
#6 SUNY – Buffalo…another sign of global warming.
#7 University of New Hampshire
#8 University of Colorado
#9 Florida State…ACC, ACC, ACC!
#10 Wisconsin – Madison…liberal partiers.
Top Ten “Stone-Cold Sober Schools”…don’t attend unless you
also want to serve your country.
#1 Brigham Young
#2 Wheaton (Illinois)
#3 Air Force
#4 Navy
#5 Coast Guard Academy
#6 Cooper Union
#7 Cal Tech
#8 Army
#9 Centennary College (Louisiana)
#10 Haverford
Best Food
#1 Washington University (St. Louis)
#2 Wheaton…they don’t party, but they eat well!
#6 Dickinson College…this is where our own Dr. Bortrum
received his undergraduate degree. No wonder he’s smart. On
the other hand, our “Lamb in Command” creator also went to
Dickinson and look what happened to him!
Back to Clemson, the Princeton Review survey (which has no
connection with Princeton University) has Clemson at #1 for
pure beer drinking. So to the Tigers, Sa-Lute!!!!
India’s Monsters
Last year, India had a problem with the “monkey man,” a half
monkey, half man creature that terrorized many communities and
caused widespread panic. Now, Reuters reports that some of the
northern states are reporting incidences involving a “mutant bug
that glows at both ends.” Only seen at night, this dude is called
“Muhnochwa,” or “face-clawing monster.” Seriously, at least 12
have died in related riots and lynchings.
“Look, it’s Muhnochwa! Get him!”
“No, no. It’s just me. Editor of StocksandNews!”
Of course it doesn’t help matters when some police in Uttar
Pradesh state began calling Muhnochwa an extraterrestrial being.
Stuff
–Follow-up: Opie and Anthony, hosts of the popular radio show
of the same name, have been suspended for the incident at St.
Patrick’s Cathedral the other day, wherein a couple (and an
accomplice) were arrested for having sex in a vestibule. Infinity
Broadcasting, parent of WNEW-FM, has also suspended the
general manager and program editor. Meanwhile, the FCC is
looking into revoking WNEW’s broadcast license.
–Swami Satchidananda, the guru who opened up the Woodstock
festival, died. Like far out, man.
–Note to Terrell Davis. Don’t tell us you’re retiring and stage a
last grand entrance, and then afterwards say you could still come
back. Get out of town. [Davis is on the injured-reserve list and
is ineligible for this season, but now he’s wavering on 2003.
Jerk.]
–The final round of the PGA drew the 2nd-best television
audience for the event since 1986.
–Tony P. passed along the tale of the Cambridge University
researchers who partied down with a bunch of lab mice, plying
the little test subjects with drugs, while forcing them to listen to
loud music. The British government reprimanded them. As for
the mice, several died of brain damage. Parents, I suggest you
show this article to your kids.
“See, I told you listening to Metallica can kill you!”
[I just realized I’m dating myself, like, Metallica is so not
happening, dude.]
–Finally, I hereby proclaim the Harlem Little Leaguers
“Dirtballs of the Month,” for their despicable show-boating at the
Little League World Series. 12-year-old Andrew Diaz is also
one of the great a-holes of the year for his arrogant display
following a home run against Kentucky. While Harlem’s
manager correctly scolded his ball club, here’s hoping Harlem
gets their butt kicked in the next round.
Top 3 songs for the week of 8/24/74: #1 “(You’re) Having My
Baby” (Paul Anka) #2 “The Night Chicago Died” (Paper Lace)
#3 “Tell Me Something Good” (Rufus…always liked this one)
NFL Quiz Answers: 1) Passing yards: Dan Marino – 61,361;
John Elway – 51,475; Warren Moon – 49,325; Fran Tarkenton –
47,003; Dan Fouts – 43,040. [Montana – 40,551; Unitas –
40,239.] 2) TD passes: Marino, 420; Tarkenton, 342; Elway,
300; Moon, 291; Unitas, 290. [Brett Favre, 287.]
Next Bar Chat, Tuesday.
