Gators

Gators

Boston Red Sox Quiz: 1) What two pitchers hold the team
record for both career wins and shutouts? 2) What pitcher holds
career marks for hit batsmen and home runs allowed? [Different
from first answer.] 3) Who had the most pinch home runs with
seven? 4) Who has the career mark for most times struck out in a
Red Sox uniform? Answers below.

Saturday Sucked

Folks, I can’t begin to tell you how depressing Saturday was;
unless you’re a fellow Mets fan.

First, Barry Bonds hit #714.

Second, the Mets’ $10 million relief pitcher Billy Goat Wagner
blew a 4-0 ninth inning lead against the hated Yankees.

Third, Barbaro goes down.

As for the last one, it’s why horse racing can absolutely break
your heart. They’re so fragile, and as Johnny Mac succinctly
put it the sport did not need this.

[Barbaro”s survival is at best a 50/50 proposition. And Billy
Goat did come through with a save on Sunday.]

Animal Chat

–Lieut.-Col. Conrad Thorpe, a member of the British special
forces who served in Afghanistan, is now spearheading an effort
to save the northern white rhino…of which there are a whopping
total of five left in Congo. [In 1960 there were 2,250.] Poachers,
and five years of war, have wiped them out, as well as the entire
elephant population and 80% of the country’s hippos. Thorpe
has put together a commando team of 33 to go after the killers
and it’s the hope he wipes them all out.

Thankfully, there are some 11,000 southern white rhinos
remaining when in the early 20th century they were down to 50 to
200. [London Times]

–Wallaby milk has been found to contain an ingredient that
could one day “shield humans from antibiotic-resistant hospital
superbugs.” And what’s a Wallaby’s favorite musical? “Pal
Joey.” [London Times]

–The other morning, driving to my office, there were two deer
prancing about on the main street. Where they came from is a
mystery, but I didn’t stick around to ask them…or stay to watch
them get hit by an SUV.

Which leads me to a story out of Carbondale, Ill., supplied by
Brad K. It seems that on the campus of Southern Illinois
University, deer have been attacking students. At least four have
been sent to the hospital after being charged by deer that appear
to be making a last defense on their habitat.

Tammy Emery, a 31-year-old secretary at the school, told a
reporter of her nightmare.

“Emery heard a rustling and saw ‘this deer was headed right
toward me, full charge.’ Emery never saw any fawn, only the
adult deer with eyes wide.

“ ‘I could tell it was angry, but I wasn’t sure what about. [Deer
don’t speak English, in case you didn’t know.] I know by the
time I was in the area she was really mad and going to take it all
out on me. I couldn’t have run if I tried.’

“In an instant, the deer knocked the woman to the ground and
delivered a flurry of kicks. Emery, screaming, curled
defensively into a ball as the snorting animal rained blows on
her, slicing open one of her ears and leaving her with huge
bruises and a hoofprint on her hand.

“ ‘I thought, ‘This is crazy, this can’t be real. I’m being attacked
by a deer.’”

Finally, passers-by scared the deer off. [Jim Suhr / AP]

–37-year-old bull elephant Mutware is at it again. You may
recall last year this monster, that calls a game park in Rwanda
home, destroyed three vehicles when he went on one of his
customary rampages. [Bar Chat, 12/15/05] This time, having
escaped its fenceless park (kind of like our border with Mexico),
Mutware is terrorizing villagers.

A resident told a local newspaper, “We can no longer move; we
are in fear of Mutware.”

But park rangers say Mutware “usually has a good character.”
[BBC News]

Right. I guess some said the same of Mike Tyson at one point.

–Jacqui Goddard of the London Times lives in Florida and
reported on the recent surge in attacks by alligators. Trapper
Kevin Garvey, one of just 32 licensed to destroy or relocate
them, “receive(s) a bounty from the state of just $30 per reptile
but can sell the meat and skins to processing plants, which pay
up to $24 for every foot in length. Garvey has removed
alligators from roadsides, gardens and swimming pools. One
even ended up on a balcony in a high-rise apartment block after
it strolled into an open lift and was somehow whisked up to the
third floor.”

“He has seen them climb chain-link fences, barge through patio
screens and grab live dogs. He once slit open a dead eight-and-a-
half-footer and found another one half its size in its stomach.
Others had deflated footballs and rubbish bags inside them.

“Sometimes, after he has left alligators temporarily trussed with
duct tape and rope in the back of his truck, en route to the
processing plant, they have wriggled free and ambled off. He
found one escapee headbutting his neighbor’s front door and had
to wrestle another out of his garden pond.”

Unfortunately, Garvey was the one who received the call about
one of the three women that were killed the other week. He then
tracked down the killer.

Not for nothing but the longest American alligator ever reported
was 19 feet 2 inches; found in a Louisiana swamp in the early
1900s.

The lifespan of an American alligator is 30-50 years; but they
can reach 80, in which case they are a burden to our Social
Security system.

A male alligator has up to 20 mates, which makes you wonder
why they aren’t found in Utah.

Finally, if an alligator ever catches you follow these instructions.

“Hit it on the nose – its most sensitive spot – poke it in the eyes
and scream.

“Play dead. They stop shaking their prey when they think it has
died. [Oh yeah, I’d have my wits about me at that point.]

“Beware the death roll. If you get taken under, roll with it.
There is a small chance that you might outlast it. [Guess this is
how the phrase “roll with the punches” first came into being.]

“Run in a straight line (zig-zagging’s a myth). Alligators can
outrun you for 30 feet, but then need a lie-down.

“While the muscles that close the jaw are very strong, those that
open it are weak. Prevent the alligator from opening its mouth
by clasping its snout or pressing the top of its head.”

I would respectfully submit, however, that reporter Goddard is
ignoring the number one lesson. Always, always, carry a
bazooka.

Stuff

–So I just received confirmation from Renee at the Buford
Pusser Museum that, yes, the incident Jeff B. wrote of
concerning a little tussle Jimmy Buffett had with Buford is
indeed true. Renee, I truly appreciate it.

–Murray Chass / New York Times on Barry Bonds:

“Despite his arrogance and his surliness, Bonds would have
enjoyed a nearly unanimous election by the (baseball) writers (to
the Hall of Fame) B.S. – Before Steroids. Now there will be no
guarantee, 714 home runs or whatever the number.

“Bonds and others have suggested that race has played a part in
diluting his popularity. But Bonds doesn’t have to look for
anything or anyone else to blame. He has done it to himself.”

[This winter, all eyes will be on the Hall of Fame ballot as it”s
Mark McGwire’s first year of eligibility.]

–I loved the way Fox’s Joe Buck and Tim McCarver handled
#714…total indifference.

–I must say in looking at a comparison of Aaron, Ruth and
Bonds in the Star-Ledger, there is amazing symmetry in their
numbers, and for those who thought the Babe racked up his
homers by taking advantage of that short porch in Yankee
Stadium, you may be a bit surprised by the following.

Aaron…755…221 vs. lefties…534 vs. righties
385 at home…370 on road

Ruth…714…219 vs. lefties…495 vs. righties
347 at home…367 on road

Bonds…714…213 vs. lefties…501 vs. righties
354 at home…360 on road

–Houston pitcher Russ Springer received a four-game
suspension for throwing at Barry Bonds the other night. He
should have received a Presidential Medal of Freedom. Hell,
Paul Bremer got one!

–Johnny Mac pointed out a shocker.

Curt Schilling is 198-133 for his career…Kenny Rogers is 197-
133. [Rogers, 41, is 7-2 this season for Detroit.]

–More Joe DiMaggio memorabilia went on the auction block
yesterday. A jersey the Yankee Clipper wore in his final World
Series sold for $195,000. The ball he hit to break Wee Willie
Keeler’s 44-game hitting streak record went for $63,000. But the
topper was his 1947 MVP award…$281,000.

–Tyler Snyder, 19, caught Bonds’s home run ball. It will be
interesting to see how much this one and #715 go for. While I’d
like Tyler to do well, I’m also hoping they sell for $29.95.

–According to Sam Walker of the Wall Street Journal, another
part of the Bonds story concerns memorabilia. “One collector,
Jeff Kranz, says that in 2003, Mr. Bonds showed up at his
Melville, N.Y., home with agents from the FBI to search for
items that may have been stolen, forged or sold without his
consent.”

But with the steroids allegations, the market value of Bonds stuff
is plummeting. One collector who paid $25,000 for a Bonds
jersey in late 2001 recently sold it for $4,400.

Of course at the same time the book “Game of Shadows” alleges
Bonds used sales of memorabilia in ‘01 to raise large sums of
cash he then failed to report to the IRS.

Back to Kranz, what a bizarre situation. During the August 2003
visit, “Mr. Bonds (was) accompanied by two FBI agents. Mr.
Kranz, a former bond broker, says he spent at least $250,000 on
game-used Bonds items since 1988 – buying about 30% of them
directly from (memorabilia kingpin Steve) Hoskins (a childhood
friend of Bonds who also served as his assistant). During the
visit, Mr. Kranz says, the ballplayer led the agents through his
collection room and pointed out dozens of items he said had been
forged, stolen or sold without his consent by Mr. Hoskins. ‘It
was an upsetting situation,’ Mr. Kranz says.

“Eight months later, in April 2004, Mr. Kranz says FBI agents
returned to the house with suitcases and carried off 14 items,
leaving him with a detailed receipt and a file number on Justice
Department letterhead.

“After holding this memorabilia for two years, Mr. Kranz says
the FBI returned the items to him earlier this month without
comment. [Hoskins himself was cleared by federal
investigators.]

–Mark R. tells me the Philly cop killer was finally arrested.

–I was reading a little blurb on Ryan Francis, the USC guard that
was murdered in Baton Rouge, and it turns out Francis was a
totally innocent bystander. The killer, since caught, had a
“personal difference” with the driver of the car Francis was in
but missed his intended target and hit Francis instead. I’ve never
understood people who don’t favor the death penalty, particularly
in cut and dry cases such as this one.

–NBA Rookie of the Year Chris Paul has a piece in Sports
Illustrated on his new home and there is a picture of him
lounging in his “ ‘chill-out-room,’ which is also a shrine to his
alma mater, Wake Forest University.”

Shrine for what? He was there just two years and did nothing.

And I’ll tell you how sorry the state of Wake Forest basketball is.
Its director of basketball operations, Tim Fuller, left to become
an assistant at Fairfield University in Connecticut. Not head
coach, mind you…assistant….at Fairfield.

I’m so depressed already….I just don’t need to see this.

–Or to be reminded by Johnny Mac that if the Mets still had Kris
Benson (currently 6-3) and Scott Kazmir (7-2) they’d be a lock
to win 105. Aaghhhh!

–Trying mightily to find something positive…it was good to see
the Minnesota legislature approve a stadium financing plan for
the Twins. And it really doesn’t look like non-baseball fans have
to pony up much. Plus it’s an outdoor park.

[By the way…Minneapolis is a great city. Lots of spots to have
a good time.]

–Albert Pujols now has 22 home runs (and 54 ribbies) in the
Cardinals first 44 games.

–The Detroit Tigers have the best record in baseball…29-14!

–Former University of Delaware and NFL quarterback Jeff
Komlo is a fugitive from justice; having been charged with
assault and allegedly setting fires to his homes in Florida and
Pennsylvania. Meanwhile, Komlo’s favorite receiver on the
1978 Delaware squad, Peter Bistrian, is about to stand trial on
charges he defrauded a South African company out of $1.4
million. [Bloomberg News]

–On Saturday, Cher turned 60 but she’s hardly slowing down.
In fact, after Celine Dion finishes up as resident performer at
Caesars Palace in Las Vegas in 2008, Cher will reportedly get
$60 million to put on a flashy show there. Caesars is even
building a separate concert hall for her.

Heck, Cher grossed $250 million on her three-year “Farewell
Tour” in playing before 3 million people. [Gina Salamone / New
York Daily News]

–Never mind………………….sprinter Justin Gatlin does not
hold the world record in the 100 meters after all, even as the
current Sports Illustrated has an article titled “The Fastest Man
on the Planet.”

It seems that when he broke Asafa Powell’s mark on May 12 in
Doha, Qatar, his time was announced as 9.76, a hundredth of a
second faster than Powell’s 9.77.

But the International Association of Athletics Federations, the
sport’s governing body, said the meet’s official timer, Tissot, had
reviewed the results and found a mistake. Tissot said Gatlin’s
time was 9.766, and the rules require that times recorded to the
thousandth of a second be rounded up. [Frank Litsky / New
York Times]

You’ve got to feel sorry for Gatlin, who said in a statement upon
learning the news, “It is very disappointing to me that it has
taken five days to determine the official time of a race with this
significance.”

It’s absurd they couldn’t have known this after even just a five-
minute delay following the event.

–And I feel very sorry for Paul McCartney. There isn’t one
person I’ve seen or heard, male or female, with knowledge of
Heather Mills who doesn’t say she is, shall we say, a real piece
of work. As a buddy of mine who’s read a bunch of reports
noted, even Heather’s own parents were trying to talk McCartney
out of tying the knot with her in the first place.

Under British law, Mills could be entitled to about a quarter of
McCartney’s estimated $1.6 billion fortune.

As to those wondering why Sir Paul didn’t have a pre-nup,
evidently they are not binding under British law.

–College basketball coaches such as Syracuse’s Jim Boeheim
want the NCAA to expand the tourney field from 65 to 80 teams,
or more. Now ordinarily I would say ‘no way’ to something like
this but until I read a story in USA Today by Steve Wieberg, I
didn’t realize the number of Division I schools at the men’s level
has grown from 282 to 334 since 1985. I guess having a quarter
of them in the field then isn’t totally outrageous.

The actual problem in expansion, though, is the television
contract with CBS and the 22-day maximum window granted the
tournament.

–So I’m reading my High Plains Journal and there is a story by
Doug Rich on raising alpacas. According to Bonnie Samuel, who
owns Kansas Alpacas Company in Ottawa, Kan., “They are very
clean, efficient, low cost animals to raise.”

It only costs about $350 a year to feed one alpaca. Bonnie runs
her animals on “fescue pastures and supplements with grass hay
and a pellet formulated specially for alpacas.”

Rich writes, “On good quality grass you can graze 10 alpacas to
an acre.”

So I’m thinking I have a patch of land, about 360 square feet,
outside my townhouse so I could possibly raise one. And Ms.
Samuel adds, “They poop in a pile that you can just scoop up and
put on your roses.”

Alpacas can live up to 20-25 years and healthy females regularly
reproduce into their late teens.

Of course it’s all about the fiber. Alpaca fiber is “unique because
it has no lanolin. It is a totally dry fiber,” which is why it’s a
favorite of knitters and weavers.

And that, sports fans, is your alpaca update for May 23, 2006.

–So you say you have some money and you’re interested in
fractional ownership of a private plane. Well, here are some
examples of the costs, as reported by Business Week.

NetJets…$406,250 entry cost for one-sixteenth of a Hawker
400XP (50 hours of flying time annually for five years).
Monthly management fee ($6,820), plus an hourly flight fee, an
hourly fuel surcharge, as well as upgrade charges to fly on a
larger jet if needed. A sample trip from Washington to Shannon,
Ireland, on a 14-seat Gulfstream 450 would cost $87,750, which
includes upgrading to the larger jet. [Actually, if you fill it that’s
almost reasonable.]

Another option, though, is Sentient Jet’s debit card. It cost
$100,000 to join and then hourly flight fees and fuel surcharges
are deducted from the account. A round trip from Seattle to
Monterey, Calif., to play Pebble Beach, on a seven-seat Citation
Excel would cost about $22,430…or the cost to play 18 there.

–A collective “Jerk(s) of the Year” award to students at the New
School (New York City) who jeered Sen. John McCain during
his commencement address on Friday. They even threw paper
airplanes at him.

Afterwards, McCain told the Daily News, “I feel sorry for people
who live in a dull world where they can’t listen to the views of
others.”

One student shouted in the middle of his speech, “We’re
graduating, not voting!” Like I said…jerks.

–Years before Germany was chosen as the site for the 2006
World Cup, Budweiser shelled out $40 million for the
concession. And boy that is creating a firestorm in Germany.

You see, Bud has a near-monopoly on beer sales inside World
Cup stadiums and within a 500-meter radius of the grounds. In
other words, 1,270 domestic breweries are being shut out.

From Roger Boyes of the London Times:

“And what most upsets the fans is that Budweiser – advertised as
the ‘King of Beers’ in the U.S. – fails to meet the ancient
German standards for purity, which stipulate that beer can be
brewed only with malt, hops and water. Budweiser uses rice in
its production process and therefore does not qualify as a beer in
the German sense.”

However, a trademark issue has allowed German beer Bitburger
a small amount of sales space in the stadium, while because of
Czech brewery Budweiser Budvar only the name “Bud” can be
displayed outside stadiums.

During a game, the average World Cup fan drinks half a litre of
beer. And about 18 before and after.

–30 years ago, May 24, 1976, a dramatic blind wine tasting was
held in Paris, attended by France’s elite wine experts. “Much to
France’s horror and America’s delight, two California wines
(captured) top honors. [One was a 1973 Stag’s Leap Cabernet
Sauvignon…I don’t know the other.] The shocking result
transformed the wine industry worldwide.” [Smithsonian]

–Freddie Garrity, former lead singer with Freddie and the
Dreamers and part of Britain’s Merseybeat scene, died at the age
of 65. Garrity was a former milkman who had the #1 U.S.
Billboard hit “I’m Telling You Now” (May 1965) along with
inspiring a dance craze, “the Freddie,” after his hit “Do The
Freddie” (which peaked at #18).

–The Finnish heavy metal band Lordi surprisingly won the
Eurovision Song Contest. Lordi, whose members wear monster
masks while their songs contain apocalyptic lyrics, caused a bit
of a crisis earlier this year in Finland when opponents charged
the group was devil worshipping.

Top 3 songs for the week May 24, 1975: #1 “Shining Star”
(Earth, Wind & Fire) #2 “Before The Next Teardrop Falls”
(Freddy Fender) #3 “Jackie Blue” (Ozark Mountain Daredevils)
…and…#9 “Bad Time” (Grand Funk)

Red Sox Quiz Answers: 1) Roger Clemens and Cy Young both
had 192 wins in a Boston uniform, as well as 38 shutouts. 2)
Tim Wakefield came into this season having hit 126 batters
while serving up 279 homers. 3) Ted Williams had seven pinch
home runs. 4) Dwight Evans whiffed 1,643 times in his career.

Next Bar Chat, Thursday…due to time constraints I have to
postpone my bit on the career of Connie Hawkins until then.